healthyhopes Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 (edited) hello dudes to put it simply as I am in a hurry and very tired no matter how much time has passed I still remember and think about all my closest friends and all the people who I have ever had a true and deep connection with and I'm not sure it it's because I haven't "moved on" from these people or if it's because there wasn't exactly a fade out but just a plain "hurt" that kept me on edge even after all this time (despite the fact that I only think about the good times with all of them) but is this what people mean when they say love never dies? OR am I a very worrisome and guarded person who is stuck in the past? Lately, when I hang with friends we reference the past and the people who used to be there right along with us Can you ever truly "move on" if you can't unknow a person? does anyone ever really want to? sorry for the run on I promise you I can write coherently Edited May 17, 2016 by healthyhopes
bathtub-row Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 I'm not a dude (LOL) but I can tell you that most of us never forget anyone who was significant in our lives. As a matter of fact, our view and memory of them tends to become clearer over the passing years. For example, if it was a bad relationship, over time, we can begin to see what the actual dynamics were. The same goes for people that were real friends. The passing years give us a different frame of reference without the emotional attachment of being in the moment. 7
basil67 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 I don't forget significant people in my life, but it's very rare that I actually think about them. Even less common for me to talk about them. There are less significant people who's names I can't remember 'that dude I dated for 4 weeks in 1992" springs to mind. 2
SammySammy Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 It's possible to move on, but I never forget people who played a significant role in my life. I don't think it's necessary to forget. It would be hard to grow from our experiences if we forgot our experiences. 5
fands Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 The passing years give us a different frame of reference without the emotional attachment of being in the moment. Very profound. I don't think I've spent nearly enough of my life being in the moment, though. Being anxious about future events that may or may not happen robs one of the enjoyment and full experience of the here and now. Some things may become more significant in retrospect, and others may seem like they're best forgotten. But all these experiences lead to the person we are today--for better or worse. Perhaps what's best is to accept that things turned out the way they did, to appreciate and savour the time spent with others throughout your life, but to constantly remind oneself to return to the moment where the influences of the past live on. Right now. Today. Sometimes you might wish to forget, or you might wish to let go, but the key is acceptance. I miss many things from the past. Some make my heart heavy, and also define who I am, and what I cared most about. I will honour the memory of those I hold most dear by using my heart to guide my future. Not exclusively, of course. A good head has its place.
Saracena Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 I'm not a dude (LOL) but I can tell you that most of us never forget anyone who was significant in our lives. As a matter of fact, our view and memory of them tends to become clearer over the passing years. For example, if it was a bad relationship, over time, we can begin to see what the actual dynamics were. The same goes for people that were real friends. The passing years give us a different frame of reference without the emotional attachment of being in the moment. Absolutely. Excellently put. What you've written goes a long way towards explaining why (some) exes get in touch, often years later. The passage of years have given them greater perspective. In addition, I've always been suspicious of those one time SO's who appear to 'not remember' us. Happened a friend recently who was upset (and like I told her at the time) it later transpired the guy in question still had feelings for her.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Depends on the person.... Some people can write off others as easily as taking out the trash...They can even do it to their parents or their children... I can't and I am sure many others cant....For us it's about managing our lives so we can function normally without those people in our lives..You never truly forget, but you can't let it affect you, either... TFY 1
Author healthyhopes Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 What do you think determines whether one will remember you in such a way or not? I used to have a friend that was my best friends and who I honestly loved very much. Towards the end we had a pretty rocky relationship and we broke it off when I started dating her ex (Woops). I forgot about her for some time (as looking back, it was a terrible and unhealthy friendship) but then later I was hit with a large amount of guilt, nostalgia, reminiscence, love, etc. when we reacquainted later I was hit hard at first, but then later felt completely over it. Other friends/people effected my life completely different and I remember and talk about them to this day. Maybe because I knew them longer? Because I didn't have the exact same closure?
