Ex Already Sleeping with Someone New

[Shiggs]

Currently 6 months into NC, and I have to say most of the time I don't think of her at all. I'm busy doing my own things and she will randomly pop up into my head, but that's normal. What sometimes drives me crazy is wondering what she's up to. I've removed her from everything on social media, but I'm curious as to what she's up to, and I'm like once click away at times to checking her FB. It takes a lot of control and I'm glad that I don't because if I do, I'll be back to square 1.

 

I don't know when i'll stop having these impulses, but until then, I'm going to keep moving forward

[andrem11]

So as an update. Today is the second day I have not looked at any of her social media at all. I have definitely felt my anxiety levels increase, and I feel worse than I have. I guess this is what letting go feels like, but in the long run I guess it will be for the best. Is it normal to still be obsessively thinking about her even after we haven't spoken in a month? How long can I expect this to last for? If it does persist and these thoughts don't go away at what point should I consider speaking with a therapist?

[fixing]

Hi. It is COMPLETELY normal to still be obsessing about this. DONT judge your self because of thoughts you are having.

 

There is no set time frame on getting over someone. Everyone is different. But, a sure way to speed up the getting over process is to completely do NC and that also means looking her up online.

 

It is self inflicted torture. Betrayal is the hardest thing to cope with in a relationship in my opinion (other then a death of course).

 

You got to start telling yourself and reassuring yourself that you are a great person and you DO NOT need her.

 

Shes with someone else? **** her. Those two are welcome to eachother.

 

And yes, seek a therapist anyway. They are very good at giving you the tools to help you deal with anxiety and depression. Hang in there.

[Deidre]

So as an update. Today is the second day I have not looked at any of her social media at all. I have definitely felt my anxiety levels increase, and I feel worse than I have. I guess this is what letting go feels like, but in the long run I guess it will be for the best. Is it normal to still be obsessively thinking about her even after we haven't spoken in a month? How long can I expect this to last for? If it does persist and these thoughts don't go away at what point should I consider speaking with a therapist?

 

What I came to realize during the early stages of NC, is that the reason we obsess over our exes at first, is because we don't feel good about ourselves. You're obsessing because you made this person nearly your whole world. You lost yourself in the relationship, so now she is gone, and you don't know how to build your own life back up. That is what NC will do for you. It will bring your life back to you, if you let it. That is why people break NC a lot, because they don't know who they are without that person. And that might have nothing to do with that person, but really it's something to fix within yourself.

 

Please stay away from social media, and find your way back to your own life, without needing validation from her or anyone else. Then, you will never look back, and you will stay NC, easily.

[theitcrowd]

Hey there,

 

I am going through something completely similar... My ex of 6 months found some new guy in 3 days (She never knew this guy before for sure though) ... and is already traveling around and sleeping with him... that's all she wants a guy for actually and I noticed it now...

 

First it hurt so bad that she was sleeping with someone so fast but then I understood it's a rebound and she has been through many breakup's before and probably knows how much they suck... so immediately she found someone (From the same country/race as me... Which was absolutely devastating at first) .... but later I've learnt she is an immature girl (Though she is older than me)

 

I would never never break someone's heart and find someone new... because you need time to heal.... also she was a narcissist and loves to make everything look perfect on social media (though she knows deep inside she is nothing) so looking at her social media just made it hurt more.. so I went NC completely and just laugh at her thinking about her sharing her "Perfect Life" on Fb/Instagram/Twitter , but hey we know the truth ... everyone posts fake things on how perfect their life is when it is not...

 

So don't mind her... she is just coping with herself... a very bad way to do so... because she is hurting this other guy and you.... she will never have anything good happening in this way and it probably won't last... That's what I keep telling myself... Just take this as closure and you'll find some girl in the world and she will make you the happiest every

[andrem11]

Ex contacted me a week ago with this message

 

So I would feel really messed up if I didn't at least say Happy Birthday. I know im the last person you would want to hear from, but you were and still are very important to me so I have to. I don't know if you blocked me here too though so. Anyways, i hope all is well with you *****. Always remember you always have me, if you ever really need me I'm not that far away. Happy birthday *****, enjoy it as much as you could. -- side note: i saw you walked graduation, i'm happy you chose to- you really deserved it.

 

(*** are my name)

 

The message honestly came off as somewhat pathetic and made me a little angry that she still thought she could speak to me like that. Otherwise i've been doing well. I'm talking to a new girl now and we've been spending time together. I still think about the ex which I believe is natural for someone I was with for such a long time. I haven't been looking at the exes social media and decided to ignore her message.

[triple-s]

Hey man, Ive been reading all the posts and " Deidre " is on point here - listen to her .

 

Like most of us on here . Im also on the same NC boat . But to tell you my success story in a nutshell .

