BlueIris Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Again, reread this thread. She knows about 27 yr. old. She doesn't know when I see her, if I see her, and what I'm doing with her. We don't even talk about her. Ever. She, on the other hand, has told me EXACTLY what she is doing with guys, when she sees them, and even rubbed her encounter with the more recent one all in my face via Instagram. I think there is a massive difference. Don't watch her Instagram. You aren't in an exclusive relationship. She can do what she wants.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 Alright, I'm either doing a terrible job explaining this, OR some of y'all lack reading comprehension as a strength. Let me go back and tell the story ALL over again. We have been talking for months. All day, sending texts and photos of each other, and we sort of got pretty close, even sharing very personal information with each other. The conversation came up (because we talk about being in a relationship together A LOT) about seeing other people up to when we meet. I was honest with her, told her about 27 year. She was honest with me, told me about how she was banging her math tutor. We told each other that we would keep our sex lives PERSONAL. She texted me one day (a couple of weeks ago) explaining how she was horny and her math tutor was moving back home after he graduated. I SUGGESTED to her that, since the sexual tension between us is already incredibly high, it'd make the first time that much better if we both abstained from sexual activity until we met. Her response was: "this attractive guy invited me to a party in a couple of weeks, and I've been working so hard lately, so after that party, yeah sure, I might be game." I told her that it was pretty ****ed up she told me that. She agreed and said it, essentially, came out. The night of the party, I reiterated my discomfort, and instead of saying the million other things she could have said, she essentially did not acknowledge my feelings, and basically said, "well, I'm ****ing tonight, if you like it or not. But I'll text/Snap you when that's not happening." Next day, I got on here and shared the story. We spoke on the phone, she apologized profusely, admitted she was acting childish, and said that she never intended to disregard my feelings. We both decided that whatever happens between either of us and another person sexually, we don't even mention it. I told her that, in order for this to work, she is going to have to act like an adult, not a teen, and even told her that I don't think it'll work out. She INSISTED that it will and that she is much more mature than she has showed. Ultimately, we decided that we need to press the reset button when we meet each other. Only DAYS later, she goes and does this. EXACTLY what we spoke about.
BlueIris Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 If you want her, ask her to go out with you and go meet her.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 If you want her, ask her to go out with you and go meet her. "Met" on OKCupid. She lives in a completely different state, but her account is set up to my current city because she is moving here in July, so it's not that simple.
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Alright, I'm either doing a terrible job explaining this, OR some of y'all lack reading comprehension as a strength. Let me go back and tell the story ALL over again. We have been talking for months. All day, sending texts and photos of each other, and we sort of got pretty close, even sharing very personal information with each other. The conversation came up (because we talk about being in a relationship together A LOT) about seeing other people up to when we meet. I was honest with her, told her about 27 year. She was honest with me, told me about how she was banging her math tutor. We told each other that we would keep our sex lives PERSONAL. She texted me one day (a couple of weeks ago) explaining how she was horny and her math tutor was moving back home after he graduated. I SUGGESTED to her that, since the sexual tension between us is already incredibly high, it'd make the first time that much better if we both abstained from sexual activity until we met. Her response was: "this attractive guy invited me to a party in a couple of weeks, and I've been working so hard lately, so after that party, yeah sure, I might be game." I told her that it was pretty ****ed up she told me that. She agreed and said it, essentially, came out. The night of the party, I reiterated my discomfort, and instead of saying the million other things she could have said, she essentially did not acknowledge my feelings, and basically said, "well, I'm ****ing tonight, if you like it or not. But I'll text/Snap you when that's not happening." Next day, I got on here and shared the story. We spoke on the phone, she apologized profusely, admitted she was acting childish, and said that she never intended to disregard my feelings. We both decided that whatever happens between either of us and another person sexually, we don't even mention it. I told her that, in order for this to work, she is going to have to act like an adult, not a teen, and even told her that I don't think it'll work out. She INSISTED that it will and that she is much more mature than she has showed. Ultimately, we decided that we need to press the reset button when we meet each other. Only DAYS later, she goes and does this. EXACTLY what we spoke about. You needn't have posted all this again, I got it the first time as I am sure everyone else did too. My opinion still stands. Best of luck! 2
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 You needn't have posted all this again, I got it the first time as I am sure everyone else did too. My opinion still stands. Best of luck! Your opinion is completely baseless and ridiculous, is what I'm saying. Thank you!
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Your opinion is completely baseless and ridiculous, is what I'm saying. Thank you! Well it is no different from everyone else's but... You're very welcome!
BlueIris Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 "Met" on OKCupid. She lives in a completely different state, but her account is set up to my current city because she is moving here in July, so it's not that simple. Yeah, that happens online. But you've known for a long time that she lives far away. So if she means that much to you, why not take a weekend to go meet her?
Jabron1 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I think you're screwed. You care way too much about this, and you are taking her way too seriously.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 I think you're screwed. You care way too much about this, and you are taking her way too seriously. I think the situation didn't turn out ideally. Had we started talking today instead of months ago, it might have worked out. I think it's all downhill from here.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 Yeah, that happens online. But you've known for a long time that she lives far away. So if she means that much to you, why not take a weekend to go meet her? Because she doesn't mean THAT much to me.
BlueIris Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Because she doesn't mean THAT much to me. Well, there you go. And that's fine. But even a "messed-up immature" 19 year old can probably figure that one out.
