Author andrem11 Posted June 4, 2016 Author Posted June 4, 2016 Thanks Satu, maybe that is what I truly need at this point. Some days I feel in control, others I don't. I guess cutting out social media spying is the next step to get even more in control. 1
privategal Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Thanks deidre Some very helpful words. I actually did have her blocked on facebook until today (I don't want to keep her blocked forever), but it's pretty difficult for me to avoid looking at her twitter. It seems as if everyone is in consensus though that I should stop looking at her social media. I guess i'll just have to have a little more self control Get to the gym, the beach, concerts. Why dont you disable your social media accounts temporarily? Get outside and enjoy the summer. Gosh she was so disrespectful for snapchatting another guy even once but 100 days? And youd even consider her back? She has zero respect for you and is shady. That is so unattractive to jump from guy to guy and you can do better than this girl, shes unreliable and has no class. 1
Satu Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Thanks Satu, maybe that is what I truly need at this point. Some days I feel in control, others I don't. I guess cutting out social media spying is the next step to get even more in control. We're all in control, all of the time. Life is about the choices we make. We can choose to do what's good for us, and we can also choose not to. Just keep making good choices. Take care. 1
Author andrem11 Posted June 4, 2016 Author Posted June 4, 2016 I actually only have a facebook, she just keeps her profile public so it's easy to see. I have been outside a lot and will be very busy with work in the coming weeks. She claimed this wasn't a problem and said people close to her said it wasn't a problem either, so I'm not sure if I am at fault there or her. She also went to frat parties behind my back towards the end and claimed that "she didn't want me to judge her" and that's why she didn't tell me. In all fairness though, I was giving her **** for a lot of things towards the end so while I think it was wrong she did that, I can at least somewhat see why she did it. I probably could have been less judgemental on a lot of stuff and I take responsibility for that. 1
whatnot Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 so I don't know what else could hurt me more than that Her coming back. FACT: She wanted out of the relationship she had with you. And she ended it with betrayal. No, she's not feelin' the burn you're feeling. She hasn't made room for this guy anymore than you've made room for the woman you can't be with. That's my opinion. 100% rebound. He's "the perfect guy". He's "everything you're not". Why wouldn't she want her family to meet the answer to all of her problems? If it makes you feel any better. ..it won't last.. If you want her back you may get her back. But it could take months for this thing to burn itself out. And even then...there's no guarantee you'd be the one she'd leave him for. It may end and she still never want to be with you again. It might be her way of getting out. But...getting out is what she wanted and that's what she's getting. Everything screams "I need her back". "it's could be again!" The relationship you all once had is kaput. She may come back...but it can never, ever be the same relationship again. And...you don't need a woman who ends relationships with betrayal. And no woman needs a man who ends a relationship with betrayal. Get on with your life. It's not so much different from quitting meth. But...quit you will. Good luck man. Keep your head up. 2
Deidre Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Thanks deidre Some very helpful words. I actually did have her blocked on facebook until today (I don't want to keep her blocked forever), but it's pretty difficult for me to avoid looking at her twitter. It seems as if everyone is in consensus though that I should stop looking at her social media. I guess i'll just have to have a little more self control I know, it's truly hard. It is not easy, and I've been there. But, if you stay NC...truly full on NC...you will wake up one day, and be like...wow, I'm not thinking about her anymore! The reason why you keep looking at her twitter is that you want to read that life isn't looking so good for her. It's ok to admit this. It's hard to watch someone ride off into the sunset after breaking your heart. But, truth is, she's a jerk, and you don't need her to define you. When you put those two things together, you will NATURALLY stop looking, and you will stay NC. But, that is what NC will give to you...it's a gift. It will get you to look at why you are looking at her accounts, and why you still think she is this amazing person. Stay NC, and get to those reasons, and you will heal. 1
Author andrem11 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Posted June 5, 2016 @whatnot - you're right, i don't need a woman who decided to betray me. the woman i used to love would have never done that to me and she is no longer that person. @deidre - some days i do realize how much of a jerk she is, but other days i really miss what we once had
Deidre Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 You miss the person you thought she was. But, she's not that person. That's what NC brings to the situation, it brings clarity. When you keep looking at old photos, and new photos, etc...all you do is keep wishing you were back with this ghost of a person, that doesn't exist.
