Anyone's thoughts

[Snowy_CO]

So, I’d like to reach out to the Internet for some advice…

 

I apologize if my writing style is a bit all over the place, but I’ll explain my situation and though I consider myself to be pretty good on my own with women and am ‘educated’ how to properly date, I would appreciate any honest advice due to fact that I really like this girl & don’t want to screw up an opportunity.

 

I’ve been dating this girl (both in our 30’s) that I met through a dating site and have been out with her 3 times. We see each other about once a month as we both have pretty busy schedules & all three dates have gone very well. We both have a thing against texting and calling too much before meeting, so outside of a little chit chat here and there, most of my texting has been geared towards making a dateThough it would be reassuring if she initiated contact every now & the, which she never does…sometimes takes over a day to reply, which is fine, She’s a busy girl.

 

We just had our third date this week (dinner & an activity) & my concern is in trying to figure out what her feelings are towards me; she’s a hard read. I usually read people like a book, but not her & though it’s one of the things I find attractive about her it also causes me some unsureness as to where I stand with her so far…she doesn’t offer too many clues.

 

All of our dates have gone well; we enjoy each other’s company, conversation is natural, we have a lot in common, she laughs a lot, & I’ve kissed her at the end of each date. Like I said she is a busy girl, very active, volunteering, activity groups, family, and a great career…I have most of the same going on in my life; so some of her behaviors which I may feel to be due to disinterest very well may be because she is busy and finding a man may be important, but not the most important thing she has going on currently…which is a good thing.

 

However, after my third date with her I really started to question a few things which I am unsure of and I’ll highlight. Before my third date with her I felt I need to be a little more physical with her (not in a creepy or sexual way) in attempt to let her know that I am attracted to her, to build chemistry & to let her know that I’m not trying to be another friend…so I did this and I really felt our third was our best and I was the most comfortable around her & I left it feeling pretty good.

 

I got home and texted her shortly after the normal…did you get home safely, I had a great time, I think your amazing & would like to see you again (not in those exact words, but you get the point). I received a text back from her soon after and though not bad, it wasn’t what I would have like to hear from her or nothing reassuring...and this got me thinking (which I tend to over-analyze & over-think, hence this reaching out for advise).

 

Red Flags…

At one point during our date I reached and held hand (I’ll admit this was a pretty awkward move on my part as far as the timing) and after a little she gently nudged her hand away. The weird part is she immediately asked me if I minded that she was taller than me (she’s got about an inch on me) and if I’ve even dated taller women. My response was I don’t mind if you don’t mind then put the question back at her, to which her response was, honestly I don’t know.

 

At the end of our date I asked her when I could see her again and she told me she had to work a bunch over the next couple weekends and then had a weeklong event (both true) so she didn’t know, but did not offer any alternatives.

 

I also let her know, in what I feel to be a way that doesn’t exude desperation, that I liked her and think she’s beautiful, felt she was a good person, & that I would like to continue seeing her…to which she responded with the general, Awe thanks and a smile. I am a very endearing/wear my heart on my sleeve type & feel that if anything I have tried hard to not play my cards too early, but feel that this may have pushed her away a bit.

 

I also feel that if I don’t initiate contact with her, I would never hear from her, which is starting to bother me. Like I said, she’s busy, but I also feel that if someone’s genuinely interested in another…you’re never too busy to at least drop a 3 second text.

 

I also, for no particular reason, feel she may be a serial dater.

 

This girl is pretty amazing & I am trying to play my cards right (I know it’s not a game, though dating at times feels like one). Should I continue to pursue her slowly and build a friendship, from what I’ve shared is she not interested, should I wait for her to contact me (keep in mind we do not text between dates a lot), should I call her at some point though with her schedule this seems awkward?

 

I have and currently am giving this girl plenty of space, haven’t been needy, & have done my best to be myself and show her a great time when I’m around her…I really like her though and it scares me so any input appreciated, thanks.

Edited May 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs~T

[Dis]

Hmmm... In the beginning of a relationship both people need to build a connection with each other....that means....

 

-Spending enough time together (doesnt sound like you both have been doing that because your both so busy)

 

-Contact in between dates to keep the fire going (That seems to be

non-existant)

 

She seems very standoffish. Like you said it only takes a second to send an occasional text...even if its just, "thinking about you" or "goodnight"

 

She doesnt seem too interested

 

I dont see any action to further things from her end (I dont see a connection between you two either) I get that your trying to play it cool but how are you ok with hearing almost nothing from her over the phone (text or phone calls) and then getting wishy washy/cold responses and behavior from her in person. Theres nothing to hold onto there. I'd be done with that pretty quickly!

 

Theres nothing there hun. Move onto the next.

[Zapbasket]

I agree. There's busy and taking it slow, and then there's...what you have. A smattering of meetings that don't seem to be building on each other. There at least has to be curiosity and a willingness / desire to get to know each other, and it doesn't seem like there's any such thing on her end; she just...has a date with you, dives back into the rest of her life, you poke her with a request for another date and she just goes along with it because right now you're not really requiring anything of her. Which you shouldn't be...but it's okay to hold to your own internal standard of what you want. It doesn't sound like this feels good to you right now; it sounds like you have a lot of frustrations / see a lot of red flags just three dates in. That does not bode well. I'd just let her go. If she reaches out to you, depending on how you feel at that point, you can re-evaluate.

[Porter56]

Completely agree with Disillusionment.

 

Holding hands on the 3rd date should not be awkward. And the height question? It does bother her. And this early on she would be texting you more if she liked you.

 

I have had a lot of women uninterested in me so I can tell...she doesn't want to reject you outright because she does think you're nice(ugh nice) but she's not attracted to you.

 

Quit worrying about giving space and seeming needy. When you like a girl...be assertive. Tell her what you want. When you do that and you're open and go after what you want and take a risk...women love that. It's not needy, it's taking the lead and being a f***ing man. And surprise! Women love a man to be a man.

[Snowy_CO]

Thank you for the insight & great replies, much appreciated.

[VampireChester]

Are you really that educated on "how to date"? Given the story afterwards I wonder if that is true.

 

In my little dating experience whenever my date was really into me she always initiated the hand holding after the first kiss on the first date. I am assuming she is interested in me if she initiates hand holding or puts her arm around me as we walk and talk.

 

I hate receiving a question from my question. This is a circle that I loathe going around. Unless it is done in an analogy or flirtatious way just answer the question. I can think of a few kinky responses to that question.

 

I am pretty sure you should not ask when you can see her again during the actual date. This would give both parties time to digest and wonder about how they feel about each other, plus it can be seen as desperate.

 

The way you revealed your interest is desperate. A kiss can provide all the compliments you gave her. How she kisses you back can also tell you a lot about how she feels about you.

 

Honestly, anyone can make time during the week to see someone if they are interested. Maybe every now and then it can take two weeks, but once a month for three months. Come on man!

 

If seeing someone was like receiving $100 I would do it frequently! So if someone is not giving me the time of day during the week I realize that I am worth less than that to them.