[update] She is so so angry with me, and says she dosent trust me. I want her back.

[Zahara]

She has said once the trust is gone, you can't get it back.

 

This is true. You cheated on her three times. How can anyone possibly believe that the fourth time around will be different?

 

"You are the only person I ever wanted a future with, my wife, a house, a couple of kids, a dog and maybe even a donkey."

 

And yet you chose to cheat on her multiple times. As someone who was cheated on, once was enough.

[Rossacelt]

I'm off the booze my friend, I know I don't need it and when I did take it which wasn't often It wasn't nice. I know I'm a good guy, I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better, I've kicked the crap outta myself the last few weeks and maybe deservedly so, but I was good to her and do honestly care for her deeply. I can't change the past but I'm working on my present and happiness in the future.

[Rossacelt]

zahara I never cheated, I was in contact but there was no cheating, the contact was just like speaking to every one of my friends, I would never cheat on anyone, I never have nor will even if I was unhappy. I've seen people not give a s... And cheat on there partners all the time. I've found out small things since the breakup also, small lies from her that I could bring up to her but I don't want any more arguments. I'm emotionally broke

[Zahara]

zahara I never cheated, I was in contact but there was no cheating, the contact was just like speaking to every one of my friends, I would never cheat on anyone, I never have nor will even if I was unhappy. I've seen people not give a s... And cheat on there partners all the time. I've found out small things since the breakup also, small lies from her that I could bring up to her but I don't want any more arguments. I'm emotionally broke

 

You engaged a woman that you were once seeing and while it was a dealbreaker for your girlfriend, regardless of whether YOU define it as cheating, you chose to disrespect her wishes by doing it again and again.

 

It doesn't matter how you define or justify your behavior -- you ignored how it affected her in the relationship and that was completely self-serving on your part.

[Rossacelt]

You are correct Zahara, we argued about it and I thought it was over. The last time I spoke to this person was February, if I had of knew it was still hurting her we could have talked about it, sorted it out. I honesty thought it was over and done with, but one day she got so so angry with me over nothing and tore me into pieces, she has done this ever since we split. I'm not a monster, I wished she had of told me that this was still hurting her inside, I would have had the chance to not let this go to this. I would never intentionally hurt a hair on her head, I was naive and stupid.

[ChickiePops]

Why didn't you block the other girl after the first time you contacted her? Or the second time? Or the third time? Why did it take your ex dumping you and an ass-kicking from the Loveshack team for you to finally block this other chick?

 

Not blocking shows intent to do it again.

[BlueIris]

Accept it. Accept that she has every right to decide who she wants to be with for whatever reasons she chooses. Your continued minimizing of your actions and making excuses is probably only making it worse.

[Zahara]

You are correct Zahara, we argued about it and I thought it was over. The last time I spoke to this person was February, if I had of knew it was still hurting her we could have talked about it, sorted it out. I honesty thought it was over and done with, but one day she got so so angry with me over nothing and tore me into pieces, she has done this ever since we split. I'm not a monster, I wished she had of told me that this was still hurting her inside, I would have had the chance to not let this go to this. I would never intentionally hurt a hair on her head, I was naive and stupid.

 

You're still making excuses. It hurt her and in her eyes it was wrong, that is why she brought up with you/argued with you. If I know that something like that causes a rise in my partner, I don't ignore that fact and do it again -- your excuse that you didn't know it was "still" hurting her therefore you thought it was okay for you to again contact this other woman is weak.

 

You say you're changed and a new man -- I don't see it. You're still justifying your behavior.

[mikeylo]

If the sides were flipped, what would YOU want her to do so that you trusted her again ? What would regain your trust in her ? Answer this with complete sincerity.

 

Your 'mistakes, nativity, stupid ' are not so mild. They make or break trust.

 

Have you dumped all your exes, female friends , FBs and what not ? If you come across them, are you willing to go past them as a stranger , without acknowledging them ? Can you do that or rather will you do that ? Not just in front of your gf but even when she is not around ? Nope. You can't. Words are cheap. And she probably knows that about you.

 

The reason you ' thought' you were past this is because she could see that you were not going the extra mile that you should have and believed that she let it go while all the time she wanted to see the change that didn't happen.

 

Letters are cheap words. Get up and go past your exes , female friends etc and show her. Since you can't do that ( because how can you suddenly do that ??etc. well, if you can do that to the love of your life , then who are these women hey!), leave her alone so that she can find a trustworthy guy.

 

I have very low tolerance for guys like these. Hence the reason I don't post much on break up boards. Mostly guys crying after doing horrible stuff to the love of their lives ! Duh

[Rossacelt]

All you guys are correct, I should not be justifying my behaviour, I messed up and it is what it is because of me. she has every right to be like this to me, I deserve what I have got, and will have to use this a hard but a lesson learned, someone you love you should be treating like a precious jewel not 99% of the time but 100% of the time.

 

And mikeylo, yes I'm prepared to give up all them people and things and go past them, if the coin was flipped it would take me a long time to trust the person again. Allot of time.

 

Zahara thank you espically for your hard but justified words, I have to look at it from her point of few, I hurt her and I shouldn't have done this, It's up to me now to take my time and realise what I've lost and learn from it, up to me to man up and say you where a dick, and learn from my actions. Up to me to never let anyone down again and always be honest with them and myself.

