Porter56 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Do you think there are some people who simply cannot open up to other people no matter what? People, who for one reason or another, will always be locked inside their heads?
basil67 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Sure. My son has autism and isn't able to adequately share how he feels.
Wave Rider Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Is there someone specific who's not opening up to you? My experience is that you can claw, fight, cajole, wheedle, shout, manipulate, ask, hound, avoid, press, or any number of other things, and some people will just never be emotionally available, no matter what you do. Ever.
basil67 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Is there someone specific who's not opening up to you? My experience is that you can claw, fight, cajole, wheedle, shout, manipulate, ask, hound, avoid, press, or any number of other things, and some people will just never be emotionally available, no matter what you do. Ever. And the variable on this would be because either we aren't the right person for them to open up to.....or because they can't open up in the first place.
Author Porter56 Posted May 15, 2016 Author Posted May 15, 2016 I'm asking for myself. I just can't open up to anyone. The idea of Intimacy makes my skin crawl for some reason.
Buddhist Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 I'm asking for myself. I just can't open up to anyone. The idea of Intimacy makes my skin crawl for some reason. Because intimacy requires you to be vulnerable with another human. I don't blame you for not wanting to do that. Human's are by and large quite unreliable and rubbish. They're so busy with their own stuff they think nothing of preying on the vulnerable and betraying whomever in the blink of an eye. Nearly everyone on the planet has a slew of relationships where they were betrayed by someone they were vulnerable with and if they are very lucky....one where they weren't. Yeah I can see the reluctance actually. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 I'm asking for myself. I just can't open up to anyone. The idea of Intimacy makes my skin crawl for some reason. How old are you? I was fairly closed off when I was younger. It got better as I aged. Have you considered therapy to find out why? People are pack animals. We need each other, some more then others. Alone time is fine but to never interact could be problematic.
sc0316 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 OP: Can it be that you're afraid of being judged by the woman you like if you're getting to close to her? 1
Wave Rider Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 I'm asking for myself. I just can't open up to anyone. The idea of Intimacy makes my skin crawl for some reason. Oh, well that's quite a different situation. I thought you had someone else that you were hoping would open up. Perhaps this might make an interesting discussion, because I am attracted to women won't open up. And of course the more I press them to open up, the more they close down. Something that I have come to believe is that feelings don't have nearly as much intrinsic meaning or truth as we'd like to believe. Feelings are just responses to the world, and they can sometimes lie to us. If intimacy makes your skin crawl, that's pretty common, and it doesn't mean that intimacy is bad. It's just your response to intimacy, and it doesn't represent any objective truth about the universe. The first step is to separate from the feeling and realize that it's just a feeling, and that you don't have to act on it. The only effective treatment for phobias is to expose the person to the things that they are afraid of, and eventually, they stop being afraid of them. You will have to learn to give the things that you are least willing to give and to open up even when it's uncomfortable.
katiegrl Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 (edited) I'm asking for myself. I just can't open up to anyone. The idea of Intimacy makes my skin crawl for some reason. You have a "fear of intimacy". Also known as "active avoidant" or "anxious avoidant" or the more trendy "commitment phobia". That was clear to me in your previous thread, the long one. It's good you are in therapy, but it is important to be honest with your therapist and open up to him/her, otherwise this very serious issue within yourself will never be resolved, only repeated in every dating experience or relationship you attempt to have. Edited May 15, 2016 by katiegrl 1
SpeakClrly Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 It's the wrong question. The right questions are why is someone locked in their head? Is it changeable and if so does a person want to change it? For those of us who have changing as an option we hold the keys to the lock. Then the question becomes do we want to face whatever it is that makes us choose to stay locked in?
basil67 Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 (edited) Basil...how old is your son? He's nineteen. We were with a new psychologist today and trying to get him to put words to his feelings is nigh near impossible. I think part of it is belligerence because he doesn't understand why he needs help and the other part is not being able to adequately put words to feelings. Edited May 16, 2016 by basil67
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