jumpman23 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 So I've been dating this girl for 6 months. I'm 27 and she's 26. Recently, I found out from a friend that her brother and uncle were a high end drug dealer making at least half million dollars over 10 years . She never mentioned her relative's past, how do I broach this subject as they served federal time. Their offenses happened 7 years ago. Things have been going well between us, but this causes me to be concerned, as this was never mentioned. In fact I haven't met the brother yet. Now I understand why, however she always talks about him and their close relationship.
mikeylo Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Come on, it's not her, it's her brother. True but it can come back to bite him somehow IF the brother is still involved in those activities. OP, talk to her. You have a right to know what you are getting into. She should have told you herself. Since you are only 6 months into it and she has not yet established that you both are going to be long term serious , could be the reason she hasn't told yet.
brothers343 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 The past is the past. All of us have been sinners once ir twice in our lives.
Popsicle Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 True but it can come back to bite him somehow IF the brother is still involved in those activities. The title of his thread is "criminal past", as if it's her, not her brother.
Author jumpman23 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 True but it can come back to bite him somehow IF the brother is still involved in those activities. OP, talk to her. You have a right to know what you are getting into. She should have told you herself. Since you are only 6 months into it and she has not yet established that you both are going to be long term serious , could be the reason she hasn't told yet. Def should talk to her. He's actually exploiting the proceeds, starting a legitimate gem and jewelry business.
Art_Critic Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Def should talk to her. He's actually exploiting the proceeds, starting a legitimate gem and jewelry business. Didn't you say they did their time ? Why do you think it is up to you to tag your GF with something that is beyond her control, it is her Uncle and Brother that went to jail, they are also the people starting the Jewelry company... If someone pays for their crime and stays on the right side of the law what more can be asked. I think you are putting your nose in places that it doesn't concern you you are also going to ruin your relationship over the same. 3
Author jumpman23 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 Come on, it's not her, it's her brother. A person's past is relevant demonstrating a person's character. Yes, its her brother, who knows if I will have a relationship with him. My father does not associate with some of my mom's siblings in part based on their actions and behaviors.
Cherryz Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 We always get some warnings, and tips, and signs from the minute we meet someone or at a very early time,but we often dont listen! This information came to you because its important for you to know it now and not tomorrow or once you get more involved with this person! And now its up to you to do the right thing with it. Also you are dating someone to get to know each other. So when things comes up its exactly what you need and thats part of getting to know who you dealing with.So you can see if its someone you want to be with or no. So take care of it. Confront her about it. Ask her about if this is true and whats up with it and if you see this not look healthy and rigth for you then dont date her. Always choose for your own safety and happiness first. This may be her family and not her, but it still people that she is very close with and related to. And you will get involved with them at some point if you continue this relationship. She hangout with them so you will find yourself hanging out with them too or be around them. And criminals do solve things a way different way. And in the criminal world there is a lot of revenge taking place and if they come to shoot and you are with them, this criminals wont care that you have nothing to do with it. Beside it will shine on you as someone you are not, if people that do know more about them, see you walking with her. And see you as one of them. If this things you hear are not your way of living life, dont date people that are related to this kind of stuff in any kind of way. They can mess your life in a second. There are many girls out there that are not related true their family to criminal stuff. Go and find yourself one of them and have a relaxed life. Your guts telling you something, listen right away! DOnt ignore or try to change it. Dont live life just on romanticism(how cute she looks, or how nice she is) , see and accept the reality of things and take care of it. It safe you from so much more heartache and trouble. 2
Art_Critic Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 who knows if I will have a relationship with him. Exactly... Are you looking for a reason to dump your GF, because it seems like you are digging a little deep on this one and pinning it on her, who cares what her family does with tier life, look and worry about your GF and cross any other bridge as they come up. Don't turn a blind eye if they are still dealing but their past is the past 3
Popsicle Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 A person's past is relevant demonstrating a person's character. Yes, its her brother, who knows if I will have a relationship with him. My father does not associate with some of my mom's siblings in part based on their actions and behaviors. Again, is this thread about having a relationship with her or her brother? You did post it in the dating section.
