not_myself Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Brief history - I have only posted on here once before... after a on/off again realtionship of 1.5 years, my ex finally broke it off last fall. I did most of the breaking before then b/c i knew in my heart we couldn't really work, but we both have strong feelings for each other so maintained semi-relationship. It was hard for as it was my first dump, but over the past 7 months got to an okay point with him. We would see each other, talk occasionally, etc. But then things got confusing a while back when i was with another man for the weekend. He got upset like he had thought we were on the road to reconciliation or something, then I expected that we might be - only to have him pull away again. I told him I needed distance and we have not spoken for a month. I miss him and care about him - and do want him to be part of my life. I know he is not the right man for me, but have been sick since NC. So, i wonder if it is safe to write a letter or something and propse a stab at friendship? Part of me thinks it would be fine, and part of me is scared to death to get back into things.... i know he would like to have me in his life...and at first I stared NC to 'show him' he could not have me in his life if we didn't have a serious romantic relationship....but seeing as I do not really even want that now, is it OK to offer the friendship? Basically = I am not doing NC to 'get him back'...so whats the point? i might have answered my own question there, but any advice would help
Marshbear Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Friends will never work. After a realtionship you can never go back to friends unless years have past and you both have new lives. Peace...
suegail Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 I can see, from having read your post, that you feel a definate strong emotional attachment to him, (in other words, I don't think you're over him, by a long shot)and I don't know that this is the time to make an offer of 'friendship' because if he accepts friendship, despite your good intentions, you may find yourself at war with your own emotions. Do it if you feel you must, but I think you'd better be certain it is friendship that you want and will be able to accept.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 You are thinking primarily about you, and what works for you. Even the 'no contact' you have made all about yourself. It may not occur to you, but that 'no contact' is probably the one thing keeping this guy firmly on the path to recovering from this relationship. Don't knock him off that path with an offer of 'friends' before either of you is ready for that. If you want to be a real friend to this guy - let him go. Let him recover. Let him heal. Let him meet new people and date around. Let him get fully back on his feet. Let him get completely over you and lose all romantic interest in you - then, and only then will he be clearheaded enough to decide whether or not he wants to be friends with you.
Author not_myself Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 thanks for these replies - i do have feelings for him still....but am resolved that we are not meant to be together. So it still could be tricky. I recognize that I am being selfish to a certain degree, but I also am trying to think of him. He did say he wanted to maintain 'some' relationship with me. I was the one that gave the ultimatum and said - if you don't want the serious monogamous relationship - then you get nothing. I feel foolish for that now. I am a bit of a control freak. But that was too drastic - I dont even want that serious realtionship.... So i guess I just feel that we are really more on the same page now - would it be OK to contact hinm to ask if he would like to try? If he thinks it would be too hard or complicated - i will understand and keep my distance.
westernxer Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by not_myself i do have feelings for him still....but am resolved that we are not meant to be together. So it still could be tricky. Then don't do it. Simple as that.
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