Jump to content

Too excited when I meet someone I like?

tayriley

By tayriley
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

tayriley Established Member

tayriley

Posted
Posted

When I meet a guy I am attracted to, I get WAY too excited about all the possibilities that could be in store for me. Once I have a crush, my mind will start racing- What can I wear that he'll be attracted to? What's he like in bed? How many times should we see each other in a week? Is he dating any other girls right now? Where can we vacation? What will it be like introducing him to my friends? Basically, I start imagining what an entire amazing relationship with this person could look like.

 

Obviously, this is a huge problem because it only leaves me with more room to be disappointed when things don't work out or when he says/does something that is completely out of sync with the fantasy I've imagined.

 

Yes, there are lots and lots of articles that say 'DONT GET TOO EXCITED TOO FAST' --- but my question is HOW???

 

How do I stop feeling giddy about a guy when I barely know him? Yes, I rationally know I shouldn't, but that still doesn't stop the feelings and daydreams and impossible-to-meet expectations.

 

(I know the stock answer is to date lots of guys at once- but that has never worked for me- I always have a favorite that I hone in on and everyone else stops mattering very quickly)

  • Like 2
smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

Posted
Posted

Quite refreshing to know this happens to females too :)

 

I bet you go through that thing where you also get tongue tied and over think every single little thing you do or say around him. The basic total opposite of how you are around someone you're not attracted to.

 

Wish I had an easy fix for you, but I myself fall into this trap when I start to feel attracted to a girl. Prior to those feelings I can be myself, but if I find them attractive or become attracted to them over time, then I start to change; start to picture the future and therefore worry about what to say in case I push them away. Then should we start something I begin thinking way too far ahead and I know I sometimes start to come off as far too keen.

 

What I try to do is remember how we got close in the first place, before I became that little excited tail wagging puppy. It's difficult though as once the brain starts thinking ahead it's hard to stop it. I guess all you can do is try to see how they are with you and react accordingly, hold back on the excitement and recognise when you start getting all giddy.

 

Wish there was a quick fix, but we all know that feeling of meeting someone new and the excitement that comes with it, and often it's hard to control simply how we feel.

  • Like 1
Phoenician Established Member

Phoenician

Posted
Posted
When I meet a guy I am attracted to, I get WAY too excited about all the possibilities that could be in store for me. Once I have a crush, my mind will start racing- What can I wear that he'll be attracted to? What's he like in bed? How many times should we see each other in a week? Is he dating any other girls right now? Where can we vacation? What will it be like introducing him to my friends? Basically, I start imagining what an entire amazing relationship with this person could look like.

 

Obviously, this is a huge problem because it only leaves me with more room to be disappointed when things don't work out or when he says/does something that is completely out of sync with the fantasy I've imagined.

 

Yes, there are lots and lots of articles that say 'DONT GET TOO EXCITED TOO FAST' --- but my question is HOW???

 

How do I stop feeling giddy about a guy when I barely know him? Yes, I rationally know I shouldn't, but that still doesn't stop the feelings and daydreams and impossible-to-meet expectations.

 

(I know the stock answer is to date lots of guys at once- but that has never worked for me- I always have a favorite that I hone in on and everyone else stops mattering very quickly)

 

One sentence to say :

I wish I met you :)

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

I dont feel its bad to get excited about meeting someone you are attracted to especially when its rare..and daydreams...since when are they bad......the only thing i think you have to accept is..... whoever he is.... he isnt perfect....but he could be perfect for you....its all right to feel tongue tied and giddy...doesnt make you an alien species......just be friendly and open and warm as you want to be.....get to know him......treat him as you would treat any other with acceptance and no pedestal

 

 

and if you catch him picking his nose....realize he is human......if he eats it though....(quietly retching at computer screen).....you can decide if its too much...best wishes..deb

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

A new crush is exciting. Try putting a temporal cap on your projections. Thinking about what to wear is great. Fantaszing about the first intimacies or even what you will wear then is also fine. Try not to project past next week.

 

Do not dream about the vacations or introducing him to your friends. When you note yourself having these thoughts, stop. Say to yourself Nope, too soon and redirect your mind back to your outfits.

  • Like 4
PrettyEmily77 Established Member

PrettyEmily77

Posted
Posted
Yes, there are lots and lots of articles that say 'DONT GET TOO EXCITED TOO FAST' --- but my question is HOW???

 

The fast-track way to stop fantasising about someone is to make things real:

 

 

1. Ask him out / make moves to make him understand you'd like him to ask you out and take it from there. Take your time over it. He will almost invariably be different to the stories you have in my head.

 

 

2. Distract yourself with friends you actually do know, or start new activities.

 

 

Most of us d it to a degree - totally normal :).

LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted

I'm actually in a situation like this now as we already have a 2nd weekend date scheduled next week (she can't this weekend, she'll be seeing a relative). lol .

 

Very excited and quite refreshing to find someone that I'm nicely matched with....THAT is the exciting part.

 

It is true that after a long line of disappointments that on the first date you're like, "OMG, this person is normal, have a lot of unique common values, reciprocates, engaging, and comfortable in her own skin!", but I am thinking to myself, "Woah, don't get too excited and screw this up, lol.

 

But it's hard not to get excited when you've had very long dry spells with duds of people/time vampires along the way.

  • Like 2
kztar Established Member

kztar

Posted
Posted
When I meet a guy I am attracted to, I get WAY too excited about all the possibilities that could be in store for me. Once I have a crush, my mind will start racing- What can I wear that he'll be attracted to? What's he like in bed? How many times should we see each other in a week? Is he dating any other girls right now? Where can we vacation? What will it be like introducing him to my friends? Basically, I start imagining what an entire amazing relationship with this person could look like.

