kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 I'm 27 she just turned 21. I met this girl 2 months ago online, it didnt take long for us to click, I travelled half way around the world to see her for 2 weeks. As I'm writing this this is my 2nd week. We video chat over skype for weeks before I flew here and everything was perfect, I used to comment on her wall/ig and she replied/liked etc. Last week when I arrived we went out all 3 days before her finals which she had to stay home and study. I bought her so many gifts, maybe too many, but all in all, gifts that weren't available in this country maybe $300 worth, so not too too expensive. All went as planned until the 4th date when she deleted my ig/fb comments when I was only teasing her on her food pics like "gained 3 pounds in a day!" I admit most of my comments were playful but nothing mean or over like "I love you soooo much!" 3 days ago I asked her why she'd deleted them she said "u dont need to comment on all my pics" the other time I asked her was weeks ago but that was only one comment she said "I might have deleted it by accident" Either way, this doesn't really bother me but when some close guy-friends (only 1-2) comment, she'd reply at least 7-10x being a little flirty even. At this point you might be thinkin she's 100% not loyal and cheating, but I trust her 100% shes not that type of girl. Another weird thing is she said she doesnt want to change her fb status to "in relationship with me" until we meet again in October when I come here again. Because of her mother's family side she doesnt want them to "see"....but it's weird because she has all of my gifts, foods we had @ 4-5 restaurants, and even OUR picture together on her fb wall in PUBLIC status. Even hashtagged "my bf is great" another "my bf is so romantic" etc. HOW is that hiding from her family? Even if it's her ex's or guys goin after her, why would she hide my comments about somethin dumb and not hiding that we're together. Not sure if this helps but I have OUR picture together on my fb profile pic, could that be the reason? She still likes my posts/pics but never tags me. This is weird to me, most girls I dated never deleted fb comments We're seeing each other again on Sunday and I'm confident that she still loves me. I don't want to confront her anymore about this, please help! Should I be worried or just let it go and just dont comment on her social media? PS - I only comment on about 2-3 posts out of 10. Also it cant be that she's embarrassed that I'm not good looking, a few people like her landlord asked who I was and complimented me in front of her.
Lois_Griffin Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 You're 27 years old and literally living your life through freakin' Facebook. Is this how people nowadays gauge the validity of their supposed relationships? By the online posting activity of their girlfriend/boyfriend and their status and/or reactions/comments to other posts? Seriously? This childish activity is best left to teenagers. Find a better way to interact with your girlfriend on an adult level. This isn't the way. 15
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 I bought her so many gifts, maybe too many, but all in all, gifts that weren't available in this country maybe $300 worth, so not too too expensive. What country is this? 1
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 I'm 27 she just turned 21. I met this girl 2 months ago online, , I travelled half way around the world to see her for 2 weeks. I bought her so many gifts, maybe too many, but all in all, gifts that weren't available in this country maybe $300 worth, so not too too expensive. At this point you might be thinkin she's 100% not loyal and cheating, but I trust her 100% shes not that type of girl. First of all it's FB/IG. It's not real life so relax Second of all you don't even know her. Two months over the internet & some two week vacation does not a relationship make nor does it give you a genuine foundation to trust her. It's good that you don't start out suspicious but then trust is earned over time through word & deed. Here she's giving you reasons to be suspicious not reasons to have faith in her. I see a woman who wants what you can buy her. For your sake I hope I'm wrong, but for now, proceed with caution. I'd also stop commenting altogether on her FB / IG but keep reading. 4
Art_Critic Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 HOW is that hiding from her family? Maybe her family is NOT on FB, there is a world out there not connected to FB.. Are her Mom and Dad on FB and friends with her ? It sounds to me like you are a BF of someone of the Asian culture, may I ask you why you bought her gifts ? isn't traveling to her country and spending time with her the biggest gift of all ? Be careful that this doesn't turn into something that only amounts to how much in monetary gifts and real money you can supply her or support her with, unless of course that is the task you are up for. 4
Standard-Fare Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 You're 27 years old and literally living your life through freakin' Facebook. Is this how people nowadays gauge the validity of their supposed relationships? By the online posting activity of their girlfriend/boyfriend and their status and/or reactions/comments to other posts? Seriously? This childish activity is best left to teenagers. Find a better way to interact with your girlfriend on an adult level. This isn't the way. Agree with this. If you hadn't stated your age, I'd assume you were 18-19, tops. If there's anyone who needs to take a break from social media, it's you. Try that for a few days and assess your relationship in real life. 4
Author kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 First of all it's FB/IG. It's not real life so relax Second of all you don't even know her. Two months over the internet & some two week vacation does not a relationship make nor does it give you a genuine foundation to trust her. It's good that you don't start out suspicious but then trust is earned over time through word & deed. Here she's giving you reasons to be suspicious not reasons to have faith in her. I see a woman who wants what you can buy her. For your sake I hope I'm wrong, but for now, proceed with caution. I'd also stop commenting altogether on her FB / IG but keep reading. Thank you, I maybe rushing into things too fast. I'll take your advice.
