ashteller Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 I was trying to get an opinion on my approach, I think it's weak. Like I say "I am really into you and would like to get to know you more. Interested in hanging out sometime? " Should I say "hey would you like to go to ..... and hang out? I'd like to get to know you more." Like actually name a place to go to? Or should I say "I see you are different and special from other woman, that interests me can we hang out sometime?" Or should I use that last approach but end it with "I'd like to take you to ....." I always seem to miss my window of opportunity or I come out with it to quick. Have not discovered the middle yet.
mrldii Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Personally, I don't think the "hey...I really like you / find you interesting / would like to get to know you better / etc." is necessary; it's extraneous. Unless you're conducting some sort of social experiment, it's pretty much presumed that if you're asking someone out you like them / find them interesting / would like to get to know them better. It's pretty much presumed that if a person agrees to going out, they're feeling the same way. Barring, of course, the multitudes of starving, broke women who agree to dates just to get a free meal...gotta watch out for those! But, if that's the case, you probably will stop liking them / no longer find them interesting / know everything you already need to know about them. "Hey, you want to go out and ______ [get dinner / see a movie / go to a concert / go horseback riding / whatever]" should suffice. Oh, and ditch the "hang out" part if you wanna avoid the dreaded "friendzone"; "hanging out" is what friends do. Romantic interests date. Good luck, OP!
NTV Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Wow man no you gotta gage the atmosphere environment social queue all of it! If you sucks at it snag a wingman to help for a while. Nothing like a guy who's gonna make some pretense for an intro like 'hey we got a bet... who has nicer eyes?' And then haul as away when the pretense is over to set you up for a intro. Most women I know love a good social shanagan. But again that'd work better in a bar than a bbq. Gage the scene first. Know the lay of the land. Avoid rings. A raised eyebrow from across the room gets either ignored, a small shake of the head or a smile. You get the smile you go introduce yourself in a min or so. Don't answer questions about what you do or like with a positive or negative. Answer with both or a tap dance. You: Hi, I'm ash, sorry about bothering you with the whole eye color thing it's been our debate for a while. Her: no worries. I'm asH's future gf. What brings you out tonight? You: just looking to have fun I think... besides getting to meet you its not going too well. I think I spend more time keeping wingman outta trouble than enjoying myself... would it be alright if we sat and talked for a minute before I go clean up his next mess... or (gage social queue here). Just don't try the stunt more than once in any one place. Actually better to come up with your own contrived stunt with your wingman ahead of time.... if you go in with the idea of pulling off a shanagan the goal is to have fun with it versus a number or a companion home. Dang I wrote a book here. Does all of that make sense?
Author ashteller Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 Thank you both. @NTV yes it makes sense. My objective though is looking for a long term relationship not one night stands or "fun dating".
NTV Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Thank you both. @NTV yes it makes sense. My objective though is looking for a long term relationship not one night stands or "fun dating". Why? Why do you have any objective at all? If you live life, love will find you. By creating an objective, then you're putting pressure on yourself, pressure like that will lead to picking the first person that meets your basic criteria without concern to whether or not they are the best match for you. Try it man. Relax the push to find someone, long term or otherwise, and just live to love your life as it is. You'll find that this is more of the magic answer than really anything else you could be told or learn.
Author ashteller Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 That is interesting advice and it's not bad at all. My values and goals are different. I am like the only person in my circle of friends who is not married or doesn't have kids. My only responsibility is myself. I am tired of just dating I want to pursue someone for the long term, I think it's good to have objectives when you are choosing a mate. I want to settle down and get a house. I want to start now while I am still young so I can be 50 years old when my kids are 20 and I can still hang.
Methodical Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 You are hinging your probability of securing a date (during a window of opportunity) with an impressive script. Being prepared and having some idea how to ask a woman out is good, but trying to formulate a script is a bad idea. Get to know the person you are interested in, their likes and dislikes, activities they enjoy and so forth. Then, use that information to your advantage... Ex. They splurge on Starbucks occasionally and enjoy art...so...go with something along the line of, "hey, wanna grab a mocha Saturday and go see such-and-such art exhibit?" Forget all the "you're special, unique, I see something different in you, etc." platitudes. That sounds like you are overreaching/desperate, esp. when you really don't know them. That is the purpose of dating, to get to know someone. And don't tell them you want to get to know them better. That's automatically implied when you ask them for a date. 2
basil67 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 The first two would work for me. But I agree with Methodical that he third has too many platitudes....ESPECIALLY if you don't know her well enough to know that she really is special or different
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