Do a lot of men move too fast?

May 13, 2016

Of course, some men are the other way around, however, I've spoken with female friends that taken issue with men they have just started to date...meaning have been 3 to 5 dates with them so far.

Then there comes a turning point where the men get to a point in assuming they are an exclusive couple and assumes that "This is my girlfriend now."

And then reveal to his friends that, "X is my g/f".

I had a situation with a woman, she'd been on a few dates, on the final date she invited him to an event that had a lot of his friends there, and they kept remarking to him, "She's a nice girl, good job!" or "I like your new girlfriend"

They would say this loudly in front of her, with him present and...he wasn't denying their couplehood, but...she was freaking out as she thought they weren't at that point, but he assumed they were based on the amount of times they've been out together.

I knew of situations, and yes, even with men up into their 50s that thought they were on "dates", but they weren't by the perspective of the woman.

So they go out together, and embarrassment ensues as both aren't on the same about the nature of their relationship or their "friendship".

I knew of one woman that had a lot of guys get fed up with her friend zoning them, but on the other hand her saying, "If he didn't get upset and write-me off as a friend, who knows, something COULD happen between us."

Basically, she claimed though she friend zoned them, she thought that, "Hey, if he stuck around, it could have turned into something more."

But there seems to be this song and dance on men assuming their couple-hood without giving "the memo" to the woman. Usually it's found out in embarrassing situations in public like I've just mentioned.

I see this mostly happening in the real world. I even know of an elderly man who sees this woman in the neighborhood...he likes her, but refers to him as a "man friend" and kind of freaks out at the thought of them dating.

Thoughts on this? How often do these misunderstandings happen in your social circles?

May 13, 2016

Of course, some men are the other way around, however, I've spoken with female friends that taken issue with men they have just started to date...meaning have been 3 to 5 dates with them so far.

Then there comes a turning point where the men get to a point in assuming they are an exclusive couple and assumes that "This is my girlfriend now."

And then reveal to his friends that, "X is my g/f".

I had a situation with a woman, she'd been on a few dates, on the final date she invited him to an event that had a lot of his friends there, and they kept remarking to him, "She's a nice girl, good job!" or "I like your new girlfriend"

They would say this loudly in front of her, with him present and...he wasn't denying their couplehood, but...she was freaking out as she thought they weren't at that point, but he assumed they were based on the amount of times they've been out together.

I knew of situations, and yes, even with men up into their 50s that thought they were on "dates", but they weren't by the perspective of the woman.

So they go out together, and embarrassment ensues as both aren't on the same about the nature of their relationship or their "friendship".

I knew of one woman that had a lot of guys get fed up with her friend zoning them, but on the other hand her saying, "If he didn't get upset and write-me off as a friend, who knows, something COULD happen between us."

Basically, she claimed though she friend zoned them, she thought that, "Hey, if he stuck around, it could have turned into something more."

But there seems to be this song and dance on men assuming their couple-hood without giving "the memo" to the woman. Usually it's found out in embarrassing situations in public like I've just mentioned.

I see this mostly happening in the real world. I even know of an elderly man who sees this woman in the neighborhood...he likes her, but refers to him as a "man friend" and kind of freaks out at the thought of them dating.

Thoughts on this? How often do these misunderstandings happen in your social circles?

The more i date, the more i'm amazed about women deluding themselves with men being attracted to them as friends only when they only recently met.

It's not they they friendzone you, its just that they never considered you as a potential sexual partner in the first place, and treated you like one of their female friends : chit chat and having a good time.

May 13, 2016

I think that the speed of a relationship is dependent a lot upon the age group. My experience is that women who haven't had kids or been married and have a 'biological clock' ticking tend to try to move a lot faster. Once that period of life is over, I do think that the men in the higher age groups do attempt to lead the direction of the relationship a little more. But there is also more of an understanding in the higher age groups of what you want and are looking for. For me, if I were single and the girl I was dating didn't want to be my girlfriend, my assumption would be that she was also talking to or dating other men, and I would adjust my plans accordingly.

But that's just my opinion based on what I've seen.

Also, your friend with the whole friendzone thing doesn't seem to understand the basic building blocks of relationship dynamics. She seems to be more interested in playing a 'who's going to be friendzoned first' game. But that could be her cup of tea. I'd probably spit it back in her face and walk away if I were caught in that game by accident... I simply have enough friends already.

Just my 2 cents.

May 13, 2016

Of course, some men are the other way around, however, I've spoken with female friends that taken issue with men they have just started to date...meaning have been 3 to 5 dates with them so far.

Then there comes a turning point where the men get to a point in assuming they are an exclusive couple and assumes that "This is my girlfriend now."

And then reveal to his friends that, "X is my g/f".

I had a situation with a woman, she'd been on a few dates, on the final date she invited him to an event that had a lot of his friends there, and they kept remarking to him, "She's a nice girl, good job!" or "I like your new girlfriend"

They would say this loudly in front of her, with him present and...he wasn't denying their couplehood, but...she was freaking out as she thought they weren't at that point, but he assumed they were based on the amount of times they've been out together.

