yellowhibiscus Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 A guy friend of mine from high school who I am friends with on Facebook and have hung out a few times with in the past just recently sent me a message asking me if I wanted to go out for a drink with him. Now maybe I am a bit naive but him being just recently divorced, I am wondering if he is asking me out romantically? I haven't responded because I am unsure of what to say! I wouldn't mind hanging out with him but only as friends. I am worried that if I say yes that he will think that I am interested in dating him. But at the same time I wouldn't mind hanging out with him as friends. When guys ask a girl out for "a drink" is it usually for dating?? I am out of the loop with all of this stuff. I also have interest in someone else at the moment and don't want anything to interfere with that. I have to write him back but unsure of what to say. 1
Erik30 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 "Getting a drink" usually means a date. Just mention the other guy so it's clear to him that if you hang out, it will be as friends only. 1
smackie9 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 You can respond with "ya sure we can hang out as friends.....it would be nice to catch up." 2
preraph Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 It's a date. Guys rarely bother if they don't have some romantic interest. He's probably been nursing his forever. Honestly, I wouldn't even go out with him "just as friends." If you go, he's just going to get his hopes up no matter what you do. You could just tell him "Thanks, but that sounds too much like a date." And that way he can either refute it and put that in writing or take it as a definite no. Do not say "right now," or you'll be dealing with this again in 6 months.
Lansing Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Just go and hang out with him. You never know. One of my exs that I am still friends with did exactly that with an old friend who reconnected to her off Facebook (not even a close friend). She wasn't sure what it "was' and she wasn't interested in the guy initially (he had a kid, was in the process of seperating, etc) but now a few years later they are married and happy together. If you need to qualify it as "sure, would be nice to catch up with an old friend" than fine but why not go out unless you hated the guy and then he wasn't ever a "Friend".
preraph Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 My only quarrel with saying "friend" and leaving it like that is that this seems to be the root of so much misunderstanding right here on this board. Guys never seem to believe that that's what they mean. They choose to believe that they will be romantic but want to take it slow. Which is usually not the case if they call you their friend.
Author yellowhibiscus Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 So I wrote back "Sure I'd love to catch up with an old friend who has good taste in music" (we usually comment on each other's posts about bands we like) and there has been no response as of yet.
Audacious Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 As a guy " going out for drinks " means a date , going out for coffee is a preliminary meet up prior to a first date . for me I'd always specify by including the word "date " remove any ambiguity or confusion. go out with him , if you get a vibe that he is acting confident but is a mess inside then he thinks it is a date , if he was very comfortable and casual chances are he just wanna have a drink with you . I disagree with smackie's suggestion unless you want to stick him in the friend zone forever
Author yellowhibiscus Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 As a guy " going out for drinks " means a date , going out for coffee is a preliminary meet up prior to a first date . for me I'd always specify by including the word "date " remove any ambiguity or confusion. go out with him , if you get a vibe that he is acting confident but is a mess inside then he thinks it is a date , if he was very comfortable and casual chances are he just wanna have a drink with you . I disagree with smackie's suggestion unless you want to stick him in the friend zone forever I do want him ONLY as a friend, so thats why I said I would hang out with an old friend. There are no romantic feelings what so ever. He's a cool person and we get a long great and have a lot of same interests but I just don't have any feelings for him that way and haven't over the 20 years I've known him. Plus, like I said I have an interest in someone else at the moment and want to see where that goes.
Author yellowhibiscus Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 He still hasn't replied so I'm guessing he did think it was a date
preraph Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Yes, he's probably stewing. And now he's probably waiting for you to say something else because he doesn't know how to get out of this. Don't tell him you're interested in someone else because it will only make him wait and think you mean you'll be interested in him after you're done with that guy. Sounds crazy, I know, but dreamers will dream.
sazz8888 Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Yeah, it sounds like he wanted a date. Just be careful as he may be on the rebound if he has recently just ended his relationship.
kismetkismet Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 My only quarrel with saying "friend" and leaving it like that is that this seems to be the root of so much misunderstanding right here on this board. Guys never seem to believe that that's what they mean. They choose to believe that they will be romantic but want to take it slow. Which is usually not the case if they call you their friend. Then that's their problem for not listening... people should be able to say what they mean and be believed. Women often do the opposite I've found - where men say "I'm not looking for a relationship" but the women keep seeing them thinking they can change it and end up getting hurt... We all really need to just learn to say exactly what our intentions are and believe each other - or at the VERY least not hold it against someone when something they explicitly told you turns out to be true. 1
kismetkismet Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 As for the original question - When someone asks for drinks out of the blue like that I feel like it's safe to assume that it's a date. I think you did the right thing specifying the old friend thing. He may not be interested in a platonic drink, but i'd leave that up to him! If he doesn't respond I'd just leave it be.
phineas Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 My only quarrel with saying "friend" and leaving it like that is that this seems to be the root of so much misunderstanding right here on this board. Guys never seem to believe that that's what they mean. They choose to believe that they will be romantic but want to take it slow. Which is usually not the case if they call you their friend. I agree. I don't know why women still hang out with a guy AS FRIENDS when she knows he wants more. She can tell him all she wants she just wants to be friends but she keeps accepting his invites to hang out. Eventually he's going to push it and it all goes to hell.
IslandDude Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 As a guy if I was asking you for drinks as a date and you responded with what you said I wouldn't get the hint that it wasn't a date. Saying "old friend" is stating the obvious. He knows he's an old friend right now, but he's hoping to be more. Just wanted to comment about that as I don't think your response really set him straight that you aren't interested in dating him.
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