fred123 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 I was wondering if its normal to compare yourself to previous exes when you are in a relationship. for example looking back at my ex girlfriend we were together for 6 months and she told me she loved me and could see a future with me ( settling down etc, send me wedding rings in the future potentially etc). But the whole time i was with her i felt insecure that she weren't so into me as i was into her. Let me explain: she broke up with her ex last jan. they were together for a year and she was crazy about him. he dumped her citing she wasn't the one. later on the year she hooked up with a guy three times then later on met a guy she really liked and met up with him three times and stayed the night at his once ) he lived over an hour away and she went to his three times!) he stopped replying to her cos he weren't interested and rejected her and she got pissed off. Fats forward two months later and we start going on dates. we live 5 mins away from each other. but she never made time to see me, always difficult to organise dates. Even if i organised dates 10 days in advance when we were both free she would day " stop planning things in advance!". I didnt know what to do. She made it clear from day 1 that she didnt want a rship however. So planning dates was so hard even though she lived 5 min drive away. I finished work at 9pm most days and she always used to say she was in bed by then and couldn't go out even for a milkshake or a walk . But she used to text me 100 times a day every day!! confusing !! we started sleeping with each other a month into dating or so and we used to get a hotel every time. But she told me she wouldn't stay the night with me as it felt " too coupley thing to do" . I was annoyed as i knew she stayed the night at the previous guy over summer she liked and when i questioned her all she said was " i dont know" we finally got together a month after and other things i started to compare. she never changed her fb status to in a rship but she did when she was with her ex. she had a go at em for writing on her fb " can't wait to see u <3" but she always wrote on her fb with love hearts about her ex bf. She doesn't even remember our anniversary date but remembers her ex and used to update her status to "happy anniversary xxx" we eventually broke up as her ex messaged her one day saying he met some one else and she started to cry. I dont understand why she didnt tell him about me and that she met someone new and was happy. And why was she in contact with him during our time together? my point is, is it fair to compare past exes to see if your current girl is into you or not? debATE thanx
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 No. You wouldn't compare a blackbird to an ostrich, or a chihuahua to a great dane. Comparisons only hurt you. If you're comparing - you are NOT ready to date, and have no right infliciting those secret conditions on any young lady you choose to date. You date when you're over it. Not as a prop to GET over it.
Art_Critic Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 no it isn't fair to compare.. in your case however she never gave you what you needed to have a firm foundation that she was into you, in fact she wasn't into you so it would have been hard to not compare.. Good For You for breaking up with her once you realized it wasn't healthy...
Toodaloo Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 The glorious thing about being me is that I am impossible to imitate. Ask any of my exes. They will agree!!! So no I do not compare myself to exes. They will never be like me because there can only be one me. They split up so clearly it didn't work for whatever reason so why on earth should someone elses failure be something I compare myself to? No point crying over spilt milk. Don't worry about it. 1
Buddhist Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 These things are very simple and the advice is the same whether you are a man or a woman. - People will do whatever to find a bedwarmer while they look for someone else. Both sexes do this especially when they are uncomfortable with themselves. They will tell the bedwarmer, oh yes, love you, future together blah, blah blah. None of it is true. - If someone is dating you and simultaneously holding back on 'couples' stuff then realise you could be a bedwarmer and move on as quickly as possible. - You will not change their mind, they will change their mind the instant what they consider a 'real prospect' comes along.
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