Would a woman ever date a man with Breasts ?

May 16, 2016

Hi Everyone

I am new to Loveshack and im looking to find friendship and advice.

I am a 39 year old male living in the UK. I found out a couple of years ago that i was Intersexed. It came out the blue and hit like a bomb. It cost me my job and my partner at the time. This was mainly due to my reaction and the depression that i suffered because of it.

Since then ive been single and ive been slowly getting my life back whilst dealing with all the issues i have.

I have come to accept myself and i want to move on with my life but im insecure and worried about meeting someone. I feel now is the time to get out there again but i have no idea where to even start ?

I am still a man but i do have some female characteristics now which include breasts. I have been given the option of getting them removed some time in the future but ill be honest here and admit im not sure i want to go through with it, mainly because of the scarring and effects after the operation and secondly and i know this will sound strange, i have got use to them and i feel this is who i am now. Ive spent along time accepting myself and i like the person i have become.

I have been very reclusive over the past couple of years and thats not me.

sorry for going on so much and i guess my question is could a woman ever give me a chance to get to know me and love who i am as a person, even though i am partially feminine ?

Thanks for reading everyone

May 16, 2016

Hi Everyone

I am new to Loveshack and im looking to find friendship and advice.

I am a 39 year old male living in the UK. I found out a couple of years ago that i was Intersexed. It came out the blue and hit like a bomb. It cost me my job and my partner at the time. This was mainly due to my reaction and the depression that i suffered because of it.

Since then ive been single and ive been slowly getting my life back whilst dealing with all the issues i have.

I have come to accept myself and i want to move on with my life but im insecure and worried about meeting someone. I feel now is the time to get out there again but i have no idea where to even start ?

I am still a man but i do have some female characteristics now which include breasts. I have been given the option of getting them removed some time in the future but ill be honest here and admit im not sure i want to go through with it, mainly because of the scarring and effects after the operation and secondly and i know this will sound strange, i have got use to them and i feel this is who i am now. Ive spent along time accepting myself and i like the person i have become.

I have been very reclusive over the past couple of years and thats not me.

sorry for going on so much and i guess my question is could a woman ever give me a chance to get to know me and love who i am as a person, even though i am partially feminine ?

Thanks for reading everyone

Anything is possible. Just as there are men and women who have relationships with those who have undergone gender reassignment surgery, I'm sure there will be women who will date someone who is intersexed. Many women won't - I can't say that that is something I would want to take on- but each person is different.

Being in therapy might help you along your chosen path and how to deal with any rejections in a healthy manner.

Just be honest with potential partners and see where it leads you.

May 16, 2016

Anything is possible. Just as there are men and women who have relationships with those who have undergone gender reassignment surgery, I'm sure there will be women who will date someone who is intersexed. Many women won't - I can't say that that is something I would want to take on- but each person is different.
Being in therapy might help you along your chosen path and how to deal with any rejections in a healthy manner.

Just be honest with potential partners and see where it leads you.

Thanks Scorpiogirl for the reply.

I am currently in therapy, i have been for a while to deal with my anxiety and depression regarding my situation.

It has helped me accept who i am and i am hoping some one will also accept the person i am inside. But i do understand for any relationship there must be attraction to some degree and i feel unattractive physically. But only from the point of view of other people and how they see me.

I think im afraid of not being accepted and being made to feel ashamed of who i am when its took me so long to accept who i am.

Thanks Again

May 16, 2016

my question is could a woman ever give me a chance to get to know me and love who i am as a person

You answered your own question:

It cost me my job and my partner at the time.

You had a partner at the time therefore some women are open to dating you.

It might put some off, but why waste your time and energy on them? Some women didn't date me because I am bald and divorced. I simply didn't waste my time pursuing them, I concentrated my efforts on those who liked baldies and didn't care about a piece of paper. I'd suggest you embrace the same philosophy. Don't waste your time thinking about how many women aren't interested in you.

May 16, 2016

You answered your own question:

You had a partner at the time therefore some women are open to dating you.