 

Obviously, this is a huge problem because it only leaves me with more room to be disappointed when things don't work out or when he says/does something that is completely out of sync with the fantasy I've imagined.

 

Yes, there are lots and lots of articles that say 'DONT GET TOO EXCITED TOO FAST' --- but my question is HOW???

 

How do I stop feeling giddy about a guy when I barely know him? Yes, I rationally know I shouldn't, but that still doesn't stop the feelings and daydreams and impossible-to-meet expectations.

 

(I know the stock answer is to date lots of guys at once- but that has never worked for me- I always have a favorite that I hone in on and everyone else stops mattering very quickly)

 

I don't think I go that far as thinking of vacation with them and stuff but I am on the same boat. Honestly I think people here have given us great advice. I also read other threads and taking it slow and being yourself with the person is the best bet. Never show the guy more interest than he shows you, even if you end up with the guy.

 

Im convinced is actually meeting someone who meets your requirements that gets us excited as that is not something that as many guys or girls you meet, they will not all have. So you look at the endless possibilities because you have met someone who you feel like it's right there where you want them and need them to be.

  • Like 1
  • Author
tayriley Established Member

tayriley

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for the advice, guys.

 

I guess what I was getting at is that I can't control my disappointment because the guy obviously can't live up to my fantastical imagination. So I am ALWAYS disappointed in the aftermath.

 

I'll imagine the perfect date, and the real thing won't be as good .I'll imagine the perfect kiss or perfect sex and the real thing won't be as good. ..THAT'S the problem.

 

So I'll go from REALLY REALLY liking someone (because I dont know anything about them, I can imagine he's great in all categories) to being bored with him really quickly. It's terrible, I know. I don't know how not to be this way.

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted

How old are you?

 

This sounds more like the behavior of a young person (teens to mid twenties). It comes with inexperience and naivete more than anything.

Dark Horse Established Member

Dark Horse

Posted
Posted

Reminds me of when I had a huge crush on this girl back in the first half of 2015, she was a stunning petite redhead who was also into computers and video games and she was an intern for the second semester.

 

The nights were spent looking up guides on how to talk to a girl you like and how to dress to impress and listening to shtty asss love songs on Youtube.

 

Long story short, it turns out she was an evil alien cyborg from the 26th century not to mention after the semester she moved away to the Andromeda galaxy so unfortunately it didn't work out.

ilovemefirst Established Member

ilovemefirst

Posted
Posted

Best way to do this is balance yourself. Focus on your goals too. When your excited, all your energy is focused on that person and it scares them off. You will be disappointed. I did this too in the past, but as i got older, my expectations were not as high. I decided to go with the flow and started focusing more on me than a man. It worked. We need to balance our lives, and when we focus too much on one thing,it just makes you over analyze things and you tend to ruin it. Focus on your work/school/hobbies and enjoy with your friends too. Balance is key. This means, not always talking about the guys or even thinking too much about them. This can be hard, but once you start to put focus on other things, it will naturally happen.

  • Like 1
joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted

 

So I'll go from REALLY REALLY liking someone (because I dont know anything about them, I can imagine he's great in all categories) to being bored with him really quickly. It's terrible, I know. I don't know how not to be this way.

 

How can you really really like someone you don't know anything about?

 

Focus on that. Because it doesn't make any sense.

 

When you start spending time with someone and finding out things about them that are really cool then you can start to really like them.

 

It sounds like you are maybe projecting way too much Hollywood/Disney style fantasies, rather than actually looking at the person in front of you.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

I was always kind of like that. I got focused on one guy and obsessed like a dog with a bone. It does help if you just stay busy socially and not just center your activities around things where you may see that guy. You need to make yourself go out with friends and, yes, date other guys.

 

Try to remember that you are having bad crushes before you even know them. So you are not even in love with them. You're in love with who you hope they turn out to be. And usually, they do not turn out to be who you hope they'll be, because if they were, then you wouldn't be having this one-sided crushing all the time. They know you're not the one for them, even if you don't. So try to learn to at least know when you've taken your best shot and then if it doesn't work out, either getting their attention or keeping it, be more self-disciplined than I was and make yourself face reality and move on.

 

I will tell you this: The person with the obsession is always in the worst position, even if things start progressing. The imbalance remains and the power equality is messed up and you will end up putting up with more crap because there isn't as much respect there because they know you're more into them than they are back.

 

But really, it is easiest to deal with by just not letting yourself get tunnel vision and even if you have it, make yourself notice guys who seem to be friendly and keep making and hanging out with friends. Besides a distraction, having friends and being social is one major thing that will make you more interesting to guys in general. If you're too desperate, they may just write you off as defective. So even if you can't change the way you feel, at least change the way you live and present yourself to others, including close girlfriends, because they talk. Good luck.

  • Like 1
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted

Oh wow...I thought I posted this!

 

I've come to learn I cant stop myself from day dreaming....how many kids will we have?....what will our wedding be like? etc etc

 

What I can do is try to remind myself of the reality of the situtation...in between the day dreams. I remind myself that the relationship is subject to change at anytime...I remind myself that it can end at anytime no matter how hopeful/delusional I am...and most importantly I remind myself that I will be just fine if it does end.

 

I cant date multiple people either...once I really like a guy, I cant focus on anyone else. I dont think theres anything wrong with that as long as you are chosing wisely and reminding yourself of what is really real...this doesnt include the fantasies.

 

I also dont think theres anything wrong with day dreaming...I love doing it. I feel like I need something to dream about. And if that dream shatters I wont be shocked because I'll have reminded myself that this could happen and that I'm 100% ok on my own.

 

As long as you know that at the end of the day, all you need is you and that life really isnt a fairytale...day dream on! Its a nice reprieve from reality :)

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...