temp4wemp Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 My ex and I have been friends for 4 years and we were in a relationship for the last two of them. He pursued me for the second year of our friendship and I didn't pay him much attention. When I decided to finally give it a chance, I realized I had been in love with him for awhile. We fell deeply in love super fast and I had finally found my soul mate and best friend. I felt blessed to be experiencing something so incredible. I had thought I was in love before him but I was sooooo wrong. Our relationship was perfect. Literally, perfection. We cried all the time together because of how much we loved each other. We didn't have our first argument until 8 months into the actual relationship. I had moved to finish some school an hour away from where he lived and things got rough. We only saw each other on the weekends. I was mentally isolated for the first time in my life and I started to take it out on him. We had one of our friends pass away by murder and it deeply changed him. More problems started to occur because of lack of communication. A year goes by and we are still together. He had given me a ring, we had plans of family stuff and moving in together in the next few months when I moved home. We argued a bit, over dumb things and I guess it caught up to him. He left me out of no where and I was devastated. I didn't understand it and I completely lost myself. I'm still recovering from that. He came back a month later and had told me it was a mistake and he never should have left me. I was so relieved and we got back together. Unfortunately, things were not the same. He didn't treat me quite the same. He wasn't the same. He had some type of resentment towards me and we spent the next year trying to stabilize our relationship because our love is so strong. Things had finally started to get a bit better. It was our second anniversary and he took me to the place he knew he loved me. He started crying and told me he couldn't wait to marry me and he felt so lucky to have me as his partner. I was so happy, happier than I had been since we were first together. A week and a half later he made an impulse decision during an argument and left me. We haven't talked since and that was three months ago. I don't feel broken, I don't feel like I'm going to die. I'm sad, but I'm okay. I realize I don't deserve to be left like that especially when I gave our relationship everything I could. Basically it's three months without any contact at all, and I still love him more than anything. I still feel that feeling in my heart when I think of him. I don't think I could ever love anyone the same because they're simply not him. No one compares, no friend or family member. He has told a mutual friend he still loves me more than anything he just doesn't think we go good together which I can understand... But why do I still feel this pull towards him? I want to be over it, I truly do but I don't know if I can be. I'm not sure if he just needs time and space and even if that is true, does he deserve another chance? Does he really deserve my unconditional love? I need to feel better and very fast. It's not destroying me but it's impacting every part of my life and I would just like to feel confident and strong. I want to show him and myself that I am capable of moving on. Any advice is appreciated... Thank you.
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 You still feel the pull because this was a strong, deep relationship for you & getting over it is not like flipping a switch. Plus this was a sudden impulsive break up from your perspective. You didn't really see it coming. You are remembering the good times but intellectually you know there were bad times. The murder of your friend had to have rocked him deeply & of course that changes people. So does going away to college. Honestly, 1 hour is not that far. When you said the distance made things rocky I could have told you then, this wasn't the "perfect" relationship you claimed. As the acute pain subsides, you will still have good memories of him. He will always hold a special place in your heart but that doesn't mean you are meant to be or that you should reconcile. Do what you need to heal. Hang in there.
lbjanieb Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 What concerns me is the extreme emotion between you two all the time. Why the tears of intense love at times and then other times his coldness? He has to work out some issues and perhaps you do as well before you are capable of a mature, healthy love. We are human and can never be EVERYTHING to someone else. What does he resent you for? My advice to you is to take care of yourself and treat yourself with dignity and insist that anyone else in your life do the same, your faults notwithstanding. It's okay for you to grieve this relationship but it won't always feel like this, I promise. If he wants to get back together in the future make him see that things will not be the same. You have a right to not be on someone's emotional roller coaster.
CupCakess Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Well thats odd, there has to be a reason to why he decided to end the relationship after just one fight. People don't just decide to walk away from a long relationship (and friendship) on a whim. You guys seem young, how old are you? its possible that the argument was just an excuse to walk away. Or there may be underlying issues, things he disliked about the relationship. What was the argument about?
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