Sex talk before meeting

[spiderowl]

I know many people meet online these days but I wondered if those who have had successful relationships from online talked about sex with the person before they met them for the first time? I do not mean chatline sex chat, but straying onto the subject and talking about attitudes and desires and how you feel about each other, as you might when you've been talking to someone you are getting to know fairly well?

 

It might sound a stupid question I know, but I wonder how common this is. If two people cannot meet for a while for logistical reasons but are getting on really well in chats and like each other a lot, then what would be the natural flow of things before meeting?

[Gloria25]

Just curious...

 

Did you meet someone online and they brought up sex chat so soon?

 

Well, if they did, it's cuz online the majority of people are looking for hook-ups under the guise of seeking a relationship - so yes, "those" people are gonna bring up sex and topics about sex really quick.

[CarrieT]

I wondered if those who have had successful relationships from online talked about sex with the person before they met them for the first time? I do not mean chatline sex chat, but straying onto the subject and talking about attitudes and desires and how you feel about each other, as you might when you've been talking to someone you are getting to know fairly well?

 

For me, it was tantamount to my success in finding a partner.

 

I had spent years on dating sites where the sex talk would come up over the course of dating and ultimately those relationships never worked for me.

 

I finally went to a sex site and STARTED with the sex talk - my desires and particular fetishes - but then built on that to find all the other interests. Although in my profile, I was very emphatic that while I was a very sexual person and had these fetishes, I was looking for a strong, positive relationship that would include the sexual proclivities and All The Other Things.

 

I ended up marrying a guy that I found on a sex site!

[preraph]

Well, I'd caution you to just wait for that in person because it can backfire on you. I had 2000 emails with this guy a few years ago who I had met once decades earlier. So I at least knew what he was like some. We kind of fell in love online and he was always trying to hint to me to sext him, but I just won't do that. I'm not about to put that out on the internet. Plus I'd get absolutely nothing out of it myself.

 

Anyway we'd talk about when he came to see me, what would happen and one time he said we'd probably immediately glom onto one another and I agreed, and then he started acting like that was me being awfully fast and loose!

[chumly]

unfortunately i did this with someone and now i am not sure if it is a good idea to meet him at all..but i suppose every situation is different. it might depend on how intimate the conversation got

[Els]

I wondered if those who have had successful relationships from online talked about sex with the person before they met them for the first time?

 

Did that with one of my exes. I don't think it was necessarily a bad choice - we didn't work out in the end, but that was more due to him starting to be a dick, not really relevant to whether or not we talked about sex.

 

Also did with my SO, but I'm not sure if it falls within your question since we had met before, but we were both in relationships then so nothing became of it until we were both single (and quite far apart physically...). That worked out very well and we're still happily together now. It wasn't really done on purpose, our conversation just naturally flowed that way after a couple of months. When we did eventually meet as lovers, it was quite nice to already know which fantasies we shared and what got each of us going, but I wouldn't say it was essential to our relationship either.

 

I don't think you should make yourself talk about it or not talk about it, just do what feels right for you personally. Don't force it either way.

[Arieswoman]

spiderowl,

When I was single and using OLD I shut down the sex talk pretty fast.

 

The only comment that I was prepared to make was that I believed in Safe Sex. I also made it pretty clear that I was looking for an LTR not a ONS.

 

It was quite revealing how many guys backed off at that point !

 

I agree that a lot of guys (and maybe girls) on OLD to want easy sex, so I was trying to weed them out pretty quickly.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think there is a difference between a blatant and full on sex/cyber chatfest from the start with someone you barely know and one where a couple naturally elevates their conversation and learning more about one another including sexually prior meeting.

 

I've encountered both (and then some) over the years. My responses and/or participation in these types of scenarios vary greatly. Just like men seem to know which women are ones you just take to your bed for the night and which ones are worth dating, I think online sexchat is very much the same way. I seem to know instinctively which men fall into which category and proceed accordingly.

 

For me personally, sex and sexual compatibility are super important. But so is overall chemistry and the ability to carry and have good conversation about a great many things. I always enjoy discussing sex on some level to gauge not only compatibility but his level of comfort with it and sharing such personal and intimate details. Of course, you can't tell everything from just a few conversations but it can be quite telling if you know how to forge ahead.

 

So to answer your question OP, YES!

 

Like CarrieT, I met one long term partner with whom I had an amazing love affair on a sex site where sexual discussion of all types flowed freely. I also had the same kind of conversation with my Boy Toy who I met on a regular dating site. It started out with usual PG get-to-know-you chatter and when we realized how well we got on, we began talking about sex and realized that we have the same kind of sexual interests and fetishes and desires and have been happily exploring them together ever since. But again, those relationships worked well because there was compatibly on all levels that included sex.

[PegNosePete]

if those who have had successful relationships from online talked about sex with the person before they met them for the first time?

I didn't talk about sex with a single one of the people I met from dating sites before meeting them.

[spiderowl]

Thanks for your replies. No, the guy didn't go straight into sex talk. We've been chatting for a while and getting on really well. I'm wary of getting involved in sex talk of any kind before at least meeting, but it really does crop up in conversation when you have a good connection. I just hope meeting in reality won't prove to be a disappointment for either of us.

[preraph]

You can be flirty and exciting without sexting. I remember once being caught offguard by an old flame via email when he asked what I thought of him back then. I was so nuts about him that I didn't want to answer it and needed some time to do it. I was so flustered I told him it was time for my walk (I was walking 2 miles every day back then). He saw through it and was still waiting baiting me when I got home. Not a sexy word was said, but I think we were both about to burst into flame.

[Mrin]

Hmmmm, as far as a guy bringing it up I would say I am sort of old fashioned on this. I think I only brought it up in the context of the love languages and the importance that physical touch plays in terms of my love language. But I only brought it up because we were having the love language discussion.

 

I did have a few women bring it up prior to meeting. If it was expressing a need then that didn't bother me one bit. If it was flirty sex talk, I'd have to say that the women that did that went squarely into the "chicks I can bang" category and out of the "women I'd date" category. Ugly I know, but it is the truth.

 

After the first date... well, assuming it was a good first date, then anything is fair game.

[dichotomy]

I think its kind of important to state (with some discretion) your beliefs or intent about sex when using OLD. I did not - and it was a mistake. I did discuss a lot of other relationship compatibility "requirements" during OLD messaging and chats, but not sex. Again a mistake.

[central]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The longer the online chatting before meeting, the more likely it is to be discussed. I seldom initiate such discussions, preferring for the woman to bring up the topic first. I'll only bring it up if there is a real issue about compatibility or attitudes, or she mentions any kinks or fetishes in her profile that may not match mine.