Last minute date cancellation

[gkly]

Hi, I just want some advice on my response to somewhere in between last minute date cancellation and almost getting stood up because of sickness (hungover).

 

I've been seeing this guy for a month now. He's from France and 3-4 years older than I am. He's turning 26 next week. We have two mutual friends. So far, we've been to 1:1 dinner date once, which lead to spontaneous movie and a walk. Others, he invited me to join him and his friends, which I heard (allegedly) is typical way French people go on date. He asked me to come over to watch a movie at his place, which I turned down. And in case, yes we kissed (nothing beyond kiss).

 

He asked me out on Thursday evening to go to brunch on a weekend. I texted him back "Saturday or Sunday?" and he didn't answer it back. I ran into him on Friday night when I was out with my friend. He asked to join them so I did, but my mood was not so great so called it an early night.

 

We had the day and time set up. There was no follow up text on Saturday and Sunday came. Ten minutes before we were supposed to meet,

I texted, "see you soon?"

and he texted back "I'm sorry darling, I feel like ****." I was still at home, not changed but had basic makeup done. I didn't expect him to be in fine condition anyway.

I knew what he meant but wanted him to make it clear so I responded,

"So, what do you want to do?" He replied

"Sorry, I can't do anything now, my head hurts."

About 40 mins or so later, I responded'

"Sure, thanks for clearing that up. I would've appreciate more if you called in earlier My friend near me came over and we are grabbing a bite in my neighbor" and I attached a photo of nice outdoor dining terrace. I think it was calm, forgiving and straightforward (hopefully...?).

He apologized again "Really sorry for that, Yesterday got a bit out of control."

 

I haven't replied to this yet, since I was busy doing laundry, grocery, cooking and cleaning. I was frustrated on the fact that if I did not text first, would he had let me know?

He didn't mention rescheduling, which I'm not going to mention. I'm thinking to write back

"No worries, I've seen my boy (normally would say guy friends but wanted to imply immatureness of him) friends go out of control. Take care and wish me good luck on exam tomorrow" -no emoticon

 

Any opinions will be great!

[scorpiogirl]

Hi, I just want some advice on my response to somewhere in between last minute date cancellation and almost getting stood up because of sickness (hungover).

 

I've been seeing this guy for a month now. He's from France and 3-4 years older than I am. He's turning 26 next week. We have two mutual friends. So far, we've been to 1:1 dinner date once, which lead to spontaneous movie and a walk. Others, he invited me to join him and his friends, which I heard (allegedly) is typical way French people go on date. He asked me to come over to watch a movie at his place, which I turned down. And in case, yes we kissed (nothing beyond kiss).

 

He asked me out on Thursday evening to go to brunch on a weekend. I texted him back "Saturday or Sunday?" and he didn't answer it back. I ran into him on Friday night when I was out with my friend. He asked to join them so I did, but my mood was not so great so called it an early night.

 

We had the day and time set up. There was no follow up text on Saturday and Sunday came. Ten minutes before we were supposed to meet,

I texted, "see you soon?"

and he texted back "I'm sorry darling, I feel like ****." I was still at home, not changed but had basic makeup done. I didn't expect him to be in fine condition anyway.

I knew what he meant but wanted him to make it clear so I responded,

"So, what do you want to do?" He replied

"Sorry, I can't do anything now, my head hurts."

About 40 mins or so later, I responded'

"Sure, thanks for clearing that up. I would've appreciate more if you called in earlier My friend near me came over and we are grabbing a bite in my neighbor" and I attached a photo of nice outdoor dining terrace. I think it was calm, forgiving and straightforward (hopefully...?).

He apologized again "Really sorry for that, Yesterday got a bit out of control."

 

I haven't replied to this yet, since I was busy doing laundry, grocery, cooking and cleaning. I was frustrated on the fact that if I did not text first, would he had let me know?

He didn't mention rescheduling, which I'm not going to mention. I'm thinking to write back

"No worries, I've seen my boy (normally would say guy friends but wanted to imply immatureness of him) friends go out of control. Take care and wish me good luck on exam tomorrow" -no emoticon

 

Any opinions will be great!

 

 

Sigh these childish texting games. There's no need to text him anything back, especially if "no emoticon" is going to be how you express your irritation at his lack of consideration.

 

He was inconsiderate. The next time you SPEAK to him, tell him that. He doesn't make concrete plans with you anyway.