Author kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 What country is this? Thailand, but shes no golddigger. Never asked for stuff, I just had some extra $$ and wanted to buy her somethin nice for her bday, and a bunch of snacks like childhood chocolates that they stop selling, had to buy some straight from germany, only $10-15
Author kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 Maybe her family is NOT on FB, there is a world out there not connected to FB.. Are her Mom and Dad on FB and friends with her ? It sounds to me like you are a BF of someone of the Asian culture, may I ask you why you bought her gifts ? isn't traveling to her country and spending time with her the biggest gift of all ? Be careful that this doesn't turn into something that only amounts to how much in monetary gifts and real money you can supply her or support her with, unless of course that is the task you are up for. Yes, Asian, Thailand. I myself was born in Thailand but left there before 10...I never dated a thai girl before. Her dad passed when she was 12, and her mom and I talked once, she's also on her FB, her brother added me also. Yes, but i'm also visiting some friends and family here also, I'm only spending about 9 days with her out of 18.
Author kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 Agree with this. If you hadn't stated your age, I'd assume you were 18-19, tops. If there's anyone who needs to take a break from social media, it's you. Try that for a few days and assess your relationship in real life. I understand that it might sound like I'm addicted to fb but really I started using it again after meeting her because she wanted to add me since she's on it daily, first I said i dont use it, she kept bringing it up a few times so I decided to update mine and added her. I have maybe 200 friends/fam and use maybe 2 hours of facebook a month when I used to go on it. But yes I agree maybe I shouldnt care too much about FB/IG, but still deleting comments is kind of disrespectful without tellin me why, at least to me.
Author kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 also she always texts me when she gets back to her dorm before bed, since we had that conversation (probably upset her but didnt end badly, told her I was sorry did not mean to pry, just worried that any guy might take advantage of her, even the closest friends) she hasn't sent me anything yet and we're going ice skating on sunday, should I text her ask her how shes doing tonight/tomorrow or just talk to her on sunday hoping things wont get awkward seeing each other after a text convo like that.
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Maybe she saw some of the "comments" as disrespectful, annoying, upsetting even... Although you are of Thai descent you are now steeped in a different culture from her. Why did you decide to go see her just before her finals? That seems to me pretty poor timing, and the distraction could cost her dearly. She is maybe not to pleased about that in reality, hence the passive aggressive deleting of your posts. Just a thought. 2
Author kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 Maybe she saw some of the "comments" as disrespectful, annoying, upsetting even... Although you are of Thai descent you are now steeped in a different culture from her. Why did you decide to go see her just before her finals? That seems to me pretty poor timing, and the distraction could cost her dearly. She is maybe not to pleased about that in reality, hence the passive aggressive deleting of your posts. Just a thought. Yes, she mentioned that a few times that it's not like in the US bf/gf here don't really hold hands dating unless they're either married or been dating for at least a year. I'm a tourguide (side job) so I get discounts and come here pretty often, she seemed to be ok with me visiting and hence when I'm not seeing her today/tomorrow and 2 days ago because of her finals. Her last one is on wed, and we have plans for the last 3 days before I go back to US. I just want to make it memorable, we had a great time so far first 4-5 dates she posted gifts/restaurants/foods/places we went to on fb/ig. Maybe I should just ignore social media and let her talk to her guy friends and focus on enjoying the rest of my time with her here before I leave.
