feb87 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 My boyfriend (29, I'm 28 going on 29-- same year of birth, 1987) of a bit over half a year asked me to come to both of his sisters' weddings. To clarify: my worries aren't because I don't love him- we love each other; this was said at about the five month mark. At the same time, it isn't because I want anything from him right now in terms of longer term plans; this really is about the worries re: meeting his family. One is next month and the other is later in the year. The one later in the year I am very comfortable going to since I will likely have met his family by then and because he's significantly closer to that sister than the one whose wedding is next month. Both weddings are in states other than where he and I both live - we don't live together, but in adjacent towns. His family is from the Midwest and we are on the east coast. Just last week, he explained to me that he had gotten the wedding invitation from his elder sister and that she had explicitly invited me to the wedding. Anyway, given that both of our families live relatively out of the area-- mine substantially closer but still not close enough that we would be enabled to take a weekend trip to meet them-- we haven't met any members of the other's family. I'm somewhat apprehensive about making a debut at a wedding, and especially at a wedding in which he will play a huge role. We've had conversations and had made plans to get the "hard part" out of the way by arranging trips to go to our respective home states, with each other, during the summer. To add further, the last time he went to a larger family gathering, it was a wedding for a cousin of his, about three years ago, and he went with his ex girlfriend (live-in), who has similar traits to me (hair and eyes) I worry people will think I'm her and begin asking very uncomfortable questions... Anyway, so he's already expressed that it would make him kind of sad if I didn't go to his older sister's wedding but that he could deal with it but would be devastated if I didn't go to his other sister's wedding. His elder sister's wedding is much farther away and thus less convenient for me to plan to attend. TLDR: Invited to weddings out of state- haven't yet met family. Would rather not meet them this way. Nervous meeting people this way will prompt questions about a wedding because they think I'm his ex-- really the fear that people might think they already know me drives this concern. A question on etiquette: is it okay to get her a gift since I'm not coming? What is an acceptable excuse, if there is any reason, for me to show up to one and not the other?
Toodaloo Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Can't you go over and meet them before hand? Pop over for a day so you can meet them and say hello before hand... Get to know them on the phone perhaps? I think you should go to both. So it might be a bit awkward at times but sometimes you just have to roll up you sleeves and get on with it. Remember to smile. 1
Cinnamonstix Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I think it would be weird for you not to go, on the basis you just stated. There are plenty of people that take dates to weddings, let alone serious girlfriends. Further, some people don't meet members of their significant other's family until the day of their own wedding. If people think you're the ex, just smile and say no and tell them your name. No biggie. 1
deadparrot Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Go! Have fun, enjoy. Maybe watch how much you drink, but at the very least, your first meeting won't be an awkward semi-silent meal. You'll have plenty to chat about with a wedding going on around you. In terms of "confusion with the ex" stories, it's happened to me and it was really not a big deal at all. My boyfriend is divorced. Soon after we started dating, we ran into a couple from his first year law school cohort--they weren't friends of his, but acquaintances--they knew each other well enough to stop and chat, but weren't close enough to have heard about BF's divorce. They'd met his ex-wife once, probably 7 years prior (BF and his ex were long distance at the time, so she wasn't around much). So when they saw my boyfriend and a woman, they had forgotten what his ex looked like and assumed I was her. The guy asked me, "I think we've met once?" At that point, boyfriend and I had been dating for about a week, so I just said brightly, "No, I don't think so!" and we moved on. Later, BF and I joked that they probably thought that I was his sidepiece. Everything got cleared up, but it was never anything more than a funny story and neither of us stressed about it at all.
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 He's asking you to attend a wedding, not have one. Relax. Go. Meet these people. Eat, drink, dance. Stop thinking it means much more then he doesn't want to go alone. It does mean he wants to introduce you to people important to him & given the distances that really isn't possible if you don't go. IMO it'd be way worse if he didn't invite you.
No_Go Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 OP, I had even more awkward experience: met my BF family for first time at a funeral... Now I'm thinking how awkward the people felt when he showed up with me and make the introductions while they were burying their grandmother... Went fine nevertheless. Wedding is fine. It can actually be less awkward then a forced dinner with his parents. Focus will be elsewhere and you can enjoy the event while getting to know them by observing their behavior and casually chatting with them. My boyfriend (29, I'm 28 going on 29-- same year of birth, 1987) of a bit over half a year asked me to come to both of his sisters' weddings. To clarify: my worries aren't because I don't love him- we love each other; this was said at about the five month mark. At the same time, it isn't because I want anything from him right now in terms of longer term plans; this really is about the worries re: meeting his family. One is next month and the other is later in the year. The one later in the year I am very comfortable going to since I will likely have met his family by then and because he's significantly closer to that sister than the one whose wedding is next month. Both weddings are in states other than where he and I both live - we don't live together, but in adjacent towns. His family is from the Midwest and we are on the east coast. Just last week, he explained to me that he had gotten the wedding invitation from his elder sister and that she had explicitly invited me to the wedding. Anyway, given that both of our families live relatively out of the area-- mine substantially closer but still not close enough that we would be enabled to take a weekend trip to meet them-- we haven't met any members of the other's family. I'm somewhat apprehensive about making a debut at a wedding, and especially at a wedding in which he will play a huge role. We've had conversations and had made plans to get the "hard part" out of the way by arranging trips to go to our respective home states, with each other, during the summer. To add further, the last time he went to a larger family gathering, it was a wedding for a cousin of his, about three years ago, and he went with his ex girlfriend (live-in), who has similar traits to me (hair and eyes) I worry people will think I'm her and begin asking very uncomfortable questions... Anyway, so he's already expressed that it would make him kind of sad if I didn't go to his older sister's wedding but that he could deal with it but would be devastated if I didn't go to his other sister's wedding. His elder sister's wedding is much farther away and thus less convenient for me to plan to attend. TLDR: Invited to weddings out of state- haven't yet met family. Would rather not meet them this way. Nervous meeting people this way will prompt questions about a wedding because they think I'm his ex-- really the fear that people might think they already know me drives this concern. A question on etiquette: is it okay to get her a gift since I'm not coming? What is an acceptable excuse, if there is any reason, for me to show up to one and not the other? 1
LostOnes05 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 You're putting way, way, way too much thought into it. Just go...have a good time...make memories... Her next thread: What dress to wear to the wedding(s)? Can I wear the same dress to both? Is that a bad idea? Lol, I'm just teasing. But seriously you're thinking TOO much.
Gaeta Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Go and enjoy yourself!! His family don't care about meeting you first, why should you. You're a big girl, you can enter a big room full of unknown people. Last fall my family organized a family reunion in a cottage out of town. We were 40 people on the list. My cousin shows up there with his new girlfriend. First we did not even know yet he was divorced from his wife! so of course we didn't know he had a girlfriend. She came along like a worrier. She was a great girl, we liked her and had a blast. Your case is easy, you're just going to a wedding. You'll have dinner, than dance then go to sleep. In her case she had to live with us 3 days in a cottage! She did it! 1
greenly24 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I agree with many of the other posts. I don't think it would weird for you to meet his family at a wedding, even if you feel all that awkward. Is there any sort of rehearsal dinner before the wedding where you could meet his family beforehand? I know a lot of weddings have a run through the Friday night before the real wedding. If they do have one, that may be a good opportunity for you to break the ice. And even if you meet them on the day of the wedding, I don't think it'll be too weird. I'm sure most of the focus will be on his sister, the bride, so I think you'll be fine.
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