Break to break up, feelings to no-feelings...

[cell2k15]

She isn't dating anyone for as far as I know. I'm just not taking this break-up really well to be honest, I can't sleep, eat or anything.. I got exams and work and everything coming up which even makes me more upset. She left me during the hardest time I got at school to be honest. And I'm a bit mad at her.

 

I hate the fact that I love her deeply, I know I got to move on.. But I actually feel like I'm doing NC to get her back which is WRONG. I'm looking up stories on how people rekindle their past relationships in the future etc.. I'm always hunting for signs that she want me back and wants to give it another try, but so far it's only breadcrumbs. God I just wish this would be over.. This feels x times worse than my previous relationship and that one lasted for 2 years.. This one barely lasted for about 7-8 months..

 

The interesting thing is, I did the same in terms of looking up stories and so on.

 

I was actually in a long distance relationship with the girl I was dating in the US (I'm in the UK). I was 22 with a career ahead of me, and she was 18 entering the world of college. We spent 2-3 months together in total across a 12 month period (literally 24/7 during the time we were together), so we had a good opportunity getting to know each other in real life.

 

As I explained in an earlier post, I became someone that I'm not. I started to overthink absolutely everything including what she did and who she tweeted at on social media. I became jealous of the people she was hanging out with and so on, and in the end I pushed a beautiful, amazing girl away. Realistically, it wasn't going to last in the long term due to her going off to college, but we had a month long holiday to Europe planned together that we spent hours putting together/planning in person and over the phone. Due to my mistakes, I threw it all away.

 

Now I look back on it and realise the errors that I made. Additionally, it was never going to last anyway - in fact, in your case it probably wouldn't have lasted once she hit college either. 17/18 year old college girls don't want seriousness, they want fun, and you weren't giving her that, like I wasn't.

 

I hope that one day in the future we'll meet again and the flame will re-ignite, but until then, I have to accept, and you have to accept that the situation is over. As much as I am still madly in love with my ex-girlfriend, she's gone for good. She's happy with someone else who treats her in a different way, and all I can do now is be happy for her, and put her behind me.

 

Continue no contact, and don't look into ANYTHING she posts on social media. Let her live her life in the same way you need to live yours. Work on learning from the experience, working on yourself and becoming a better person. The next person you end up with just might be a whole new - and better experience.

[clearitup]

The interesting thing is, I did the same in terms of looking up stories and so on.

 

I was actually in a long distance relationship with the girl I was dating in the US (I'm in the UK). I was 22 with a career ahead of me, and she was 18 entering the world of college. We spent 2-3 months together in total across a 12 month period (literally 24/7 during the time we were together), so we had a good opportunity getting to know each other in real life.

 

As I explained in an earlier post, I became someone that I'm not. I started to overthink absolutely everything including what she did and who she tweeted at on social media. I became jealous of the people she was hanging out with and so on, and in the end I pushed a beautiful, amazing girl away. Realistically, it wasn't going to last in the long term due to her going off to college, but we had a month long holiday to Europe planned together that we spent hours putting together/planning in person and over the phone. Due to my mistakes, I threw it all away.

 

Now I look back on it and realise the errors that I made. Additionally, it was never going to last anyway - in fact, in your case it probably wouldn't have lasted once she hit college either. 17/18 year old college girls don't want seriousness, they want fun, and you weren't giving her that, like I wasn't.

 

I hope that one day in the future we'll meet again and the flame will re-ignite, but until then, I have to accept, and you have to accept that the situation is over. As much as I am still madly in love with my ex-girlfriend, she's gone for good. She's happy with someone else who treats her in a different way, and all I can do now is be happy for her, and put her behind me.

 

Continue no contact, and don't look into ANYTHING she posts on social media. Let her live her life in the same way you need to live yours. Work on learning from the experience, working on yourself and becoming a better person. The next person you end up with just might be a whole new - and better experience.

 

I see your point of view and to be honest mine is a bit different than yours. We were basically at each others houses almost everyday and we always did something fun etc. In the terms that I became like you with the depression etc, I couldn't agree more.