angel.eyes Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 (edited) If some guy posted comments about me gaining weight, as you did, they would be deleted. You seem insensitive and a little clueless to be honest. Why would you go visit someone right before they had all their finals? Especially when you go to her location frequently. Pick a time period that is more convenient for her. Also, why would you expect someone to list you as "in a relationship" after one visit? Nine days of physically seeing each other does not a relationship make! Some guy arguing that I ought to announce that we're in a relationship when we've barely even dated, would be a big red flag and a reason to bow out of continuing to see him. These are her Facebook and Instagram accounts. Anything she doesn't like can and should be deleted...as she is doing. And I agree with others' comments about the importance you give to social media. Focus on real life, not Instagram! Edited May 13, 2016 by angel.eyes 5
ManyDissapoint Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 If you are dating a younger woman say from 16 - 35 you do need to pay attention to what they are posting on facebook because honestly it's a great way to spot red flags. It's really annoying because I hate facebook but it can give you a pulse on certain things. It is certainly not a good sign if your sweetheart is lavishing in strangers' attention on FB and is lukewarm to you through facebook. The best case scenario is to stay away from people who use facebook in anything more than a minimalistic way. 90% of facebook traffic is fishing for validation--a repugnant behavior at the end of the day. 2
Author kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 update: she texted me askin what I'm doing, I didnt open the messenger so it wont say "read" but I'll talk to her tomorrow. Thank you for all the advice, I'll stop caring about social media but keep an eye out for red flags in real life and her posts from time to time. 1
angel.eyes Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Don't play games! You saw her message. Respond and suggest getting together after her last final to celebrate. What do you hope to gain by ignoring her for a day? I move on to the next when guys engage in stuff like this, especially during early dating. 2
Author kxb1 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Posted May 13, 2016 Don't play games! You saw her message. Respond and suggest getting together after her last final to celebrate. What do you hope to gain by ignoring her for a day? I move on to the next when guys engage in stuff like this, especially during early dating. We texted before her final this morning then I was busy with some friends, and I never ignore her message, it's just I dont want to reply and have a 30+ min convo I'd just tell her I went to bed because she knows I sleep before 10 anyway (it's 10:30pm here in thailand) and I need to sleep because I'm meeting a family at 7 in the morning
preraph Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 She's not all in with you yet. She may never be. You bought her a bunch of gifts, and there are plenty of women on the internet just fishing for cash and gifts, so that was probably not a good move if you want to find out if she really even cares. She doesn't want anyone thinking you're her bf, including her parents and friends. She very well is probably seeing more than one person which is fine because you're long distance and that's how it goes. She probably sees you as this extra guy off in the wings because of the fact you're mostly knowing each other online. I'm sure she has a whole life going there where she lives, and she should have at her age. She's too young to try to get a commitment from. She's in her prime time of making and meeting people and dating. It's clear she doesn't want you to make others think there's more going on there than there is in her mind.
kismetkismet Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 I would never update my relationship status after meeting someone for only 2 weeks! Lots of people don't use it in the early stages because it just pulls other people into the ups and downs of your relationship. I guess it depends on how you use facebook though, I don't actually ever post my relationship status, though it's usually obvious from the pictures that end up being posted. I just don't understand why it needs to be announced. The comment deletion could have been because of the content. Many girls would not be at all pleased by their boyfriend talking about them gaining weight on a photo of them on facebook. But you didn't discuss the content of any of the other things she deleted. I think you need to calm down a bit and let things take their course.. just because you bought her a bunch of gifts doesn't mean she owes you any emotional or physical attachments. Also, saying 'she's not that kind of girl' means nothing. you don't know her. Sure you've talked to her online, but that's just the side of her that she wants you to see. You don't know someone until you're sharing your actual life with them. All the sides of yourself. It's also worth mentioning that there is a culture in thailand of women having 'boyfriends' from abroad who look after them financially. When I was there for 6 months I talked to several girls who were in relationships with men so that they would support their family or in other ways. There was no shame in it whatsoever, both parties knew what they were in for and were happy with it. It was not disrespectful. I'm not saying that's what's going on here for sure at all, but i'm just saying that you need to wait until you develop an ACTUAL relationship with this girl before you start behaving as though it is one. 1
katiegrl Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Just out of curiosity, you said you *met* her two months ago. Did you *meet* her on line or was she visiting the US? If you *met* on line, but not via FB, how does one go about meeting someone on line who lives halfway around the world? Did you intentionally seek women out who live in Thailand? Or Asia? I have always wondered how that works. I read this all the time "I met someone on line (via a dating site?) but she/he lives 10,000 miles away". Why not search for or seek someone out who lives local? Do people enjoy/prefer these long distance relationships where they only see each other twice a year? I have never understood this.