Whoknew30 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 I can, once I've let someone go in friendship it's for a good reason bc all the friends I have I've had since elementary school. The only people that are not in my life are the one's I've cut out...no one has ever cut me out bc I treat other's how I like to be treated. I've walked right passed people I've known for years like strangers bc I truly see no point in pretending. Everyone is different, this is just how I work...so yes one can.
Methodical Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 I don't think we forget ppl who have played a significant role in our lives, friends or otherwise. The experience gained or knowledge learned helped shape who we are. 1
burnt Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I'll add my 2 cents on it: At the risk of generalizing, for those who are surrounded by many many people in their social lives, many healthy distractions, and activities, the impact of losing one person hits them relatively less painfully, simply because they have other outlets to shield themselves from the loss. For those who are living rather solitary lonely lives, who don't have too many people in their lives, losing just one person leaves behind a VERY huge gap in their minds, which is hard to get over; therefore, these losses are remembered much more often and strongly and for longer periods of time. I am a loner; so the few people I know, even casually, play a very big role in my life. A single loss hits me HARD and stays with me a long long time. As dysfunctional as it may sound, since this site is my only social connection at this point, when I notice a regular poster has been absent for a while, I feel a sense of deep loss and worry if they are ok. Rather sad and sick I guess. 3
2.50 a gallon Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 For me it is no problem to move on. I hadn't thought of my Exw in over a decade until I joined LS After the break up of my marriage, I had a relationship with a gal for several years, I even lived with her for some time and I was part of her family, knew her mom and sisters quite well. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. All I can remember is her nickname Same thing with a former roommate, he and I were best friends for four to five years. All I can remember is his first name.
MrBump Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Everyone says that you never forget your first love...but it seems like a different lifetime ago for me. Perhaps it's because I finished with her and not the other way around? Plus who can remember relationship dynamics from 26 years ago? I think I've loved more strongly several times since.
chapter44 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I know lots of people but am very close to a small close knit group. I've also been married and divorced. In life there will always be people who serve a transitional role. At the time it stings but it's a necessary part of our growth process. When you meet the person you are destined to spend your life with the people from your past become insignificant. I like to view the people from my past as a stepping stone who's purpose was to prepare me for something more amazing than I ever imagined. While you never completely forget them the have no real effect on my present or future. If I were you I would focus on the future and the present and not so much on the past. Just my humble opinion.
big dog Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I don't think we ever completely forget significant people or events in our lives, although many times we'd sure like to. But some memories are useful to help insure we don't repeat the same mistakes. Many things can be put out of memory for the most part I think. Time takes care of many, while bad experiences can cause us to subconsciously put them out of mind. I usually takes an event or certain conversation etc... to bring them back. But they're always there. 1
seamos Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 healthyhopes, I'm not exactly clear on what you're saying, is it a problem for you and do you feel like you're living in the past w/ unresolved feelings or is it that you feel the past is important and think others just move on faster than you do? As for myself I see a lot of importance in memories and reviewing the past. I think that is part of what defines us and since time has tempered the emotions I can think about things in different ways than I could at the time. I'm not just talking about exes but also some close friends who have died. I'm not sitting around moping about what is gone but I have no reason to want to forget, both the good and the bad, and that's what will happen if I don't ever revisit it. Someone, I think it was you, mentioned that you mainly remember the good. That's funny because I was recently thinking that what I remember by far the most clearly about past relationships is the sex! Both good and bad, I guess that explains where my brain was at. LOL
AlwaysGrowing Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 For the most part...those in my past are in the past for a reason. Either the connection was superficial, dysfunctional or one of us grew apart from the other. I generally only reminisce about old times with those that are still in my life...it could be that I was an Army brat and learned how to let go and move on at a young age. My home is not a location...my home is me...as I have been the only constant in my life. My first marriage was a lifetime ago....I was another I. I don't recognize her as me at all...let alone think of him as anyone of importance.
fands Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I know lots of people but am very close to a small close knit group. I love knitting! You know what they say--the closer the knit, the less wind gets through. And if someone knits you something, then you'll never really forget them until you get fat and have to throw it out.
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