wmacbride Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I think focusing on the sex issues between you and your husband will just leave you spinning your wheels and solve nothing. You need to look at the bigger picture. For many bs, and I highly suspect it's even worse for bh, it is extremely difficult to trust your ws. This can lead to a dynamic where they find themselves avoiding getting to close to their ws again, as if you let someone in, that gives them the power to hurt you. This could be why the physical relationship between you two has become what it now is. If he allows himself to become more giving to you when in comes to sex, that opens him up emotionally to you, and bonds the two of you closer together. the paradox is that while that may be exactly what you both need right now, it also leaves him feeling vulnerable to being hurt by you all over again. It's a catch 22. Rebuilding trust can take a long time, and sadly, it can't be forced. At some point, you will need to talk to him about this. Leaving the intimacy issues out of the conversation at first, talk to him and ask him if he feels he trusts you. If he says "yes", then bring up your concerns. If he says "no", then ask him what he needs from you to feel more secure. One thing to keep in mind is that he may never be able to get to that point, which in many ways, makes sense. It's a protective mechanism, and people who you trust and who ou are open to have a great power to hurt you. 1
wmacbride Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I just wanted to add that him sniping at you is not okay. That's really hurtful.
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