[update] She is so so angry with me, and says she dosent trust me. I want her back.

[Rossacelt]

My ex currently of just over a week is so so so angry with me.

 

I made mistakes during our relationship, I texted a girl I used to see a few times when I was drunk and we had a agruement. There was nothing in the texts and that happened a while back. I totally regret doing it, it's just that we argued a few weeks ago and that ugly monster came to light and she finished it with me.

 

We have chatted over the phone since but it dosent seem right doing that and the two times it hasn't ended well, she is so angry and says she can't trust me.

 

This girl is my life, I love her with all my heart, I love her more than anything, I treated her good and she loved me, I just made these few stupid blips now she is full of anger against me. I'm talking to her mother at the minute, the only person who is a mutual friend between us, because all her friends apparently are saying to let him slide on (me).

 

This is breaking me in to pieces, I know I made mistakes, I'm prepared to fix me, show her who I want to be for her, but I feel like I've killed someone or went and cheated on her, I would never do that. I love her more than anything and want a future together but how do we get that if she is so angry with me?

 

I'm leaving her alone and not bothering her but this is really getting me down and feeling dark, I feel like I'm a ****, useless human being who just wants to show I can be trusted. What do I do?

Edited May 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~T

[ExpatInItaly]

You really need to understand that texting a former flame during a relationship is not a "stupid blip" to the injured party. It demonstrates a serious lack of respect and deception. which is very hurtful. While you didn't physically cheat, that doesn't negate the pain you caused her. Even if the content of the text was relatively benign, the fact that you reached out at all to another girl is not acceptable, particularly when arguing. That's a red flag for future behaviour. You can see now she was bottling up a lot of anger and hurt over this. So, the first step in this is really taking accountability.

 

Next, leave her alone for a while. That includes not keeping in touch with her mother. That's inappropriate and will only further anger your ex. I understand you don't have malicious intentions when speaking to her mom, but it's really not your place to be involving her. Once the dust settles and your ex sees you can respect her boundaries, she might reach out.

 

It's important to understand that while it takes mere seconds to destroy trust, it can take a long time to rebuild. Even if she came back tomorrow, it will take a considerable amount of time to show her she can trust you. It's not something she's going to suddenly grant you. If you want another chance, you have to be extremely patient.

 

I wouldn't count on her coming back, but it's not impossible either. How long were you together, and how old are you both?

[LD1990]

Once trust is gone in a relationship it's very difficult, if not impossible to gain it back. It's too late to fix at this point. You texted an ex repeatedly during your relationship when you and your girlfriend had problems, I really doubt she'll believe you've fixed this problem when you never have before. The ball's in her court, the only way she's coming back is if she makes that decision, but there's nothing you can do to influence it. Stop talking to her mother, it's not going to help, if anything it will just annoy your ex.

 

I think you need to start moving on with your life here, the odds of her coming back aren't good. Use this as a learning experience.

[Rossacelt]

Thanks guys for your answers. I am in my early thirties where she is in her late 20's. We were together for a year and 7months. I did this mistake 3 times, the last time was back in November, I have apologised numerous times, I love this girl with all my heart and realise how much of a ass I was doing this. This is the only issue we have had in our relationship, and it was through alcohol when I did this or we argued. I have now given up drink, and also vowed to make myself a better person for this, I f..ked up and I'd do anything to get that trust back. I accept my mistakes and have apologised numerous times, as for chatting to her mother this will stop after tomorrow.

Is that it then guys? That's it after the amazing times we have had, that's it?

I treated her with respect during the relationship, treated her well and loved her. I just had that blip.

[Zahara]

Is that it then guys? That's it after the amazing times we have had, that's it?

I treated her with respect during the relationship, treated her well and loved her. I just had that blip.

 

This has happened 3 times. And each time that it has happened, you've apologized and I am sure vowed all sorts and that you would never to do it again. At this point, your words have no sincerity or truth to her anymore because you've never been able to keep to your promise. It would be best for you to leave her alone because the trust is completely gone.

 

Amazing times? Treated her with respect? All that means nothing to her at this point because you've tarnished it. If you valued her and the relationship that much, you wouldn't have done this to her 3 times.

[Satu]

It wasn't a 'mistake.'

 

You thought about it, decided to do it, and concealed it.

 

To call that a 'mistake' doesn't make it any less of a thing.

[d0nnivain]

You can try the classic apology flowers. Might work but might not.

 

The card ought to acknowledge your screw up & invite her to meet with you to delete the other woman from your phone & all social media. Anything less, isn't going to win her back.

 

Still this plan may only cause you to waste $$ on flowers. Mere words won't cut it since you screwed this up 3 times.

[LD1990]

I just had that blip.

 

You keep minimizing something that was probably very painful to her. You broke her trust three times and you're calling it "a blip?"

