francis Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 hey there, i am new here and inspired by everyone who writes of their experiences of breaking up with the people they love... i am seeking advice on my own situation. i will try to keep it brief... basically, after two years of long distance (Me UK, him Hong Kong), my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago, we tried everything to keep going but I guess the LD thing beat us...it drained both of us. Despite the hard time, I want to keep trying. We are still in touch, only via email. He says that he thinks it is best for us 'right now' and that he didnt want to wear us off completely. His view was always that the relationship could never be a proper relationship until i finished uni, which is May 2006, and that's when we could start a life together in the same country. Keeping in touch with him is so hard, he doesnt discuss our relationship, we write about common interests, music, he wants to know what's going on in my life, but we dont talk about us at all. When I have initiated discussing our situation now, he told me to wait until i had finished my exams. When I wrote asking him if we could possibly work something out, which was last weekend, he didnt respond, but responded to other emails i had sent, about neutral stuff like news etc. I guess what i am looking for is an impartial view on this behaviour. Do I persevere with this? My exams finish this week. I know that LD is hard, but I guess I really do want this to work...i have told him i am committed to him. My Uni vacation means that I have a lot more free time than him. i was actually offered a full time teaching job in HK for this summer, when i asked him if we could discuss this possibility, he said he couldnt do this and for me not to make this so hard. Am I fooling myself that we could make it through til next May and then stand a proper chance, when being together wouldnt be so painful?
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 I guess it depends - can you hold on that long in a broken-off relationship where you've been downgraded like that to a pen-pal, with no outlet to discuss what you are really feeling? Maybe you can keep your options open by continuing to be a pen-pal to this guy, while carrying on with your life in other ways: dating, meeting new people, going places, doing fun things. I'm sure that's what he's doing. So, keep up your emails if you like and continue to move forward with your life otherwise. Drop your emails down to 'light' status: ie - no relationship talk, and get out there and live your life. You may find that the more you live your life, the less you will want to put it on hold for a guy who may or may not be there for you after a long and emotionally lonely wait.
Author francis Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 thank you for your view on things... in terms of a resolution, our biggest problem, i.e. the LD is still going to be there if we do get back together. our answer lies in finding a better way to deal with the distance. staying in contact with him is really holding me back from moving on, and this is evident to him too. i mistreated him and made him very unhappy because i was so sad about the LD thing. i feel that my committment to him will be shown through my perseverance and reliability and consistency over time. i guess the crucial thing here is to determine whether it is over for good. he let go, he gave up, but i do feel responsible for that. i simply didnt make him happy for the last 4 months of the relationship and so i totally understand that he would find it so hard to trust me and have faith in our relationship immediately again... i do feel like i can get on with my life to a certain extent, but i do hold my breath waiting for an email from him each day. it does hang over me like a black cloud, i just wish we could resolve this one way or another. that is, we are either together and going for it, or we walk away completely and accept it is over.
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