What should you do if your gf verbally abuses during one of her rants?

[andreap]

I have been a couple of years in a relationship. This may be her third or fourth angry rant during our time together. The problem is, if that I do not know if I should tell her not do it again and just keep going as usual, or do something more drastic. She insulted really really bad. How bad? Honestly, if it was my daughter that got insulted like that, I would tell her to ditch the guy.

I love my gf, kind of confuse how to deal with the issue.

[mrldii]

My advice to you would be the same as to a woman who's experienced the same thing from her BF:

 

Tell him/her it's unacceptable and will no longer be tolerated. After talking the talk, be prepared to walk the walk when and if he/she does it again.

 

Be very prepared to walk, as the fact that you've allowed it to happen 2 or 3 more times after the first time means she probably will think you're bluffing. Don't be.

 

 

Good luck, OP!

[andreap]

A part of me thinks that in every relationship there are going to be problems an I should handle this like another one without making a big deal. The other part of me tells me, that I have never insulted or disrespected a woman and that type of behaviour is unnecessary and should not be tolerated. What I do not know if what I expect and reality are the same? 4 times in a relationship of 4 years, is that normal? Is that to be expected? I mean if the harm is just that bad moment, is it really that important?

I guess I am confused haha.

[mrldii]

You are correct, OP - every relationship is going to have "problems"; you should be commended for your desire/ability to stick-to-it, through these "problems".

 

However, there are "problems" and then there are "problems".

 

"Problems" are things like not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, leaving the toilet seat up, forgetting to call when you're going to be late, etc.

 

"Problems" are things like "Well, she's only cheated on me 3 or 4 times in the couple of years we've been together", "he's only hit me 3 or 4 times...", "she's only had sex with underage school children 3 or 4 times...", etc.

 

 

There's a difference between "problems" and "problems"; emotional abuse/ venomous words is a "problem".

 

Unless, of course, a person enjoys abuse; then it is a "pleasure" and can be the glue that holds a relationship together. Because of the wording of your OP, it doesn't read like you're enjoying it...

 

...you just haven't done anything to put an end to it.

[d0nnivain]

When things are calmer speak to her again about her language choices when angry. If the pattern continues consider it unbreakable & act accordingly. If she changes, then you know she took your words to heart & is trying to chance.

 

While it's not ideal, I hardly consider insulting words hurled in the heat of the moment to be abusive unless you fight all the time. I see tremendous room for improvement but especially if after a talk in a quieter moment things improve that is progress.

[seamos]

The saying about sticks and stones doesn't apply to relationships! Words do hurt and can do a lot of damage.

 

A girlfriend explained to me one time after I had said things I shouldn't have, that once something is said it can't be taken back, it will always be there even when the argument is over.

 

As simple as that sounds I had never thought of it that way before and it made me more careful of my words ever since.

 

Maybe if you explain it to her that way it will help.

 

I wouldn't put up w/ much more verbal abuse though.

 

Good luck.