BlueIris Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Stringing him along for the attention with no intention of ever really having sex with him. That's the attention "seekers" MO. Something to be wary of. She's got this guy answering calls in the middle of the night, for goodness sake lol. Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, that's a risk, especially in online or distant relationships.
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 But that’s tricky though, because she’s being honest, so that’s not really “playing” someone, which implies deceit. I think playing someone also means playing *with* them, their emotions. Which IMO she is clearly doing. I mean who tells someone they are into and want to meet, have RL with, when they are f***Ing others, and makes out with another, posts it on social media and then tells him about it? Who behaves this way? Someone playing with emotions, that's who. It's a game. She is also deceiving him by leading him to believe she wants to meet and have a RL, when based on her actions (f***king and making out with other guys) she has no intention of doing so. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 OP, it seems at this point that you are more concerned about being "right" (ie. explaining to both of these girls all the strikes/mistakes you perceive them to be making) than about being happy. Clearly neither of these women are in this for the same reasons you are, and you are not happy. The solution seems obvious here. 1
Omei Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) I think it's a bit unfair to ask for someone who doesn't even live in the same city as you to promise themself for you and only you when you're not even exclusive, that's a bit selfish and controlling you can't ask that of someone unless you're together you are basically testing her in a way like that you would only veiw her as relationship material if she was hung up on you and waited for a certain amount of time. Sharing information about your sexual partners has already put a strain that shouldn't be there when considering someone for a relationship it's not good to do that ever. I only read the opportunity post I didn't follow to page 7 Edited May 21, 2016 by Omei
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) Some of the responses in this thread are downright laughable. I'll say it again, for what feels like the thousandth time: I made a SUGGESTION that she and I should abstain from sex with other people because our passions were running high, and it would make our first encounter even better. After last week's situation, I apologized for this suggestion and ADMITTED it was stupid. PLEASE stop making claims that I'm forcing some girl in another state to "promise" themselves to me, it shows lack of understanding and lack of reading. My getting upset was for 2 reasons: 1. She thought it was a good idea to tell me about her sexual exploits and then talk about the potential for a relationship -- I didn't want to hear it (and she told me she didn't want to hear it from me -- 1 of us kept our side of the bargain). 2. The way she through my feelings about something out the door as if they were unimportant. That won't fly in ANY sort of relationship, be it friendship, acquaintanceship, romantic relationship. Yes, I like her, but not enough to buy a plane ticket and rent a hotel just to go see her, a girl I haven't even formally met, for a weekend. I'll pass on that. Texted her. I ended it. She insists they weren't making out, but understands why I want to end it (I'm going to guess that he was "only kissing me...on the lips," and kids don't call that making out nowadays). Edited May 21, 2016 by lakerman34
ExpatInItaly Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Some of the responses in this thread are downright laughable. I'll say it again, for what feels like the thousandth time: I made a SUGGESTION that she and I should abstain from sex with other people because our passions were running high, and it would make our first encounter even better. After last week's situation, I apologized for this suggestion and ADMITTED it was stupid. PLEASE stop making claims that I'm forcing some girl in another state to "promise" themselves to me, it shows lack of understanding and lack of reading. Yes, I like her, but not enough to buy a plane ticket and rent a hotel just to go see her, a girl I haven't even formally met, for a weekend. I'll pass on that. Texted her. I ended it. She insists they weren't making out, but understands why I want to end it (I'm going to guess that he was "only kissing me...on the lips," and kids don't call that making out nowadays). Good. Now keep it that way!
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) Some of the responses in this thread are downright laughable. I'll say it again, for what feels like the thousandth time: I made a SUGGESTION that she and I should abstain from sex with other people because our passions were running high, and it would make our first encounter even better. After last week's situation, I apologized for this suggestion and ADMITTED it was stupid. PLEASE stop making claims that I'm forcing some girl in another state to "promise" themselves to me, it shows lack of understanding and lack of reading. Yes, I like her, but not enough to buy a plane ticket and rent a hotel just to go see her, a girl I haven't even formally met, for a weekend. I'll pass on that. Texted her. I ended it. She insists they weren't making out, but understands why I want to end it (I'm going to guess that he was "only kissing me...on the lips," and kids don't call that making out nowadays). Well how the hell does one *formally* meet someone who lives out of state, if they don't make an effort to actually go see them? Which means buying a plane ticket, renting a hotel room so they can do just that? Meet them! How else did you plan to *formally meet? Sky balloon? LOL And WE make no sense? Sounds like this has all been a bit of a game to you too. Glad to hear you ended it! Edited May 21, 2016 by katiegrl
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 Well how the hell does one *formally* meet someone who lives out of state, if they don't make an effort to actually go see them? Which means buying a plane ticket, renting a hotel room so they can do just that? Meet them! How else did you plan to *formally meet? Sky balloon? LOL And WE make no sense? Sounds like this has all been a bit of a game to you too. Glad to hear you ended it! Again, she's moving to my city to go to school. July. That's when we'll meet.
