Stasiman Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 (edited) Been with a girl for 6 months, we've had a great time and generally things went really well. We had our first fight a month ago and since then things have gone downhill. Im a very open and receptive person who is good at bridge building and compromise, finding a common ground etc. She is the opposite and during/after a fight tends to crawl into her shell and shut me me off. After our first fight it was very difficult for us to resolve things as she just wouldnt communicate at all and I put in all the effort to make up, apologised etc. Resentments from the issue that caused the fight (which wasnt a particularly huge issue) lingered and when we had another fight two weeks ago the same issue got mentioned by her again. She has a fair degree of emotional baggage from her ex husband leaving her two years ago and frankly doesnt seem to have quite gotten over it (I dont think she ever will). Shes very closed off and cant communicate at all. So after the fight we had two weeks ago I gave her some space, didnt hear anything from her for 4 days so decided to send her an email explaining everything and where I had gone wrong. I apologised and said some very romantic things, told her I dont want to break up at all and gave her the option of ending our relationship (by telling her I will understand if she wants to end it). I received no reply and didnt hear off her for another 5 days. Last night (whilst drunk) I texted her asking why she was ignoring me. She told me she wasnt she just didnt know what to say to me. I then said I was hurt she hadnt let me know where I stood and that even I text to say she wanted to end it would have been fair. I then told her if she wants to end it just let me know. She replied in an angry way saying 'Ok if thats what you want fine'. Then she went on to say how upset she is it came to this and she didnt think it would happen. I told her I dont want to break up and ended up sending her a bunch of drunken angry messages saying how upset I was that she had ignored me all week. Shes back to ignoring me again now. I sent her a text saying Im upset it has come to this and how I never wanted things to end but will not contact her again. What the hell do I do? It appears she doesnt actually want to break up and neither do I but somehow we are. She is making zero effort to fix our problems and isnt communicating with me in regard to it all but doesnt seem to want to break up. I have done everything possible to try and repair things but she just wont do anything at her end. Edited May 14, 2016 by Stasiman
266696687 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Been with a girl for 6 months, we've had a great time and generally things went really well. We had our first fight a month ago and since then things have gone downhill. Im a very open and receptive person who is good at bridge building and compromise, finding a common ground etc. She is the opposite and during/after a fight tends to crawl into her shell and shut me me off. After our first fight it was very difficult for us to resolve things as she just wouldnt communicate at all and I put in all the effort to make up, apologised etc. Resentments from the issue that caused the fight (which wasnt a particularly huge issue) lingered and when we had another fight two weeks ago the same issue got mentioned by her again. She has a fair degree of emotional baggage from her ex husband leaving her two years ago and frankly doesnt seem to have quite gotten over it (I dont think she ever will). Shes very closed off and cant communicate at all. So after the fight we had two weeks ago I gave her some space, didnt hear anything from her for 4 days so decided to send her an email explaining everything and where I had gone wrong. I apologised and said some very romantic things, told her I dont want to break up at all and gave her the option of ending our relationship (by telling her I will understand if she wants to end it). I received no reply and didnt hear off her for another 5 days. Last night (whilst drunk) I texted her asking why she was ignoring me. She told me she wasnt she just didnt know what to say to me. I then said I was hurt she hadnt let me know where I stood and that even I text to say she wanted to end it would have been fair. I then told her if she wants to end it just let me know. She replied in an angry way saying 'Ok if thats what you want fine'. Then she went on to say how upset she is it came to this and she didnt think it would happen. I told her I dont want to break up and ended up sending her a bunch of drunken angry messages saying how upset I was that she had ignored me all week. Shes back to ignoring me again now. I sent her a text saying Im upset it has come to this and how I never wanted things to end but will not contact her again. What the hell do I do? It appears she doesnt actually want to break up and neither do I but somehow we are. She is making zero effort to fix our problems and isnt communicating with me in regard to it all but doesnt seem to want to break up. I have done everything possible to try and repair things but she just wont do anything at her end. Stop listening to what she is saying and pay close attention to her actions. She's been ignoring you. She's trying to make the 'end' your responsibility when all you are doing is trying to communicate with her. She turned it back round on you with 'fine if that what YOU want'. She's gone back to ignoring you. She is making zero effort to fix things or talk to you. What she is doing is being a coward. She clearly wants the end of the relationship but doesn't have the courage or decency to let you know. She also doesn't want to responsibility of being the one to breakup with you (very childish) so is trying to make out as if that's what you wanted. I'm sorry but if she wanted to be with you she would be with you. Her actions are clear. Go NC - do not speak to her, text her, email her at all. If she wants to work on things she knows where you are. Let her go. Until she makes it clear she wants you back do not respond. 1
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