SammySammy Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Son, you're wasting your time. There are thousands of other women out there. If I was 20 again .... smh 1
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 Son, you're wasting your time. There are thousands of other women out there. If I was 20 again .... smh Also, there's nothing "wrong" with her brain, but it IS a 19 year old brain. When I was 19, I just wanted to nail girls and move on. I'm WAY past that mentality. When we were on the phone for 3.5 hours discussing her first mistake, I told her that I was asking something very unfair of her; to be more than 19 years old. That's the only way this is going to work. She said she felt very well equipped to do that, and she wanted to buy in. Her actions are now saying otherwise, and I will act on it tomorrow AFTER I sleep on it tonight. I'm 25, and I appreciate that you don't call me son.
MidwestUSA Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I dunno about this. I remember when I was 19, many of the girls I knew were in relationships. I know I was in a LTR with a girl for 2 years or so in those days. Maybe guys shouldn't put much faith in younger girls, but I wouldn't use their age as an excuse for poor behavior. True. Mature, relationship oriented folks (female AND male) aren't blasting crap behavior on social media, point taken. OP should be grateful they're telling him what he needs to know. Upfront and for ALL to see! 1
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 True. Mature, relationship oriented folks (female AND male) aren't blasting crap behavior on social media, point taken. OP should be grateful they're telling him what he needs to know. Upfront and for ALL to see! Yeah, I know tomorrow she'll be extremely apologetic, maybe even genuinely so. I'll hear her out, but I'm making plans in my head of how to tell her that this just isn't going to work for me.
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Patience is a virtue. I've got a lot of it. She messed up once, I gave her a chance. She messed up twice, I'm not as forgiving. I think this is a VERY mature way to go about things... You are not "as" forgiving? You should not be "at all" forgiving. Move on, next. The END. Anything other than that is you being foolish and frankly nonsense. 2
SammySammy Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Also, there's nothing "wrong" with her brain, but it IS a 19 year old brain. When I was 19, I just wanted to nail girls and move on. I'm WAY past that mentality. When we were on the phone for 3.5 hours discussing her first mistake, I told her that I was asking something very unfair of her; to be more than 19 years old. That's the only way this is going to work. She said she felt very well equipped to do that, and she wanted to buy in. Her actions are now saying otherwise, and I will act on it tomorrow AFTER I sleep on it tonight. I'm 25, and I appreciate that you don't call me son. When I was 25, I wish I had someone to sit me down and suggest a better way of dealing with things. A different route. Maybe I wouldn't have made some of the mistakes I made. You see, even at the "mature" age of 25 ... a "man" with a "backbone" ... I was still young enough to be somebody's son. My father was too holy, righteous and pious to take the time to talk to his ... son ... about matters like this. I royally screwed up. Trying to learn on my own. You're young. You have the right to make your own mistakes. Just don't let arrogance blind you to the fact that with experience often comes wisdom. Several people in two threads have given you the same advice. Maybe ... they know something you don't. Hmm? Or are you confident in your "maturity"? If so, why are you here? Best of luck to you, young man. 1
Laprus9 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I've read this topic and the previous one you've posted and to me she seems more mature than you are. You haven't (from what I understand) met this woman yet, you're not even in a relationship and yet you're heavily invested in something which at this moment in time is a figment of your imagination. I'm two years older than you and you seem very immature for your age. This woman is 19 and like many 19 years old (not all, some younger people are very mature), she's not as mature as someone in their mid-twenties, she doesn't have the life experience of someone much older, she is experiencing things that someone your age has experienced years before. To put it bluntly she is at a different stage of her life. Your mistake here is that you have taken a person's word at face value when their actions do not align to those words. Just because a woman tells you she is ready for a relationship doesn't mean she actually is. I'd stop wasting your time and I'd move on from her but that's just me. 1
elaine567 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 but I wouldn't use their age as an excuse for poor behavior. Either would I, plenty 19 year olds are in LTRs and who would not dream of acting the way this girl does. This girl is in no shape or form "relationship material" at this moment in her life. She can "say" anything, but she is enjoying herself "playing the field" and she obviously doesn't care who knows it either. Posting "making out" videos is a slap in the face to lakerman34, but he is not blameless. He started this "relationship" on the premise that he was seeing and sleeping with other women and she was seeing and sleeping with other men. She seems to be a "party girl" and although I am sure she wants to keep lakerman34 on board, she is in no mind to follow the "rules", he has set, as she hasn't even met him yet and may never do so. How does she know he will not find some other "love interest" before she shows up in his home town? Lakerman34 is hardly the monogamous type, she already knows that from the conversations they have had. She doesn't know what he is getting up to, so why would she feel the need to put on her chastity belt? Lakerman34, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Truth is, YOU are just a "potential", a guy off the internet, a bird in the bush. The guy in the video is flesh and blood and real, she merely chose to sample some "real". He is the bird in the hand. You may be caught up in this "lets wait" game to ramp up the passion; she, I guess, doesn't feel the need to go there. She is a sexy siren that is pushing your buttons and is sending you wild with desire, BUT you cannot expect sexy sirens to sit at home knitting and waiting for you, can you? YOU can "talk" at her all you want, but she is not one of your pupils. She is free to make up her own mind and obviously she hasn't taken a blind bit of notice as to what YOU want so far, so why are you still hanging around getting more and more angry and upset? YOU cannot dictate to her about her life, any more than she can dictate to you about yours. To my mind, you either go with the flow, accept her for who she is, or you cut her loose. 1
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 I've read this topic and the previous one you've posted and to me she seems more mature than you are. You haven't (from what I understand) met this woman yet, you're not even in a relationship and yet you're heavily invested in something which at this moment in time is a figment of your imagination. I'm two years older than you and you seem very immature for your age. This woman is 19 and like many 19 years old (not all, some younger people are very mature), she's not as mature as someone in their mid-twenties, she doesn't have the life experience of someone much older, she is experiencing things that someone your age has experienced years before. To put it bluntly she is at a different stage of her life. Your mistake here is that you have taken a person's word at face value when their actions do not align to those words. Just because a woman tells you she is ready for a relationship doesn't mean she actually is. I'd stop wasting your time and I'd move on from her but that's just me. I'd reread this entire thread again.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 OP, surely it's clear to you now that she's not all that invested in you. You keep talking about the mistakes she's making, and your patience...but honestly? She doesn't care. Her actions are demonstrating that over and over. I don't think she'd be too upset if you just cut your losses and move on. She's obviously not sitting at home thinking about you. Stop waiting for her to come around. She doesn't want to.
