Texting while dating...

May 17, 2016

I've been dating this guy for about two weeks and we've seen each other four times. We've had sex (more than once) and there's definitely a lot of chemistry there. We are clearly attracted to each other and have both talked about how much we like spending time with the other. We tried to hang out even more than we did but his job has crazy hours (sometimes 100 hrs/week) and it can be hard for him to get away. We had been texting each other almost every day since we met and he would usually initiate the conversations. But today I didn't hear from him at all and I'm kinda freaked out. I know he's probably busy with work but I thought he might say something. Should I be worried or is he just busy? How long should wait until I text him? Or should I just let it go? I just don't want to seem too clingy.

May 17, 2016

100 hours per week? Wow, what a machine! I did 70 for several months, but that nearly killed me. 100 hours per week is roughly 14 hours per day for all 7 days. Maybe he just needed some downtime.

Seriously...100 hours per week?! You know how to pick them! Perhaps he has the performance of a wild stallion, and the constitution of an ox. If he ever gets a vacation, I would expect several hours of non-stop sex per day. It might be an idea to hire a professional fitness trainer to customise an intensive program befitting a budding superwoman.

May 17, 2016

Just send him a sweet message, "I was just thinking about you, hope you're having a nice day handsome" or something like that. Just as long as it is brief, then just leave it until he responds.

They always do.

May 17, 2016

I've been dating this guy for about two weeks and we've seen each other four times. We've had sex (more than once) and there's definitely a lot of chemistry there. We are clearly attracted to each other and have both talked about how much we like spending time with the other. We tried to hang out even more than we did but his job has crazy hours (sometimes 100 hrs/week) and it can be hard for him to get away. We had been texting each other almost every day since we met and he would usually initiate the conversations. But today I didn't hear from him at all and I'm kinda freaked out. I know he's probably busy with work but I thought he might say something. Should I be worried or is he just busy? How long should wait until I text him? Or should I just let it go? I just don't want to seem too clingy.

Maybe you should initiate a text. Like a "hey how is your day going" or "hope you are having a good day" something like that. Maybe he's just tired, or maybe he thinks you are not interested if you don't initiate more often. Who knows, but send him messages like that now and then. Like the other poster said, it also lets him know you are thinking of him

May 17, 2016

Just send him a sweet message, "I was just thinking about you, hope you're having a nice day handsome" or something like that. Just as long as it is brief, then just leave it until he responds.

They always do.

I agree with this being the best strategy. Here's the thing. It will come up again more than likely that he will not text or get in touch when you expect him to. He's never going to be the one to ALWAYS initiate and sometimes he will get busy (or later comfortable) where he won't prioritize reaching out. Then you might go back and forth feeling like you weren't an equal participant in communicating and wondering if you should reach out yourself, etc etc. But by then a pattern will be established where if you reach out it clearly comes off as needing reassurance, trying to progress the relationship, desperate when if you already have a pattern of give and take communication it won't--it will just be normal.

I like the wording that Scarlett O'hara gave--because it is what it is AND not needy. Whereas as anything with a question mark says "talk to me please, respond to me please". The wording above is confident and caring. It's respectful of his other priorities AND keeps the lines of communication open. I wouldn't say "how are you" or ask a silly question that is just a way to get him talking to you. The above is more confident!

You don't want to be the one in waiting mode always. So it makes sense to at this point in particular, jump in and participate the communication in an active way. Just remember to do it confidently and not be needy or expect text convos to go on and on (sounds like he really has very little time for that). At the same time you are important and want to be a priority in his life and it's fair to keep your expectations at a level you will be comfortable with. I'll bet he will respond happily. At a 100 hours a week, this may turn into a reoccurring problem so you might as well set a pattern now that you can live with and find out if he is willingly (or has time) to make you a priority. Good luck

May 17, 2016

100 hrs a week? How is that possible.....my spidey senses tell me he is married or has a GF. It's possible he got busted or near busted and had to abort all communication.

May 17, 2016

I've been dating this guy for about two weeks and we've seen each other four times. We've had sex (more than once) and there's definitely a lot of chemistry there. We are clearly attracted to each other and have both talked about how much we like spending time with the other. We tried to hang out even more than we did but his job has crazy hours (sometimes 100 hrs/week) and it can be hard for him to get away. We had been texting each other almost every day since we met and he would usually initiate the conversations. But today I didn't hear from him at all and I'm kinda freaked out. I know he's probably busy with work but I thought he might say something. Should I be worried or is he just busy? How long should wait until I text him? Or should I just let it go? I just don't want to seem too clingy.

2 weeks dating and already having sex multiple times... already freaked out he went silent on you for a day... sounds to me you're one of those types who gets played by guys.

May 17, 2016

100 hrs a week? How is that possible.....my spidey senses tell me he is married or has a GF. It's possible he got busted or near busted and had to abort all communication.

I was thinking the same. If he works Monday through Friday he works 20 hours a day which is impossible because a day only has 24 hours and if he works 7 days thats almost 15 hours. There's something iffy going on here. Don't know where the OP lives but this doesn't even sound legal.

