Grey40 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 So set up a date last night with a girl for tonight on tinder. She gave me her number to make the logistics of the date easier. I sent her a couple texts last night just to make sure she has my number saved and what not. Should I text her today or just wait until later when I'm going to pick her up? I don't want to come off desperate.
smackie9 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Call her not text, that you are on your way and you look forward to seeing her. I'm assuming you are in your 40's? If so texting is for teenagers, not mature middle age men.
Author Grey40 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 Actually no just used 40 in my username. I'm actually only 27. 1
Karine26 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 What do you want to text her? I know a lot of people past a certain age always say "call instead of text" but texting is the way of the world now a days and I know many people who actually get annoyed or think its weird when people call them lol especially when you don't really have anything to say (and these are people of all ages) If she's 23 its definitely ok to text but I would stay away from the generic "hey how is your day going?" texts. Just save the conversation for your date. Maybe you can text to confirm or to make a simple comment about the night ahead. If she doesn't hear something from you she may think you are flaking since you met on Tinder and flaking is pretty common. Have fun!! 1
Author Grey40 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 Yeah I mean we had light text conversation last night, but it ended with her not responding to one of my questions, so I got worried maybe something threw her off, just didn't want to screw up the opportunity, but yeah I'm just going to text today to confirm the date and pick up time etc, should I be concerned she hasn't reached out at all today thus far?
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 About 2-3 hours before the date you can call to confirm. That is polite & prudent since you don't know each other. If you are too cowardly to call, 3-4 hours before you can send one text: Confirming we're still on for tonight. Pick you up at ____ (fill in time). A confirmation is just that. It's prudent, not desperate. You wouldn't attend a business meeting without confirmation. So you can confirm a social engagement too. I'm kind of surprised she's letting you pick her up. Giving some stranger your home address & agreeing to be trapped in a car with that person you don't know is dangerous & unwise. You best keep your guard up. Women can be dangerous too. What if she has a knife or something in her purse? 2
Karine26 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Yeah I mean we had light text conversation last night, but it ended with her not responding to one of my questions, so I got worried maybe something threw her off, just didn't want to screw up the opportunity, but yeah I'm just going to text today to confirm the date and pick up time etc, should I be concerned she hasn't reached out at all today thus far? Hmm what was your last question that she didn't respond to? I have been guilty of not texting the day of the date just bc my energy is focused on looking good for the date and I also have been guilty of not texting before the date bc I wasn't really that excited about it and was somehow hoping the guy would flake haha Its definitely not anything to spend time worrying about. What kind of vibe have you been getting from her otherwise?
morrowrd Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Call her not text, that you are on your way and you look forward to seeing her. I'm assuming you are in your 40's? If so texting is for teenagers, not mature middle age men. That's not true.
Philosopher Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I agree with those saying you should call her. Since you have already set up the date, call her to arrange the logistics of the date. Only text her if she does not answer and return your call. I have generally found dates go considerably better when I have heard their voice prior to the date. 1
Author Grey40 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 So I just sent her a text about an hour ago telling her I'll pick her up at 9 (this is just a getting drinks date). Asked if that sounds good and everything..no response yet. Damnit. Hope she doesn't flake but I'm not liking the chances right now. Last night it was just a very short convo..she said she was at a bar do I was asking her what she likes to drink and stuff. I asked her what kind of drink she was drinking and haven't heard from her since. So I know it's nothing that I did. Could be just that she's been busy today, do you think I should still call her like an hour or so before or should I assume the no response means not interested?
Karine26 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I DO agree that you should call someone before an Online date to hear their voice to feel out the vibe and see how the conversation flows. For some reason I assumed that you already heard her voice lol ...I have saved myself a lot of time by doing the same. I don't think it will hurt to call because you DO have plans but if she doesn't pick up just move on. I wouldn't even leave a message.