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 OP, surely it's clear to you now that she's not all that invested in you. You keep talking about the mistakes she's making, and your patience...but honestly? She doesn't care. Her actions are demonstrating that over and over. I don't think she'd be too upset if you just cut your losses and move on. She's obviously not sitting at home thinking about you. Stop waiting for her to come around. She doesn't want to. I actually think she does. She texts me as soon as she wakes up on a daily basis, texts me throughout the day, she is in CONSTANT contact with me. I think she's very invested, but she wants to have her cake and eat it too.
Versacehottie Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Honestly, OP I like you but something about you is coming off as "off". A bit controlling if you you ask me. It's as simple as this: You think you are in a relationship. She does not. I don't really think the major part is blaming this girl because of her age. If you are disgusted by her behavior (as it seems like you are), don't date her. Simple. Hearing you debate your side of the issue is kind of delusional really as you have never met and you have expectations like you are a REAL couple--you are not. The fact that you are hanging in there and talking about giving her lectures like she is your girlfriend and/or child is disturbing. Maybe you are more hooked in by her age than the others on this thread as it gives you, so you thought, the potential to control. Needless to say, doesn't sound like she is controllable. She is indicating one thing to you but brazenly doing another in your face. That's not an age issue. That's a character issue. If we had a time machine, she will probably be like this in 10 years as well. Where is the roll eyes emoji??!??! To end, OP, get real. That's all. 5
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I actually think she does. She texts me as soon as she wakes up on a daily basis, texts me throughout the day, she is in CONSTANT contact with me. I think she's very invested, but she wants to have her cake and eat it too. No, that's called "she is playing you." Big time! Sad at 25 you can't see it. You are in denial. 2
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 No, that's called "she is playing you." Big time! Sad at 25 you can't see it. You are in denial. And calling me to talk on the phone 3 hours every night? Regularly sending nudes? Sounds like a lot of time to invest in just a game...
ExpatInItaly Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 And calling me to talk on the phone 3 hours every night? Regularly sending nudes? Sounds like a lot of time to invest in just a game... She likes your attention. But not only your attention. As evidenced by her desire to have sex with other men and posting videos of herself making out with them. You're kidding yourself if you think that is investment. It's fun and games and an ego-boost for her. But a girl who is invested doesn't go around kissing other guys and posting about it on social media. You're old enough to know better. She's clearly into other guys. You're not the only one she's having fun with..not by a long shot. 2
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 She likes your attention. But not only your attention. As evidenced by her desire to have sex with other men and posting videos of herself making out with them. You're kidding yourself if you think that is investment. It's fun and games and an ego-boost for her. But a girl who is invested doesn't go around kissing other guys and posting about it on social media. You're old enough to know better. She's clearly into other guys. You're not the only one she's having fun with..not by a long shot. True, she is into other guys, and yeah, I'm sure attention has a lot to do with it. You may be right, she may just be REALLY good at making me think that I'm her top priority. It's all just a game to her of how many boys she can make think that. Yeah, when she texts me about it today, I'm going to tell her that this isn't going to work, wish her well & good luck. Not much really needs to be said.
