IslandDude Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Question for the ladies. I'm in a situation where I stopped using OLD for awhile several months ago. In the meantime I met a girl through mutual friends and we've gone out a couple of times. I won't go into the whole thing here as I've posted about it separately. But long story short I'm not sure if she's really interested in anything more than friends at this point. I don't even know if she thinks I'm interested in more than friends and one of the things I always wonder about is would she feel differently if we had met through OLD and both knew that each other was looking for a relationship. I don't know if she's even on OLD right now but in case she is my questions are: If I go back on OLD and she sees me will she think I gave up on her since I haven't been on there before and now appear all of a sudden while we're still hanging out? If she does see me on there would it actually be better because she would see that I am seriously looking for a relationship and might even realize we are a good match from all the stuff in my profile that she may not know? Could this also be good because she will realize I am out looking for other options and she needs to decide if she's interested in me or not before I find somebody else? I'm wanting to go back on OLD mainly to see if she is on there and if we'd be marked as a good match but then also to see who else is out there since this current girl may have lost interest. At the same time I don't want to do it too soon if she's going to see it and think I'm done with her because right now she's at the top of my list if things can work out. Just wondering if any of the women on here could give me some insight into what they would think in this situation.
deadparrot Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Rather than trying to maneuver some complex back-end scheme involving an OLD profile, why not ask her directly? You've already been seeing each other casually; it's a natural question to ask. "Hey, I've been having a great time with you. I just wanted to get a read on your thoughts on where, if anywhere, you see this going." If she's interested, great. If not, then you at least have closure and can start OLD (if/when you're ready) with a clear conscience. 3
Dis Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 I think your going about this in a very indirect/ineffective manner. Your whole reason to go on OLD is to try get with her, yet its probably the worst way to try to do so... Why dont you have a convo in person with her instead of beating around the bush. Say, I'm looking for a relationship, what are you looking for? If she says she wants the same as you...ask her out on a date. She's not a mind reader. If she shoots you down..oh well. If she says yes...your good to go! 2
basil67 Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 I agree with the others. If you want to know how she feels, then be direct and have a conversation. If you want to date others, go on OLD. 1
Author IslandDude Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 Okay I completely agree as I feel dumb even thinking about OLD when I already have found a girl I really like outside of it. I think I've just become confused from reading too much advice online and feel like if I ask her directly that's the fastest way to kill things. Personally I'm really into that idea because I don't do the whole game thing but it seems like I'm the exception and a lot of girls get scared off if you try to bring things up too early. Also since we mainly text back and forth I feel like if I say something like what you suggested over text she will just ignore it somehow and if I call it will seem odd since we don't really ever talk on the phone. I guess I'll just have to go back to the plan that came out of my other post which was to try and get her on another date from texting and then once in person I can ask what she thinks. If she keeps blowing me off via text for dates I guess I can figure she's not interested and go to OLD for better or worse.
basil67 Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 If she's interested in you, how can asking how she feels about the two of you kill things? It's not like you're pledging undying love or marriage!
Author IslandDude Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 If she's interested in you, how can asking how she feels about the two of you kill things? It's not like you're pledging undying love or marriage! That's how I feel but I keep reading all this advice about guys coming off as being too needy. We've only been on a couple of actual dates and I didn't make any moves (which seems to be a common problem with some of us on here judging by all the posts I see). So now I kind of feel like she's writing me off since I haven't tried to kiss her even though we've hung out a few times since the last date but her young daughter was around so I wasn't going to try anything those times. I guess I'm hoping in her mind it's only been two dates and she isn't counting all the hangouts and thinking "he hasn't tried to kiss me after like 5 meetings". I'm sure I'm overthinking this just like I probably overthought whether or not to kiss her. I have a problem with this girl where I like her a lot so I don't want to mess things up too early on but at the same time it seems like maybe going too slow is hurting me. I didn't think 2 dates with no kiss was a killer but I guess it can be for some girls.
