Ital78 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I have been struggling with a lot of things in my life lately. It started with work and then things went down hill. When it rains it pours. On of the major things that sent me in a downward spiral is my girlfriend invited another guy to her hotel room when she was traveling. Everyone was hammered and nothing happened but it really hit me hard. Anyway, I don't like showing weakness so I try to keep it to myself. I've finally asked my girlfriend for help sometimes and she said she doesn't know how to help. I need to tell her what to do. I can understand that in a way but it bothers me. Shouldn't those things come naturally instead of having to be told what to do? I look at the bigger picture. What if there is a child involved? Shouldn't you comfort the child when he needs you instead of the child telling you what to do? I also look at it if I were her husband. It's even gone to the point of hearing "I can't help you". I don't feel any emotions from her when she says that. She is a very quiet person who shuts down easily and doesn't show a lot of emotion. She gets defensive and angry. I'm not faulting her for being like this because it's the way she is wired. I come from a very close Italian family where a lot of emotions are shown. Maybe too much sometimes. To me it seems very "one way" to not be able to help. It also seems like it's every man for themselves. Where is the family in that? Any feedback would be appreciated. I am just trying to understand
preraph Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Just because someone is in someone's room doesn't mean they're having sex with them. You getting so upset about it says way more about you than it does about her. Because what you just told her is, Well, if I had someone to MY room, it would be because I wanted to have sex with them. A person not like that doesn't automatically go there. You think because you are like that, that she would be like that. You don't trust yourself and so you don't trust her because you're projecting how you are onto her. You can't isolate someone just because you're with them. They still get to be around friends and travel for work with men and while they're traveling for work, they often do have cocktails or entertain someone. It's business. If it wasn't for work, then you just have to ask yourself what she's done to make you not trust her. You yourself say nothing happened, so why should she feel bad for you because you have false suspicion about her? Yes, you are not from the same type of family or culture or whatever and that may be an issue. But is it really? I can't imagine what you're hoping to get out of a heart to heart with her now. You already know nothing happened. You can't expect her to be happy you don't trust her when she's likely done nothing to deserve that. She doesn't owe you anything more here. She's probably not feeling overly affectionate toward you right now because now she knows you're going to throw a fit every time she goes somewhere without you, and she can't be too happy about that.
Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 No woman, especially in a RL, should be sharing rooms with guys...especially if alcohol is involved. If she didn't have consentual sex with him, she sure set herself up for rape and/or a "reputation" (true or not) at the workplace. She has poor judgment and character. Begging, asking, pleading her to do this of that is not only weak, but a waste of time. Time to initiate launch sequence.
katiegrl Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 He wasn't sharing her room. He entered her room. She *invited* him into her room. I would not feel comfortable if my bf invited a woman to his room either! OP, what sort of help do you need from her? Help dealing with your emotions when things she does upset you? I am not understanding.
Poutrew Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Um, so the way that your girlfriend is wired is to invite men into her hotel room? Asking her for help understanding is like asking a brick wall for help and getting upset when no answers are forthcoming. No wonder you're so full of the angst... what if you marry this girl and she invites men into your bedroom while you are at work? My advice would be to stop trying to understand and just get another girlfriend. Now, you probably wont understand the new girl either, but if she doesn't do crazy sh*t you wont need to...
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 I need a little more info about the hotel room thing. While not ideal, two people sitting in a room that has a bed in it talking is not cheating. As for your need for help, she's right to ask what you want. The kind of help you get will depend on the problem you have If you are used to demonstrative emotional people but she's quieter, that doesn't mean she doesn't care. It means you two need to learn each other's love languages. You also said one of your problems is work. I'm sorry but most SOs don't' have the ability to help with work problems besides just listening. It's not like she can talk to your boss for you. So please do be more specific in what you are seeking. By doing so you are more likely to get it rather than making her guess.
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