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 And calling me to talk on the phone 3 hours every night? Regularly sending nudes? Sounds like a lot of time to invest in just a game... Yup and you are not the only one she is playing with either. Not sure where the three hours a night talking thing came from. You stated previously it was once in awhile or maybe in the beginning, now it's every night? LOL @ sending nudes, really? That is how you judge that a woman is serious? Come on now..... 1
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 Yup and you are not the only one she is playing with either. Not sure where the three hours a night talking thing came from. You stated previously it was once in awhile or maybe in the beginning, now it's every night? LOL @ sending nudes, really? That is how you judge that a woman is serious? Come on now..... She claims that I'm the only one she sends racy photos too, and she even told me about her depression, which I think was a pretty big deal for her. 3 hours on many, many nights. Still, 19 or 29, a girl that posts on Instagram a video of her making out with another guy is a girl that is definitely not my type.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 True, she is into other guys, and yeah, I'm sure attention has a lot to do with it. You may be right, she may just be REALLY good at making me think that I'm her top priority. It's all just a game to her of how many boys she can make think that. Yeah, when she texts me about it today, I'm going to tell her that this isn't going to work, wish her well & good luck. Not much really needs to be said. She's not that good at it if she's posting videos of herself with other guys, OP. Even if she doesn't know you can see them. She is having fun hooking up with boys, and she has been clear she's not planning on stopping. You're not her top priority. She tells you what you want to hear, then continues doing what she wants. I am confident you see that now. She doesn't want what you want.
mrldii Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Yeah, I know tomorrow she'll be extremely apologetic, maybe even genuinely so. I'll hear her out, but I'm making plans in my head of how to tell her that this just isn't going to work for me. And this is what it's all about (for you). You two have been doing this dance for over a week now (even while you, too, are seeing someone else). You are aware she's young and not quite fully baked. You like that she *screws up*; it gives you the opportunity to *punish* her and watch her grovel. 3
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 She claims that I'm the only one she sends racy photos too, and she even told me about her depression, which I think was a pretty big deal for her. 3 hours on many, many nights. Still, 19 or 29, a girl that posts on Instagram a video of her making out with another guy is a girl that is definitely not my type. She *claims.* Dude, I like you and you seem like a sensible guy, but your problem is you believe everything she *tells* you. Pls stop doing that.... 2
Laprus9 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 The problem here is that the guy has invested way too much into this situation than necessary and he's also displaying hypocrisy. How can anyone be so heavily invested in someone or something when nothing of any real note has taken place? He's also being hypocritical, he's seeing a 27 year old woman by his own admission and also has a history of hooking up again by his own admission. Granted a leopard can change its spots, I don't think it's fair that he got to enjoy himself in the company of multiple women and yet tries to deny this woman her own enjoyment in the company of other men, especially when she is a single woman. 2
Author lakerman34 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 The problem here is that the guy has invested way too much into this situation than necessary and he's also displaying hypocrisy. How can anyone be so heavily invested in someone or something when nothing of any real note has taken place? He's also being hypocritical, he's seeing a 27 year old woman by his own admission and also has a history of hooking up again by his own admission. Granted a leopard can change its spots, I don't think it's fair that he got to enjoy himself in the company of multiple women and yet tries to deny this woman her own enjoyment in the company of other men, especially when she is a single woman. Again, reread this thread. She knows about 27 yr. old. She doesn't know when I see her, if I see her, and what I'm doing with her. We don't even talk about her. Ever. She, on the other hand, has told me EXACTLY what she is doing with guys, when she sees them, and even rubbed her encounter with the more recent one all in my face via Instagram. I think there is a massive difference.
BlueIris Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 And this is what it's all about (for you). You two have been doing this dance for over a week now (even while you, too, are seeing someone else). … You like that she *screws up*; it gives you the opportunity to *punish* her and watch her grovel. I agree, and a couple of other posters have said similar things- and I agree with them too. lol OP, you’re upset that she didn’t agree to stop dating and having sex when you wanted her to. You had no problem with her sexual openness until then. Using her age against her to shame her into doing what you wanted is not right. I’ve known people of all ages who wouldn’t agree to be exclusive with someone they’ve never met. Also- if she means so much to you, why haven’t you gone to meet her? I was in an online relationship once that was very flirtatious and sexy. But he was deployed so he couldn’t visit. As soon as he was on leave he came here- immediately. And he didn’t ask me to be exclusive before we met- and I didn’t ask him to, even though he was making various stops on the way home. I’m surprised to see so much condemnation of saying “no” to exclusivity with someone they’ve never met. Usually people pretty consistently say that a relationship isn’t real until you’ve spent time together in real life. I don’t see why this is an exception. It seems to be hinging on this presumption that 19 year olds, or 19 year old women, are defective- a red herring but a good tool for OP to use.
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) Again, reread this thread. She knows about 27 yr. old. She doesn't know when I see her, if I see her, and what I'm doing with her. We don't even talk about her. Ever. She, on the other hand, has told me EXACTLY what she is doing with guys, when she sees them, and even rubbed her encounter with the more recent one all in my face via Instagram. I think there is a massive difference. God I hate to say this but it almost sounds like she's laughing at you. Like no matter what crap she throws at you, you are still there "forgiving" her. She and her friends are probably getting a real kick out of this. Yanking your 25 year old chain. I mean to tell you when she is having sex with other gys. and post herself making out with another guy and then telling you about it? I am actually a bit embarrassed for you here. Stop talking to this little girl! Are you sure she is even 19? Edited May 21, 2016 by katiegrl 1
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