Author Grey40 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 Cool thanks for the advice. I'll def give her a cal like an hour ahead of time and see if she picks up. And yeah, if she doesn't pick up I'll just have to move on. Would be surprising though, I mean we only talked very briefly but she seemed very excited to hang out. She said she was "stoked" to go somewhere new and gave me her number very easily, and I didn't even have to ask for it. So not sure what would have changed but there's no point in getting caught up thinking about something you'll never find the answer to. 1
Karine26 Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 I have definitely had that happen to me before (someone seeming excited only to never hear from them again) so I know how you feel. Unfortunately, many people go Online for the wrong reasons and sometimes genuine people end up being caught in the crossfire. But good luck and keep us updated! :-)
Author Grey40 Posted May 15, 2016 Author Posted May 15, 2016 Update: Ok, so she apologized for not getting back to me, said her phone was dead all day, and then said she was too tired to hang out, but offered to hang out tonight instead when she gets home from a family engagement. However, I haven't heard from her today yet either lol, this is a little absurd. No text, no call or update or nothing. We texted a lot last night, and the conversation was good, flirty, friendly and sounded like we both really want to meet. I could reach out to her, but I feel like tonight should be on her to make the connection considering how she ditched me the night before. I feel like if she actually genuinely wants to hang out at this point, that she'll reach out to me, no?
Author Grey40 Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 Update: ok, so I reached out to her again, asking how the family thing went. An hour later: Her: sorry I just responded to this so late Me: it's ok, you seem like a busy girl haha Her: I am lately! Me: That's not a bad thing, though it doesn't mix well with meeting up haha, are you still interested? No response. So I reply back: Me: it's alright if you're not Still nothing. Man. I guess she doesn't have the balls.
IslandDude Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Update: ok, so I reached out to her again, asking how the family thing went. An hour later: Her: sorry I just responded to this so late Me: it's ok, you seem like a busy girl haha Her: I am lately! Me: That's not a bad thing, though it doesn't mix well with meeting up haha, are you still interested? No response. So I reply back: Me: it's alright if you're not Still nothing. Man. I guess she doesn't have the balls. This happens to me all the time. Aziz Ansari has a great bit of stand up about it. He talks about how he's texting back and forth with a girl for a long time and then when things are going good he's like "okay great so how about we go get some pizza this Friday night?" And then he never heard anything else from her.
UltimaWeapon Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Never ask questions like that over text. It will never end well, considering you two haven't even met or had a date yet. Her actions should have been your answer; she clearly does not care and is toying with you. I learned this the hard way; as much as you want to see someone and how badly you want it to happen forcing it or continuing to ask will not make that person want you or see you- it has to be a natural response on their end. For the future, if a girl flakes on you once; its on her to initiate next time. If she flakes again or you don't hear from her - just move on to something else. Your texting came off as incredibly needy; especially the " its okay if you aren't interested." NEVER EVER text something like that. That indirectly shows her that you have no other options around- you aren't busy; you are too concerned with what will happen between you two. Someone who has options and other girls to see or talk too would never give this girl the time of day. 1
Author Grey40 Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 (edited) Yeah, I was worried that it came off hat way, definitely pissed I sent those last few messages, but yeah the fact that she flaked the first time, offered to hang out the following day and then went totally silent and didn't reach out to me should have been enough to tell me. I'm just still new at this I guess. She was cute too, so I wanted to believe that she was maybe honestly just too busy this weekend and maybe I should give her a chance. At this point I guess I will move on? I was considering waiting 2-3 days and then maybe trying to initiate another date/hangout to see if she answers, but based on what you said, seems like I'm probably wasting my time right? There was just something about her I was hung up on, sucks to let a potential opportunity slip by, but then again, it's probably not really an opportunity lol. Edited May 16, 2016 by Grey40
Author Grey40 Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 Update: Ok so now I need serious help. So she actually replied to my weak text asking if she's still interested. She said she is interested she's just been really busy lately. She says "hopefully we can find a time a meet up really soon". How should I move forward?
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 She's playing games but if you are willing to play (& I think it's OK if you are) text back something like: Glad you hear that. Since you are the one with the busy schedule, I'll leave it to you to plan our outing. FYI I am busy on _____ {fill in date} but if you give me some notice I can otherwise be somewhat flexible. Then you go about your life assuming you will never hear from her again. If you do, great. But if you don't at least you tried, & you won't be too disappointed.