Dis Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 That's how I feel but I keep reading all this advice about guys coming off as being too needy. We've only been on a couple of actual dates and I didn't make any moves (which seems to be a common problem with some of us on here judging by all the posts I see). So now I kind of feel like she's writing me off since I haven't tried to kiss her even though we've hung out a few times since the last date but her young daughter was around so I wasn't going to try anything those times. I guess I'm hoping in her mind it's only been two dates and she isn't counting all the hangouts and thinking "he hasn't tried to kiss me after like 5 meetings". I'm sure I'm overthinking this just like I probably overthought whether or not to kiss her. I have a problem with this girl where I like her a lot so I don't want to mess things up too early on but at the same time it seems like maybe going too slow is hurting me. I didn't think 2 dates with no kiss was a killer but I guess it can be for some girls. 2 dates with no kiss isnt going to put you in the friend zone (for some girls it isnt) So make your move now! Tell her how you feel about her, ask her how she feels about you. If the feeling is mutual, be more direct. Or you could kiss her right there if the talk is going well. Def dont sit on this...if you dont kiss her soon...you'll be in the friend zone. Dont be afraid to have this talk with her...you never know..it might be the start of something great! If you dont have this talk with her I think you'll regret it because it seems like you really like her. Go for it
Author IslandDude Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 2 dates with no kiss isnt going to put you in the friend zone (for some girls it isnt) So make your move now! Tell her how you feel about her, ask her how she feels about you. If the feeling is mutual, be more direct. Or you could kiss her right there if the talk is going well. Def dont sit on this...if you dont kiss her soon...you'll be in the friend zone. Dont be afraid to have this talk with her...you never know..it might be the start of something great! If you dont have this talk with her I think you'll regret it because it seems like you really like her. Go for it Okay thanks for the advice. My concern now is how I'll get the chance to have the talk with her. Hopefully I can get her to agree to go out again. It's been hard for me to tell if anything is going good because those first couple of dates were several weeks ago and since then it's just been a casual hangout here and there. She is a single mom with her daughter all the time so I know she doesn't have much room in her schedule for real dates and she's had to cancel a couple of dates because of things with her daughter she forgot about. I just feel a little mixed up compared to past girls I've dated because even though she isn't offering up alternative days for the real dates she is still finding time for us to hang out while she has her daughter around. That's why I'm confused about the whole friend thing. Am I just a friend now that hangs out with her like her girlfriends would since that's all we've been doing since the last date several weeks ago, or is she hanging out because she really likes me and just hasn't been able to make time for a real third date? I've never dated anybody with children before so maybe this is normal and I'n thinking about it too much.
Dis Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Okay thanks for the advice. My concern now is how I'll get the chance to have the talk with her. Hopefully I can get her to agree to go out again. It's been hard for me to tell if anything is going good because those first couple of dates were several weeks ago and since then it's just been a casual hangout here and there. She is a single mom with her daughter all the time so I know she doesn't have much room in her schedule for real dates and she's had to cancel a couple of dates because of things with her daughter she forgot about. I just feel a little mixed up compared to past girls I've dated because even though she isn't offering up alternative days for the real dates she is still finding time for us to hang out while she has her daughter around. That's why I'm confused about the whole friend thing. Am I just a friend now that hangs out with her like her girlfriends would since that's all we've been doing since the last date several weeks ago, or is she hanging out because she really likes me and just hasn't been able to make time for a real third date? I've never dated anybody with children before so maybe this is normal and I'n thinking about it too much. I hear you, it must be tough dating someone with kids. If I were you I'd either call or text her (If shes into talking on the phone I'd call her...that shows more intrest, more effort) I'd say something along the lines of, I miss seeing you, I'd like to take you out to for dinner at X (pick a really nice restaurant so she knows its a date, not just a hang out) When are you free? When she gives you a date make sure to work out a time. Make sure you have all the details in place. I would do this sooner than later for sure. When your out at dinner with her you can have the talk. Dont assume she wants to be friends just yet. Give it one more shot. I think you have a chance
BlueIris Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 (edited) ... In the meantime I met a girl through mutual friends and we've gone out a couple of times. I won't go into the whole thing here as I've posted about it separately. But long story short I'm not sure if she's really interested in anything more than friends at this point. I don't even know if she thinks I'm interested in more than friends and one of the things I always wonder about is would she feel differently if we had met through OLD and both knew that each other was looking for a relationship. ... Just wondering if any of the women on here could give me some insight into what they would think in this situation. Do you want to date her? If you do, ask her out, be romantic and flirtatious, and go for a kiss at the end of the date. If you don't want to date her it doesn't matter if you go online to date. ... I already have found a girl I really like outside of it. I think I've just become confused from reading too much advice online and feel like if I ask her directly that's the fastest way to kill things. Ah, you do want her... Don't talk. Take action. Romantic date. Go for kiss. Good luck! Get the girl! Edited May 16, 2016 by BlueIris
Versacehottie Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Okay I completely agree as I feel dumb even thinking about OLD when I already have found a girl I really like outside of it. I think I've just become confused from reading too much advice online and feel like if I ask her directly that's the fastest way to kill things. Personally I'm really into that idea because I don't do the whole game thing but it seems like I'm the exception and a lot of girls get scared off if you try to bring things up too early. Also since we mainly text back and forth I feel like if I say something like what you suggested over text she will just ignore it somehow and if I call it will seem odd since we don't really ever talk on the phone. I guess I'll just have to go back to the plan that came out of my other post which was to try and get her on another date from texting and then once in person I can ask what she thinks. If she keeps blowing me off via text for dates I guess I can figure she's not interested and go to OLD for better or worse. Oh my gosh, my friend....you are overthinking and spinning. All to avoid what needs to be done: talk to her. Simple. Don't confuse things with OLD since you are clearly way into this girl and if she did see you on there it would just confuse her--as you have taken her out before. Don't be afraid. Well you might be, but do it anyway.
PegNosePete Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 If I go back on OLD and she sees me will she think I gave up on her Maybe. But how will she see you unless she's also on OLD? And then by her own logic, she has already given up on you anyway so what's the problem? Cut the over-thinking and silly games. If you want to get more serious with this girl, tell her. If not, then go back on OLD and meet new people. Simples.
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