 

Me and ex- work together . Ex cheated on me ( with another guy at WORK !! ) ... and since the begining of Jan 2016 .I promised myself not to look back EVER . That means no social media, no temptation to look at her at work or even strike any conversations whatsoever .

 

Trust " Deidre " when she says go no contact cuz thats EXACTLY what i did . Day in day out I have on my phone reminders and tidbits i get from LS and other articles online. I read it over and over and over . Theres a guy on youtube you might wanna look up named Coach Corey Wayne . hes a bit of an alpha male type and although i dont always agree with what he says ; it gives you a VERY good insight on how to f-king man up and pick yourself back up ... and lemme tell you this -- IT WORKED.

 

7 months ago i was a mess . I read your posts and i know EXACTLY how you feel .Because I have maintained a streak where I dont see anything whats going on in her life ( like seeing her and her new guy will just open the wound again ) ... LISTEN to everyone who tells you to go FULL on NC .

 

Literally at month 5-6 for me , I wake up every morning and i can feel ive gotten better. I go to the gym and i do nothing but work on myself . Also treat yourself . PAMPER YOURSELF . get a massage . buy some video games . BUY NEW SHOES <--- THIS IS MY FAV haha .... BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF AND LET HER SEE WHAT SHE LET GO .

 

One of my favorite quotes is " People dont really change , they just become a better version of themselves " ... this is MY MOTTO THIS YEAR . I want to change for the better . FOR ME . NOT FOR HER

 

seriously you will feel brand - effin - new ... and you can do this .

 

I just read your last post and it appears she reached out . Fine but honestly dude . Let it go .

 

FOCUS ON YOU , you will see .....

 

months ago ... i kept wishing her back in my life, moping , crying. Feeling sory for myself

 

me right now ... All i can say to myself is over and over is " shes not a good person dude, she has no integrity " .

 

AND . IM . F-KCING / AWESOME ! you should too

Edited June 23, 2016 by kylo-ren

[andrem11]

Today I am having strong urges to respond to that message I received from my ex. I am thinking that this might not be the best idea and need someone to talk me out of it

[Giggles666]

Don't respond, you will give up control of your healing. It was nice of her to wish you a Happy Birthday, but all the stuff about I guess you blocked me also is showing you that she is also saying more than Happy Birthday.

 

Keep up with the good work of no contact, enjoy your new lady friend and perhaps someday replying will feel right.

 

BTW, Happy belated Birthday...stay strong, move on and keep control in your hands.

 

Don't do it, you have nothing to gain from contact. Nothing. Yes, missing her is normal, she is gone you are moving forward,, such is the cycle of life.

[Zahara]

Today I am having strong urges to respond to that message I received from my ex. I am thinking that this might not be the best idea and need someone to talk me out of it

 

There is no need to respond. Just accept her well wishes and manage your anger in ways that will not jeopardize your healing. If you open the door, this is going to send you down the rabbit hole. I read your story and have to wonder if she was already seeing this guy before her ending with you. Stay away from her. Delete the email and block her.

 

I find that these types of emails from dumpers are mostly self-serving, a way to alleviate their guilt. Full of empty words to make them feel better about themselves.

 

Regardless, there is no need to provide her validation at the expense of your emotional and mental wellbeing. Stay NC.

[Giggles666]

//So I would feel really messed up if I didn't at least say Happy Birthday.//

 

She wants guilt relieved

 

 

//I know im the last person you would want to hear from, but you were and still are very important to me so I have to.//

 

She needs to respect the best thing she can do for you is follow that you do not want to hear from her.

 

//I don't know if you blocked me here too though so.//

 

Blocked, it bothers her

 

 

//Anyways, i hope all is well with you *****. Always remember you always have me, if you ever really need me I'm not that far away. Happy birthday *****, enjoy it as much as you could. -- side note: i saw you walked graduation, i'm happy you chose to- you really deserved it.//

 

Then she gets to the "oh BTW Happy Birthday, platitudes and whatnot."

 

If you feel the urge just see that her "agenda" came before the well wishes.

[bummer]

Let her feel messed up. Block her.

 

Send us what you want to reply with. We will just tweak the grammar...

 

You're doing awesome!

[andrem11]

So recently my ex reached out to me through email about she still loved me but was with her new bf still... After deliberating over whether to answer her, a couple weeks later I responded. She expressed how she still had feelings for me and things were going well, but she was "stuck with her bf" because theyre going on vacation with each other in March. Weve had a few disagreements about her choosing to remain with him when she still loves me, and she has told me that even though she still loves me and sees a future with me thaf "he has the title right now and has earned a chance with her" aka she wants to have her cake and eat it too while I wait around for her to dump him. Even though I have proposed ways for her to get out of the relationship, she still wants to try with him. The moral of the story is dont break no contact... actions speak louder than words and no matter what your ex says prepare for the worst outcome. I will be starting no contact again tonight

[staggerlee71]

Take solace in the fact that you have the clarity to see actions speak louder than words. I would say she is TRYING to play you and that since you ferreted out that she is trying to play you, you have NOT been played!! Keep up NC my man. Although this may feel like a set back, I assure you have made the perfect move by telling her to pound sand. Good work and sleep easy.