 

Yes, my ex is amazing and beautiful. And I miss her like crazy, but I don't really believe any relationship at all can be summarized and compared to another ones relationship. I don't feel like I have an urge to contact her, I really wish she'd take contact with me. But honestly the signs she's giving off is really hard to decipher.

 

1th of May she told me how ready she was moving in with me and everything. And on 10th of May she became unsure of everything because I basically didn't support one of her dreams in becoming a top model. My fear and insecurity got the best of me. I told her she wouldn't get the job, which made her really pissed of an angry towards me. And on 13th of May we broke up because I pushed her into answering me into giving me another chance, she just wanted a break and I pushed her into ending it..

[clearitup]

Hey guys, just an update..

I'm really not feeling too well. I'm overthinking our situation so much. All I can think is that during this NC she will contact me, but she isn't doing that. I "know" that she might never contact me again, but I mean really? Why wouldn't she?

 

I went out last night & I had an amazing night out with my friends, but then suddenly everything just crashed for me.. Out of the blue I started thinking about her and everything got depressing and I had to cry. I haven't cried for two years, I even broke my arm and didn't shed a tear.. It's a lot more harder than I thought..

 

I posted pictures on snapchat (mystory) and she viewed them all, I was smiling, drinking and having fun. With both males and females. I posted a new picture on instagram, she didn't like that one. Then I also changed my picture on facebook, and her mom, her dad, her bestfriend AND herself liked the picture.. AND I don't get it it at all why she still has pictures of us on her blog. Why is she keeping them... I mean she didn't want me right? Why is she liking my new profile picture on facebook? I'll admit that this gave me an amazing ego boost and made me think that I'll do NC until the day I die. But then again, I love this girl. I don't want to lose her, and I'll do anything to get her back. There must still be some attraction here, how can I show her change and how can I get her back?

[LD1990]

If you both can see everything the other does on social media, you're not in NC and you're only slowing down your healing process. You're spending time analyzing trivial actions and non-actions of hers.

 

She's 17. It's just not going to work. Girls that age are almost never ready to settle down anyways, and she has also made it pretty clear that she's done with you.

 

You're trying to find signs she still wants to be together, but they're just not there. If she wanted to be with you, she would, plain and simple. Her keeping pictures of the two of you on her blog or liking your Facebook picture actually indicate she's probably completely over you. If she was devastated about the breakup, she'd be trying to avoid reminders of you.

 

The best route is real NC, where you get rid of her on all your social media. Trying to win back a 17 year old girl is a colossal waste of time.

[Blanco]

Lesson learned: Don't get involved with women who can't even legally buy cigarettes.

[lana-banana]

I posted pictures on snapchat (mystory) and she viewed them all, I was smiling, drinking and having fun. With both males and females. I posted a new picture on instagram, she didn't like that one. Then I also changed my picture on facebook, and her mom, her dad, her bestfriend AND herself liked the picture.. AND I don't get it it at all why she still has pictures of us on her blog. Why is she keeping them... I mean she didn't want me right? Why is she liking my new profile picture on facebook? I'll admit that this gave me an amazing ego boost and made me think that I'll do NC until the day I die. But then again, I love this girl. I don't want to lose her, and I'll do anything to get her back. There must still be some attraction here, how can I show her change and how can I get her back?

 

She's liking them because there's not attraction there. She is happy to see you out having fun, she's glad you aren't crushed and she has nothing to feel guilty about so she can go out and have fun too. Similarly, her family is no doubt glad that you've apparently moved on and are no longer pursuing their teenage daughter.

 

The right thing to do here is to block or at least restrict her and her family on social media. I know you won't because you'll worry about how it looks and you feel the need to show the world that you're doing just fine. But if you don't, you'll pay the price when she starts posting pictures of someone new. Either start preparing yourself for that inevitability or just block her family already and move on with your life. Your wellbeing is more important than what your exgirlfriend's family thinks.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to take a break from social media. You're really overthinking it and reading far too much into her activity.

 

Take a step back and consider the bigger picture: did you really imagine that this girl would stick around forever? She's not even an adult yet. She's got a lot ahead of her in terms of dating and guys. The probability that you would be her last boyfriend before settling down was nearly zero from the beginning.

