kztar Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Hey everyone, So after a terrible breakup at the end of January I am finally sort of dating again and it seems pretty cool. However, not sure if it was because of my last breakup but I seem to be getting stuck when asking questions. I ask basic questions like what do you like to do on your free time, hobbies and all those basic questions. I guess maybe because in my last relationship I didn't get to know the guy well enough to jump into a serious relationship with him, now I am VERY hesitant in how I proceed getting to know someone. I want to know more than just the basics. So I want to know what are some GOOD questions that you guys ask the guy or the girl when you are dating or getting to know them?. Thank you in advance for your responses. They will be gladly appreciated.
gimlynick Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I think that if you have some kind of connection with someone, the questions come automatical... Don't be nervous, if it is good you will have smooth conversations in who you will get to know the other person. Something I found recently was this: 36 Questions That Can Make Two Strangers Fall in Love - These are 36 questions that you have to ask someone to 'fall in love' with him/her. I have never tried it, but I think it is a cool game for a 3rd or 4th date. 3
Author kztar Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 I think that if you have some kind of connection with someone, the questions come automatical... Don't be nervous, if it is good you will have smooth conversations in who you will get to know the other person. Something I found recently was this: 36 Questions That Can Make Two Strangers Fall in Love - These are 36 questions that you have to ask someone to 'fall in love' with him/her. I have never tried it, but I think it is a cool game for a 3rd or 4th date. Oh wow these are some awesome questions. Will try eventually. Thank you
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I like to talk about current events: some serious like the Presidential election (I have never shied away from political discussion & like debating them so if I guy can't, he's not for me); some casual like a human interest story I hear on the news (local zoo has new cubs or something) to the trivial (hey I read a great meme on FB yesterday) It's not so much what the person says but their ability to engage in an intelligent back & forth dialogue. I also tell jokes or ask the person to tell me one so I can gauge their sense of humor. Some actual questions I'll ask include: 1. How did they end up picking their profession or major. 2. Favorite / best college memory 3. what did they want to be when they grew upi 4. Favorite anything: food, sports team, movie etc 5. Dream date 6. beach v mountains 7. Where have they lived or traveled 8. how they feel about religions . . any religion but then again I love learning about things, especially from people of different faiths. 9. If they couldn't do what they do now, what would they do? 10. I ask about distance past like high school prom dates (remember I'm middle aged, not 19) 2
Ami1uwant Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I think that if you have some kind of connection with someone, the questions come automatical... Don't be nervous, if it is good you will have smooth conversations in who you will get to know the other person. Something I found recently was this: 36 Questions That Can Make Two Strangers Fall in Love - These are 36 questions that you have to ask someone to 'fall in love' with him/her. I have never tried it, but I think it is a cool game for a 3rd or 4th date. You beat me to this..... 2
katiegrl Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 The thing about asking such contrived questions is that it sounds too much like a job interview, instead of a date. Sure you will get know the person, but I don't see how any sort of a romantic connection will develop. We connect with people through our energy ..... our vibe. Sure ask questions, but don't pre plan them. Base your questions on how you and this *particular person* are interacting. They should be spontaneous and the convo should flow naturally, almost effortlessly if the chemistry (energy) between you is right and genuine. Play it by ear with each person. The first few dates should be fun, light, easy .... breezy. Not chock full of arbitrary questions, like you are reading off some list. Boring! It takes time to know someone. Pay attention to their actions, more than how they answer arbitrary questions that you ask every date. Huge turn off ....Ugh. JMO. 5
Ami1uwant Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 What are the things important to you.....Ask questions around these topics but phrase them in an unbiased way. It's common for people to say what they think they want to hear. 1
Author kztar Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 The thing about asking such contrived questions is that it sounds too much like a job interview, instead of a date. Sure you will get know the person, but I don't see how any sort of a romantic connection will develop. We connect with people through our energy ..... our vibe. Sure ask questions, but don't pre plan them. Base your questions on how you and this *particular person* are interacting. They should be spontaneous and the convo should flow naturally, almost effortlessly if the chemistry (energy) between you is right and genuine. Play it by ear with each person. The first few dates should be fun, light, easy .... breezy. Not chock full of arbitrary questions, like you are reading off some list. Boring! It takes time to know someone. Pay attention to their actions, more than how they answer arbitrary questions that you ask every date. Huge turn off ....Ugh. JMO. Hi Katiegrl, I think you're right about this. I am not aiming to bombard anyone with plenty of questions on the first date but rather a few dates in. Im just looking for better ways to get to know someone. Last time I honestly didn't ask many questions but rather just go with the flow. Although I know what is important to me, there's always more to ask.
Author kztar Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 What are the things important to you.....Ask questions around these topics but phrase them in an unbiased way. It's common for people to say what they think they want to hear. This is great advice. Thank you
Author kztar Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 I like to talk about current events: some serious like the Presidential election (I have never shied away from political discussion & like debating them so if I guy can't, he's not for me); some casual like a human interest story I hear on the news (local zoo has new cubs or something) to the trivial (hey I read a great meme on FB yesterday) It's not so much what the person says but their ability to engage in an intelligent back & forth dialogue. I also tell jokes or ask the person to tell me one so I can gauge their sense of humor. Some actual questions I'll ask include: 1. How did they end up picking their profession or major. 2. Favorite / best college memory 3. what did they want to be when they grew upi 4. Favorite anything: food, sports team, movie etc 5. Dream date 6. beach v mountains 7. Where have they lived or traveled 8. how they feel about religions . . any religion but then again I love learning about things, especially from people of different faiths. 9. If they couldn't do what they do now, what would they do? 10. I ask about distance past like high school prom dates (remember I'm middle aged, not 19) Thank you for this. I think these are all important questions and they all give a better outlook on the person from early on which is my goal here.
jen1447 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 The standard array - hopes/dreams/aspirations. That gets you out of the mundane and into actual conversation territory bc everyone loves to elaborate on their 'deeper thinking'/philosophy type stuff. (Esp after a glass of wine. ) 1
Jejangles Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 My favourite questions (sometimes I ask on date one, sometimes a few dates in... Whenever I feel like hearing the answer really)! If you could go anywhere in the world tomorrow, all expenses paid, where would you go? What would you do if you won the lottery? What's a perfect day for you? If you could have a meal with any three people in the world, alive or dead, who would it be? When have you been happiest in your life so far? I like to ask quite a few aspirational questions because they can tell you a lot! I remember playing this game with my current boyfriend about a month in, but like I said, I have asked some of these questions fairly early on as well. 1
Author kztar Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 Thank you to everyone who has posted here. Awesome questions. Keep them coming.
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