codelock Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 A few days ago I was out at a bar with a couple of friends (they are a couple) I haven't seen for 2 months as a little celebration for my birthday. There was a MeetUp group nearby. At the bar, this guy came over and started chatting to us from MeetUp as he thought we were part of the group. He was really cool and friendly and was talking to all of us for 3 hours. He clearly liked me and he had loads in common with me and my friends. He kept asking if we all wanted to hang out later another day and kept saying how happy he was to have went to the group and met us since we all seemed like really awesome people. We all said yes. He got our numbers. Before he left, he asked me if I wanted a drink with just him later that night and he said he was interested in me. I said I'd love to get a drink with him another time just not that night as it was my birthday, I really wanted to catch up with my friends, and had a big birthday celebration the next day. He understood and sent me a text saying we should get a drink some other time. I replied several minutes later saying "definitely. Let me know what time works for you." Then he never replied after that. I don't intend to contact him unless he reaches out but I thought it was odd he chatted with us for 3 hours, asked me out, then never followed up (its been 2 days since he asked me out). Thoughts?
Erik30 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 It's only been two days, he's probably waiting so he won't look needy. And if you don't hear from him again, he just changed his mind for whatever reason. There might be another girl, maybe he was looking for a ONS that night, already has a gf, etc. 3
smudge21 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 You BOTH chatted to each other. You BOTH liked each other. You BOTH swapped phone numbers. You BOTH talked about seeing each other again. Yet now YOU do not intend to contact him unless HE reaches out. To me it seems very 50/50 in the whole way this thing went and now you have just put all the pressure on him to take it further. How would you feel to know he was thinking the same, expecting you to take the lead. My point is, if you like him and want to see him, then make a move. A quick text that mentions the night and then suggest a date. Why should it always be the male that has to make that first move (from your story, it seems he did on the night any way). I know society suggests that it should be the man that takes charge and does the asking, but why risk losing something good just because of some old fashioned view points. If you want something, go get it. If he doesn't respond then no harm done as you're unlikely to see him again and you can move on without having to think about it anymore. Surely that's better than living in limbo waiting for a phone call. 1
Author codelock Posted May 15, 2016 Author Posted May 15, 2016 Thanks. You are right, its been 2 days, so I'll give it a bit of time as it is still the weekend. To the prior poster, smudge21, I did make a move. I feel like you did not fully read my post. I'm the last person who replied. He asked if I'd like to get a drink with him and mentioned he was interested. I replied saying, "Yes, let me know a time that works for you. Should be a fun time!" I felt my response was positive and was asking him what time works for me. The ball is in his court as I asked for what time works for him. Me doing anything else would be overkill at this point as my last text was a question about what time he prefers. I'm not waiting for him to call, I'm just used to guys responding by now and was a bit confused by his lack of response.
Lois_Griffin Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Why should it always be the male that has to make that first move (from your story, it seems he did on the night any way). I know society suggests that it should be the man that takes charge and does the asking, but why risk losing something good just because of some old fashioned view points. For goodness sakes, that bitter 'equality' argument doesn't even apply. She already ASKED him to let her know when he's available so they can plan a night. What more should she do - show up on his front porch and demand an answer from him? Codelock, you did the right thing telling him you weren't available that night - you were already out with friends - but you let him know you were very interested in getting together at another time and even told him to let you know when he was available so you could make the plans. You did everything right and the ball is in his court now. Don't go chasing him - as suggested - since it's his turn to reply and he hasn't. He may have changed his mind for whatever reason or like Erik said, he may be waiting a few days so he doesn't appear anxious. 4
Author codelock Posted May 15, 2016 Author Posted May 15, 2016 For goodness sakes, that bitter 'equality' argument doesn't even apply. She already ASKED him to let her know when he's available so they can plan a night. What more should she do - show up on his front porch and demand an answer from him? Codelock, you did the right thing telling him you weren't available that night - you were already out with friends - but you let him know you were very interested in getting together at another time and even told him to let you know when he was available so you could make the plans. You did everything right and the ball is in his court now. Don't go chasing him - as suggested - since it's his turn to reply and he hasn't. He may have changed his mind for whatever reason or like Erik said, he may be waiting a few days so he doesn't appear anxious. Thanks for your response all! Looks like you guys were right. He just texted me a few minutes ago asking how my weekend was going, so he probably didn't want to come across as needy. 3
truth_seeker Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Thanks. You are right, its been 2 days, so I'll give it a bit of time as it is still the weekend. To the prior poster, smudge21, I did make a move. I feel like you did not fully read my post. I'm the last person who replied. He asked if I'd like to get a drink with him and mentioned he was interested. I replied saying, "Yes, let me know a time that works for you. Should be a fun time!" I felt my response was positive and was asking him what time works for me. The ball is in his court as I asked for what time works for him. Me doing anything else would be overkill at this point as my last text was a question about what time he prefers. I'm not waiting for him to call, I'm just used to guys responding by now and was a bit confused by his lack of response. I agree with you, OP. You put the ball in his court about when to meet for a drink. It's up to him to reply now with a time and place. Do not contact him. Possibilities: - Playing it cool... will contact you in a couple of days. - Lost interest because he's talking to other women. 1
truth_seeker Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Thanks for your response all! Looks like you guys were right. He just texted me a few minutes ago asking how my weekend was going, so he probably didn't want to come across as needy. Should have read this before my last response. Nice to see a happy ending in a thread. 2
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