Author Grey40 Posted May 16, 2016 Author Posted May 16, 2016 Yeah its not taking any energy and I do find her very attractive, so I'm willing to see where it goes. I think I'm going to wait a day or two, and then ask her when/what day she's available to hang out again, and then take it from there. If she bails out again though, that will definitely be the end of it.
Cinnamonstix Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Update: ok, so I reached out to her again, asking how the family thing went. An hour later: Her: sorry I just responded to this so late Me: it's ok, you seem like a busy girl haha Her: I am lately! Me: That's not a bad thing, though it doesn't mix well with meeting up haha, are you still interested? No response. So I reply back: Me: it's alright if you're not Still nothing. Man. I guess she doesn't have the balls. A word of advice, save the "haha" for when something is actually funny. Otherwise it looks insecure. And obviously you already know about the cringey-ness of "are you still interested?" and "it's alright if you're not" part. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Update: ok, so I reached out to her again, asking how the family thing went. An hour later: Her: sorry I just responded to this so late Me: it's ok, you seem like a busy girl haha Her: I am lately! Me: That's not a bad thing, though it doesn't mix well with meeting up haha, are you still interested? No response. So I reply back: Me: it's alright if you're not Still nothing. Man. I guess she doesn't have the balls. First - STOP with the 'ha ha' nonsense. Teenage girls say that and it makes you sound feminine. Secondly, her ditching you has nothing to do with having 'balls.' It has to do with her just not being interested enough to want to get out and see you. Here's a secret about women. When they're REALLY interested in you, they'll find the time to go out with you. Trust me, they will. When they have a very LOW amount of interest, some will give you just enough feeble attention - exactly like she's doing - to keep you hanging around wagging your tail just in case all her other options don't pan out. And she has all the power. Because she's blown you off and shown MINIMAL interest in you and she's been vague and non-committal about setting up an actual time and day in the future. That SCREAMS low interest. And you keep hanging on like a stray dog, eager for a scrap from her. And she knows it. You've sent the wrong message and she knows whose in charge. Move on. She's blown you off TWICE. Why would you even consider giving her a 3rd chance to blow you off? I don't get it.
Author Grey40 Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 (edited) First - STOP with the 'ha ha' nonsense. Teenage girls say that and it makes you sound feminine. Secondly, her ditching you has nothing to do with having 'balls.' It has to do with her just not being interested enough to want to get out and see you. Here's a secret about women. When they're REALLY interested in you, they'll find the time to go out with you. Trust me, they will. When they have a very LOW amount of interest, some will give you just enough feeble attention - exactly like she's doing - to keep you hanging around wagging your tail just in case all her other options don't pan out. And she has all the power. Because she's blown you off and shown MINIMAL interest in you and she's been vague and non-committal about setting up an actual time and day in the future. That SCREAMS low interest. And you keep hanging on like a stray dog, eager for a scrap from her. And she knows it. You've sent the wrong message and she knows whose in charge. Move on. She's blown you off TWICE. Why would you even consider giving her a 3rd chance to blow you off? I don't get it. Didn't realize haha was such a big deal, thought it kept things lighthearted, and less stressful for her. It shows I'm not mad. But I understand what you're saying. Yes, she blew me off twice, but for what I could tell were legitimate reasons. The first night she worked until 9, and was too tired to hang out, had to wake up at 7am the following day. She went to a bridal shower out of town the entire next day and didn't get back until late. So while I agree that if she was really that interested she would have made time, but these did seem like semi-legitimate excuses. I'm not going to even contact again at this point, I'll assume that she's not interested and we'll find out if she reaches out to me. Secondly, if she wasn't interested then she shouldn't tell me she is. Have the balls to tell me you're not. Simple as that. It has everything to do with not being able to handle the situation. I'm being upfront saying it doesn't bother me if she's not, so I out the ball in her court to tell me she's not interested. Instead she went out of her way tell me that she is interested and still wants to hang out. Why? Answer that one for me Lois. I would get the hint if she didn't answer my texts or anything and blew me off, but she's answering me specifically telling me she's interested. Why the hell would she say that it she's not? Most girls just go silent or tell you directly, they don't lead you on like that. Maybe to keep me around if other options pan out? seems dumb to me. Edited May 17, 2016 by Grey40
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