Jabron1 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I think the situation didn't turn out ideally. Had we started talking today instead of months ago, it might have worked out. I think it's all downhill from here. Treat it like a low-investment thing. There has to be an end-game though. There's no point keeping a plate spinning for no reason. July isn't that far away... Just be mindful of the amount of attention you give. Not too much, or you'll cheapen it. Not too little, or she'll look elsewhere for her validation. From what I've read, I'm picking up the vibe of an attention "seeker" Attention "seekers" get off on tooling soft guys for validation. Just care a bit less. Make her come to you, and then your attention should be a reward.
Laprus9 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Again, reread this thread. She knows about 27 yr. old. She doesn't know when I see her, if I see her, and what I'm doing with her. We don't even talk about her. Ever. She, on the other hand, has told me EXACTLY what she is doing with guys, when she sees them, and even rubbed her encounter with the more recent one all in my face via Instagram. I think there is a massive difference. She is not your girlfriend, so he can do whatever she wants, you have no say in the matter. Even if she was your girlfriend, you have no right to try and control her. All you can do is walk away, that's the only trump card you have. I don't understand why you're so invested in her? She doesn't sound like a catch at all. What's so amazing about her that you couldn't find the same qualities in another woman?
Laprus9 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Because she doesn't mean THAT much to me. I'm going to call you out here, clearly she does mean a lot to you. You wouldn't be this invested in a woman if she meant very little to you. She does mean a lot to you because if she didn't you would have ceased all communication with her and moved on a few weeks ago. You're sticking around, trying to influence her behaviour because you want her to your woman. I believe half your problem is your inability to be honest with yourself. 2
BlueIris Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) I'm going to call you out here, clearly she does mean a lot to you. You wouldn't be this invested in a woman if she meant very little to you. She does mean a lot to you because if she didn't you would have ceased all communication with her and moved on a few weeks ago. You're sticking around, trying to influence her behaviour because you want her to your woman. I believe half your problem is your inability to be honest with yourself. He might not care about her as a person but care about whether she does what he wants or care about whether someone is his alone. He’s had other non-exclusive relationships in which he got jealous about a woman dating other guys and seeing photos of them with other men, even though he was having sex with other women. Edited May 21, 2016 by BlueIris
Laprus9 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 He might not care about her as a person but care about whether she does what he wants or care about whether someone is his alone. He’s had other non-exclusive relationships in which he got jealous about a woman dating other guys and seeing photos of them with other men, even though he was having sex with other women. He must care about her in some capacity because he wants this woman to be in a relationship with him. Who wants a relationship with someone if they don't care for the said person? I think he's lying to himself and being delusional but that's just my perspective. 1
Jabron1 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Because she doesn't mean THAT much to me. She means enough for you to be on the phone with her all day, every day. But not enough for you to want to see her for real? I don't understand that. 1
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) She means enough for you to be on the phone with her all day, every day. But not enough for you to want to see her for real? I don't understand that. Not to mention create a thread rehashing the same dam thing ad nauseum that is now 8 pages long and growing. Yeah right, he doesn't care THAT much. Sure, okay. Something is not jiving here. Edited May 21, 2016 by katiegrl
Jabron1 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Not to mention create a thread rehashing the same dam thing ad nauseum that is now 8 pages long and growing. Something is not jiving here. I think he's in danger of getting played. He's way more invested than he'll probably admit. No guy keeps up that level of communication for nothing.
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I think he's in danger of getting played. He's way more invested than he'll probably admit. No guy keeps up that level of communication for nothing. I think he already IS getting played, and said so but he knocked my opinion down calling it baseless and ridiculous. There is no reasoning with someone in THAT much denial. 1
Versacehottie Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Again, reread this thread. She knows about 27 yr. old. She doesn't know when I see her, if I see her, and what I'm doing with her. We don't even talk about her. Ever. She, on the other hand, has told me EXACTLY what she is doing with guys, when she sees them, and even rubbed her encounter with the more recent one all in my face via Instagram. I think there is a massive difference. Is there? There are so many undercurrents running through this thread that are off^^^^^ 1
BlueIris Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I think he's in danger of getting played. He's way more invested than he'll probably admit. No guy keeps up that level of communication for nothing. But that’s tricky though, because she’s being honest, so that’s not really “playing” someone, which implies deceit.
Versacehottie Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I think the situation didn't turn out ideally. Had we started talking today instead of months ago, it might have worked out. I think it's all downhill from here. That's funny. No it wouldn't. The character issues (of both of you) would still be there. You say that as if everything would be fine if you only had to make it 5 weeks before she was under your control. You are not being honest with yourself about who you each are. I can see that it would be really hard to admit who YOU are to yourself but it seems like you on some level understand who she is and just want to stick your head in the sand anyway. Disturbing.
Jabron1 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I think he already IS getting played This is the risk that every guy goes through though. We give attention. We take girls out. A lot of the time it comes to nothing... Just how it is. He doesn't want to travel to her - for whatever reason. She says that she's moving to his state in July. Keep it low-investment until then. Maybe it'll pay off, maybe not. I certainly wouldn't trust her - at all. Not from what he's said. Not from the vibe that I'm getting. If a girl is being decent, you be real with her. But I would game the hell out of a girl like this. But that’s tricky though, because she’s being honest, so that’s not really “playing” someone, which implies deceit. Stringing him along for the attention with no intention of ever really having sex with him. That's the attention "seekers" MO. Something to be wary of. She's got this guy answering calls in the middle of the night, for goodness sake lol. 1
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