sickoflove11 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 (edited) I feel pathetic even wasting my thoughts on this guy. I read so many other peoples threads who are experiencing real heartbreak and who are going through such tough times. I'm more caught up on this one guy I barely had two dates with, than anyone I've actually cared for. We did hook up once, but at that point I knew it wasn't going anywhere relationship wise, and I was just really physically attracted to him. He's not a nice guy. He's insecure, immature, narcissistic, self-conscious, still lives at home, obviously a player, I could go on. He played the cute charming card which is hooked me, but now the way he's acting drives me insane. We don't text ever anymore but he texted me yesterday for my birthday saying "happy birthday brat *winky kissy emoji*" and it's super annoying how he can act flirty when he wants to be but mostly he's the biggest a**hole. And I let it get to me so much. I get nervous every time I'm around him. When I go over to his house to hang out with his sister, I always wonder if he will be there. I try to stay away from their house as much as possible but I can't avoid it completely. When he's there, like he was today when I opened the door, he was walking down the hall towards me and just stared at me and I felt so small. It's the stupidest things like I don't feel I hold myself well. I feel myself kind of hunching over instead of standing tall and confident. I can't think properly and I question everything I say around him. Sometimes he makes friendly comments to me, like today for 1 example, he said he liked my shirt, that it was "cool".. but then him, his mom and I were talking in the kitchen and the two of them started talking about him doing some school thing and when I say something, he gets all awkward and quiet but it's like a douchy quiet and he only gives short responses. Its almost like it throws him off when I try to initiate anything and he just shuts down. He didn't always act this way to me so now I leave feeling stupid for trying to be a human and wondering what I did. Sometimes I even say stupid things to other people at his house hoping he will here and make a comment about it. I don't even realize what I'm saying until later when I think about how I was just rambling about nonsense and how dumb I was. I want to stop trying to get anything from him. A conversation. A smile. Anything. I don't want to feel this way around him anymore but it would feel weird to just ignore him at his house. All I want is to be a normal human around him like with anyone else, but that's not possible because he doesn't even know how to act like a human. I leave his house feeling defeated and wish our interaction went better or not at all. I realize how dumb and childish this all sounds. Half of it probably doesn't make sense. It's like I build him up to be something he's not when I know he's just dirt. I just don't know how to stop feeling this way after seeing him, before seeing him, during seeing him. I don't see him often so when I do, I just over analyze all of it and wish it could have gone better. But I don't know why I even care so much because he's not the person I though he was and there is no way I would date him. I guess I figure I deserve to be treated with respect and I'll never get that from him, but I don't know how to stop trying. Edited May 13, 2016 by sickoflove11
fands Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 And I let it get to me so much. Sounds like you think you have some control over your thoughts. Like you say, you're attracted to him. You want to think that the "bad" aspects of his character are just an act. They might be, but who knows? We're all complex beings. Maybe you can't stop feeling the way you're feeling, but you can focus your attention on things or people you believe are more worthy of your time. Take a step back, and maybe you'll get a fresh perspective. 1
Author sickoflove11 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 Thank you. I think every time I see him it ruins my progress, but at this rate I'll never get over him. I try to avoid my friends/his house so much but how long will I have to do that before I can face him without feeling so nervous? I honestly get the shakes like if I hadn't eaten in a long time, but it's just because he's there. I hate it. I don't have many friends in the area I live in now. Everyone is always too busy, including myself at times, so I really have no one to talk to and get my mind off him. I go out and run and exercise but that only lasts so long. I'm just becoming really lonely and I wish a good guy would come along to get this horrible experience out of the front of my mind. At this point I think I'll mostly use this thread to rant. Any advice or thoughts are still appreciated.
Author sickoflove11 Posted May 15, 2016 Author Posted May 15, 2016 I haven't felt a spark with anyone in so long and once I finally did, I got too attached. I should have known better. People warned me about you, but I was just so happy and excited to feel that way again. I didn't realize the extent of what you really are. I thought I could handle you and my emotions but now I feel miserable. Every time I wake up I think about you. I can't focus on important things because of you. I think of all the negative you bring into my life, but it still doesn't help me get over you. I don't understand.
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