Author kxb1 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 Just out of curiosity, you said you *met* her two months ago. Did you *meet* her on line or was she visiting the US? If you *met* on line, but not via FB, how does one go about meeting someone on line who lives halfway around the world? Did you intentionally seek women out who live in Thailand? Or Asia? I have always wondered how that works. I read this all the time "I met someone on line (via a dating site?) but she/he lives 10,000 miles away". Why not search for or seek someone out who lives local? Do people enjoy/prefer these long distance relationships where they only see each other twice a year? I have never understood this. I specifically wanted to date someone from thailand since I speak the language pretty fluent and someone told me about a website called badoo, it's like asian version of tinder/pof. I didnt look for a gf, just some friends when I plan on moving here at the end of the year. I'd never do long distance, but I'm moving here for work anyway and will be comin here again in october 1
Buddhist Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 Thailand, but shes no golddigger. Never asked for stuff, I just had some extra $$ and wanted to buy her somethin nice for her bday, and a bunch of snacks like childhood chocolates that they stop selling, had to buy some straight from germany, only $10-15 I'm sorry dude, but if she's Thai she's enterprising. Now I know that sounds like a gross generalisation and stereotype, but trust me here. I've been involved with a Thai person, spent time in Thailand etc. Thais' are enterprising, they have to be. Jobs are hard to get over there unless you're well connected. Many Thai's, yes even educated ones have little options career wise, for many, men and women, marriage is a suitable career. It's just the way they view things. I lived with my Thai partner for almost a year in my country, went and visited him, met his entire family, was introduced as the future wife and yes even had the pre-marriage consultation with spiritual whatevers done too. But at the end of the day, as soon as he realised I wasn't paying for his visa application it was like I didn't exist anymore. And I had never given him expensive gifts, nor a cent while we were dating. I was pretty sure that we were solid. I was wrong. Thais view this like an occupation. They know how to woo someone and make you believe in their sincerity. Even if they are not in any way sincere. Sorry....but there were no red flags at all in my relationship until it became evident that he wasn't getting a fully paid for trip through the immigration office. They are good hosts and hostesses. Its easy to fall for it. Take extreme care here.
katiegrl Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I specifically wanted to date someone from thailand since I speak the language pretty fluent and someone told me about a website called badoo, it's like asian version of tinder/pof. I didnt look for a gf, just some friends when I plan on moving here at the end of the year. I'd never do long distance, but I'm moving here for work anyway and will be comin here again in october Thank you that makes sense! Re Badoo did not know it was geared toward Asians. I live in the US and know many who use that site NOT to meet Asians, but because they have found quality people on that site in general. They deem that site one of the best, nothing at all like Tinder. A Canadian woman on LS met her bf that way and he is not Asian. I don't think she ever even met any Asian men in her years of using it. But glad it worked out for you and hope it works out with this woman as well! 1
Author kxb1 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 I'm sorry dude, but if she's Thai she's enterprising. Now I know that sounds like a gross generalisation and stereotype, but trust me here. I've been involved with a Thai person, spent time in Thailand etc. Thais' are enterprising, they have to be. Jobs are hard to get over there unless you're well connected. Many Thai's, yes even educated ones have little options career wise, for many, men and women, marriage is a suitable career. It's just the way they view things. I lived with my Thai partner for almost a year in my country, went and visited him, met his entire family, was introduced as the future wife and yes even had the pre-marriage consultation with spiritual whatevers done too. But at the end of the day, as soon as he realised I wasn't paying for his visa application it was like I didn't exist anymore. And I had never given him expensive gifts, nor a cent while we were dating. I was pretty sure that we were solid. I was wrong. Thais view this like an occupation. They know how to woo someone and make you believe in their sincerity. Even if they are not in any way sincere. Sorry....but there were no red flags at all in my relationship until it became evident that he wasn't getting a fully paid for trip through the immigration office. They are good hosts and hostesses. Its easy to fall for it. Take extreme care here. Thats very interesting and yes I know, many people want to marry us citizens just for the citizenship including my sister's ex husband (married a japanese guy) before they broke up he "forced" her to sign the paper allowing him to work/stay in US. I don't think it's just thais, but it's true that many thai especially women tricked foreigners into marriage. But I was pretty sure this girl didnt care we talked about moving to US for a year or so and goin back to thailand as she has a job lined up that she loves, she said no to moving there because her moms here, but she'd love to visit. She could be lying or possibly too young to realize the money difference from $20-35k a year tops to 50k+ start having her degree over there.
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