 

All your words are hollow at this point. You say that you respected her, loved her, treated her well - not when you texted your ex. I'm sure she doesn't buy that you're sorry. Think about it, you never felt bad enough to stop texting your ex up to this point, but now that she broke up with you, you're really sorry and going to give up drinking. If I was her, number one, I'd think that you were really only making these changes because you got dumped, not because you're genuinely sorry. Number two, I'd be pissed that you weren't willing to make those changes during the relationship.

 

Take this as a learning experience. You can only play with fire so many times. You didn't take your relationship seriously enough, and even people who love you get sick of hearing "I'm sorry."

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks guys for your answers. I am in my early thirties where she is in her late 20's. We were together for a year and 7months. I did this mistake 3 times, the last time was back in November, I have apologised numerous times, I love this girl with all my heart and realise how much of a ass I was doing this. This is the only issue we have had in our relationship, and it was through alcohol when I did this or we argued. I have now given up drink, and also vowed to make myself a better person for this, I f..ked up and I'd do anything to get that trust back. I accept my mistakes and have apologised numerous times, as for chatting to her mother this will stop after tomorrow.

Is that it then guys? That's it after the amazing times we have had, that's it?

I treated her with respect during the relationship, treated her well and loved her. I just had that blip.

 

Come on, OP. It wasn't "just a blip" - it happened more than once! And that is not loving or respectful treatment. You might think it was amazing but I guarantee your ex doesn't feel the same way; your behaviour was very hurtful and it very much tarnishes her memories and impression of you.

 

You're too old for these shenanigans, OP. It's great that you have given up alcohol but it's way too soon for her to know if you're going to sustain that. Might have to chalk this one up to a lesson learned.

[Rossacelt]

I sent flowers last week, and have wrote a letter which took nearly4 hours to write. The letter is not begging her to come back or grovelling, it's a letter to show I accept my faults, putting my hands up!!!! I probably won't send the letter because I know the anger is there.

[Rossacelt]

so that's it then guys, I've screwed up, really f...ed up.

I've deleted that girl off everything a long time back, social media, telephone numbers, any pictures on my Facebook or anything, I didn't want her in my life, I only wanted my current ex. I know I can say sorry a million times and yes ive made these changes since we split, but it's Made me realise I need to do these changes to make me a better person also. I would do anything to work it out, no false promises, just be the guy I should have been to her.

[TaraMaiden2]

It's no use labouring the point.

You deliberately and wilfully did things - 3 times - that you knew went against what she would have liked.

You completely disregarded her misgivings in favour of doing what YOU wanted, and chose to do.

Don't call it 'mistakes'.

Don't call it 'Blips'.

 

You deliberately messed this up.

 

So now, she wants nothing to do with you.

Lesson learnt.

 

When something you do is idiotic and upsets the love of your life, don't repeat it.

 

Because see where it gets you?

 

Move on.

[basil67]

Sorry dude. You've done this three times. She gave you two chances and then you blew it a third time. This demonstrates that your apologies mean nothing and that you won't change. Only a crazy person would give you a third chance.

[Rossacelt]

Thanks Taramaiden for your honest words. I guess I just have to, I can tell you though I didn't deliberately mess this up, I was drinking when this happened and turn into my ass of a father when I drink, I'm 32 and yet still an scared to see my father drink, it's scared me from a young age. The only real big mistakes I've made in life are through alcohol, and when I sent the texts it was through alcohol. Not using this a excuse because it ain't but I know I have to give alcohol up because I turn into my father, a complete ass and forget about the people who really love me.

[TaraMaiden2]

Thanks Taramaiden for your honest words. I guess I just have to, I can tell you though I didn't deliberately mess this up, I was drinking when this happened and turn into my ass of a father when I drink, I'm 32 and yet still an scared to see my father drink, it's scared me from a young age. The only real big mistakes I've made in life are through alcohol, and when I sent the texts it was through alcohol. Not using this a excuse because it ain't but I know I have to give alcohol up because I turn into my father, a complete ass and forget about the people who really love me.

 

Actually then, you DID deliberately mess this up.

You know what happens to you when you drink, because you consider yourself to become ' an ass like your father'. You know it happens.

Yet you still drink.

You CHOOSE to drink.

Nobody puts a gun to your head, and commands you to do it - you drink, because that's your choice. Dumb thing #1.

 

So you put yourself into situations, through drinking, where you know you behave like an ass, and do stupid things. Dumb thing #2.

 

Double whammy.

Go to AA and get sober.

That way, you'll be far less tempted to make an ass of yourself.

[Rossacelt]

Yip true, but there will be no AA, just will power.