May 17, 2016

@smackie9: He definitely doesn't have a girlfriend or a wife, haha. But he works in investment banking and sometimes bankers have ridiculous hours. You can look it up if you'd like. He spends most of the free time he has with me.

@truth_seeker: I wouldn't say getting played by guys is a type. It's something unfortunate that happens to lots of girls but most often, it isn't her fault. And it works both ways; there are girls out there who just use guys for sex, but it's not the guy's fault, and the situation certainly doesn't make him 'a type.'

I'm a grown woman, and I know when something is right. And if I want to have sex with someone who I trust, I can and I will and there's nothing wrong with that. I know that he likes me for more than just sex.

May 17, 2016

@smackie9: He definitely doesn't have a girlfriend or a wife, haha. But he works in investment banking and sometimes bankers have ridiculous hours. You can look it up if you'd like. He spends most of the free time he has with me.

If You're Married To A Banker, There's A 72% Chance He Or She Cheated On You - Business Insider

May 17, 2016

if his career is that dominant then you have to expect no communication from him at times, especially if he is working 100 hours a week at times. It's what is going to be controlling factor your relationship.

May 19, 2016

I've been seeing this guy for about 2.5 weeks and we've been on four dates. We've had sex because we had a lot of chemistry and it just felt right. He asked to get together a couple more times but had to cancel because of his job (he works in investment banking and has crazy hours). We've talked almost everyday for the past couple of days, except for two and he initiates most of the convos and all the dates.

Even though he hasn't texted me today, he wouldn't have talked to me this long if he wasn't interested... right?

He seems like he likes the chase haha, but should I initiate the next date?

May 19, 2016

I would say no. But if you're wanting to do something to reciprocate if he's been buying everything, once he asks you out again, unless he asks you to something special you can tell he wants to really do, then say, "How about you come to my house and I'll cook dinner for you that night?"

May 19, 2016

[]I would say that at 2.5 weeks in and 4 dates, pretty much anything is possible. Such as he could do a disappearing act. IMO, that is not enough time to assume that the relationship is on solid ground. Some people would disappear without a trace--continued contact during this short of a time period is not really an indicator of what the future holds. It could also mean nothing more than he is busy. Are you going to let him set all the patterns of whatever your relationship is? Since he works a 100 hours a week often, how realistic is it to think he has time for a relationship or that you will de-prioritized regularly? Maybe you got the rush of the chase for the first 4 and now he's back to business or setting a pace he can accommodate?

Edited May 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Content relevant to thread merge redacted

May 19, 2016

@Versacehottie: I know, you probably think I'm crazy, haha. I've just never felt this way about a guy before and I'm not sure what to do. But I have had guys totally disappear on me with no explanation and I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that it won't happen again.

We did talk yesterday, so I think he's interested...but there is a little part of me that thinks this is all too good to be true. And I just don't want to mess it up, ya know?

Or rather...if something does go wrong, I don't want it to be on my behalf.

May 19, 2016

@Versacehottie: I know, you probably think I'm crazy, haha. I've just never felt this way about a guy before and I'm not sure what to do. But I have had guys totally disappear on me with no explanation and I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that it won't happen again.
We did talk yesterday, so I think he's interested...but there is a little part of me that thinks this is all too good to be true. And I just don't want to mess it up, ya know?
Or rather...if something does go wrong, I don't want it to be on my behalf.

Hun, the only person that can give you reassurance right now is yourself and it goes like this...

***I'm fine dating this guy and I'd be fine without him***

One thing that makes me think he might bail is the fact you had sex with him so quickly. I hear so many female posters post threads like, "we slept together and now he wont talk to me." .....Duh!!!

I think its a bad idea to sleep with a guy if your not exclusive with him. Thats why I always wait until I'm in an exclusive relationship with a guy before I'll have sex. Men get bored! They want some mystery...some build up. You already gave it away....he might be over it now.

I wouldnt freak out yet...he might just be busy...or maybe he's over it. You'll have no way of knowing. All you need to know is you are 100% ok on your own.

May 19, 2016

@Versacehottie: I know, you probably think I'm crazy, haha. I've just never felt this way about a guy before and I'm not sure what to do. But I have had guys totally disappear on me with no explanation and I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that it won't happen again.
We did talk yesterday, so I think he's interested...but there is a little part of me that thinks this is all too good to be true. And I just don't want to mess it up, ya know?
Or rather...if something does go wrong, I don't want it to be on my behalf.

Well I'm gonna throw out a generalization: the best thing you can do is not try to play things too perfect. ie don't worry about messing up. The underlying message of thinking like that is that you are effectively telling yourself that what you are is not enough and need to be seen as perfect so that the other person "would" like you. It's a minefield and also tends to mean that you are more invested than the other person.. So try to be yourself and be in the moment and break things into shorter periods of time. Don't jump so far into the future.

But yes I do know I think a good rule of thumb is to be your best self or be the type of person you want to attract. (in character, values--obviously you will be different and don't want to copy the person AFTER the fact or mirror their interests just to get their interest).

