Idiotic people you know , and how they can ruin your image during NC.

[Jacob1939]

So , long story short , i broke up with the girl i was involved with for almost 4 years almost 7 months ago(late October).In December , needless to say i was still heavily heartbroken , i invited a mutual "friend" over. I just needed somebody to talk to and it seemed like he was the only one available atm(hadn't found LS yet i'm afraid ).Anyways , she had gone out with a guy Christmas night , when all the time we were together she always stayed in during Christman as to "be with her family".I said that to him (yes , i know never tell what hurts you to mutual friends).He's one of those types that you dont want to hang around with ( the whole "talks too much , spills *****" , unreliable types. Needless to say , i dont talk with him anymore , not anymore than i have to anyways.

Back to my point , when she went out one afternoon , she invited him to come as well , and she had already brought someone. All of a sudden , when this guy went to the bathroom , he starts criticising her , and that i told him that i thought she had someone and how could she do that etc etc. From then on she never spoke to him again. Note : THIS HAPPENED IN MAY. FROM **** I TOLD HIM IN DECEMBER. I found this out from another mutual friend , who stills is sane , who told me that she messaged him asking if she had spoken with the other mutual friend of ours. He says no , she explains the whole story , and then says "when he told me that i wondered what all the other guys we knew were saying" (as in they were trashtalking her. My SANE friend informed her that her name never came up and that was that. What irritates me now is that , im on my way to recovery , sure im not quite there yet but im slowly progressing through No Contact. And here comes that goddamn lunatic making me sound not only vindictive , implying that i trashtalk about her to other friends , but also that im still on the hook and above all that making me seem freakin' idiotic , childish , not over it etc... You get my point. So am i just supposed to just let this go? 'Cause in the back of my mind i think that now she'll be thinking "This guy is so childish , why was i ever with him? " , which might even push her away if she ever wants to come back , not that she'll ever want and not that i should be thinking of that , but i can't lie and say it didn't come to mind. Thoughts? (Sorry for the long post , i like to be thorough with the details )

[ExpatInItaly]

It sucks that your friend opened his mouth to her. Now you know he isn't to be trusted.

 

But honestly - you two have been broken up a while now. I don't think it's going to matter that much to her, as far as any future reconciliation goes. It doesn't sound like it's in the cards if you haven't heard from her in 7 months. I can see why she doesn't appreciate people talking about her, but in the end, it doesn't really make much of a difference.

[266696687]

You learned the hard way not to talk to ex's mutual friends about a break up.

 

This is quite common. Your mutual friend was coming to your defense albeit in a way that didn't do you any favors.

 

There isn't anything you can do to change what happened. He brought up what you'd said many months later (not sure why they felt the need to do so after so long) but your best bet is to remain silent.

 

 

Just forget about it. It doesn't really matter what your ex thinks at this point you are no longer together. Keep NC and move on. Stop worrying about her and start focusing on you.

 

Moving on means no longer caring what she thinks. You know what actually happened. Just put it behind you and get on with distracting yourself. Go and make some new friends. Ones that don't know your ex.