maxrebo Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Been on NC for 3months. Been okay for the most part. When I get really depressed or lonely It gets hard, but I don't see myself ever breaking NC. part of me wishes she'd reach out, but I don't see her ever doing that either. after the break up(3 months ago) I moved back home with my mom, to save money on rent. I still work full time, a crappy retail job. I'm trying to save so that I can leave the area, I have no idea where I want to go or how to go about doing it. It's going to take some time. I've become very solitary, reading, watching movies, gaming and even working out, but when I start feeling lonely I'll either think about my ex or I'll go on dating sites. now I'm not in the best position to be dating since I'm living at home again and that makes me even more depressed. I think maybe its too soon to date? Should I try to make friends? I'm really eager to get out on my own again, but I think it's just because I miss being with someone. my breakup for more context http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/579987-shadow
bummer Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Sorry to read your story but thanks for sharing. Interesting how easily she gave up when you broke up huh? For me I wonder how much time and pain I could have saved if I respected the fact I was supporting much of the relationship as well for a time. Anyways, 3 months and if you feel like reaching out, by all means, reach out! Just be clear with any dates if it gets more serious that you aren't looking for something serious necessarily or need to go slow. Don't tell them the sob story, but respect that others will enter relationships with clearer consciences than you right now and you need to respect their feelings. If you find your baggage is still overpowering your new feelings, you may want to step back. I'm 2 weeks out and looking but just find myself playing the comparison game with my ex which holds me back and isn't fair to a new girl. Maybe in a few months I can share space without dragging my luggage beside me to dinner. 1
Author maxrebo Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 (edited) Sorry to read your story but thanks for sharing. Interesting how easily she gave up when you broke up huh? For me I wonder how much time and pain I could have saved if I respected the fact I was supporting much of the relationship as well for a time. Yeah it was really a draining one way street for me. I think everything had to be framed as " me wanting to be with her" and not so much the other way around. If i stopped putting in enough effort the entire relationship stalls. She had a hard life, and a lot of baggage, for lack of a better term, but I admired her for getting through it all. As time went on though it seemed like she didn't really learn much from the experiences and I wanted to help, but it felt like I was being taken for granted. Anyways, 3 months and if you feel like reaching out, by all means, reach out! Just be clear with any dates if it gets more serious that you aren't looking for something serious necessarily or need to go slow. Don't tell them the sob story, but respect that others will enter relationships with clearer consciences than you right now and you need to respect their feelings. If you find your baggage is still overpowering your new feelings, you may want to step back. I'm 2 weeks out and looking but just find myself playing the comparison game with my ex which holds me back and isn't fair to a new girl. Maybe in a few months I can share space without dragging my luggage beside me to dinner. Cool, thanks. Yeah I was where you were 3 months ago, browsing other mates would just make me think of my ex. Time definitely helps. Now when I hit dating sites, rather than anything regarding my ex,I'm more concerned about the logistics of meeting people. I'll make sure to keep those strong boundaries you mentioned. Edited May 17, 2016 by maxrebo
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