Back boy 2322 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 (edited) Me and my ex were together for a year and a half we're both 19 and had a child within the year we were together and about 2 months ago she broke up with me I ended up moving to 14 hours away in January for personal family issues. We kept it constant contact so now I can't see my son at all and she doesn't even contact either we were arguing a lot for the past 4 months about the pregnancy and her making irrational decisions about keeping and not wanting to keep our son and letting her mother dictate our decision for OUR child she's extremely dependent on her mother never had job no license no responsibility whatsoever. We'd argue about that and I'd try to make her at least start to think away from her mother doing everything for her since WE have a child together not her and her mother but no matter how much logic I'd use to motivate her to get going so we can grow and raise our child together it wouldn't work so now I moved away and can't see my son and she won't let me FaceTime him and barely ever responds to my texts about him it's depressing before she ignored me she made it very clear how she has fallen out of love with me and has found someone else. She wants to date and it upsets me because of everything we've been through and her being spiteful would bring someone around my son I just don't know what to do at times. I'm extremely angry and other times just depressed and it feels like she has all the support in the world from our mutual friends back home while I'm away and forced to deal with everything alone I don't know what I did to deserve a situation like this idk if I should contact to keep up with my son or just go nc and see how everything plays out Edited May 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator best I could do, please use proper punctuation and paragraphs
ExpatInItaly Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 (edited) OP, to make your post more readable and get more responses, please edit your post to include punctuation. Without, a lot of posters won't bother reading and you could miss valuable advice! You need to contact an attorney. You have parental rights to your son, whether your ex likes it or not. Please do not go full No Contact - don't punish your son for his mom's behaviour. You don't need to be friends with your ex, but it is your responsibility to be a father to your baby. That was the choice you both made when you decided to go ahead and have the child. Forget about trying to get your ex back. She's not into it. But do whatever you need to do to be a good dad - your son is far more important. Edited May 13, 2016 by ExpatInItaly
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 You have a lot on your plate at 19. But once you became a parent you lost the luxury of being a teenager. Now you have to step up & be a dad. It's your choice. You can just walk away from your son, but why would you do that to an innocent baby? You created this person. You are responsible for him. That means for the rest of his life your wants, your needs come second. You need to do what's best for him. That probably means moving back to where he is & spending time with him. If you don't like the way his maternal grandmother is doing things, you have to be there to co parent your child. Your EX GF the baby's mother relies on her own mother because she can't do it alone. If you were there supporting your own child your cries that the baby's grandmother needs to be out of the picture would have more validity. Right now she is there while you are 14 hours away. Understand you & the mom broke up. There is no more romance. You are not going to be a family. You are going to have to find a way to co-parent. 1
Author Back boy 2322 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 You have a lot on your plate at 19. But once you became a parent you lost the luxury of being a teenager. Now you have to step up & be a dad. It's your choice. You can just walk away from your son, but why would you do that to an innocent baby? You created this person. You are responsible for him. That means for the rest of his life your wants, your needs come second. You need to do what's best for him. That probably means moving back to where he is & spending time with him. If you don't like the way his maternal grandmother is doing things, you have to be there to co parent your child. Your EX GF the baby's mother relies on her own mother because she can't do it alone. If you were there supporting your own child your cries that the baby's grandmother needs to be out of the picture would have more validity. Right now she is there while you are 14 hours away. Understand you & the mom broke up. There is no more romance. You are not going to be a family. You are going to have to find a way to co-parent. Thank you guys for the replies, I apologize for the horrible grammar I was trying to get it all out. I understand that I'm not there but even before I left she had this dependency on her mother, I think at a certain age and especially when you have a child you should kinda grow up and learn to think for yourself. Her mother wanted us to do a closed adoption and me and my ex were against that but after two weeks she let her mother convince her that that was the best decision. I fought tooth and nail for them to even keep my son now they're using him as leverage in the break up and they won't even let my mother see him or any of my side of the family that's still In jersey. I don't understand how people could be so manipulative and spiteful especially with a child, it wasn't like I wanted to leave I honestly had to and they both know that but yet act like everything they do is right, it really puzzles me but I will definitely stay in contact even if she's difficult while doing so
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Good for you. Use your love for your son as a touch stone. As long as everything you do comes from there, it should be OK. I would urge you to reconsider adoption. It doesn't sound like you two are in the best place to raise this baby. Hundreds of couples unable to have kids who are older & more financially stable then you are right now would be eternally grateful to care for your son & love him as unconditionally as you do. At 19 I would not have been able to be a parent but if you can selflessly let him go, you will be a miracle worker to somebody else.
Author Back boy 2322 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 Good for you. Use your love for your son as a touch stone. As long as everything you do comes from there, it should be OK. I would urge you to reconsider adoption. It doesn't sound like you two are in the best place to raise this baby. Hundreds of couples unable to have kids who are older & more financially stable then you are right now would be eternally grateful to care for your son & love him as unconditionally as you do. At 19 I would not have been able to be a parent but if you can selflessly let him go, you will be a miracle worker to somebody else. I don't think any 19 year old is but considering that option would mean everything that I've been through for this situation would've been for no reason and a contradiction to everything I ever said, he's still my son it's not impossible it's just difficult I understand where you're coming from though
Author Back boy 2322 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 OP, to make your post more readable and get more responses, please edit your post to include punctuation. Without, a lot of posters won't bother reading and you could miss valuable advice! You need to contact an attorney. You have parental rights to your son, whether your ex likes it or not. Please do not go full No Contact - don't punish your son for his mom's behaviour. You don't need to be friends with your ex, but it is your responsibility to be a father to your baby. That was the choice you both made when you decided to go ahead and have the child. Forget about trying to get your ex back. She's not into it. But do whatever you need to do to be a good dad - your son is far more important. Thanks for the reply I will do I'm aware of my responsibility and will do my best to be a good father
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