It might put some off, but why waste your time and energy on them? Some women didn't date me because I am bald and divorced. I simply didn't waste my time pursuing them, I concentrated my efforts on those who liked baldies and didn't care about a piece of paper. I'd suggest you embrace the same philosophy. Don't waste your time thinking about how many women aren't interested in you.

Hi PegNosePete thanks for your reply

I was with my partner for 3 years before i found out i was intersexed. I was pretty average guy then to be honest. So i never met anyone in my current condition.

My partner left me after 4 months. It was mainly my fault as i was in a bad place and ignored her because i felt ashamed. She found it hard to cope with some of the changes i was going through and i was told i could not have children, which we both really wanted, that was the nail in the coffin

We still talk occasionally, and she is now pregnant and happy and im happy for her but in some ways im sad as well. But its time to move on.

I agree that i should stop worrying about who won't accept and concentrate on who will but its early for me and i have a lot of fear about being accepted, again time will tell

Thanks Again

May 16, 2016

Sorry but can you explain how you hid your boobs from your ex-partner? I'm confused on that bit.

May 16, 2016

Sorry but can you explain how you hid your boobs from your ex-partner? I'm confused on that bit.

Hi, thanks for your reply

I never had boobs when i was with my ex. I was diagnosed as intersexed 4 months before she left me.

The reason i was diagnosed and it was discovered i was intersexed was because i begun to develop breasts, i went to the doctors and after tests i was diagnosed as intersexed.

So the breasts have developed since then. Up until that point i had no signs and no idea i was intersexed.

Other than a few small issues when i was young my whold life has been that of a normal guys.

I hope that answers your question

Thanks Again

May 16, 2016

Hi, Insecureandsingle; I had never heard of the word intersexed before and had to look it up.

You mentioned other characteristics in addition to breasts. I was curious, did these characteristics also show up at the same time or were you aware of any of them earlier in your life?

That would be a lot to deal w/ all at the same time!

Having the breasts removed ... Ouch!! I don't blame you.

I don't know of course what a females point of view would be but I think it's always commendable when someone is honest and real about themselves regardless of popular opinion.

Try to maintain a confident attitude and I bet you'll do okay.

I wish you the best.

May 16, 2016

Hi, Insecureandsingle; I had never heard of the word intersexed before and had to look it up.

You mentioned other characteristics in addition to breasts. I was curious, did these characteristics also show up at the same time or were you aware of any of them earlier in your life?

That would be a lot to deal w/ all at the same time!

Having the breasts removed ... Ouch!! I don't blame you.

I don't know of course what a females point of view would be but I think it's always commendable when someone is honest and real about themselves regardless of popular opinion.

Try to maintain a confident attitude and I bet you'll do okay.

I wish you the best.

Hi, thanks for the reply.

intersexual people are complicated so I've come to discover. So many variations and conditions.

I grew up normally, everything was fine, I had a few issues during puberty, mainly it hit me late, I was 15 when it started. I also had small breast development at that time but I was told that was normal for some boys.

But I have always had problems with erections and other strange problems I can now look back on and know why now.

The main issue I have now is my hormone receptors do not convert my testosterone, and my body cannot absorb it, so its being converted to estrogen. I have female chromosomes, and some female internal organs. The big mystery for my doctors is why now, what caused the onset of this after all this time.

it is confusing and it is still a taboo subject, and unheard of by some.

Thanks for taking the time to look it up and comment, its appreciated

May 17, 2016

Do you know what your karyotype is? Also do you have functional ovarian and/or testicular tissue?

It is so interesting symptoms have been hidden for so long, at 15 it is probably related to the onset of puberty, but at 39? They screened your pituitary gland, right? I've read for XY men developing breasts due to benign tumors in this gland causing prolactin overproduction.

Despite your condition is rare, think how many people have endocrine issues: like women with total hysterectomies, even diabetic people. Life goes on.

Hi, thanks for the reply.

intersexual people are complicated so I've come to discover. So many variations and conditions.