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Again, she's moving to my city to go to school. July. That's when we'll meet. Okay fair enough. Good luck moving forward.
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Just one last comment to make. I think it is really rude of you to call our opinions and responses *laughable*. We are all here trying to help you. For eight pages, we took the time to listen and offer our two cents. Which brought you to the decision you just made. I am sorry you didn't agree with some of them, but to say they were "laughable" was just really off base IMO. Again, wish you the best tho.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) Just one last comment to make. I think it is really rude of you to call our opinions and responses *laughable*. We are all here trying to help you. For eight pages, we took the time to listen and offer our two cents. Which brought you to the decision you just made. I am sorry you didn't agree with some of them, but to say they were "laughable" was just really off base IMO. Again, wish you the best tho. If I'm repeating myself over and over and over again, and still getting the same sort of comments that are counter-intuitive to what I'm continuously repeating, at some point, yes, comments get laughable. There were, indeed, some people who were very helpful, and I thank them. I think, in life, it's generally wise to not speak on a subject matter unless you have all the necessary knowledge to speak on it. My mama always taught me to listen before I speak. Edited May 21, 2016 by lakerman34
Versacehottie Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Some of the responses in this thread are downright laughable. I'll say it again, for what feels like the thousandth time: I made a SUGGESTION that she and I should abstain from sex with other people because our passions were running high, and it would make our first encounter even better. After last week's situation, I apologized for this suggestion and ADMITTED it was stupid. PLEASE stop making claims that I'm forcing some girl in another state to "promise" themselves to me, it shows lack of understanding and lack of reading. My getting upset was for 2 reasons: 1. She thought it was a good idea to tell me about her sexual exploits and then talk about the potential for a relationship -- I didn't want to hear it (and she told me she didn't want to hear it from me -- 1 of us kept our side of the bargain). 2. The way she through my feelings about something out the door as if they were unimportant. That won't fly in ANY sort of relationship, be it friendship, acquaintanceship, romantic relationship. Yes, I like her, but not enough to buy a plane ticket and rent a hotel just to go see her, a girl I haven't even formally met, for a weekend. I'll pass on that. Texted her. I ended it. She insists they weren't making out, but understands why I want to end it (I'm going to guess that he was "only kissing me...on the lips," and kids don't call that making out nowadays). If it was just a suggestion, why did you get so upset? After she ignored the suggestion? After you apologized for making the suggestion? Why did you still feel like there was anything to salvage when her ignoring your "suggestion" was sign that she did not think as you did? Why did you believe that if she was sending you "nudes" and having long conversations with you that she wasn't doing that with other guys too, based on what was unfolding about her as you got to know her? Why do you feel she was in violation of any "agreement" if it was just a suggestion? All of what you have done and said suggests way more investment than you admit which is why lots of us are calling you out on it. Such as, why were you stalking her instagram if you don't follow each other and you aren't really that invested? How is what we are saying and seeing any more laughable as what stories you are willing to tell yourself and try to sell to the rest of us? Anyway, done with her now. I think you dodged a bullet with that one. I also think you probably have some more learning to do about yourself. Good luck in the future. 1
joseb Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) I think the most laughable thing about these threads is how you think either of these women are relationship material. If you want an actual relationship, dont entertain party girls, instagram/snapchat addicts and the like. And go and meet people that live near you - online "relationships" aren't real. Edited May 21, 2016 by joseb 2
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 I think the most laughable thing about these threads is how you think either of these women are relationship material. If you want an actual relationship, dont entertain party girls, instagram/snapchat addicts and the like. And go and meet people that live near you - online "relationships" aren't real. My cousin is in a 4 year relationship with a guy she met on Tinder. We are all waiting for him to propose. But you're right, these girls aren't relationship material. You aren't right about the online thing though. It's 2016.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 If it was just a suggestion, why did you get so upset? After she ignored the suggestion? After you apologized for making the suggestion? Why did you still feel like there was anything to salvage when her ignoring your "suggestion" was sign that she did not think as you did? Why did you believe that if she was sending you "nudes" and having long conversations with you that she wasn't doing that with other guys too, based on what was unfolding about her as you got to know her? Why do you feel she was in violation of any "agreement" if it was just a suggestion? All of what you have done and said suggests way more investment than you admit which is why lots of us are calling you out on it. Such as, why were you stalking her instagram if you don't follow each other and you aren't really that invested? How is what we are saying and seeing any more laughable as what stories you are willing to tell yourself and try to sell to the rest of us? Anyway, done with her now. I think you dodged a bullet with that one. I also think you probably have some more learning to do about yourself. Good luck in the future. You're talking to someone for months & you both talk about relationship potential all the time, and she brings up that she's going to go sleep with someone, you'll laugh, say "have fun," and ask her how it was in the morning?
Versacehottie Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I think the most laughable thing about these threads is how you think either of these women are relationship material. If you want an actual relationship, dont entertain party girls, instagram/snapchat addicts and the like. And go and meet people that live near you - online "relationships" aren't real. Yes I agree our OP has a hard time distinguishing the type of girls he's been talking to from relationship material girls. It's like he confuses the two elements.
