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Can I rescue this relationship? Is it too late?

valeriewaters

By valeriewaters
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lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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It ain't happening. You treated this guy very poorly, apologized halfheartedly (your past is no excuse for jerking him around like that) and proven yourself to be irresponsible and entitled in your dealings with him. Any attraction he may have had is long gone.

 

In the future, if you want to attract someone, try to be considerate of their needs and feelings.

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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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After he said "Thanks for the text. Appreciate you saying sorry", we didn't talk for about a week.

 

And then he texted me few days ago:

Him: "Have you started looking for your replacement roommate?"

Me: "I posted the room on Craigslist, but noone yet"

Him: "I actually do have someone who wants to look at the room today. Can I show the room?"

Me: "Ok sure"

 

The following day, he called me:

Him: Have you decided to move out at the end of the month?

Me: I'm just going to stay here for another month. I can't find another apartment nearby my work anyway. And I'm too busy with work.

Him: Ok that is fine. I just want you to know that when you do decide to move out, you have to give me 30day notice and look for a replacement roommate at the same time you look for your own apartment.

Me: Yes don't worry

Him: How is everything else going?

Me: Good. Work is stressing me out but it's getting better. What is new with you? Did you graduate and did you move yet? You were saying you are moving to new apartment last time?

Him: Yea I am graduating next week and yes I did move.

Me: Oh great, how many roommates do you have? Are they girls or guys?

Him: I have 4 random roommates, both guys and girls. I have to get going now, but keep your head up good luck at work and see ya"

Me: Bye

 

The following day, I went on Facebook and noticed that he restricted me. I can only see his profile pic and not much else. I can't see his wall or any of his pictures anymore. I think I was asking too many questions about guy roommates girl roommates, so he felt that I was stalking him. So he restricted me because he doesn't want me to know what he is doing or what he is up to.

 

And then the following day, I texted him:

Me: "Just curious, did the person who saw the room like it?"

 

This was a Thursday night and I was so bored, so I was just trying to start a conversation with him and maybe hang out. I don't really care if the person who saw the room liked it or not. But he ignored me and never responded.

 

What do I do?

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
After he said "Thanks for the text. Appreciate you saying sorry", we didn't talk for about a week.

 

And then he texted me few days ago:

Him: "Have you started looking for your replacement roommate?"

Me: "I posted the room on Craigslist, but noone yet"

Him: "I actually do have someone who wants to look at the room today. Can I show the room?"

Me: "Ok sure"

 

The following day, he called me:

Him: Have you decided to move out at the end of the month?

Me: I'm just going to stay here for another month. I can't find another apartment nearby my work anyway. And I'm too busy with work.

Him: Ok that is fine. I just want you to know that when you do decide to move out, you have to give me 30day notice and look for a replacement roommate at the same time you look for your own apartment.

Me: Yes don't worry

Him: How is everything else going?

Me: Good. Work is stressing me out but it's getting better. What is new with you? Did you graduate and did you move yet? You were saying you are moving to new apartment last time?

Him: Yea I am graduating next week and yes I did move.

Me: Oh great, how many roommates do you have? Are they girls or guys?

Him: I have 4 random roommates, both guys and girls. I have to get going now, but keep your head up good luck at work and see ya"

Me: Bye

 

The following day, I went on Facebook and noticed that he restricted me. I can only see his profile pic and not much else. I can't see his wall or any of his pictures anymore. I think I was asking too many questions about guy roommates girl roommates, so he felt that I was stalking him. So he restricted me because he doesn't want me to know what he is doing or what he is up to.

 

And then the following day, I texted him:

Me: "Just curious, did the person who saw the room like it?"

 

This was a Thursday night and I was so bored, so I was just trying to start a conversation with him and maybe hang out. I don't really care if the person who saw the room liked it or not. But he ignored me and never responded.

 

 

 

 

What do I do?

 

Nothing. Move on, this is done. HE is done.

 

Find a new place asap and lesson learned hopefully.

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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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I am staying at the apartment for now and I'll be the perfect tenant. Pay rent on time, don't cause any trouble. (Similar to what you said earlier)

 

As time goes by, can we be friends again?

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I am staying at the apartment for now and I'll be the perfect tenant. Pay rent on time, don't cause any trouble. (Similar to what you said earlier)

 

As time goes by, can we be friends again?

 

I have no idea!

 

Just see what happens, personally I doubt it, but anything is possible I suppose.

 

In the meantime stop obsessing about it!

 

Date other guys ... live your life.

 

Move on.

 

This is out of your control.

 

It it's meant to be it will. Naturally, genuinely, organically .

 

But for now you need to let this go and again stop obsessing.

 

MOVE ON.

lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

Posted
Posted
I am staying at the apartment for now and I'll be the perfect tenant. Pay rent on time, don't cause any trouble. (Similar to what you said earlier)

 

As time goes by, can we be friends again?

 

Someone who blocks you on Facebook is not interested in being your friend or being part of your life in any way. Chalk this one up as a lesson learned and move on.

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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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Is it ok if I text him on a Friday or Saturday night and ask him what he is up to?