I grew up normally, everything was fine, I had a few issues during puberty, mainly it hit me late, I was 15 when it started. I also had small breast development at that time but I was told that was normal for some boys.

But I have always had problems with erections and other strange problems I can now look back on and know why now.

The main issue I have now is my hormone receptors do not convert my testosterone, and my body cannot absorb it, so its being converted to estrogen. I have female chromosomes, and some female internal organs. The big mystery for my doctors is why now, what caused the onset of this after all this time.

it is confusing and it is still a taboo subject, and unheard of by some.

Thanks for taking the time to look it up and comment, its appreciated

May 17, 2016

Of course there are women out there who would date you. Dont get me wrong, I think it would take alittle while to find the right one and some thick skin but there is someone out there for everyone.

Like a previous poster mentioned...some people have sex reassignment surgery and they're able to find a partner. In my opinion your in a better situtation than they are in terms of finding someone. The right woman will look past that.

I think its very admirable that your happy with who you are....thats very inspirational....I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 14....I havent had a symptom in 7 years thanks to a great treatment plan but I have some really bad scars on my arm and leg, I used to cut myself...it happened over 10 years ago. I always wear long sleeves around my bf of one month...I'm embarrassed about it. I cant bring myself to show him or tell him yet.

Anyway, seeing as you are happy with yourself, that will shine through and attract like minded women. Be confident and hopeful. Focus on people that accept you for who you are...not people who judge

May 17, 2016

Do you know what your karyotype is? Also do you have functional ovarian and/or testicular tissue?

It is so interesting symptoms have been hidden for so long, at 15 it is probably related to the onset of puberty, but at 39? They screened your pituitary gland, right? I've read for XY men developing breasts due to benign tumors in this gland causing prolactin overproduction.

Despite your condition is rare, think how many people have endocrine issues: like women with total hysterectomies, even diabetic people. Life goes on.

Hi, thanks for showing interest, not many people understand my condition or know what being intersex actually is. I myself was guilty of this before it happened to me.

My Karyotype is 46XX i have both ovarian and testicular tissue yet my testes are formed but they are small. I also have 5-Alpha Reductase Deficiency (5-ARD) which has not shown until a couple of years ago when all this started. Another phrase thrown at me was 46XX sex reversal syndrome. Ive looked it all up and ive had doctors explain things to me on many occasions and a lot of it is beyond my understanding if im honest.

I have been given options regarding surgery however there's a part of me that does not want to rush in to things just yet. Its been hard and still is hard but when doctors tell me im genetically a woman it does make me think ive grown up as a person im not suppose to be ??? its very complicated how im feeling and the last thing i want is to come on here and confuse people with my situation, but there is a part of me that thinks may be becoming a woman is the best path for me to take ?? but then i feel im talking nonsense. Its a difficult situation to be put in.

I did show some of the signs during puberty and it was brushed away by doctors at the time as normal. I say i had no symptoms growing up but there are little things which i never noticed which now i know was due to this. I am short for a man, i have small hands and feet. Ive always struggled to gain muscle. Ive always had erection problems and problems with my ejaculate, and ive always had a small amount of breast tissue since puberty and larger nipples and areola then most men ive seen. So i guess there was signs and i never questioned them.

Thanks Again

May 17, 2016

Dont know what that is exactly even thou i just googled because i never heard of that

before.

But i do know that some people just born with some more male or female hormones.

Like females who grow a beard and so on.

In those cases they just shave it or if there are medical options they go true that.

In this time there are more options to solve certain issues. Like surgery, pills and so on. But its up to either person to find their way and have peace with it.

But i guess what you have is something else then just breast ?

Either way i think its great that you accepted yourself.

Because thats the first step! Even if you were "normal", you have to accept yourself

before looking for others to accept you.

Often once someone inlove with you they learn to like you as you are and they may even enjoy those parts a lot. lol.

You cant say some already no one will like you or you will never have a girl.

Because there are so many people in this world and everybody have also their own

taste.

What one dont like atall, the other may love.

At the end its about the person you are.

Just be yourself. That is what attract people for longer time at the end.