Versacehottie Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 You're talking to someone for months & you both talk about relationship potential all the time, and she brings up that she's going to go sleep with someone, you'll laugh, say "have fun," and ask her how it was in the morning? Nope but you stop pretending like you are going to have a relationship with her or had anything meaningful to begin with.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 Yes I agree our OP has a hard time distinguishing the type of girls he's been talking to from relationship material girls. It's like he confuses the two elements. Eh, you can't label someone "relationship" or "non-relationship" material until you get to know them. That's common sense. But I agree with you now. I will admit, I am knowingly investing quite a lot into this considering it is exclusively virtual right now, HOWEVER, I haven't invested SO much that I can't take my investment off the table. I let her go. She wants to talk about it "in a couple of days." May be a ploy to have me "calm down." Whatever.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Eh, you can't label someone "relationship" or "non-relationship" material until you get to know them. That's common sense. But I agree with you now. I will admit, I am knowingly investing quite a lot into this considering it is exclusively virtual right now, HOWEVER, I haven't invested SO much that I can't take my investment off the table. I let her go. She wants to talk about it "in a couple of days." May be a ploy to have me "calm down." Whatever. I wouldn't bother talking to her again. What's the point? It doesn't change what's already happened. Good for you for letting her go. She's too young for the type of relationship you're probably seeking, regardless of her geographic location. She's just barely dipped her toe into the world of adulthood, and has a lot of dating and exploring yet to do. You seem as though you are looking for a long-term relationship with stability - she's not the girl for that. Not as this point in her life. I'd implement No Contact. Focus your efforts on meeting someone local, who has similar desires and goals. It will reap a lot more benefits for you. 1
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) I wouldn't bother talking to her again. What's the point? It doesn't change what's already happened. Good for you for letting her go. She's too young for the type of relationship you're probably seeking, regardless of her geographic location. She's just barely dipped her toe into the world of adulthood, and has a lot of dating and exploring yet to do. You seem as though you are looking for a long-term relationship with stability - she's not the girl for that. Not as this point in her life. I'd implement No Contact. Focus your efforts on meeting someone local, who has similar desires and goals. It will reap a lot more benefits for you. Yep. Exactly. EDIT: Eh. I'm focusing my efforts more on things I want to get down. This "operation" (Operation: Find the Right Girl) ended with me realizing that wherever she is, we aren't ready. Edited May 21, 2016 by lakerman34
joseb Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 My cousin is in a 4 year relationship with a guy she met on Tinder. We are all waiting for him to propose. But you're right, these girls aren't relationship material. You aren't right about the online thing though. It's 2016. I'm not saying anything about online dating/tinder as a way of *meeting* people. I mean a "relationship" where you don't meet someone in the flesh is nothing, and getting in any way vested is silly.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 I'm not saying anything about online dating/tinder as a way of *meeting* people. I mean a "relationship" where you don't meet someone in the flesh is nothing, and getting in any way vested is silly. We aren't in a relationship, BUT yes, there is a bit of an investment. We already sort of know each other decently well for how long we've been talking, and there is a certain level of...I don't know...understanding we have for each other. I understand that a HUGE part of it is being a few states away, but there are things that I've told her about me that my best friend of 20 years doesn't even know, and she claims the same thing about some things she tells me. It all seemed very natural. That being said, if the stars align and we do meet each other in the future (she calls me in July and I say "aww what the heck"), I do plan on seeing it as a complete reboot. I know NOTHING about her. We spoke about the possibility of getting too deep without ever formally meeting. She told me she was nervous that I was going to look at her and she was going to not be what I expected. It may be a bit of a problem, so that's why I say things may have been better if we started talking right now (seeing as she's moving here in 2 months) than a couple of months ago. The buildup is already, perhaps, too much, and there are already expectations, which is a dangerous thing.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 (edited) For the record, I've been planning a Grand Canyon trip for early July. She can't make it (wants to spend July 4th with her friends b/c she's moving away--completely understandable), but REALLY wants me to push the date back so we can go later. I'm adamant about going early July (won't have time to go otherwise any time soon -- I owe myself a vacation). As soon as I told her "it's over," I called a girl (ugh...in another state, but in this case, irrelevant), that has come down to visit a few times, is pretty into me. As of right now, she wants to go with me. Also, opened up the lines with a girl I went on a date with, we hit it off OK, but life sort of got in the way. Slowly easing back into that, seeing if there's anything there (she willingly gave me her phone number, seems open to the idea of "getting to know each other better.") I do fear that it's a similar situation in some ways (i.e. she's Mexican -- irrelevant, but also, I may only be into her because she's very attractive). However, she's 23 years old AND lives in the same city as me. Her anxiety may be too much for me to handle, but ah heck, she's worth considering. Edit: Ironically, all 3 of these girls are Mexican HAHA. Maybe I do have a type (or a certain type likes me?) Edited May 22, 2016 by lakerman34 wrong verb
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