Alamo657 Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 @whatnot - you're right, i don't need a woman who decided to betray me. the woman i used to love would have never done that to me and she is no longer that person. @deidre - some days i do realize how much of a jerk she is, but other days i really miss what we once had You miss the days when she seemed to love you entirely and exclusively. Now you are angry at her for taking back your drug, you're in a relapsing state, alternating moments of clarity at being free from a destructive drug, with moments of anguish at not having what made you feel so good anymore. 1
Author andrem11 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Posted June 5, 2016 Loveshack- In your opinion, when was no contact most difficult for you. Obviously for most people week one will be the most difficult, but beyond this was it a linear progression? For example, were weeks 2-5 a breeze, but once you hit week let's say week 6 you had a lot of trouble because you realized your ex might never come back?
Author andrem11 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Posted June 5, 2016 For me personally, week 1 was the hardest followed by week 4. Weeks 2 and 3 didn't seem to be as bad to me.
Giggles666 Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 I think it varies with relationships and also with us as individuals, plus there are variables like running into them, etc. It's also hard to have the mindset that they are not coming back from day 1, but the sooner you get to that mindset, the easier it is in my experience. I had someone come back after 15 years, girl of my dreams things seemed to be going great. Ended in disaster, I didn't wait for 15 years obviously, but am on week 12 and was ok for a while. Now not so much. Not sure why, but might have something to do with running into her. I was a mess the first 3 weeks, did fine until recently. But holding the course. I think it really varies.
Author andrem11 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Posted June 5, 2016 Yeah, I myself am only actually on week 4, but I came down with a bad cold and haven't been as busy as I was weeks 2-3 so I think that may be why this week is the second most difficult. 1
Deidre Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Probably after a few months, to be honest...when I felt I was strong, and then bam...he reached out to me. This guy was a few years back, but it took a while...a lot of breaking NC and then going back to NC, to get it right. That's why I'm so determined to help everyone I see online or offline, to get it right the first time. lol Breaking NC will never bring about a good result. It will make you feel bad inside, and it will open a wound that's trying to heal. Stay strong! 1
Blanco Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 For me personally, week 1 was the hardest followed by week 4. Weeks 2 and 3 didn't seem to be as bad to me. You don't really know that, because you've kept tabs on her social media, so you're not really NC.
Author andrem11 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Haha, I should clarify then, 4 weeks of not reaching out to her.
Blanco Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I've found that NC isn't all that effective if you're only not talking to them. It's the first and most obvious step, but part of the purpose of NC is to remove yourself from the information pipeline to their lives. You aren't doing that if you're still checking their Twitter or Facebook or whatever. True NC would be not knowing where she was or who she was with. You're going to make this way harder if you can't pry yourself away from her social media accounts. 1
Author andrem11 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Following the advice of many members on the forums, I have not looked at all today. So I guess today is official day 1 then . 1
Deidre Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Following the advice of many members on the forums, I have not looked at all today. So I guess today is official day 1 then . YAY!! You got this! 1
Giggles666 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 It's good advice, one day you will look at it will set you back. No good can come of it. Good luck with everything 1
tstump Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Week one for me. The next hardest week was the week of our would be anniversary (week 5). 1
Author andrem11 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Now you are angry at her for taking back your drug, you're in a relapsing state, alternating moments of clarity at being free from a destructive drug, with moments of anguish at not having what made you feel so good anymore. I really like this description of what I am going through.
Giggles666 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Just saw your other post, apparently you have been hurt by looking at social media. Just block her. I'm sorry you are going through this, but look at it as a character builder and something to learn from for the next relationship. I also had some dating opportunities, not ready much like you. I've had sex since we broke up quite a bit, but no dating. Truth be told neither sex nor dating is going to help me or anyone in our boat until we resolve our emotions. Block her on social media, just do it. It can be symbolic of you moving on, you can do it.
juniorrocha Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Well it seems things weren't working out. So give yourself time. And meanwhile go dark on her. If she does still care about you, it might drive her crazy that you aren't feeding her stalking. Although I would guess she's moving on for real, I mean, it's been almost 2 months dude. You should work on yourself to do the same!
juniorrocha Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 ^ indeed, having sex/hooking up with randoms may not be a good idea. I've been with 3 girls since the break up and had sex with all of them, but I have to admit that I'm always comparing even though my ex wasn't good in bed and all these 3 were far better. hahaha On a side note though, it helps that I'm getting better sex now. As for the original question, I'm currently on day 18 or w/e of NC; I looked at her twitter twice though, but I didn't see anything that could really hurt me, besides her apparently seeing someone (I got a bit jealous, but my mind thinks that she's free to do anything so not my business). That's when I stopped looking, before I see something that can be very bad. The first week was definitely the worst, right now I still miss her but her bad sides are screaming so much in my head that I'm actually anxious to get rid of this feeling and meeting someone nice!
Recommended Posts