 

I know that doesn't help much to ease your current pain, but you were taking a big risk getting involved with and investing in someone so young, unfortunately. You will, in time, see that this relationship wasn't really meant to last.

[clearitup]

Just an update.

 

She sent me an text about her leaving her pants at my house, she wanted it back. She wanted her belongings. Exchanging stuff blabla. I knew she didn't have her pants at my house, she wanted just an excuse to meet me. I met her today. And guess what?

 

She still had feelings, but because of her having the opportunity of becoming a modell she wanted that and didn't know if it would work out between us.

I acted like a true alpha male, we made out even had sex ( my thoughts were running wild, couldn't manage to get a boner lol). After that we started talking etc. She started crying and everything, I was supportive. She said she didn't want to lose contact, and I told her the only way I'd be willing to give her my time is if that I know you'll give the chance for us both to try this relationship again. I told her I won't beg, and I won't contact her under any circumstances.

 

I also said that I won't be her emotional tampong and act as her friend, I'm only interested in us romantically. It doesn't mean we have to get together asap, and act as a couple and everything. I want to have fun with you, forget the old relationship and start something new and stronger. She said she really didn't know. SHE WAS AN ABSOLUTE MESS. Honestly, she couldn't think straight, she was all over the place with her thoughts and emotions.

 

By the way, right before we were about to have sex she asked me if I had been sleeping with anyone else, because if I had we wouldn't have sex. My phone vibrated a lot from a girl that was saying she had booked us a table at the restaurant. She saw this and got really jealous. I mean, she's jealous and everything, her feelings are clearly there, she's crying, having sex with me, finding up excuses just so she could meet me.

 

WTF is wrong with this girl? Honestly... What am I even doing...

 

I fking hope that her modell career doesn't go as planned. If it goes according to her plans she'll be on television all over the world in a top modell show. Fyck her. I'm so pissed.

 

 

BY THE WAAAY, she had on matching underwear and she was shaved downstairs, so she fking knew we would have sex. And yet she dares to ask me if it was a smart idea. This girl is a psychopat, and I still love her. How do I keep finding this fked up girls...

[Blanco]

What's "wrong" with this GIRL is that she's 17, something you might be able to really process once you allow some blood to return to the head that's atop your neck and not the one below your waist.

[LD1990]

BY THE WAAAY, she had on matching underwear and she was shaved downstairs, so she fking knew we would have sex. And yet she dares to ask me if it was a smart idea. This girl is a psychopat, and I still love her. How do I keep finding this fked up girls...

 

Or she's been having sex with other guys. As far as how you keep finding these girls, when you pick a girl who still goes to high school, you can't exactly expect maturity and rational decision making. She's not a psychopath, she's just a kid. I wouldn't hold your breath on rekindling the relationship, not that you should want that anyway.

[clearitup]

Or she's been having sex with other guys. As far as how you keep finding these girls, when you pick a girl who still goes to high school, you can't exactly expect maturity and rational decision making. She's not a psychopath, she's just a kid. I wouldn't hold your breath on rekindling the relationship, not that you should want that anyway.

 

She hasn't had sex with other guys. She's to ****ing busy crying at night. She told me she wakes up in the middle of the night, not even knowing why. She isn't taking this too well either. Fk her... She literally broke my heart into pieces and think she can play me that way, lol........ I hope that I never fall in love with another human being again. Here we go again, heartbreak and ****.. This is going to be fun.

[ExpatInItaly]

Stop dating highschool girls.

 

Seriously. You're picking from the wrong pool, here.

[clearitup]

Whatever. I'll try my best to move on and not care. She's the one that is losing a great guy that would in all honesty do anything for her.

[anitahayles]

Please give me your thoughts about my situation.. Anything is greatly appreciated. I need to vent, and I need to get some advices.

 

Summary:

 

– Amazing beginning

– A lot of negativity from my side

– She lost her feelings

– In a “break” first and then broken up on the 13th of may

- She broke up via text-messages.

 

So how should I start with this.

