Can I rescue this relationship? Is it too late?

April 30, 2016

I dated a guy last year. He works in real estate industry. I am currently trying to get back with him. I am currently looking for an apartment in NYC so I contacted him to help me find a place. He texted me right back and said he has a place available to show me. The following day, I went to see the place and he was very caring and nice to me. We were talking a lot and catching up. I was cold and he took off his jacket and put it on me. He walked me back to the bus station and waited with me until the bus came. We were even joking around saying that we can be roommates and live together.

When I got home, he texted me "Did you get home safe?". This is the conversation:

Him: "Did you get home safe?"

Me: "Yup Is there lamp and mirror in the room? Is there lock in my room? Is the bed size full or queen? Can I bring a dog?"

He didn't respond to me all night and texted me back the following day:

Him: "Hey Valerie. Full size bed. There is lamp in the room and I can put a mirror. No dogs though."

I made a mistake by texting him all those questions about the room. I should have texted him back something sweet by saying "Yup, I got home safe. It was great seeing you again. Did you get home safely as well?". But instead I asked 5 more questions about the house, so now he thinks that I am only interested in the room and not him. Two days later, when we met up, he was very cold and only talked to me about business matters regarding the apartment (ex. deposit for the apt, when I can move in). He didn't even walk me to the bus station.

How can I get his interest again?

May 4, 2016

I guess by now he sees you as business only.

You need to either ask him out on a date or stop taliking about your room.

Flirt a little but you need to do something so he knows you are insterested.

May 4, 2016

I guess by now he sees you as business only.

You need to either ask him out on a date or stop taliking about your room.

Flirt a little but you need to do something so he knows you are insterested.

He probably thinks you just used him to get the place.

Text him and suggest doing something together.

May 4, 2016

Yep, you pretty much shut him down instantly with that business response. He was being nice and caring, probably testing the water. You basically drained the pool. If you're interested, you're going to have to take charge here and make it known. I wouldn't jump straight in to asking him out, as he does probably think you may only be doing it to get a good deal. Start by being more funny about it, even thank him for being so nice and then buy him a coffee (some face to face time away from work). That could give you a chance to drop in that you were a bit to formal recently. The situation isn't that bad and should be easily fixable.

May 15, 2016

I dated a guy last year. He works in real estate industry. I am currently trying to get back with him. I am currently looking for an apartment in NYC so I contacted him to help me find a place. He texted me right back and said he has a place available to show me. The following day, I went to see the place and he was very caring and nice to me. We were talking a lot and catching up. I was cold and he took off his jacket and put it on me. He walked me back to the bus station and waited with me until the bus came. We were even joking around saying that we can be roommates and live together.

When I got home, he texted me "Did you get home safe?". This is the conversation:

Him: "Did you get home safe?"

Me: "Yup Is there lamp and mirror in the room? Is there lock in my room? Is the bed size full or queen? Can I bring a dog?"

He didn't respond to me all night and texted me back the following day:

Him: "Hey Valerie. Full size bed. There is lamp in the room and I can put a mirror. No dogs though."

I made a mistake by texting him all those questions about the room. I should have texted him back something sweet by saying "Yup, I got home safe. It was great seeing you again. Did you get home safely as well?". But instead I asked 5 more questions about the house, so now he thinks that I am only interested in the room and not him. Two days later, when we met up, he was very cold and only talked to me about business matters regarding the apartment (ex. when I can move in, who the roommates are). He didn't even walk me to the bus station.

The following day, he texted me to tell me that there is $1500 deposit to move into the apartment. He never mentioned this when I met him to see the place. I had a feeling, when we met up, we were flirting and he was so into me maybe he thought "oh I don't have to get a deposit from her...once she moves into NYC, I'm going to date her, so it's fine.".

(Also, this is how he makes money. He leases an apartment using friend's credit and furnishes the apartment, and then subleases the rooms to international students or people who are looking for short-term housing and makes money. For example, the apartment rent is $4000 he makes it into 5 bedroom and subleases each room for $1000 each, so he makes $1000 monthly. So it is really up to him if he wants to get a deposit from me or if he really trusts me, he doesn't have to.)

I texted him right back, telling him:

Me: "You never mentioned the deposit to me yesterday when I saw you".

Him: "Well we never discussed the requirements for moving in. That is also why I am sending you this text, so that we are both on the right page. Please let me know if you are still interested in the apartment."