I don't do "spontaneous, see where we end up" crap especially in the beginning. You need to call at least 2/3 days in advance, make plans to go on a DATE, not "hang out", stick to those plans. It's up to you what you accept.

[kidm]

Please don't be childish/passive-aggressive. Don't send "no worries", etc. if it in fact bothered you. You can either choose not to respond or say something succinct like "I hear you" and then the next time you see him in person, let him know it was inconsiderate of him. One real one on one date in a month is uncommon irrespective of where he is from. Spending one on one time together is universal dating practice unless you came from a culture where it is taboo for a single woman to be be seen out alone with a man without family permission. Sounds like he has no problems with "netflix and chill."

[Arieswoman]

Oh ffs peeps, what is wrong with people nowadays?

 

Why can't they just pick up a 'phone??

 

Personally I wouldn't respond and leave it up to him to re-schedule.

 

And yourself why you would want to get involved with a guy who gets so wasted that he has to break dates?

 

And he's already not replied to one text so I would wonder how interested he actually is?

 

IMO you should move on and find someone who;

 

a.Has the manners to return your txts and actually wants to continue dating and

b. Can stay sober enough to do just that.

 

He's 26 for crying out loud not some university student in their teens !

[gkly]

"I hear you"- got it. Thank you, this was the first time a guy just canceled a date.

I don't know how much I should consider the cultural difference in dating. I personally think basic dating etiquettes are universal and not giving me notification is impolite. However some of my friends who dated French guys say they are always spontaneous.

[Arieswoman]

gkly,

 

I personally think basic dating etiquettes are universal and not giving me notification is impolite.

 

You are quite correct.

 

Coming from France, Uzbekistan, Bangladesh or Toyko doesn't give them a pass on good manners.

[gkly]

Oh ffs peeps, what is wrong with people nowadays?

 

Why can't they just pick up a 'phone??

 

Personally I wouldn't respond and leave it up to him to re-schedule.

 

And yourself why you would want to get involved with a guy who gets so wasted that he has to break dates?

 

And he's already not replied to one text so I would wonder how interested he actually is?

 

IMO you should move on and find someone who;

 

a.Has the manners to return your txts and actually wants to continue dating and

b. Can stay sober enough to do just that.

 

He's 26 for crying out loud not some university student in their teens !

Yes, that's another thing. When we are together he's caring, attentive and funny. But once we live our own life, communication rarely takes place. He initiates contact 90% of the time. Which, "hello darling, how are you?" doesn't take much effort to type out.

Also, he's the one who came up with the plan and yet, failed to make it happen. This showed his lack of responsibility in keeping the promise and his interest level. I know two of his French friends so there will be time to run into him.

Thanks for your response.

[Arieswoman]

OK gkly,

 

I know two of his French friends so there will be time to run into him.

 

So you act cool but polite. And if he offers another date just politely turn him down. No reason, no drama, just "no".

 

There will be others.

[d0nnivain]

My opinion is that he's not reliable

 

Continue to date him if he's fun & you enjoy it but don't think it's going any where.

 

Knowing he had a date the next day, this guy couldn't even reign in his partying the night before so that he wouldn't be too hung over to go & he didn't even have the good grace to beg off; you had to reach out to him.

 

Cute but flaking can be entertaining but it rarely can be forever. Proceed with caution & guard your heart. If you can't hang out with him & enjoy the limited things he can give you without falling for him, steer clear. He will only hurt you in the end.

[gkly]

Just wanted to post what happened after.

Briefly: We met again, talked a bit as if nothing happened (still a bit of awkwardness than before), no intimate physical contact like he used to, no rescheduling mentioned

-so I moved on, but he texted again (which I think he's trying to keep me hanging somewhere around him)

[gkly]

I thought about two possible spark killers. These are before he asked me to the brunch. After the first real date, dinner and movie, we took a walk and talked about other marvel films. We ended up at his house. But no making out because the first time he brought me to the house, he had hard time getting me inside. The first time I went to his house was because rain started to pour heavily. This was my second time in his house. We talked on the couch and he cuddled me and talked more. He was tired from the previous night partying and he fell asleep. He wanted me to sleepover. And although that was not a difficult thing to do, I wasn't sure if that was a good idea, so I insisted on going home. He asked to stay over multiple times. Even heard him mumbling "you cuddle but not sleepover?".

P.S. I was sure we weren't having sex because he promised, but I still didn't sleepover.