I knew of situations, and yes, even with men up into their 50s that thought they were on "dates", but they weren't by the perspective of the woman.

So they go out together, and embarrassment ensues as both aren't on the same about the nature of their relationship or their "friendship".

I knew of one woman that had a lot of guys get fed up with her friend zoning them, but on the other hand her saying, "If he didn't get upset and write-me off as a friend, who knows, something COULD happen between us."

Basically, she claimed though she friend zoned them, she thought that, "Hey, if he stuck around, it could have turned into something more."

But there seems to be this song and dance on men assuming their couple-hood without giving "the memo" to the woman. Usually it's found out in embarrassing situations in public like I've just mentioned.

I see this mostly happening in the real world. I even know of an elderly man who sees this woman in the neighborhood...he likes her, but refers to him as a "man friend" and kind of freaks out at the thought of them dating.

Thoughts on this? How often do these misunderstandings happen in your social circles?

this is a great post !

Personally , i do feel men move way too fast .

Dating to me means ...it is a phase where you try to find out if you are compatible with one another and if the chemistry is right . Unfortunately , men tend to think or believe that if you have multiple dates this is the sign of being in a relationship even if you tell them in advance that this is just the ''get to know phase '' . What i have found so bad is that i have gone on dates and when i discovered the person wasn't a match i was told well ... i payed for coffee or dinner and wasted my time ??? .... i make clear statements before i go on a date and they know what they are getting into ...

Men tend to often be a bit pushy too . Am not generalizing it's just been my experience . it really scared me away from dating ...

Edited May 13, 2016 by ChocolateRain
grammar

May 13, 2016

Here's the thing- men know in the first SECONDS of SEEING a woman whether he wants to have sex with her. women are a little different- a woman might know in the first MINUTES upon TALKING to a guy, but the initial attraction is often not enough for the majority of woman to immediately drop her panties. so already, there are two major differences- a guy goes by sight alone, a girl goes by interaction. a guy takes very little time to decide if someone is sexually attractive, a girl takes a little longer.

now let's expand on this. the reason the woman in your story has guys that 'get mad about being friend zoned' is not because she is going around being a tease. she is the kind of person that really needs to get to know a guy well before she is comfortable feeling like she wants to date them. so in that stage, she doesnt want to be flirted with (at least not too much) or flirty herself. she wants to just platonically know a person and if she likes them, the sexual attraction builds from that. there is a name for this- demisexual. it doesnt only apply to women, there are guys that are this way too, but if i had to guess, it is probably more likely among women.

there was a study done about who says 'i love you' first in the relationship- the woman or the man...and surprisingly, men said 'i love you' on average 2 months before a woman did. the stereotype about a woman being the more emotional or romantic one doesn't apply at all in this case. why? because a woman takes longer to fall in love. probably because in evolutionary terms, a cave woman needed to REALLY make sure her caveman wasn't a violent psycho to ensure that her and her baby would be safe with him. it takes time to reveal who a person really is, and a woman tends to play it safer than a man because they may stand to have more to lose if they are wrong. being the physically weaker sex, if this man is a psycho, he could easily overtake her and harm her. so from that standpoint, it makes sense a woman takes longer and links sexual attraction to getting to know a person better.

Edited May 13, 2016 by tayriley

May 13, 2016

now let's expand on this. the reason the woman in your story has guys that 'get mad about being friend zoned' is not because she is going around being a tease. she is the kind of person that really needs to get to know a guy well before she is comfortable feeling like she wants to date them. so in that stage, she doesnt want to be flirted with (at least not too much) or flirty herself.

This...about the flirting or not being flirted with...so soon. I hear situations where they are being called, "Hon" or "Mami" (Spanish) at events.

Like, he gets close, puts his hand on the small of her back and in front of others says, "Hey, hon, I'm getting drinks...want me to grab something for you?"

Or being called, "Hey beautiful!" When calling them up for a 2nd date.

Of course, I wonder if some men are doing this as a "test" to gauge how she reacts. lol. I could be wrong insomuch that they are actually "staking their claim with pet names."

So often men are fed, "If you don't kiss her on the first date, SHE'LL think you're not interested and if you call her for a 2nd date, you'll get rejected."

Or the so-called, "3-date rule": "Must have sex on the third date, or it's time to move on."

Apparently, to some women a woman isn't "relationship material" if she doesn't put out in a predetermined amount of dates.

Everyone is different, so advice can be given based on this.

I guess some guys are like on a ticking time bomb, feeling as if they are passing the point of no return if they don't make some kind of physical move. (ie- kissing, sex, etc.)

For instance, I met a woman from a dating site recently. No touching was done, just a hug good night.

After all, this was an online date, so it's more of a meet than a date. We did talk for hours even after we left the restaurant to continue a walk in the park. A very nice evening, and she said so a the conclusion of the date.

