booboomane Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) So ive been hanging out with this woman a little lately and thought our two get togethers went good not great. It was a little awkward but for the most part not bad. I suspected she wasnt all that into me so i texted her a few nights ago and basically let her know that i noticed her being a little uneasy. Hoping if she wasnt feeling it she would tell me. She responded by saying she was glad i invited her out and didnt want to give me the impression she wasnt apprecitive of such. I then tell her im sure it aint easy letting your gaurd down around the opposite sex given what youve been through (divorce after 10 years, but been single for almost two) and told her that i understood. BUT also gave her another opportunity to tell me she wasnt feeling it by saying that is just my observation feel free to correct me if im wrong. She only sent "thanks" Well 2 weeks pass and i got zero contact from her. No text. No call. Nothing. I sent her a snap a few days ago and she read without responding. So i ended up texting her today and said if you were never interested or suddenly became uninterested that there were no hard feelings and that i thought she was a great girl and enjoyed her company. AGAIN, giving her an opportunity to tell me she wasnt feeling it. She responded by saying she enjoyed my company as well and that she was only looking for friendship and she appreciated me being so understanding. The "understanding" part i assume is me refering to it being tough to open up around other men given her tough divorce. So my question is this.... is her feelings really genuine? Is she really just not ready for a relationship or only want friendship from peoole or is she just being WAY too nice by not telling me "meh, not digging you dude"? Edited May 12, 2016 by booboomane Grammar
smackie9 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 It's her passive way of saying "Sorry not interested" 2
Methodical Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 My take on this: You basically told her at least twice that you understood if she wasn't into you and there were no hard feelings. (Paraphrased, of course.) She responded with, "glad you understand." Translation = She's not into you. Sorry. 1
GemmaUK Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Sorry OP but wall of text with no paragraphs...I couldn't read it. Smackie is usually on the mark though. 1
smackie9 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 BTW you shouldn't be annoyed, she gave you plenty of signals, like her body language and lack of enthusiasm, also didn't mention wanting to see you again....that pretty much sums it up as a "not into you". Who cares if she didn't come out and say it....her company wasn't really all that stellar so why you would even want to keep pursuing someone like that. Stop being so pushy to make a point. You won't win and it makes you look like yer being a j%^&. Let it go. Getting all pissy about it is a waste of energy. 2
Zahara Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 She's not interested. It didn't help either that you were so pushy.
Author booboomane Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 I completely disagree that i was pushy. I just told her i noticed her being uneasy or nervous and it didnt have to be that way. I just felt like after spending my time and money with her i was atleast owed an TRUE explanation.
Author booboomane Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 Again, the word "pushy" is too much in my opinion. I just think its fair that two adults can be honest with each other in this day and age.Im only annoyed that she danced around the clear opportunity to be straight forward. Not that she isnt into me. BTW you shouldn't be annoyed, she gave you plenty of signals, like her body language and lack of enthusiasm, also didn't mention wanting to see you again....that pretty much sums it up as a "not into you". Who cares if she didn't come out and say it....her company wasn't really all that stellar so why you would even want to keep pursuing someone like that. Stop being so pushy to make a point. You won't win and it makes you look like yer being a j%^&. Let it go. Getting all pissy about it is a waste of energy.
Zahara Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 - I suspected she wasnt all that into me so i texted her a few nights ago and basically let her know that i noticed her being a little uneasy. Hoping if she wasnt feeling it she would tell me. She responded by saying she was glad i invited her out and didnt want to give me the impression she wasnt apprecitive of such. I then tell her im sure it aint easy letting your gaurd down around the opposite sex given what youve been through (divorce after 10 years, but been single for almost two) and told her that i understood. BUT also gave her another opportunity to tell me she wasnt feeling it by saying that is just my observation feel free to correct me if im wrong. She only sent "thanks" - Well 2 weeks pass and i got zero contact from her. No text. No call. Nothing. I sent her a snap a few days ago and she read without responding. So i ended up texting her today and said if you were never interested or suddenly became uninterested that there were no hard feelings and that i thought she was a great girl and enjoyed her company. AGAIN, giving her an opportunity to tell me she wasnt feeling it. She responded by saying she enjoyed my company as well and that she was only looking for friendship and she appreciated me being so understanding. The "understanding" part i assume is me refering to it being tough to open up around other men given her tough divorce. So my question is this.... is her feelings really genuine? Is she really just not ready for a relationship or only want friendship from peoole or is she just being WAY too nice by not telling me "meh, not digging you dude"? Your first two meets weren't great. It was awkward as you said. Then through your own insecurity, the consistent badgering as to whether she was uneasy, if she wasn't feeling it, etc. more than once comes of as pushy. You knew she was lukewarm yet kept prodding her about how she felt and even when she made no contact with you for 2 weeks, you again had to question her about her level of interest and to be honest, no hard feelings. Ugh. You went on two dates. She doesn't owe you anything. It would be nice if people were upfront but some aren't and if you're getting signals that one isn't interested, you then take the hint and move on.
Author booboomane Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) Thats fair. I guess not everybody is as honest and straight forward in this "lets not offend" everyone liberal world we live in now. Look, i get that there is 99 percent chance she is not into me. Thats fine. I knew that after the first date. But i dont think its unreasonable to expect closure. If your thought process is insecure thats fine. Of course she dont owe me anything. Whether its justified or not is irrelavant. But when i lay it out there and it was constantly put in a hope for gain context then its natural for me to be kind of annoyed. Im a big boy. Tell me you dont feel like its going anywhere and lets be friends. Not the classic im not avaiable horse****. Edited May 12, 2016 by booboomane
Zahara Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Thats fair. I guess not everybody is as honest and straight forward in this "lets not offend" everyone liberal world we live in now. Look, i get that there is 99 percent chance she is not into me. Thats fine. I knew that after the first date. But i dont think its unreasonable to expect closure. If your thought process is insecure thats fine. Of course she dont owe me anything. Whether its justified or not is irrelavant. But when i lay it out there and it was constantly put in a hope for gain context then its natural for me to be kind of annoyed. Im a big boy. Tell me you dont feel like its going anywhere and lets be friends. Not the classic im not avaiable horse****. You need to tone down you expectations. She was a woman you met twice. There is no such thing as closure. I mean you even knew she wasn't into you on the first date. As I said, it would be nice to have someone offer their honesty with you, but expecting it is another thing. She ignored you for 2 weeks. You reached out. She still ignored. Then you go back again and push for an answer from her. Maybe she doesn't want to be friends with you. Not everyone is going to like you or want to have anything to do with you. You can't get so bent out of shape over two dates. You have to build thicker skin because trust me, if you want to go out there and date, this won't be the first time you deal with rejection. 1
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