Guy Lacking Looks In The Attractive/Intelligent/Personality Triad

[aramblingronin]

I think when looking at a person to evaluate their prospects as a dating single, those are the three broad criterion that most people will weigh.

 

1. Attractive
   
2. Intelligent
   
3. Good relationship partner
   

If someone can hit all three points, it is unlikely for the person to be available to date.

 

I view my personal case as a 29 year old guy, " If he's intelligent, a good relationship partner, and single, he's probably not attractive".

 

• Facial acne as a teenager and young adult resulted in scarring and uneven complexion. It's really noticeable in face-to-face conversation or selfies.
  
• I have a doctorate and a master's
  
• I believe I have a good personality based on my job and role as both a pharmacist and project manager. I can handle most household tasks except sewing and for a single guy my age, I understand the finances and no debts.
  

Despite there being three broad points in evaluating a single's prospects, we know they are not weighted equally to 1/3, 1/3, 1/3. In fact, with online dating, I think trait 1 gets weighted much more heavily these days compared to 2 & 3.

[mikeylo]

Educational differences can lead to many problems. Try finding someone who is not hooked on physical appearance but relationship qualities and what you bring on the table , relationship wise. Looks fade but character remains. It's not gonna be easy but there are guys who look beyond a pretty face.

[Emilia]

I've dated two guys with acne scars over the years, one was pretty heavily scarred. I don't think I'd like spots on someone (and that can be resolved usually nowdays) but acne scars don't bother me the slightest.

[Emilia]

By the way OP, if scars bother you, you should see a dermatologist. There are various treatments today that flatten out those scars from acid peels to laser treatment. Even if they don't disappear, they can get significantly better within a year or so.

[Toodaloo]

All those categories are subjective.

 

People think I am mad but I find crows feet unbelievably sexy. I have an ex who was attacked with a knife and has horrific scaring on his face (He was practically scalped from the corner of his mouth round his forehead and down the side) and chest - not the reason why we dated and not the reason why we broke up. The fact is actually totally irrelevant but he has since got married and has two gorgeous children so I doubt the scars ruined his prospects.

 

If we are talking about you, I think your problem is that you are trying to objectify yourself.

 

You are a human being presumably looking to date other human beings. Funny thing is that humans are fickle and what you find ugly about yourself someone else will find highly attractive. What you find attractive someone else may find completely irrelevant. And so the circle goes round.

 

As for the good ones being taken - its simply not true. All those good ones were single to at some point. They just went out and met people that they enjoyed being with.

 

Try it. It makes life simpler and much easier.

 

People can have all three of your triad and still not get along when put in a room together... So relax.

 

Also online dating is not your only option. By all means use the tool that it is, but why not talk to people you meet in everyday life. Seriously - challenge yourself to have a short conversation with 3 strangers every day. Could be the woman in the shop serving you. The woman stood in the elevator with you. Someone looking a bit lost or perhaps your feeling lost yourself and could use some advice as to which potatoes would make the better mash for the shepherds pie you are baking... Once you build up confidence talking to strange women and learn how to do it with out frightening them or being strange around them (you would be surprised how many men come across as weird when they first start talking to women). Once you have done that then start challenging yourself to get to know them better and increase the circle of people you know. Perhaps try asking some out. Most of the time you will be rejected but you never know if you don't ask...

 

I sometimes ask guys out and get rejected. Its just one of those things. Just because someone doesn't want to date you doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that they have different preferences. Thats all. Its the same as someone not liking pasta or sushi...

 

Good luck.

[GunslingerRoland]

Don't confuse intelligent and educated.

 

 

I've known people with PHD's who were so stupid, I actually was amazed that they remembered to breathe. I've also known people who were high school drop outs, who were some of the most intelligent people I've ever met.

 

 

Also don't confuse good relationship partner with good at your job. Who cares if you are a great pharmacist.. unless your relationship revolves around making quick small talk and doing transactions with your GF it has very little relation to how you function in a relationship.

 

 

I find a lot of the time, when someone goes online and brags about how good their personality is but they can't find a partner because they are unattractive, it's actually the personality that is lacking.

[ChocolateRain]

My XBF had acne scars and he was not the most sexy looking guy either ... but he had/has a smile and personality that lights up the room . i looked past all that because i loved him for who he is/was ...

[preraph]

Acne scarring can now be fixed by a dermatologist with a series of treatments, so go to it. Other than that, are you good looking or average or below average in the face? I'm guessing you're average or below because I've known good looking guys with acne scarring that it wasn't too much of a drawback. (Active acne, yes)

 

Anyway, the key is for you not to allow yourself to focus on women you think are hot but to be alert to any women (not at work where they have to be nice) who seem to like talking to you or are generally friendly and unattached, because that is your dating pool, not the hot blond or the big boobed girl all the guys are after. Pay attention to who pays attention to you.

[mamabear32018]

I think it can be easy to assume there's some wrong with someone just because they are single, but this really isn't true. People are single for all kinds of reasons that don't have to do with personal inadequacy. Online dating can be very helpful but look at it more as just one tool in the toolbox, it isn't your only option.

[Satu]

Don't forget about the impossible to define, 'quality x.'

 

When it just feels right.

 

That's the most important thing of all.