[Marc878]

She's just making sure her planB is intact. Obviously no respect for you.

 

If you're smart you'll write this off permantley and Ho completely dark.

[sooshi]

Yes, OP, actions over words.

 

She's throwing you a bunch of meaningless words.

 

If she really wanted to be with you, she would leave her relationship. Now. She wouldn't go on a vacation with him in March and then do. That doesn't make any sense, and even if she were telling the truth, that would be so cruel to do to the guy and it'd be cruel to keep you waiting like that.

 

Either way, she's being cruel.

 

This time, block her so she can't contact you. If you can't block her on e-mail, create a new account.

[Jersey born raised]

I liked your post because of your conclusion.

 

Step back and think what aye really said about the vacation. That is no different then dumping a prom date because a guy with a great car asked her.

 

Do you really want to live like this? This is your future with her http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/589612-did-she-leave-love-money

[Bialy]

Lesson learned - you won't fall for her craziness again. Not worth it. You don't need that in your life.

[aloneinaz]

You've learned a valuable lesson. This is why the veterans say never break NC w/an ex after the R/S ends. Nothing good comes from it, ever.

 

Take the upper hand back. BLOCK her on your phone, social media and stay NC. Then, get back on the dating horse and move on away from this failed R/S.

 

Clearly, she was looking for her ego to be rubbed and wanted to know someone else still was coveting her. You know now to not give her the satisfaction.

[Bufo]

Marc hit the nail on the head. Things aren't 100% with new bf, but the lure of a paid vacation is too much for her to resist. Be prepared for a new "love" assault a week or so after she returns. Don't believe a word she says, either.

 

Amazing to think she thinks you're perfectly content to stand by waiting for her as she leads the life she wants to lead.

 

If there is karma, she will drop current bf after vacation and come running to you, only to find you have moved on. She is probably too sly to drop him until she knows she still has you to fall back on. But do your part and don't be there for her despite her tears and promises.

[andrem11]

I was in no contact with my ex for almost 4 months. I was on the road to recovery when I received an email from her saying she still loved me. I waited a few weeks to respond, and eventually we got back into contact. We have been speaking for about a month and she has still expressed how she is in love with me and potentially still sees a future with me. We were texting all the time and had a few longish phone calls at night. Things seemed to be going okay. The catch is, shes going on a vacation with her bf and some of their friends in March. She is also the one who holds the timeshare. Therefore until then, she claims she needs to stay with him. Last night I was forced to go no contact again because I could feel myself slipping again and I know waiting to see where her relationship with him goes is foolish. The problem I have now is i'm missing her terribly again and even though I know its a bad idea, all I want to do is talk to her. I want her in my life so badly, but I also don't want to be disrespected by her choosing to stay with him over choosing me. Any advice on this situation would be appreciated.

[preraph]

Just remember that her actions speak louder than her words. And she's in the arms of another man at the same time she's jacking you up.

[whatnot]

Just remember that her actions speak louder than her words. And she's in the arms of another man at the same time she's jacking you up.

This is written very well. True as well.

[andrem11]

5 months after the breakup and I am still struggling very badly. The ex and I broke no contact about 1.5 months ago and had been talking up until this Monday. She had expressed how she still had interest in me and had stronger feelings for me than her current bf, but had to see where the relationship with her current bf would go because she does have feelings for him. After a few disagreements about her deciding to stay with him as opposed to trying something with us again, I finally decided that I was becoming emotionally unsteady again and something had to change. We agreed we would speak in March again and reevaluate the situation then. Is there any point in even seeing where things will be in March? We broke up in May and a big part of me thinks that by March she will either gain more feelings for him or not be interested anymore... I have decided I will still try to move on anyways but it is more difficult now that there is some kind of hope. Does everyone at love shack think theres a chance at reconcilition or should I burn my bridges and move on?

[LD1990]

Really think about your situation here.

 

She has told you that she wants to date another guy and that she'll talk to you again months down the road. Do you have so little self respect that you're going to accept that kind of arrangement? So far you've been doing just that. It's time to kick that nonsense to the curb. She doesn't love you, because if she did, she'd be with you.

 

No person on this planet is worth waiting around for while they date other people. Find someone who wants to be with you, not someone who says she'll consider it if things don't work out with her first option.