Is he not interested or just wanting to take things slow?

[Urban_decay]

I'm forty something and have been divorced for a few years and obviously brand new to the dating world.

 

This lady that is a client of mine wanted to introduce me to her son. He is my age and we have a lot in common. Only issue is he lives a couple of hours away so I'm not sure how well I could cope with an LDR. The first time we went out we just met for drinks. It was weird and awkward and I personally didn't feel like we had any kind of connection. Over the past few weeks he has texted me almost every day and even called me once. I started to like him just a little. I'm not sure if I like him or the fact that someone was texting me everyday and giving me attention.I want to add that when he sends me texts they are never flirty and a lot of times they are about his work or just general superficial stuff.

 

This past weekend he was in town and sent me a text about 8:30 on Friday evening asking if I wanted to come over to his parents place to hang out, play games and have a drink or two. So I went. His parents went to bed and we stayed up talking till like two in the morning. I thought to myself " I could really like this guy if I let myself". When I went to leave he gave me a long hug, well actually two long hugs but never went in for the kiss. Which is ok I guess. He suggested doing something the next evening as he had something he was doing with his parents on Saturday.

 

I didn't hear from him all day Saturday until about 7pm. We texted back and forth and no mention of going out again. Finally about 9 pm I sent him a text and asked him if he felt up to doing something but I knew he had a long day and a couple of hours worth of driving on Sunday. He said " I am kind of tired but I would like to see you again before I go home". So we met for drinks but only for about two hours. Once again he walked me to my car but only gave me a hug. I think I have somehow managed to friendzone myself.

 

He did text me yesterday when he got home and today like he normally does but no mention of seeing me again.

 

What do you guys think? Did I blow it or is he maybe the type that moves slow? Does it seem like he is interested or am I friendzoned? I don't really want to pressure him or ask him either if that makes sense.

 

I have no idea how to date at this age and I feel so stupid

[preraph]

Because there's the client relationship, he's probably been told to take it slow and respectful. You might just want to lean in and kiss him to hurry things along.

[Urban_decay]

I was introduced to this guy about two months ago by his parents. He lives a few hours away but not far enough away for it not to work. He comes up to my home town at least once a month and the last few times that he has been here we have hung out. The first time we hung out I wasn't all that impressed to be honest and just kind of wrote him off but he kept texting and I kept responding and I started to enjoy getting to know him. The second time we hung out we parted with a long hug but no kiss. I was ok with this because I'm not one to rush into things. After he went back home he started not only texting me but calling me a few times as well. Again, I started to believe that my first impression of him was wrong and I really started liking this guy.

 

He was up here again last weekend and we went to a movie. While we were at the movies he held my hand. (I was thinking finally you are making a move). After the movie he asked if I wanted to go back to his parents to watch tv or something and I was like sure. His parents were already turned in for the night so we went down into the basement and snuggled up on the couch and watched tv until 4 in the morning. I was having a great time and he kept saying things like i wish I could stay for a few more days and I don't want you to go home when I told him it was getting late and I should go. When he walked me to my car he kissed me and guys it was the worst kiss I have ever had lol. He is a horrible kisser. I made sure to kiss him a few more times to make sure that the first one just wasn't nerves. I drove home kind of disappointed but I really like the guy so I'm willing to overlook the bad kissing part. Now if it gets to the point where we have sex and its bad then maybe I will have different thoughts.

 

So he arrives back home to his place and texts and calls as normal but absolutely no mention of the other night AT ALL. I have tried to playfully flirt with him in my texts and he is either too dense to notice or he chooses to ignore it. He will throw out something flirtatious and when I respond he ignores it. The flirting is not even sexual which I don't understand because usually by now a guy would be sexting. That's not what I really want at the moment but it would be nice to get some kind of feedback from him as to where this thing is going. So is he interested or was the other night just a moment we shared? I don't think he has anyone else. He is always home in the evenings and texts me constantly throughout the day. I don't mind taking things slow if that is what is deal is but I don't want to waste my time if he is just playing me either.

 

There is one weird thing about him; he makes tons of money and while he has never talked about his salary he is always texting me unsolicited pictures of his sports car (that he doesn't drive up here to see his parents) and his pool. Why? He has mentioned his car a few times in passing and I have never really said anything about it because things like that don't impress me at all. Last night out of the blue he sent me a picture of it. I sent a text back saying sweet ride and left it at that. I don't know why this bugs me, maybe it's because I drive a beat up 12 year old car that is paid for and live in a modest home where a pool is just something I can only dream of. I will admit in this aspect I feel very insecure like he's out of my league financially and sooner or later he is going to judge me on that fact.

 

Thoughts or perspectives?? What I'm really wanting to know is if you guys think he is interested and just wants to take things slow or he just sees me as this chick he can hang out with when he is visiting his parents? We are both in our 40s so it's not like this is our first rodeo.

