Aj13 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 So me and my boyfriend were together for five and a half years. He was my best friend and the person I wanted to spend my life with. We have been on a long distance relationship for the past nearly three years. We broke up over a stupid reoccurring argument which echoed my insecurities.he had come home for the weekend and We had been out with both our siblings and some friends and we had been drinking. I got far to drunk,embarrassingly so. We ended up having this blazing argument, with me getting and going over the top. Because of the distance I am insecure and I don't think I was fully aware if how insecure I was until we broke up. But ultimately I threatens to break up with him in this argument and told him I didn't want of be with him, I threw my sentimental Jewlery ar him that he had bought me over the years and told him I didn't want to be with him. Which wasn't the case, I wanted to see some fight him in. The problem was this isn't the first argument that has ended like this, although I've never given his stuff he got me back. We ended up back st his me being hysterical and his mum hazing to calm me down, she told me had in that she'd be so cross if we broke up over this as we were both drunk and emotional. I have threatened to break up with him. The next day when we both sobered up I had to get my car for his house where he broke up with me. He said that he couldn't have this same argument in three months time and that if we broke p now then atleast we could be civil in six. I tried to talk to him about it and get a proper explanation but he didn't want to talk. He wished me best for the future and I drove home. I was and still am deveststed. I text him then tell him I was sorry and that this isn't what I want, that I want or fight for is bad I love him. He didn't respond and went back off to uni. I left it a week and text him again asking for an explanation. He eventually replied and said that he didn't want to be with me and that he was 'grateful of our time together' 'it was the right time to go our separate ways' 'we both needed to heal' 'I was his first proper meaning full relationship but it was time or part' I was deveststed and said that although it wasn't what I wanted I respect it and I wouldn't contact him till after his exams when he moves home for good,,but then I expected him to explain to me why. That was five weeks ago and I have to wait another three weeks. I deactivated my Facebook over a week ago and before I did neither of us had ended our relationship. I reactivated it agin yesterday and he's changed it to single. Whether it's a coincidence or he thought I'd deleted him or soemthing I don't know. I am truly deveststed again. He hasn't contacted me and we used to speak every day, and I don't know how or why he's done it. I have worked on myself and I do accept my responsibility for the break up and I am genuinely sorry, I've accepted it is over although it not what I what and don't fully understand why. Is there any chance of is getting back together? I am so in love with him. Do you think he is missing me? Do you think that he will want to get back? If so any tips on how to get him back and what to say and do when we meet?
basil67 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 You aren't taking full responsibility for your behaviour. I mean, you're asking him for explanations as to why he broke up with you!!!! This is the total opposite of taking responsibility. Taking responsibility means accepting that he broke up with you because of your repeated appalling behaviour. Also, you know how you said that you behaved that way because you wanted to see some fight in him? You say that you're insecure because of the distance? That's blame shifting. Taking full responsibility involves acknowledging how appalling your behaviour was and not putting any of the blame on his actions or distance. The fact that you can't understand why he left and you're blame shifting also means that you haven't done the required work on yourself. You have serious anger issues ...and inability to accept blame ...these will need to be addressed by a psychologist or other mental health practitioner. I can't tell you if he will come back. Your guy has forgiven you for doing this to him in the past (albeit without thrown jewellery) but perhaps he's finally realised that he just can't do it anymore. You can't ask anything more than the chances he's already given you. Time to go do that work on yourself. 1
Steven1 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 As Basil said... You said yourself that this was a recurring argument so obviously this wasn't the first time something like this had happened, the only different this time was that this was an accumulation of all the arguments put together, but this time it was obviously the last straw for him. If he's had to go through this argument with you time and time again, and you admitting you are insecure, that ALWAYS screams to the other person that you don't trust them, and always having that on your mind isn't great, especially long distance, as that can make the other person think you are up to something by constantly being insecure. That's something you need to work on and I would suggest that you don't enter another relationship until you fully feel comfortable knowing that your partner is doing what she say they are and they are where they say they are etc. Throwing the jewelry at him as well was probably an eye opener for him too, I think even I would of done the same in his position if my ex had done that to me, I would of walked. I think you need to spend some time with YOURSELF, and work on your issues before entering another relationship. There may be a chance for you and him again in the future, but I think a lot of work needs to be done on your part first.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 What do you mean when you say you want an explanation? You already know why he broke up with you; he was very clear he is tired of the arguing. What are you not understanding about that? You told him you didn't want to be with him anymore. Honestly, if an ex broke up with me the way you did, I'd be done. Tantrums and embarrassing emotional outbursts get very old and damage the relationship and loving feelings. I'm not saying he's perfect either, but you handled it very poorly and still seem to lack understanding about that. You need to stay apart. Work on your insecurities and self-esteem. Get yourself into a better place. He knows it would just be more of the same if you two got back together. Having said that, it's not likely he will be back, especially if this is a recurring pattern. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you in the sense that he wants the best for you, but I doubt he's in love anymore. He will miss the good times. But he won't miss the dysfunction, which leaves a near-permanent mark. So I would not hold my breath that he will be interested in reconciling. Leave him alone for a while. 1
Leesherloo Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 Don't look forward to a time where you can contact him again, you are giving yourself false hope. That is what will hurt you over and over. He has left you, and even when you asked him what was going on, he at least had the decency to respond to you.. But take his response seriously. You need to delete him off of everything and stop contacting him. It is the only way to heal wounds. You are not healing yours, you are inflicting more of them. Accept the situation and mourn. Getting more denial from him will hurt you more, so let it go.
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 No you can't get back together with him. You broke up because of the distance. The distance is still there. Why would you want to return to something that wasn't working? If you have the ability to close the distance immediately, to move where he is but not move in with him, sure give it a try. But you can't exactly go to his university with him. Since you mentioned school, I'm assuming he was your high school sweetheart. Yours is but another teen romance that died on the alter of transition to adulthood. Knowing you are a statistic doesn't make you feel better but I point it out to show you that you are not alone & that hundreds of thousands of people survive this all the time. Let him go. Give yourself some time to mourn. Then plan an awesome summer. 1
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