You can't really control whether a person will stick around or not. But you can mirror their interest will usually keeps things in balance which is good. You can also speak up and participate like you are "in" the relationship rather than waiting to be "chosen"--this one can be hard for women due to a lot of the norms of dating, where a guy leads. But even if that is the case, act as if he has chosen you already or why wouldn't he. Something like that. Basically the confidence usually reels them in.

So when you talked yesterday, did he reach out or did you? What did you guys talk about?

May 19, 2016

Hun, the only person that can give you reassurance right now is yourself and it goes like this...

***I'm fine dating this guy and I'd be fine without him***

I wouldnt freak out yet...he might just be busy...or maybe he's over it. You'll have no way of knowing. All you need to know is you are 100% ok on your own.

yes, great advice^^^^^

May 19, 2016

I've just never felt this way about a guy before and I'm not sure what to do. But I have had guys totally disappear on me with no explanation and I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that it won't happen again.
We did talk yesterday, so I think he's interested...but there is a little part of me that thinks this is all too good to be true. And I just don't want to mess it up, ya know?
Or rather...if something does go wrong, I don't want it to be on my behalf.

This is SO MUCH DRAMA for someone you've only been on 4 dates with. LISTEN CAREFULLY--- The reason you THINK 'i've never felt this way about a guy before' is because you slept with him. when women have sex, oxytocin is released into their brain- this makes you trust and bond with the person you are with. (guys don't get this, btw) this is scientifically proven. So yes, your brain is giving you a high of LOVE emotions but what's the reality here?? think about it. you've known him for a couple of weeks. love doesnt happen in a couple of weeks. lust does.

am i saying never have sex so fast? hell no. i love sex, especially with a sexy new guy...BUT you need to have a handle on your emotions and realize that some of them are false. which brings me to my second point.

i'm pretty sure it's illegal to work 100 hours a week. besides legality, it also sounds crazy. i'm not saying some people don't do it, but an investment banker ? no. they work til 3am sometimes and on weekends sometimes, true, but that is not ALL THE TIME...so like some of the other commenters, i too suspect he already has another relationship in the mix. he could have a wife or girlfriend and is just dating girls on the side for sex.

my suggestion is to slow things down with him and see if he sticks around. if you demand to have getting-to-know-you dates instead of sex dates, and he still wants to hang, then that tells you something. (altho, unfortunately, some guys are into emotional cheating as well).

if you keep dating, then test to see if he is available to you. no one is too busy to return a text or make a 5min phone call...if he disappears for days at a time, then forget about him. he is hiding something.

example- i called a guy i went on a date with out of the blue. (we'd never spoken on the phone at this point) he didnt answer, but called me back within 10 minutes. he said he was out at dinner with friends and told me he'd call me when he got home..and lo and behold, he did call me back later that night. this is what normal, non suspicious behavior looks like. keep your legs shut for a week and take off your rose-colored glasses to see if this guy is acting normal or shady.

only time will tell if this guy is legit or a cheater. just tread carefully and realize most of your 'love' feelings are a result of the sex, not based in some history of caring for one another and experiencing life together. all you have right now is sexual attraction. and you could easily go be sexually attracted to someone else.

Edited May 19, 2016 by tayriley

May 24, 2016

How long was it before you and your S.O. were exclusive? I've been dating this guy for almost a month and we both really seem to like spend time with each other and he's talked about our future a little bit. I'm just wondering when and how is the best time/way to bring up the whole exclusivity thing...

May 24, 2016

You make your own rule.

Personally every serious relationship I had started with exclusivity very early between 3 to 5 dates, within a month.

By 4-5 dates I know if I am into someone and he should know as well.

Exclusivity is an agreement to only date each other nothing more. It's not a big deal and no one needs to call their mom yet.

Younger people like to wait longer and more mature people usually seal the deal quicker as we know exactly what we want.

May 24, 2016

I'm just wondering when and how is the best time/way to bring up the whole exclusivity thing...

when is when you're both drunk and how is to delay 'the talk' for as long as you can

May 24, 2016

First of all you don't always need to have the talk. It is possible things progress without the talk.

Second of all wait till he brings it up if you must have the talk.

May 24, 2016

to me it's not so much about exclusivity as it is about having sex. If I'm not sleeping with the guy, I can wait 4-6 weeks, no biggie.

May 25, 2016

Wait, just asking but last week you were stuck in wondering if he was going to text you or not and vice versa, right? Far too soon, IMO, based on the facts as you have told us. Is is possible that in lieu of getting some assurance or security in the course of seeing him or attempting communication with him that you are hoping for a title?

You guys aren't there by a long shot, by what you said in your other thread. In general, though I am going to recommend what I almost always do, let him pin you down, which absolutely applies in this situation. Don't just be sitting there waiting either or be available every time he wants to see you. You want to know where you really stand with him? Make sure he is carving out some time in his 100 hour work weeks in advance to see you and communicate with you. Don't jump too far into the future. I don't think you are there yet. Good luck

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