 

Maybe if he doesn't have any plans, he'll respond and we can meet up for a drink.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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He doesn't want to be your friend. You really need to leave him alone and let the dust settle. None of us knows if you will be able to mend that bridge. But for now, it's very clear he's not interested.

 

It's not his problem if you've had trust issues since you were little. You are a tenant, and you need to behave as such.

 

Out of curiosity, why did you break up the first time?

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted
Is it ok if I text him on a Friday or Saturday night and ask him what he is up to?

 

Maybe if he doesn't have any plans, he'll respond and we can meet up for a drink.

 

No, don't embarrass yourself and make this worse.

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lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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He blocked you on Facebook and he ignored your last text message; he's going to ignore this one too unless it's a reply telling you to leave him alone. He wants absolutely nothing to do with you. Part of being a perfect tenant means respecting your landlord's wishes. Leave him alone.

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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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We stopped dating last year because back then, I lived and worked in NJ and he works and lives in NYC, we could only see each once or twice a month, so we grew apart. It was noone's fault.

 

After that, we didn't talk for about 8 months.

 

In April, I got a new job in NYC so I was excited to text him. He responded to me right away and asked me where I'm working now. And then we were texting back and forth and I asked him jokingly help me find a place lol. That's how the whole apartment thing happened. When I first went to see the place, he was very caring and nice to me. We were talking a lot and catching up. I was cold and he took off his jacket and put it on me. He walked me back to the bus station and waited with me until the bus came. We were even joking around saying that we can be roommates and live together.

 

When I got home, he texted me "Did you get home safe?". This is the conversation:

Him: "Did you get home safe?"

Me: "Yup :) Is there lamp and mirror in the room? Is there lock in my room? Is the bed size full or queen? Can I bring a dog?"

 

He didn't respond to me all night and texted me back the following day:

Him: "Hey Valerie. Full size bed. There is lamp in the room and I can put a mirror. No dogs though."

 

I made a mistake by texting him all those questions about the room. I should have texted him back something sweet by saying "Yup, I got home safe. It was great seeing you again. Did you get home safely as well?". But instead I asked 5 more questions about the house, so now he thinks that I am only interested in the room and not him. Two days later, when we met up, he was very cold and only talked to me about business matters regarding the apartment (ex. when I can move in, who the roommates are). He didn't even walk me to the bus station.

 

So I made a mistake by responding to him in all business.

 

Please also see my earlier post :

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/579503-texting

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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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If I just wire him the rent payment monthly, there really is no need for us to see each other ever again. So we are really done. I want us to be friends like we used to. Also, I don't want him to meet another girl.

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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I see nothing from what you've posted to suggest that this guy wants to resume a sexual and/or romantic relationship with you. At this point, he does not even sound as though he wants to be your friend. Your insistence that you don't want him to meet another girl is misplaced, imo. You have no standing here and he is free to date whomever he wants.

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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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Yes, he is free to date whoever he wants.

 

Is there anything I can do so that we can at least be friends again?

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Posted

 

Is there anything I can do so that we can at least be friends again?

 

I don't mean to sound rude, but this question has been asked and answered several times throughout this thread.

 

If you cannot remember what those responses said, go back and re-read.

 

Continuing to ask will not elicit a different response.

 

Best of luck......

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RedPurpleOrange Established Member

RedPurpleOrange

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This is a truly crazy thread. It is fecund with the purest of madness.

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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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Haha what is your opinion? Any suggestions?

RedPurpleOrange Established Member

RedPurpleOrange

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You won't like these three words, Miss Waters.

 

 

But "give", "it" and "up".

 

 

It's madness, baby.

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deadparrot Established Member

deadparrot

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OP, he is barely interested in a business relationship with you, and based on the contents of your post and your unwillingness to listen to any of the advice in this post tells me I really can't blame him. A friendship or romantic relationship is not possible. Do not contact him for anything other than issues related to the property.

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kidm Established Member

kidm

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Haha what is your opinion? Any suggestions?

 

OP please get a hold of your feelings and emotions and don't hound the guy anymore. Let the dust settle. He may feel differently and reach out to you if you let time pass (that is however not guaranteed). Based on everything you've described so far, it sounds like he is done with you for now (probably forever). Please let him be. Don't ask anymore questions. Frankly if I were in his position and you kept bothering me with questions (after I have ignored you and blocked you on Facebook), my next steps would be to give you 30 days notice to vacate my rental. Who needs this much grief? This is too much drama for someone you hadn't talked to 8 months who you just recently connected with. CHILL. You seem obsessed and somewhat desperate, which are not attractive qualities.

Edited by kidm
typo
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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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Ok so I won't do anything and just let time go by

RedPurpleOrange Established Member

RedPurpleOrange

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Ok so I won't do anything and just let time go by

 

 

Yeah, not wishing to sound cruel but you're gonna end up making yourself look a little crazy.

 

 

Pull back from the situation and try to see everything from a clearer, saner perspective.

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valeriewaters Member

valeriewaters

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If I don't do anything from now on, then I don't look crazy, right?

RedPurpleOrange Established Member

RedPurpleOrange

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Yeah, just leave it. He don't sound all that, anyway.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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If I don't do anything from now on, then I don't look crazy, right?

 

Yes, you won't look desperate for his attention.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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