1z3 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Background: -I am 18 and my girlfriend is also 18. -We've been together for 2 + 1/2 years. Reasons why I am considering: It has come to the end of our high school lives and we have our final exams in a month. We have been talking about our feelings for each other and how we want to continue at uni. We are (hopefully if we get the grades) going to the same uni. She does not seem to know what she wants. We both have strong feelings for each other and love each other a lot. She said she still wants me, however she also has expressed desires to wanting to have (not very serious) relationships with other people, to flirt around with people, to experiment to with other girls to find out more about her sexuality. She says she doesn't want to give up on the relationship and lose what we have. But then again she wants "to be independent" and see what life is like without me. Recognising this conflict in what she wants I brought it up to her and she responded with ".... I do want both, to have the freedom to be my own person and do whatever I want to do without feeling guilty - but of course I don't want to give you up. I've been kinda hoping that you would also want more freedom..." She broke up with me back in October 2015 using reasons with similar themes. Then in November 2015 she very much so wanted to get back together with me and we did. Ever since then we've had a very healthy combination of having our own friend and personal time and relationship time - e.g. going to parties with our friends more often. It hurts me very much when I learn that she is drawn to the idea of not wanting me. It makes me feel not very loved, like I'm not good enough. It hurts me when she tells me that "getting off with a guy at a party" seems exciting. It makes me struggle to sleep that I don't know what she wants. So far it in this post it seems that there is no reason why we should be together. However we still have a great amazing relationship together. For example, last week we went out to Town and enjoyed the day and our time together to the fullest. She was very attracted to me and had strong desires to kiss me out in public (she is normally rather against PDAs). We had an awesome time. The romance and the connection was very high. We have very similar work ethic and we are very good revision buddies. This said she still feels unsure. I have expressed to her that I want to continue things with her. I am very black and white with what I want and I express it to her. It makes me feel like I've got the emotional short straw in the relationship and she's comfortable and confident with what I want but I don't know the same about her. If I break up with her, I will not talk to her at all or be her friend or any sort of "kinda relationship, kinda not". I feel if she has GIGS then it would be best for me to break up for our happiness and even for the future of the relationship if it does ever continue again. Problem is that I don't feel that I have enough reasons/information to break up. I am doubting that it is the best thing to do. Another problem is that we're enjoying our time together and we could potentially have a lot of fun together in summer. However I am not happy with this situation that I am in.
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 It's a tough call. Many relationships don't survive the transition from HS to college for many of these reasons -- people want to explore the world around them. It's not that you aren't "good enough". It's just that she wants to see what else is out there, which is a normal response at this age. It's a time when people grow & come into their own. Personally I'd at least wait until you both get acceptance letters from colleges. If you are going to different schools the decision will almost be made for you. 1
LD1990 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Here's the deal - you two are going to break up some time soon. Trust me, when a girl says that she wants to be independent and not feel guilty about hooking up with other guys, the relationship is on its last legs. Those feelings she has aren't going to just go away. They're going to be there, and eventually she'll either cheat or dump you. The only thing you have some control over is when this relationship ends. I'd say either end it now or before you two head to college, if you want to have fun with her over the summer. But even if you two go to the same school, I doubt your relationship survives more than a month of college. Sorry man, it's tough but that's what happens with young relationships. 1
Author 1z3 Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) We have our last day of school tomorrow and we'll be spending time together after and then going to a party in the night. We'll both be staying over at a friend's. I'm contemplating breaking up with her the next day in the morning before we go home. The doubts I have are that we do have great time together. But like you said, if someone feels like they want to go off with other people in the relationship the feeling is not going to go away and its only going to make me feel worse and worse. That being said she doesn't seem to want to do anything with other people now that we're together at school and during summer holiday. I think she says all these things she has thoughts of doing when we're at uni. She believes that the focusing on uni studies and the fact we will be living a completely different and new life will inevitably separate us. Maybe these ideas she has about not feeling guilty and so on are to comfort her of what she believes will happen. However does this change whether I should break up? Edited May 12, 2016 by 1z3
hunk Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 She's completely checked out of the relationship and you need to end it ASAP. She's bored of sex with you, has lost the necessary attraction to keep her interested in you and she wants to sleep around. There is no doubt in her mind. She just wants other men. There's nothing to salvage here. Let her go and have her dumb sex with other girls, guys, whoever- and let her "find herself" - She wants strange dick - let her do what she wants. Cut her out of your life entirely and move on to better things. When you are 18 your relationships are supposed to be rollercoaster lust-driven sex marathons. You have no real responsibility except school. You should be driving her insane. This is the only way in which any sort of relationship will last at this age. Girls at your age are still mentally children, they need drama, they need to chase after you, the last thing they want is a stable reliable relationship. No matter how educated or intelligent this girl is - she wants the same thing as any other 18 year old girl and that is excitement and lust. She will hook up with *******s, losers, drug dealers - you will see it, and hopefully what i'm saying to you will make some semblance of sense. Forget about women at the moment and concentrate on yourself, your own happiness and your future. 1
Author 1z3 Posted May 14, 2016 Author Posted May 14, 2016 We talked yesterday and we revealed our feelings for eachother that we haven't done so in a long time. It was a very emotional experience that brought us together - ups and downs. I have no idea how to explain it on here but the information i said in my original post only looks at the surface. Now that we know a lot more about eachother and we've broken down a boundary between us that has been built up over the past weeks/months. Things are better now and we're together and happy. Thank you for your suggestions and time but I'm glad I didn't listen to them.
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