[Satu]

Thanks Taramaiden for your honest words. I guess I just have to, I can tell you though *I didn't deliberately mess this up, I was drinking when this happened and turn into my ass of a father when I drink, I'm 32 and yet still an scared to see my father drink, it's scared me from a young age. The only real big mistakes I've made in life are through alcohol, and when I sent the texts it was through alcohol. Not using this a excuse because it ain't but I know I have to give alcohol up because I turn into my father, a complete ass and forget about the people who really love me.

 

Yes, you did.

 

You made a choice.

 

Don't blame the booze.

 

The booze didn't do it.

 

You did it.

 

Start taking responsibility for yourself and your actions.

[Rossacelt]

I'm doing it man, I've my hands held high I ****ed up!!!

[Zahara]

The drink, my father, the neighbor, the weather...excuses. You did it 3 times. But you likely didn't care because you probably thought you wouldn't get caught or she'll just shut up and accept/forgive you. That's why you kept doing it.

 

You make bad choices. Own them.

Edited May 16, 2016 by Zahara

[Rossacelt]

Dear

 

I am writing this to you with a heavy heart, a heart that is missing the person who made it shine.

We are both not in good places at the minute and i take full responsibility with my lies, actions and stupid mistakes. I have hurt you, I am truly sorry, it breaks my heart knowing now what you have been feeling inside, how I was blind to it.

I didn't open up to you also when you wanted me too, I should have asked we should have talked about it, things that we could have sorted out, maybe someday we can.

I am sorry for keeping in contact with people from the past, I was naive, and just god dam stupid. The last few weeks have made me realise I don't need to keep in touch with people from my past, the only people I need are the people around me, the people who are here now and will be in the future. I am sorry we argued about this and also when I was drinking, I was a **** and have given up alcohol. I am sorry for my faults, my blindness to see how happy I was and how perfect we where together.

I wasn't there for you the way I should have been, the way you needed me to be there for you, you must have felt so alone, sad and hurt. I feel alone, sad and hurt now because of my blindness, I vow never to do this again and I am truly sorry.

I am currently making changes in my life, using my time and working on myself, working to make me a better person, I to make me the man i was before except 100 times better.

You are such a wonderful person, a person who I and still do deeply love.

I am sorry for breaking your trust in me, I hope someday you can trust me again and let me show you the person I can be for me and you. I hurt with my actions and lies and I am so sorry for this.

What a lucky guy I am for you to have walked into my life, the girl with everything, beautiful inside and out, the girl who is gentle and kind, the girl who loved me for who I was. It didn't take long to fall in love with you, how couldn't anyone, but I was the lucky one. I was prepared to do anything to make her happy and be the person holding her everyday.

You are the only person I ever wanted a future with, my wife, a house, a couple of kids, a dog and maybe even a donkey. You made me smile everyday and if I wasn't with you just sending that good morning message made my day. The best thing was telling you I loved you everyday, I did and always will.

We had some great times together, but the most important times where holding each other, remember that night I ran outta oil? I thought we would wake up frozen together lol.

You are my best friend, I am sorry for any hurt or pain I have caused you in the past. I have vowed to make myself a better person, not just with words but actions. I have vowed to be that person you fell in love with before, even if we are not together. I might not be by your side but I want you to know I will always, always be there for you.

You are the most beautiful person that has came into my life, the most amazing person in my life.

Someday I hope you can forgive me and trust in me again.

For me to show you I can open up to you and you can open up to me, something that I didn't do.

I understand this is where we are now, apart and on other sides of the road.

I hope somewhere, someday in your heart you can let me in again.

 

Love xx

 

 

She has said once the trust is gone, you can't get it back.

[Toodaloo]

No.

 

Again its words not actions.

 

Its written. I hope you feel better for it. Just put it away and when you feel yourself slipping back into your old ways read it to yourself as a reminder.

 

Good luck!

[Rossacelt]

Thank you for your post. The thing is I am doing the actions also, but I don't think she had belief in me. I was good to her, looked after her, the only time we fought is when I drank too much which was rare, I just don't where to go from here, I'm working so so hard on myself, and she knows this and said to do it for myself and not for her. I love this girl with all my heart and soul. I just need a chance to prove myself.

[Gemini_jo]

Coming from experience, it's never a good idea to send an ex a letter.

 

It's always good to write your thoughts down on paper though. I think that helps you understand and make compliance with your feelings.

 

If she wants to talk to you, she will reach out to you. Otherwise, you're just opening yourself up to a big amount of hurt that is rather unnecessary.

 

Just keep on keepin on. You got this.

[Rossacelt]

Thanks for your post, can I ask you what happened to you when you sent it?

Also if you can't reach out for that trust again how can you ever show it, earn it again when they don't have the belief in you?

[Satu]

snip

Also if you can't reach out for that trust again how can you ever show it, earn it again when they don't have the belief in you?

 

In many cases, it's impossible, and I think that this one of those cases.

 

Stay off the booze.

 

Its a poison for you.

 

 

Take care.