[elaine567]

Bad kisser, living with parents I thought 18, give him time, but he's in his forties and that puts a different perspective on it.

Why is he living at home?

Is he making "tons of money" or is he just the spoilt son getting a sports car from Mummy and Daddy..?

[d0nnivain]

Since he's sending the sports car pictures, reply back that he should drive it up to see his parents next time & take you for a ride.

 

 

Next pool picture say you'd love to take a dip & you'd be happy to drive to his one weekend he doesn't come up to see the parents.

 

 

Work on teaching him to be a better kisser. I'd fix that before I hopped into bed with him. If can't take direction, there is no hope.

[Versacehottie]

Wait, you feel insecure that he is sending you pics of "his" car?

 

That is about the most insecure move a guy could make. See if you like my car so you will like me more. Plus very shady that he doesn't drive it up when he comes to your area. Sounds like it's not his TBH. I agree ask him to take you for a ride next time.

 

I wouldn't worry about him not liking you because you don't have the same amount of money (ahem, if he is even all that he claims to be, not so sure about that). Guys that like to lead with their money (well and lots of guys) don't mind if you don't have as much as he does. Makes him feel important.

 

Try to sort out the kissing thing. It's not impossible I know 1-2 people who have done it. My friend just told her guy that he sucked and then taught him how--they are still together--oh and weirdly, he is a very good looking guy so not sure how he got this far lacking those skills. I can't even imagine but if it's in your personality and you like this one enough, might be worth it to speak up. Good luck

[Porter56]

Is his car a Jaguar by chance? Lol

[Urban_decay]

Bad kisser, living with parents I thought 18, give him time, but he's in his forties and that puts a different perspective on it.

Why is he living at home?

Is he making "tons of money" or is he just the spoilt son getting a sports car from Mummy and Daddy..?

 

 

He doesn't live with his parents, he just comes up this way for a visit every few weeks. Hell no, I wouldn't date a gut still living with the rents lol. I think he makes good money and while that's nice and all to me it's not even remotely the most important thing in a relationship.

[Urban_decay]

Is his car a Jaguar by chance? Lol

 

No lol, not that fancy

[Urban_decay]

Wait, you feel insecure that he is sending you pics of "his" car?

 

That is about the most insecure move a guy could make. See if you like my car so you will like me more. Plus very shady that he doesn't drive it up when he comes to your area. Sounds like it's not his TBH. I agree ask him to take you for a ride next time.

 

I wouldn't worry about him not liking you because you don't have the same amount of money (ahem, if he is even all that he claims to be, not so sure about that). Guys that like to lead with their money (well and lots of guys) don't mind if you don't have as much as he does. Makes him feel important.

 

Try to sort out the kissing thing. It's not impossible I know 1-2 people who have done it. My friend just told her guy that he sucked and then taught him how--they are still together--oh and weirdly, he is a very good looking guy so not sure how he got this far lacking those skills. I can't even imagine but if it's in your personality and you like this one enough, might be worth it to speak up. Good luck

 

It's not so much that it make me feel insecure but that it's a little off putting. Material things do not impress me and while I'm not sure if that is his motive or not, I just think it's weird for someone to send me a picture of a car of of the blue. I don't send him pictures of my beat up Honda civc lol.

 

I could see if he were 20 and doing that but 40???

[Urban_decay]

Since he's sending the sports car pictures, reply back that he should drive it up to see his parents next time & take you for a ride.

 

 

Next pool picture say you'd love to take a dip & you'd be happy to drive to his one weekend he doesn't come up to see the parents.

 

Maybe I will respond with take me to a ride next time...

 

I'm going to work on the kissing thing or at least give him a few more chances because I really like him. I'm nowhere near ready to hop in bed with the guy. I can't deal with bad kissing and bad sex though.. that's gonna be a deal breaker no matter how much I like him.

 

Work on teaching him to be a better kisser. I'd fix that before I hopped into bed with him. If can't take direction, there is no hope.

 

Thats a good repsonse and I think I'm going to use it next time he semds me a picture of the damn car. As for the kissing, I'm not giving up on him just yet and that's got to improve before I sleep with him. In my experience bad kissing usually ends up being bad sex and I can't go there no matter how much I like him. I may end up having to friend zone the guy if the kissing thing doesn't improve.

[Porter56]

This guy sounds like a complete tool.

 

Your describing guys I knew in COLLEGE. So the fact that he's in his 40's is disturbing as far as his behavior is concerned. He's a bum.

[Urban_decay]

This guy sounds like a complete tool.

 

Your describing guys I knew in COLLEGE. So the fact that he's in his 40's is disturbing as far as his behavior is concerned. He's a bum.

 

See that's just it, in a way he kind of reminds me of a college dude. He doesn't take complements well either which bothers me but it could explain why he isn't very flirtatious. Maybe he doesn't know how???

