Connie123 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I just started talking to an old friend again, we've been talking back and forth like every six months, but it has never been a long or continuing conversation, more polite talk; how are you? How's the US? How's school? Like your new job? Met any nice boys over there? Those sorts of things, now as mentioned earlier we have started talking more, and we (I feel like) have been teasing each other, joking etc, and we have talked about skyping which we did last Sunday. Our messages can be rather sporadic because I live in Washington state and he lives in New Zealand, it's only temporary for the both of us. But he is staying in NZ for another six months and I'm gonna live in the states for another year. We can't see each other during my summer break because he is staying in NZ all summer. We have known each other for almost three years now, we meet while I was an undergrad and he was doing his masters. I was 19 when we met, and we met through my flatmates, he did archery and they joined the university club, I kinda trailed along and met him. We never spent time alone, not that it mattered at the time, I thought he was attractive, and that was about it. About 4 months after we met, I made the difficult decision to leave university and move back home. I was burned out and needed to take some time off. We said our goodbyes, he didn't really know I was leaving until the night before. I knew I wasn't coming back. Sorry, back to the present. As I said, we have been talking a lot on facebook, but the 19 hour time difference makes our messages kinda sporadic. And some of the messages he has sent have made me wonder if he is flirting or if he likes me; I told him we could face time instead of skype. And his reply was "Ha ha, as long as I get to see your face while I talk then that's fine ha ha" and when I replied, fine forgot what I look like?! His response "Ha ha, I wouldn't say no to a reminder" and so on, he teased me saying why are you at the Athletics banquet? You're not an athlete. And after our conversation and I send him a message saying don't eat junk food, his reply is; you look great btw And we have been going back and forth, at one point he said to me; I just want what's best for you. And today, we were talking and he said he was just done at the gym, I asked if he had a good morning, he said he smashed it and sent me a gym photo. A nice photo which kinda made my knees into jello. I am rather torn, between my heart and my brain. Firstly, why now? Feelings don't just appear out of the blue after almost 3 years of not seeing each other, the time difference is the second thing. And the fact we are not gonna see each other for at least another year. Maybe I am over thinking this? I probably am. It is just difficult you know. I finally gave up on guys for the time being and started focus on myself. And then I am just scared, because I used to like him, as well as the fact that he has known me for a while. Some of my best memories from my time as a fresher was moments with him. Like Halloween, doing archery in our costumes, the archery Christmas dinner, the Christmas dinner that me and my flatmates made for us and all of our closest friends. We were talking about it during our skype conversation, he was even the one who started mentioning it; saying does days hanging out in my kitchen were so fun. I have to agree, I have so many good memories from that time, but also a lot of bad ones. And he is bringing it all back up again. When we ended our conversation, my heart sank and I got so sad, I just didn't know if it was because I was missing the life I used to have back then or because I missed him. I have asked my friends what they think; either they say, I have no idea or he likes you. I kinda wanna know, mostly because it's killing me on the inside, but at the same time, I don't want to know. So, we are not supposed to be more than friends, that that's fine, I just want to know. I mean, we will always stay friends, we are that kind of friends that can talk like we have always been in the same place, even though it has been 10 years. good god, I will invite him to my wedding whenever I'll get married. It was just so nice to get back in touch, and when he started flirting I didn't really know what to think or what to say, I mean, it's been three years now, we have both changed so much, and it's difficult to remember exactly how he was with me, if this is the same behavior or if it's different. I'm turning 22 and he's almost 25. We have grown and changed so much. Basically, I could just really use some advice. I'm just really lost in this. It´s pretty much been a whole week since I first wrote this, and never posted it. We have continued talking, and things are good. We are still flirting, and I happened to get sick over the past week. He even sent me a text saying, man up and keep that lovely smile on your face. I would this to go further once we both go back to Europe. But I am trying not to get my hopes up. I do not wanna get hurt again. Also, I have often had problems with guys because many of them just do not talk to me, when I go out with my friends I just stand there awkwardly in a corner, and no one will approach me. Some of my friends think it is because I give signals as very confident, which is so far from the truth. I am a very self-conscious and insecure person to begin with, I have gotten better with age, and college as well. And sometimes I catch myself wondering if he is the person I am supposed to be in a relationship with, because we have already established a friendship. He is not intimidated by my "confidence" and is okay with my crazy attitude. I don´t even care that he is only 5´9 or 5`10 and I´m 5´11-6´0, which pretty much has always been a deal breaker for me.
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