And sure you can find a girlfriend !

May 17, 2016

ps: this just cam to my mind to post to you: maybe its a good idea to become vegetarian.(well good balanced,(organic if posible)

find books and research and guidelines how to be it at best.

its good for everyone to be. but since you have all this issues maybe its extra good for you since there is so much messing with meats and medicine/ hormones to make animals grow faster and so on, that may influence your issues too the wrong way.

May 17, 2016

Of course there are women out there who would date you. Dont get me wrong, I think it would take alittle while to find the right one and some thick skin but there is someone out there for everyone.

Like a previous poster mentioned...some people have sex reassignment surgery and they're able to find a partner. In my opinion your in a better situtation than they are in terms of finding someone. The right woman will look past that.

I think its very admirable that your happy with who you are....thats very inspirational....I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 14....I havent had a symptom in 7 years thanks to a great treatment plan but I have some really bad scars on my arm and leg, I used to cut myself...it happened over 10 years ago. I always wear long sleeves around my bf of one month...I'm embarrassed about it. I cant bring myself to show him or tell him yet.

Anyway, seeing as you are happy with yourself, that will shine through and attract like minded women. Be confident and hopeful. Focus on people that accept you for who you are...not people who judge

Dont know what that is exactly even thou i just googled because i never heard of that
before.
But i do know that some people just born with some more male or female hormones.
Like females who grow a beard and so on.
In those cases they just shave it or if there are medical options they go true that.
In this time there are more options to solve certain issues. Like surgery, pills and so on. But its up to either person to find their way and have peace with it.

But i guess what you have is something else then just breast ?
Either way i think its great that you accepted yourself.
Because thats the first step! Even if you were "normal", you have to accept yourself
before looking for others to accept you.

Often once someone inlove with you they learn to like you as you are and they may even enjoy those parts a lot. lol.
You cant say some already no one will like you or you will never have a girl.
Because there are so many people in this world and everybody have also their own
taste.
What one dont like atall, the other may love.

At the end its about the person you are.
Just be yourself. That is what attract people for longer time at the end.
And sure you can find a girlfriend !

Hi Both, thanks for the replies

I have 2 very good female friends that have stuck by me and helped me over the past couple of years and i have asked them for advice regarding dating? However the answer from them is not filling me with confidence and that's one reason i joined this forum. To gain other peoples opinions and advice and i really appreciate all of it

I realise its just the case of finding the right person which under normal circumstances is hard, but with the issues i have i wonder if anyone would want to give me a chance.

Both of my friends treat me and see me like they would a girlfriend, there own words but then again they have seen me change and go through what i have over the past couple of years, even taking me to shop for a bra so no wonder they see me that way.

They both know im not gay and i still like women but i made a huge mistake a while ago and told one of them that id got a new fantasy about being with a man. Its only a fantasy and it will always stay that way but now they both think im in to men even though i deny it

So i get there reaction to me dating as not a good idea, there words again but i know that don't want to see me get hurt because ive only just built myself up again.

I still hold hope that ill find love again, i don't do well on my own.

Thanks Again

May 17, 2016

Mate, when I was on Tinder there were a bunch of girls on there that said in their profiles "I am pansexual, blah blah (can't remember)".

I was confused at the time, and had to look 'pansexual' up. But, It means that you are in there.

You are missing a trick. Go on Tinder.

May 17, 2016

Mate, when I was on Tinder there were a bunch of girls on there that said in their profiles "I am pansexual, blah blah (can't remember)".

I was confused at the time, and had to look 'pansexual' up. But, It means that you are in there.

You are missing a trick. Go on Tinder.

If I actually have to Google the kind of sexual orientation, it's already a deal breaker. lol

May 17, 2016

If I actually have to Google the kind of sexual orientation, it's already a deal breaker. lol

I'm not really that bothered about sexual orientation.

The thing is all of these girls that claimed they were 'pansexual' also pronounced that they were feminist. That is a deal breaker for me. I do a lot better than that sh*t.

