Jjun Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 I met him a week after I got out of a complicated almost 2 year relationship in January. We hooked up a week after meeting and had made it official less than a month later. He is 6 years older than me and lives about 3 hours away. He wasn't my type at all and I didn't really want to date him at first, but after a few weeks I decided to give him a shot. During the 4 months that we knew each other and started dating we moved VERY fast. We had told each other "I love you" and I had even talked to his mom (via fb since she lives across country). He is also in the navy and has to go on underway so with the 3 hour distance and weeks of no communication things were hard. Anyways, we definitely moved way too fast, but I just went with it because it felt right. About a month and a half into officially dating he starts to put in less effort. Not calling me back, taking hours to text back, going out with friends rather than visiting me (after week long underways). I star to get annoyed and we fought about it. I wanted to break up because it just seemed like too much work and he didn’t seem to put the effort in. So 3 days ago when I was visiting him, he was being weird and distant again. I brought up breaking up and how this might not be working. I explained that I still really liked him and only wanted to break up because of the distance and stuff. I asked what he wanted to do and he wasn’t really saying much. After a few minutes of this I told him that we should just forget it and it is worth the distance. That's when he said he actually thought we should take a break, because he didn’t know what he wanted and thought we moved way too fast and didn’t know if he actually "loved" me. He said he started to pull back because he didn’t know what to do/say whenever I would say I love you to him and stuff (I think it should be noted he was the first to bring that up, I didn't just start saying it). After I left and drove home he texted me asking how the drive was. And I sent him a long message saying that maybe we should’ve talked about it more and give it another try since he made it seem like he wanted to be together that morning. I find out from a friend later that he texted her for advice saying his heart just wasn’t in it like before and he didn’t really want to be with me, but didn't know how to tell me without being a dick. He said he still wanted me in his life and cared about me and that’s why he didn’t want to hurt me. He told her "I know she likes me way more than I like her and I don’t think its fair for her to be with someone that gives her half the attention she deserves". I was so hurt and told him that my friend told me these things and that I get it if he doesn’t want to be with me, but I don't think being friends is a good idea. I was mainly hurt because I thought he felt this way for a while and that’s why he started to ignore my calls and put less effort. I called him out on it and he swore it was within the week and he just didn't even know what he wanted himself that's why he hadn’t brought it up. After I told him I didn't want to be friends he got upset saying that just because he doesn't want a relationship doesn't mean he hates me and that's what I seem to think. I told him he JUST dumped me, because he basically lost his feelings for me. Obviously I’m upset and need time to cope. He said he understand but he still wants me in this life. After that last phone call he starts texting me again random stuff and after I don't respond he says things like, “I just don't know how i'm supposed to stop talking to the only person I talk to” and “I guess I’m just retarded, I don't know what’s good for me”. I just don’t get how he breaks up with me because he loses interest and then continues to want to talk to me like everything is normal? It’s just so confusing and making me feel miserable. Especially because he went to EDC in NY this weekend and has been partying which makes me feel even more miserable because it seems like he just doesn’t care. I know it was a short amount of time, but I ended up really liking him and it hurts so much that he seemed to have just used me and tossed me aside when he got bored. I keep telling myself all the logical reasons it wouldn’t work and how I’m better off without him, but I still end up feeling miserable and depressed. Especially because I’m stuck at home and he is going out partying and having a good time and then going underway again for a few weeks so he'll be too busy to even think of me. I just feel lost and confused and I don't even know what to do next. I have no motivation to go back to work or for my summer classes starting tomorrow. Everything feels bland and I just want him to come back and say he made a huge mistake, but it just looks like he is so much happier without me. He hasn't texted me since yesterday morning and I feel like he probably will just forget about me and move on to some other girl in no time.
MsJayne Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Yeah, just because someone's not in love with you doesn't mean they don't like you and enjoy your company. I always find it weird when people refuse to be friends with an ex who they got along well with, because it's kind of like saying that you want to be in a relationship with them but you don't really even like them enough to be friends.
steve123 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 i'm being dumped and have been gone no contact on my girls end for days now .it's miserable i know . i don't think i could be just friends with my girl [ obviously now ex ] because the way the break up , or dumping happened .sure theirs really no easy way to break up what someone thought was a good relationship . being friends [ for me ] is just too painful .painful just seeing her at a distance , painful if i ever see her with the guy she cheated on me with . i guess it's the memories and knowing they'll never be again with that person , or seeing them happy while you're miserable . being friends with an ex is hard ,you see them relive all those good times and maybe even wonder if they meant anything to the other person . 1
BC1980 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 As a guy, we often like to keep women in our lives who are willing to have sex with us So many women are reticent to believe that, but it's so true. 1
BC1980 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 That's because people often believe what they want to believe. Would a woman rather believe that some guy wants her in his life because she is witty, interesting, and fun, or because she is DTF? Ego dictates one believes the former. It doesn;t help that so few men are actually being honest about things. Everyone has an agenda. I think you're right. I also think we tend to project our feelings into other people. Men and women view sex differently, so women can't understand keeping a guy around for easy sex.
Author Jjun Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 I get the sex thing, but i told him i wouldnt come see him after the break up. 3 hour drive just for sex?? I doubt either one of us are up for that. Anyways, he texted me monday and kept trying to talk to me. I was ignoring him and thought id just cut contact altogether. But knowing he was about to go out to sea for almost a month i felt bad and decided to look past it. We talked as friends and he was saying he wanted to be friends because i was one of the only good friends he had and didnt want to lose it. Right before his ship pulled out i had a phone call with him. Again i told him i dont understand how he lost his feelings so quick. That there had to be someone else and he swore there wasnt. He said the navy has just made him lose feelings in a lot of things and he has just been depressed because his job is so demanding and stressful. I left it at that. I'm starting to accept it's over, but it still hurts. Oh well, guess thats life.
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