She came up to hug me good night (no kiss) and I asked her at if she would like to do it again. She was all up for that. We now have an all-day 2nd date planned together, picnic and swimming.

She's preparing the food. Even asked what I'd like, specifically to eat.

Have to give her credit for actually doing her part/contributing to our date. Don't think I ever met a woman from online that did this. lol.

it makes sense a woman takes longer and links sexual attraction to getting to know a person better.

Yes, with familiarization brings comfort.

May 13, 2016

Apparently, to some women a woman isn't "relationship material" if she doesn't put out in a predetermined amount of dates.

Oh, I can answer that one real easily. For me and most guys I know, the sexual chemistry is a big deal breaker. There's too many women who will be willing to be in a relationship with a guy or get married based on income/stability.... even if there isn't any sexual attraction. It's a very real concern.

So the sexual attraction piece of the puzzle becomes vital. And men, especially because on average we end up paying for dates more often, are concerned with knowing this earlier than later. So it's not that if there isn't any sex on the 3rd date it's a dealbreaker, it's that if there isn't enough sexual attraction/chemistry sufficient to... [insert guy's parameters kiss, touch, etc. etc.] then he knows that he needs to keep looking.

Of course that's a generalization based on my experience, but I can tell you that I'm pretty sure it would suck to be on the tenth date and find out that she doesn't really find me sexually attractive but likes that I'm an [insert job title here].

'course, my experience is not necessarily every other guys, and some are simply just controlled by their manparts. So are some women. Nothing wrong with that, if that's who you are.

my 2 cents for whatever it's worth.

May 13, 2016

For instance, I met a woman from a dating site recently. No touching was done, just a hug good night.

After all, this was an online date, so it's more of a meet than a date. We did talk for hours even after we left the restaurant to continue a walk in the park. A very nice evening, and she said so a the conclusion of the date.

She came up to hug me good night (no kiss) and I asked her at if she would like to do it again. She was all up for that. We now have an all-day 2nd date planned together, picnic and swimming.

She's preparing the food. Even asked what I'd like, specifically to eat.

Have to give her credit for actually doing her part/contributing to our date. Don't think I ever met a woman from online that did this. lol.

Yes, with familiarization brings comfort.

Nothing on-topic to add, just, have fun on your date bro!

May 13, 2016

Nothing on-topic to add, just, have fun on your date bro!

Thanks, I appreciate it.

May 13, 2016

Oh, I can answer that one real easily. For me and most guys I know, the sexual chemistry is a big deal breaker. There's too many women who will be willing to be in a relationship with a guy or get married based on income/stability.... even if there isn't any sexual attraction. It's a very real concern.

So the sexual attraction piece of the puzzle becomes vital. And men, especially because on average we end up paying for dates more often, are concerned with knowing this earlier than later. So it's not that if there isn't any sex on the 3rd date it's a dealbreaker, it's that if there isn't enough sexual attraction/chemistry sufficient to... [insert guy's parameters kiss, touch, etc. etc.] then he knows that he needs to keep looking.

Of course that's a generalization based on my experience, but I can tell you that I'm pretty sure it would suck to be on the tenth date and find out that she doesn't really find me sexually attractive but likes that I'm an [insert job title here].

'course, my experience is not necessarily every other guys, and some are simply just controlled by their manparts. So are some women. Nothing wrong with that, if that's who you are.

my 2 cents for whatever it's worth.

It's not that different from women's experiences. I nexted guys because they weren't making a move fast enough. I don't care WHY only that it wasn't happening in a time frame I deemed appropriate so I cut contact and went to look somewhere else.

Saves a lot of time wasting, I find

May 13, 2016

It's not that different from women's experiences. I nexted guys because they weren't making a move fast enough. I don't care WHY only that it wasn't happening in a time frame I deemed appropriate so I cut contact and went to look somewhere else.

Saves a lot of time wasting, I find

Really? You're a woman and you did this? lol Guess they dodged a bullet, quite a superficial act. Define "fast enough" though. What is "fast enough" for you?

May 13, 2016

I'm 55, a man, and though I take it slower today than I did in my youth, there is still a limit to how slow I am willing to take things.

Take the dating/girlfriend thing you mention. If I have been on 5-7 dates over the period of a couple/few weeks with someone, then yes, I think it's time to consider each other a couple. If not, if you still feel you are "getting to know me" how much longer do you expect me to wait around till you know me? I'm not talking about sex either, we may or may not have had it by this time, but..I'd be having the exclusive conversation at this point if we hadn't mutually decided on it. By this many dates I'd certainly know if I wanted to be exclusive, and I'd hope you would too. There would also need to be some expectation of a physical relationship at this point, or things would need to end also.

If there isn't some mutual understanding/chemistry by the 5th date or so...well, it's just taking too long, and why do you keep accepting my date invitations?

Edited May 13, 2016 by BikerAccnt

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