Sure, we live in a feminine world now, but to actually be pronounced as a proud feminist? Hell no. Go and find a beta 'equality' boyfriend/husband lol.

Something for the OP to consider... I really think he's missing a trick on these young 'feminist' girls. He'd do well on Tinder in my opinion.

Insecureandsingle, go on Tinder and set your age range as low as 18. Give it a good try and see what you can attract . Use what you think as a weakness as a strength.

Give it a go, and see where you get. You have to be clever in the game

May 17, 2016

OP, 2 big questions:

1. What are your treatment goals?

2. What is the treatment plan you and your doctor have agreed upon?

My guess, is you don't have these figured out. Also, you clearly have psychological issues to tackle, you mentioned anxiety and depression. You say these developed with your diagnosis, but I sense your issues are far deeper.

Your focus should be on tackling your medical and psychological issues. This is not the right time to worry about dating. When you get your medical and mental health in order then dating will become much more clear and successful.

May 19, 2016

OP, 2 big questions:

1. What are your treatment goals?

2. What is the treatment plan you and your doctor have agreed upon?

My guess, is you don't have these figured out. Also, you clearly have psychological issues to tackle, you mentioned anxiety and depression. You say these developed with your diagnosis, but I sense your issues are far deeper.

Your focus should be on tackling your medical and psychological issues. This is not the right time to worry about dating. When you get your medical and mental health in order then dating will become much more clear and successful.

Hi Pogostick, thanks for your reply.

You are right i have not figured everything out fully, i have options to have surgery which i have delayed for now, i know that sounds like a strange thing to do but there is a part of me that feels i should not rush in to things.

Recently i have had thoughts about trying to live as a woman, now this is all crazy and im not sure whats making me feel like this because i never had issues in the past with my gender. I have discussed this with my councillor only and not my friends, my councillor has agreed that i take my time to make any decisions and that its common for intersex individuals to feel the way im feeling.

At the moment i do not dress or present as a woman, i do wear a bra but only out of necessity, and that was a huge emotional deal for me at the time, i felt like i was giving up who i was and my masculinity which in some ways i did.

I do feel very interested in a lot of things associated with being a woman, make up and nails especially, i like them and it interests me, i often wonder how i would look. I also find a lot of female clothes draw me in and i have been tempted to buy some and try them on, but i have held back.

So yes you are right that im still having issues and need to sort things out, which is so hard.

Thanks Again

May 19, 2016

Recently i have had thoughts about trying to live as a woman, now this is all crazy and im not sure whats making me feel like this because i never had issues in the past with my gender. I have discussed this with my councillor only and not my friends, my councillor has agreed that i take my time to make any decisions and that its common for intersex individuals to feel the way im feeling.

I agree with Pogo that you have to figure this out before you are dating anyone. You would be bringing anyone you date into this with you, and they should know what they are getting.

Does your counselor specialize in intersex and transgender issues? If not, I would definitely find one who does.

You need someone with experience to navigate this with you.

You can also buy some books on Amazon on the subject. Not textbooky-books, but memoirs and self-help type books that will help you with your feelings about who you are.

I don't think the idea of you living as a woman is crazy. You never had an issue with your gender before because you never knew there was another option. You never knew you had female organs and hormones. Now that you do, you realize there may be another choice - and that's ok.

Same with who you date. You were raised to be a man dating women, and that's what you've done. But if you did decide to live as a woman, do you see yourself as a lesbian? Is the thought of dating men interesting to you, and something to explore?

You have a lot to discover about yourself before you are ready to date. So I wouldn't worry about that right now.

May 19, 2016

OP - I am sorry to pry, and feel free not to answer as these are very personal questions!

I am just curious about your condition. I have a degree in sociology and took a number of sex and gender courses, and I am a bit familiar with intersex issues.

While I learned about people discovering their condition later in life, I did not realize that physical and hormonal changes could happen post puberty.

So, these changes happened more recently, well into adulthood? Have you undergone any sort of hormone therapy?

What caused the realization of your medical status, and how old are you?

Like I said, feel free to brush it off, but if you choose to educate us, thank you!

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