---

On Friday night at 10pm he suddenly texted me "I don't feel like partying, let's watch a movie at home". I knew he was feeling sick but I don't like this last minute thing plus by the time I go over, it would be 11pm. And I was studying language. So I said "Oh I'm busy tonight, but I will be in (around his neighbor) tomorrow so let's meet up if you want to :)"

And he texted me back 5pm the next day saying "Sorry, I had a loooong night, was really tired" "Don't sorry me, I had so much fun at xx event there".

--

And we didn't talk until his "weekend brunch date" text- which did not happen. And he didn't answer my question back when I asked which day. We chose the date when we ran into each other.

[gkly]

It's long, but the full story goes:

 

My friend invited me to check out new bar/club's opening on Saturday night, and she told me that he's going to come too (in case I might feel uncomfortable) because it was his birthday on Sunday. I was with her and six more girls (more like a girl's night out) and then later the guys were coming over after "guy's dinner". For me, there was no reason to avoid him and I just enjoyed my time there and meeting new people.

 

We exchanged bisou and told him happy birthday. We asked how the week was and got me a drink. Before, we would stay together 90% of the time, but this time I was not sure so I just did what I felt like. I talked to new people, mingled with the girls, and occasionally talked with him. One of our friend wanted to leave to another club so I said goodbye to a few people, including him. He asked "where are you going?" and I said, "N wants to leave. I'll see you later" and gave him a light peck on the cheek.

 

We club-hopped and by coincidence, I met two of my guy friends (one of them likes me), more of my friend's friends and a new guy (exchanged number, he asked out, but I'm not sure if I like him).

 

Some of my friends still with the guys texted they are coming over to a club across where we were, so we all met up again. Again, he got me a drink and invited me to dance, which we did for 1-2 mins. He had his right arm around my waist and I had my left arm around his.

I danced with my friends and talked to people.

 

At one point, I saw him talking to two girls and dancing with them. Things got childish from this point. He was dancing with them and adding fb friends. Meanwhile I had three guys I met there and we danced (with distance) and talked. We saw each other. One of the guy and I exchanged contact and he talks to me a lot (he was here for vacation and went back to Germany- so no real-world relationship established yet). The three guys left and so did the girls around him.

 

We all moved to the next club. I was with my girl friends and the rest of the people were coming later. One of my friend on the way said, "he was being an ******* with other girls. You're beautiful and don't put up with him" and I said, "yeah, things are so much clear now."

 

The rest of the people were arriving quite late. While I went to toilet, I lost my friend and meanwhile I met someone (didn't exchange contact with this one) to talk/dance with. This guy kissed me and I wasn't sure whether my ex-date saw this or not. Finally I found my friend I introduced the guy I met to my friend (who called my ex-date *******) and she introduced the guys she met. We hanged out around the place not too far from the table where everyone was.

 

The new guy was saying something funny to me in my ears (this guy was really handsome and tall), and in the corner of my eye, I saw that my ex-date saw him saying something to me and me laughing. This guy left and we said goodbye. My friend and I left a bit later (didn't go over to the table to say goodbye to other people).

 

On Sunday night, I was out shopping with my friend and hanged out at her house. She wanted to bake cookies and cakes for her friend's birthday so I helped her out. I was having a lot of fun and completely forgot about everything. Also two guys from the night was texting me. Then suddenly at 9:30pm, he texted me, "It was good to see you darling! Hope u went home safe. I finished so late yesterday" and an hour later (my hands were full) I replied "It was good to see you too? Well, you are alive (hand emoji) Which shows you didn't drink enough". He replied so fast (which is unusual) "lol, you want me to die now?" "not telling you (grin emoji). But according to our palm reading session, you don't live long" "At least I will live fully"

And we exchanged one or two more text and I sent a photo with caption "freshly out of oven, any guesses?" - he and I talked how we miss having an oven and baking- at 22:50.

 

This morning, I woke up to a text "so cool" and he replied at 6:40am. (The time is just for reference.)

 

One/two word text is hard to respond to so I just left it there.

 

He used to invite me to his outings with friends before a lot but not really anymore. He didn't directly invite me this weekend too. And I'm not thinking that he didn't invited me because 1) he knew my friend would invited me 2) he felt awkward inviting me after his apology about last weekend and my response "yes, I hear you". If he still wanted to see me, he would have reached out to me anyway.

 

Also, I would not have given a second thought if he didn't text me last night.

Edited May 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
spacing ~6

[SilverAccount]

Unreliable, make him work for it if there's a next time, but for now...

 

On to the next one.