[Versacehottie]

It's not so much that it make me feel insecure but that it's a little off putting. Material things do not impress me and while I'm not sure if that is his motive or not, I just think it's weird for someone to send me a picture of a car of of the blue. I don't send him pictures of my beat up Honda civc lol.

 

I could see if he were 20 and doing that but 40???

 

Yes it's completely lame. I'll bet he doesn't own the car. If he did own the sports car, I can't think of a better time to drive it than on a 2 hour or so drive to hometown to take out his new girl. Think about it. Either way, it's lame. And lame for him to think it would be impressive in the way he has shown you. Totally off-putting and juvenile. Actually, you should send him a pic of your beat up civic. It would show you have a sense of humor and that he needs to show up with his "real car" next time.

 

yes totally ridiculous. I'd be dropping him for that alone and the bad kissing and the long distance. he doesn't sound like a prize.

[smackie9]

My impression, there's a reason why his parents introduced him to you.....because they want their son to get off his ass and meet someone. I don't care if he's 40 something, I would say this guy has zero experience so ya I'm gonna go with clueless. And there is a strong possibility he has never had sex, just saying those kind of guys are actually out there. As for the pics, they could be someone elses car and he's just bsing ya that he actually makes money to impress you. If I were you I would go visit him and check things out.

[smackie9]

BTW you have pointed out nothing but a multitude of red flags, crucial one too! What's your deal? Why are you putting so much effort into making this work??? Don't you think you can do much better? or do you have trouble with dating/ getting guys interested?

[Urban_decay]

BTW you have pointed out nothing but a multitude of red flags, crucial one too! What's your deal? Why are you putting so much effort into making this work??? Don't you think you can do much better? or do you have trouble with dating/ getting guys interested?

 

Good question... I like him, we have a lot in common and he's fun to hang out with. I don't know why though that I care so much to be honest. I could probably do better. It's hard dating in your 40s though. The good ones are already taken and the single ones are either players or like this guy.

[Urban_decay]

I posted a few weeks back about a guy I was introduced to by his parents. We hit it off except for the fact that he was a horrible kisser. He lives a few hours away but not far enough away for this not to work. I decided to give him one more shot just to see if the first kiss was some kind of nervous jitters or something.

 

He was in town last weekend visiting his parents and he seemed really excited about hanging out with me. We never actually went "out" anywhere, instead we hung out at his parents and my place and watched TV. The first night we made out a little bit but it was late and I needed to go home. The kissing somewhat improved but it was still a little awkward. The next evening he came over to my place. We ended up making out again and the kissing was fine.. here is where the problem lies. He never even attempted to go past first base. I tried but he would never initiate back so I didn't press the issue. Never in my entire life have I ever made out with a guy and twice for that matter when the guy didn't at least try to unhook my bra etc. It's not like we are in middle school you guys, we are in our 40's so things should have happened.

 

I went over to his parents for dinner the next day and he was acting like I was his girlfriend but that has not been discussed either. I feel like since we live a few hours away from each other that it's something that should be discussed because otherwise I feel like I'm free to date other people. He did tell me that he was going to miss me when we said goodbye which I thought was sweet.

 

He calls me at least every other day and texts me throughout the day as well so communication is great right now. However when I throw in a sexual innuendo or try to flirt with him he ignores it and changes the subject. What guy does that????????

 

He is either gay ( which I don't think he is because he had an erection when we were making out)

He is either a virgin or very inexperienced ( I haven't decided if that would be a total deal breaker or not as I feel like I'm too old to teach someone how to be good in bed)

He either has a small d**k and is embarrassed or he has ED.

 

I'm sort of leaning towards him being inexperienced or him being a virgin just because of the very awkward first kiss and the fact that he didn't even try to hit second base when we were making out.

 

I'm at a loss at what to do. I really like him, we have a lot in common, the same goals in life and I love hanging out with him. He doesn't talk about himself a whole lot in terms of past relationships etc and he hasn't asked me a single question about my past. It's almost like he is happy to be living in the present which is fine but still I would like to share some history just so that I will know him a little bit better.

 

If he lived in my town I would perhaps expect different things but he lives a few hours away so therefore I only get to see him maybe once or twice a month. He has yet to invite me down to his place and I'm not going to invite myself at least not for the first visit.

 

I made up my mind last night that I'm going to give him a few more weeks to make an effort to get to know me better and to speed up things in the intimacy department, if things haven't changed in a month or so then I'm going to just cut my losses and move on. It's not like I have a hard time finding dates, it's just hard at my age to find someone that has no kids and understands the reasons for not wanting any in the first place. Besides I like him a lot, but I want a boyfriend not a snuggle buddy. I can find the latter through a FWB thing. We have been talking and seeing each other for over two months. If he lived here in town things might be different but because he lives out of town the dynamics are different.