[Noideanow]

why did you write to that girl? the real reason (not because you were drunk, because that makes it even worse because from drunk people and children you will hear the truth..i think)

Edited June 8, 2016 by Noideanow

[Rossacelt]

The real reason, because she treated me like s.... When we were together, used me and made a friendship with me again which I didn't want to lose. My ex treated me with love, something that scared me because I was afraid to lose it and never expirenced a simple love that we had, I have insecurities and try and love and look after the person probably more than I love myself.

[mikeylo]

Rule 1 : keep all women away if you ever want to be in a simple , pure , committed relationship.

 

Everyone has issues. Hell, now your gf has trust issues because of you ! Duh !

 

On a positive note : go to her , tell her , beg , whatever to give you another chance to prove that you are willing to do whatever it takes and then show it. Whatever anyone says but I believe that if you find her love simple ( I like the way you put it ) , go get her because you may never find it again.

[Noideanow]

that i think you should tell her, because if i was her the reason i would run from you would be you having feelings for someone else (which writing to her suggest), did i understand correctly that you have unfinished business with the girl before the one you lost now, that the first one was the bad one and that you havent gained your confidence back after her mistreating you?

[Rossacelt]

I've begged I pleaded, I've down everything and I'm getting what I deserve. I was so weak chatting to her last weak, like a little boy.

Yip the 1st one turned into a real bitch, it was a fling she walked into my work, she was on a travelling trip from the USA, I live in Europe and we had a 3 month romance across our two countries. Then she turned on me, a real horrible person, who used me and then I turned on her when she got nasty, I couldn't take it anymore I stood up for myself. Then she ****ed me off again, then asked to meet with me again when I left the USA. I did meet with her (this is 2 years ago) but was total un attracted to her physically and after the crap she put me through emotionally also. I've been heartbroken before but usually I get on with things, I usually forgive and if I see a ex chat to them, it dosent mean anything, once I'm healed I do not have any feelings for that person again.

I know I'm a total ass for doing what ive done with my ex, a total ass, I've not one feeling for that girl I was in contact with and I should have deleted her contact details a long time ago. I don't deserve anything at this point and I know that. If I was in my exes shoes I would be angry and heartbroken. I know she still loves me but is angry as hell with me and see why can't trust me.

[Noideanow]

ok i hope it turns out allright:confused: but what were you hoping to gain from contacting your ex (eventhough drunk)? maybe im wrong for asking these questions and things will work out their own way, im just curious to understand why write if that person means nothing to you?

[Blanco]

Even if you got her back, it would never be again what it once was. You have, unfortunately, planted that seed of doubt in her mind that would always be there no matter how well things are going. Little things would trigger her suspicions. Sadly, that will likely be true with her next boyfriend, even if there's no grounds for suspicions outside of your actions.

 

I know you feel remorseful now that you're bearing the brunt of your actions, but please understand what you have possibly subjected this woman to, not just in your own relationship, but with her subsequent relationships in years to come.

 

If you love her as much as you claim, you'll accept that you've done the damage and now, the gallant thing would be to step back and let her try to rebuild.

[LD1990]

You say you just need a chance to prove yourself. The thing is, you've been given multiple chances to prove yourself, and each time you failed. She's not obligated to keep giving you chances.

 

There's nothing you can do to get this girl back. Saying "I love you, I'm really sorry" a bunch of times in a letter isn't going to make her forget all the times you hurt her.

[Rossacelt]

Noideanow, I was just trying to keep a friendship alive, her and the 3 people who walked into my work that night, a cold wet night in Ireland will always be my friends even in some shape or form, I just know now I don't need to be in contact for a friendship, espically one that effects current people around me.

Blanco great post and true, I have caused the damage, the love is still there but I completely hurt her with what I've done,I'm so sorry. I have to leave her alone and rebuild again, maybe someday she can trust me again but maybe as a friend.

[Rossacelt]

ld1990 very true. I understand this now.

[mikeylo]

She is not going to magically start trusting you someday ! The old cliché: trust is earned.

 

Every action/inaction , counts. Either vanish from her life forever or earn her trust ,swallow your ego and do what needs to be done.

[Rossacelt]

Mikeylo how do I earn that though? I really really don't want to be bothering her, I want to respect her.

[Rossacelt]

My ego is the whole way down, it's me that caused all this.

[mikeylo]

Is she ready to talk to you? Lay out all your cards. Tell her exactly how you feel and be prepared for some tears. Be gentle. Listen to all she has to say. Then mutually decide the way forward.

Look man , she is angry and rightly so. Depending on her nature, personality,etc. ( that you know better ) , you can turn it around if you genuinely take steps.

 

Like you said it was simple love , that means she is probably a simple girl with genuine feelings. Make use of that but don't misuse. Keep all other women far far away. No need to be friends with exes. No matter what anyone says but 3 people never make a relationship. Start from respecting her wishes. What she asked was something she knew had the potential to end between you two and it did.

If you don't have experience of how a healthy relationship should be , maybe you could learn from her.

 

Be upfront. No beating around the bush. Accept it loud. Be vulnerable and you might be surprised. You both might come out stronger.

[Rossacelt]

Thanks Mikeylo, this post has helped me realise what a absolute dick I've been. I've tried to talk to her, but she is full of anger and says she has no belief in me, I can totally understand this, she says when the trust is lost, it's gone.

I don't think she believes a word I say, but I do truly love her and have made my own grave here with my actions. We have only chatted over the phone, she un friended me on Facebook, I have to respect her at the minute.

I know there is still love there, I was open to her over the phone admitted to everything even things that weren't lies and she said they where so I admitted to them (the truth). I've just hope with time we can chat face to face.