Me: "Ok that is fine"

The following day, we met up to sign the apartment contract and to give him the deposit. From this point on, I had a problem trusting him, because the fact that he is collecting a deposit from me, shows that he is not trusting of me either. He is only treating me as a tenant, not a friend. He told me to bring first month's rent and deposit ($995+$1500=$2495). I told him ok, but when I actually went to meet him, I only gave him $500 because I thought if I gave him the whole money, what if he runs away and never gives me the key. So I only gave him $500 and signed the contract. When we met up, he was like "Oh..you didn't bring the whole $2495". I told him I will give you the rest when I actually move in. He said OK and still gave me the key.

The following day came and I moved in, he texted me to see how I was settling in and I said "I'm settling in well. Are you going to come to the apartment to pick up the rest of the deposit?". He said he didn't have time today, so I will meet you the following day. I said ok.

The following day came and he texted me "I actually have to work late until 9pm tonight and I dont want you to wait for me afterwork. So can you drop the deposit off with my apartment doorman?" and then sent me the address of his place. I felt that "Oh.. he doesn't even want to see me in person anymore.. he just wants me to drop off the deposit with his doorman." I actually wanted to see him in person so maybe we can build an attraction. I texted him later that night.."I got caught up afterwork doing something as well.. I will drop off the deposit tomorrow".

The following day came, he texted me "I can meet you at 6pm to get the deposit. Can we meet at that time?". I told him OK and we met up. He also texted me that he needs the deposit in certified bank check, money order, or cash. I felt that was a little weird because I have to go out of my way to make a certified bank check or money order. Also, I didn't want to give him cash because I wanted to leave a trail for the deposit. (At this point, I am not very trusting of him.) I decided to give him the deposit in personal check. When we met up and gave him the personal check, he got very angry at me and started screaming and cursing at me.

Him:"Valerie, you make this so difficult. I told you to bring the deposit in those three forms of payment and why do you bring me personal check? I thought this whole apartment thing would be easier with a friend, but you make everything so difficult. First, you didn't even give me the whole deposit. You only gave me $500 when I met you earlier. Now you don't even bring me the correct payment. You are taking advantage of our friendship. Please treat me like a real landlord. And don't ****ing argue with me."

I gave him $500 more in cash that day and told him I will make him money order the following day and left.

The following day he texted me "What time do you want to meet up?". At this point, I didn't even want to do this lease thing with him anymore. I texted him "I am actually going to look for another apartment. So I will only live here until the end of the month and I will find you a replacement roommate. He texted me back saying "You still have to pay a deposit even if you live for just one month because of incidentals. If you don't pay the deposit by the end of the day, please vacate your belongings." I texted him saying ok I will meet you later today. He said he will accept personal check if I can't find another form of payment that night. So I gave him the deposit that night. When we met up, he said "You put a strain on our friendship which was not necessary." We said bye and I came home.

For about a week, we didn't talk. And then he texted me few days ago:

Him: "Have you started looking for your replacement roommate?"

Me: "I posted the room on Craigslist, but noone yet"

Him: "I actually do have someone who wants to look at the room today. Can I show the room?"

Me: "Ok sure"

The following day, he called me:

Him: Have you decided to move out at the end of the month?

Me: I'm just going to stay here for another month. I can't find another apartment nearby my work anyway. And I'm too busy with work.

Him: Ok that is fine. I just want you to know that when you do decide to move out, you have to give me 30day notice and look for a replacement roommate at the same time you look for your own apartment.

Me: Yes don't worry

Him: How is everything else going?

Me: Good. Work is stressing me out but it's getting better. What is new with you? Did you graduate and did you move yet? You were saying you are moving to new apartment last time?

Him: Yea I am graduating next week and yes I did move.

Me: Oh great, how many roommates do you have? Are they girls or guys?

Him: I have 4 random roommates, both guys and girls. I have to get going now, but keep your head up good luck at work and see ya"

Me: Bye

The following day, I went on Facebook and noticed that he restricted me. I can only see his profile pic and not much else. I can't see his wall or any of his pictures anymore. I think I was asking too many questions about guy roommates girl roommates, so he felt that I was stalking him. So he restricted me because he doesn't want me to know what he is doing or what he is up to. I still want him to be my friend and maybe even romantic relationship with him. We were intimate in the past when we were dating last year. So we have a history together. I want to date him again.