 

I'm so confused. Maybe he just isn't that into me!!!

[elaine567]

Maybe it is not etiquette to do so, but you have to invite yourself down to his place to find out what the deal is.

This doesn't seem like a great relationship anyway. He never takes you out and you don't have sex or anything close for two months. That is not really normal for most 40yos. He may be a virgin or very inexperienced but that often entails a load of baggage, do you want to get involved, especially as you are miles apart in distance too? He may be 40 but hanging about watching TV at his parents house, sounds like a teenager to me. Is he ready for a real relationship with a woman?

I am not a fan of LDRs anyway but I think here you could waste a lot of time and get nowhere fast.

If you have other options then I would suggest you take them

[clia]

Why isn't he taking you out on dates? Hanging out at his parents' house and having dinner with his parents seems really strange for two people in their 40s. It honestly doesn't sound like he's that interested in you and is more likely using you as a way to pass the time when he is in your town.

[NIGHT1985]

Why isn't he taking you out on dates? Hanging out at his parents' house and having dinner with his parents seems really strange for two people in their 40s. It honestly doesn't sound like he's that interested in you and is more likely using you as a way to pass the time when he is in your town.

 

 

 

Yea when I was reading this, I thought they had to be 16-18. Such a weird story lol

[DreamP]

Reading your story, sounds like this guys skipped the whole dating and excitement phase and went straight to boring married couple that doesn't have sex and only hangs out at family BBQs on a Sunday afternoon. Here are my thoughts.

 

He doesn't flirt. Not a big deal. Most men I know don't know how to flirt. They usually just go for the sex. They don't understand the subtleties of flirting.

 

But he is not very sexual either. If he isn't showing a lot of sexual interest right now, it only goes downhill from here. Are you OK being in a low sex relationship where you may always have to take the lead?

 

Showing you the car but not actually driving it is very childish. I know men like that. The car is the toy. They polish it. Talk about it a lot. But then never drive it. Not necessarily a bad thing altogether. Everybody has a right to have one childish hobby.

 

Not taking you out on a real date is an indicator that he is not up to date on social norms. At 40, that is super concerning. He sounds like a super dorky, stereotypical nerd that lacks social skills, plays with expensive toys and doesn't know how to treat a lady. Don't get me wrong, I know many nerds (myself being one) who still knows how to navigate the usual "normal" social customs, but also socializing through nerdy ways. If he really likes cars, he would have taken you to a car show. He should have at least taken you out to a nice restaurant, unless you told him you don't like fancy restaurant. That is a basic dating ritual.

 

This guy is way too much trouble. Do you want an adult or a teenager that needs to be taught how to do everything in a relationship.

[preraph]

I just think he's a very inexperienced guy and doesn't want to get in over his head right away. I don't see the problem with his texts, but then I hate people who waste flirting on sexts when they could be doing it in person.

 

In the absence of inexperienced, like if he's been married before, he could just be very buttoned up.

[Urban_decay]

Reading your story, sounds like this guys skipped the whole dating and excitement phase and went straight to boring married couple that doesn't have sex and only hangs out at family BBQs on a Sunday afternoon. Here are my thoughts.

 

He doesn't flirt. Not a big deal. Most men I know don't know how to flirt. They usually just go for the sex. They don't understand the subtleties of flirting.

 

But he is not very sexual either. If he isn't showing a lot of sexual interest right now, it only goes downhill from here. Are you OK being in a low sex relationship where you may always have to take the lead?

 

Showing you the car but not actually driving it is very childish. I know men like that. The car is the toy. They polish it. Talk about it a lot. But then never drive it. Not necessarily a bad thing altogether. Everybody has a right to have one childish hobby.

 

Not taking you out on a real date is an indicator that he is not up to date on social norms. At 40, that is super concerning. He sounds like a super dorky, stereotypical nerd that lacks social skills, plays with expensive toys and doesn't know how to treat a lady. Don't get me wrong, I know many nerds (myself being one) who still knows how to navigate the usual "normal" social customs, but also socializing through nerdy ways. If he really likes cars, he would have taken you to a car show. He should have at least taken you out to a nice restaurant, unless you told him you don't like fancy restaurant. That is a basic dating ritual.

 

This guy is way too much trouble. Do you want an adult or a teenager that needs to be taught how to do everything in a relationship.

 

This is what my gut has been telling me all along. I thought maybe it was just me... I just needed to hear it from someone else... I don't have time for this mess, I'm a grown woman not a teenager.. thanks for the clarification guys. I think I'm just going to go no contact.

[Tressugar]

I thought it was strange that he personally never invited you over to his crib. He thought by hanging out at his parents was the cool thing to do-NOT!

 

I'm willing to bet that if you could only go to his house, you would have all your questions answered.