Author jumpman23 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 Exactly... Are you looking for a reason to dump your GF, because it seems like you are digging a little deep on this one and pinning it on her, who cares what her family does with tier life, look and worry about your GF and cross any other bridge as they come up. Don't turn a blind eye if they are still dealing but their past is the past Yeah, kind of I think I'm searching for flaws, which is lack of maturity and also a sign that I don't think there is long term relationship potential. This is not the major issue that I'm pinning the relationship on, but I'm not sure emotionally we are compatible. On a positive note, the sex is quality, and she wants frequent contact. Maybe that's what's holding the relationship together. 1
Popsicle Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Yeah, kind of I think I'm searching for flaws, which is lack of maturity and also a sign that I don't think there is long term relationship potential. This is not the major issue that I'm pinning the relationship on, but I'm not sure emotionally we are compatible. Then dump her. 1
Methodical Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Sometimes ppl we love, family/friends, do bad things. That doesn't mean we approve or support their actions, but at the same time, abandonment isn't the answer either, especially when you truly care about that person. I can understand why she doesn't go around announcing her brother's past bc stigmatism attachment by associate is very real, as is the case here. I don't hold one person accountable for another person's actions. Unfortunately, whether or not she's close with her brother, some ppl will judge her bc of their blood relation. 1
Porter56 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 RUN!!! Have you ever seen Scarface? You don't want to end up in a shower getting cut up by a chainsaw do you? Lol
Urban_decay Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Maybe she is embarrassed of their behavior and is scared to tell you about it because well she is afraid that you will dump her. I would be mortified if it were me and wouldn't want anyone knowing. If you are trying to find flaws now though and don't see it as long term, let her go. It would he cruel to her if you continued. I would never judge someone due to something someone in their family did but that's just me. I can where something like felony drug charges would be a little unnerving.
seamos Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 That kind of thing is usually kept private. It doesn't sound like you were close enough to her to be in the "inner circle" and I can kind of see why. You heard this from a friend?? So it's kind of second hand news that you're not sure how much is even true. I think you're getting prematurely worked up over this (IMHO) On the plus side, being a high end drug dealer is better than being a low end one! LOL
katiegrl Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Yeah, kind of I think I'm searching for flaws, which is lack of maturity and also a sign that I don't think there is long term relationship potential. This is not the major issue that I'm pinning the relationship on, but I'm not sure emotionally we are compatible. On a positive note, the sex is quality, and she wants frequent contact. Maybe that's what's holding the relationship together. You don't need to search for flaws, you don't need to justify why you are not into her, or don't think it will work out. You KNOW if you were truly into her, you wouldn't give a hill of beans about her brother's past. So let's just forget that and get real. You are not into her, don't think you're compatible. That's fine! Just move on then, again you don need to justify it. Simply not being emotionally compatible is enough!
preraph Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I just think you need to have a talk with her and let her know that you would never want to be involved enough with him to be considered any type of friend or associate because you don't want any part of his legal problems. Chances are if she's still real tight with him, she thinks what he's doing is just fine. You could get led into something or muled or scapegoated or something. You'd have to be very careful and savvy. 1
katiegrl Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I just think you need to have a talk with her and let her know that you would never want to be involved enough with him to be considered any type of friend or associate because you don't want any part of his legal problems. Chances are if she's still real tight with him, she thinks what he's doing is just fine. You could get led into something or muled or scapegoated or something. You'd have to be very careful and savvy. preraph, OP has said this whole thing was just an excuse. To justify wanting to break it off. He is not into her, doesn't think they are emotionally compatible.
MissBee Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 So I've been dating this girl for 6 months. I'm 27 and she's 26. Recently, I found out from a friend that her brother and uncle were a high end drug dealer making at least half million dollars over 10 years . She never mentioned her relative's past, how do I broach this subject as they served federal time. Their offenses happened 7 years ago. Things have been going well between us, but this causes me to be concerned, as this was never mentioned. In fact I haven't met the brother yet. Now I understand why, however she always talks about him and their close relationship. Initially I read "criminal past" and expected you to say she lied about HER criminal past. You've been together 6 months, it doesn't seem at all strange that she wouldn't divulge the criminal past of her uncle and brother as a major priority . I mean, people have all kinds of wayward relatives, unless you need to closely interact with said relatives (and you've not even met the brother) then it doesn't seem at all strange that she wouldn't make it a priority to explain THEIR criminal history to you, as it really has little to do with her or your relationship. This isn't one of those things that needs to be announced soon on, it makes sense that it would take quite some time for it come up, mainly because it's not at ALL relevant to your relationship and neither is she directly involved beyond the fact that she is related to them. Does she live with them? Are they still in jail? Does she need to support them? Are they wanted and hiding out in her home? Was she involved in the crimes? If not, then I can see why she didn't bring it up. I have a cousin who has a criminal past, I don't bring him up whatsoever in dating. Even if he were my brother, I wouldn't feel like I HAD to. Overtime as we got close it might come up, but it's sort of one of those "family stories" that you reveal over time about the weirdness in your family versus a priority that you detail all criminal relatives to potential dates and bfs early on.
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