She’s 17 years old, I’m 20 and we were together since 1th. January 2016. And two days ago she wanted to break up. After calling her up I made her come to some of her senses and made her reevaluate. So we were on a break instead for 2 days. I really don't believe in breaks so I told her how I felt and that I really wanted another chance, I pushed her until she gave me an clear answer which she said that she just couldn't do it. And didn't believe it would work out, that she had seen the "true side of me" and that she couldn't handle it. She said it would be the best for the both of us.

 

NOTE: 1,5 weeks ago, from her telling me all this. She sent me a long text message where she said how 120% sure she was that she wanted to move in together with me after school was finished etc and that she truly loved me and had no doubts about taking the relationship further.

 

We had a great start, we loved each-other a lot. Would hang-around each-other and do fun couple stuff like going to the cinemas, bowling and even working out together.

 

But then I became really depressed. I was abused as a child (which I’ve told her) and the flash backs just came rolling in. Long story short, I started to act like an whole different person, needy, jealous and whining. I wasn’t the same funny and positive guy anymore. Instead I became negative, started to overthink on everything etc etc.

 

So she gradually lost her feelings and things just got harder. On the 11th of May she told me that she had been thinking a lot over our situation, and the reason she has appeared strange and different lately is because of our relationship. She has had her doubts for a long time and didn't want to give up (this I never knew, not once). All the break-up, lost feelings etc came as a shock.

 

We miscommunicated a lot and fought a lot during a long period. She also sent this text over (Summary) “I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’ve really tried. But I feel like this doesn’t work anymore. And I don’t want you to get more and more feelings for me whilst I just get less. That’s why I think we should just finish. I thought it was others opinions of our relationship which was making me think this way, but ever since I’ve been alone and really thought through this, I know what I want and I think this is the best for both of us. I hope this didn’t come as a big shock, I will always be glad in you, but I can’t be in a relationship that makes me feel bad rather than good”

 

After calling her up and explaining to her the many reasons that things was the way it is, and that I will change myself and become the person I was once was NOT because just for her, but also for myself and the people close to me we chose rather to have a break than to break-up. This lasted for 2 days and completely destroyed me, instead I just told her how I felt. And she didn't want to try again so I said okay and wished her the best. And if she ever wanted to try again I'd maybe be willing to do the same.

 

Since women are emotional creatures and not logical her feelings are controlling what she finds is "logical" and this in her mind is the easiest for the "both" of us. Now I really think she's loaded with bull****, people who love each other try to fix it. I felt she gave up the second things got hard and the honey-moon phase went over. Yes, I broke my arm and got really depressed because I couldn't work out and do something that I loved anymore, but honestly her mentality wasn't strong enough or capable enough to handle me. I loved her, and I still love her. And I'd really love to get her back.

 

I really don’t know what to do, and I really need your guys help. I guess NC would be the best for us both atm, but I’d also really like for her to know that this stuff can be fixed if she only believes in it. But women are emotional creatures, and the logical explanation of things won’t work on them. And... I just don't know, luckily I got friends that are willing to be there for me a bit, but I don't want them to get tired of me and my nagging either. I've been through one break-up before, and it took me almost two years to get over (finding my current ex helped me move on).......... This is hard, please give me your thoughts and tell me if you believe she'd ever come back. She was honestly gorgeous..[/QUOT

 

I’m sorry you are having such a hard time…sounds like you do really care for her. I will say - you are both still so young…and I am concerned about your abuse you suffered as a child. Have you considered talking to a counselor about that? It is very hard to have a successful relationship if we are not healthy to begin with - abuse is horrible and usually does require some help. Please hang in there!

[anitahayles]

I’m sorry you are having such a hard time…sounds like you do really care for her. I will say - you are both still so young…and I am concerned about your abuse you suffered as a child. Have you gotten help for that? I work with a company called Focus on the Family - and they have counselors available to talk to anytime. They could help you find someone in your area to possibly work with? It is very hard to have a successful relationship if we are not healthy to begin with - abuse is horrible and usually does require some help. Please hang in there!

[anitahayles]

sorry didn't mean to post twice