guest Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Confused. can BF rape?? what if the girl wanted it to begin with but before penetration then didnt? and he didnt stop? and made her participate? and then she was alright with it because it was too late ... clarify..please... Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Yup, boyfriend, fiance, husband -- if they force you, its rape. Doesnt matter WHEN you say no (you said no, right?) Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Yes, but would be hard to prove. It's a lot easier to prove if you hadn't let things get that far. My guess is your argument probably wouldn't win in a court but if you feel he did it and you didn't want to, then my suggestion is to break off the relationship. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ladymuck Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 whoever it is and at whatever point in the 'proceedings' u said "no" then it is still rape. Link to post Share on other sites
noname Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 sure can. it happens quite a bit. there have been lengthy discussions on this site just recently. if she says no, is forced to participate and feels violated enough to have to post a thread to a bunch of total strangers... it is probably just what you think it is. as far as the person's next step, i cannot comment on but they should do something about it. as to what degree this something goes to, i cannot comment on but they should at least speak with this "boyfriend" and make him away of what he did if he does not already know. the last thing a will not comment on is the relationship, however, this person should probably distance themself from said "boyfriend" and exchange him for one who respects her... Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 There have been tons of proven cases. Recently here in MD there was one of a wife got her hubby convicted. No means no--end of the statement Link to post Share on other sites
camel Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by ladymuck whoever it is and at whatever point in the 'proceedings' u said "no" then it is still rape. Ditto!! No means NO at any point. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 okay, but what if she was ...wet....(from making out) but because recent probs with bf didnt want to ...do it...and voiced as much but bf kept going and girl said no, and guy said yes and then girl went with it b/c it was too late ( penetration) and after she felt regretful that she couldnt of done more to stop it ( fought a little harder, yelled or hurt him)...i mean is the issue of "not giving in even if your body wants to and responds (the wet factor) yet you have told him very seriously you dont want to and for him to stop" come in to play? To me, I am confused by the whole thing...if your wet you are aroused which means it feels good, so your body DOES want it, but what if your MIND doesnt?? having a man problem as far as not sure he can be trusted even though he insists he can be and have been together for a year and a half......mind verses body....thoughts anyone..just curious Link to post Share on other sites
ladymuck Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 ok look at it this way. this is just an example to toy with now but imagine a young girl who has never had sex and starts "playing around" with a boyfriend. she may be really turned on and probably wet from it all BUT she says shes not ready for full sex. shes excited from the foreplay but says no when he tries to go further. he carries on and has sex with her. to me that would be classed as rape. ok now just because someone has been going out with this person for however long and isnt a virgin shouldnt really make any difference. like i said if someone says no at any point at all then no should mean no. full stop. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Whether you were or were not raped - whether you will accept the very logial answers being given to you or not - one thing is clear: You had a very distressing sexual encounter with someone you cannot trust and did not care enough to ensure your compliance in the act. You are now confused and hurt. It is really easy to blame yourself or find the "what ifs" that would make the situation not his fault. To do otherwise is to admit that someone we care for does not care enough about us to respect our wishes. You knew the answer before you came to this forum - you just don't want it to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 I agree with everyone who's posted except this part: ConfusedInOC: Yes, but would be hard to prove. It's a lot easier to prove if you hadn't let things get that far. That comment sounds like YOU did or didnt do something and that its YOUR fault that this happened....Dont listen to crap like that, honey!! Thats the very last thing you need right now. NONE of this was your fault. There's nothing wrong w/ making out and getting wet (b/c that is an anatomical/physical response....which if you reeeeaaally wanted to get technical, you should know that little boys get hard b/c of physical responses but it most certainly doesnt mean they want to have sex!!!!!!) The fact of the matter is: you wanted to make out, but not have sex, and told him no no no no no but he did not respect you and took advantage of you and did rape you. The only thing we need to know about rape is that it happens as soon as the person says no, or is put in a situation where they cannot say No, etc. My question is this: How old are the both of you Link to post Share on other sites
orta Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 A few nights ago, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex outside. She initiated everything, and seemed to be really into it. Suddenly, she changed her mind, started to cry, and told me she didn't want to continue and wanted to go inside right away. The rest of the night, she just wanted to cuddle. Whatever it was that happened, she just got freaked out and changed her mind, and wanted to stop. I had to stop. She said "stop" right when we were just starting to make love. If I hadn't stopped, or I forced her to continue, that would have been rape. So to answer your question, a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband can rape his partner if his partner wants to stop. Just because you start something, it does not mean you throw away your right to stop or change your mind about it later on. I'll admit that I was pretty annoyed at first when my girlfriend changed her mind. I hadn't seen much of her for a week and was really looking forward to having some intimacy with her. After a few seconds, though, I saw that she was really bothered, and it was very nice spending the night cuddling with her. I think all men would be momentarily bummed out if this happened to them, but I also think that all men can get over it in a few moments; they don't have to keep doing if their partners say no. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 mean is the issue of "not giving in even if your body wants to and responds (the wet factor) yet you have told him very seriously you dont want to and for him to stop" come in to play? To me, I am confused by the whole thing...if your wet you are aroused which means it feels good, so your body DOES want it, but what if your MIND doesnt?? Bodies are made to reproduce. It's an instinct because we are part animal. Therefore they will respond to sexual impulses. However, we are also human with feelings which can be hurt and minds which can be damaged if our bodies are violated if we don't want them to be violated. It doesn't matter how 'wet' a girl might be, it's what her MIND says that is important in deciding whether to continue having sex or not. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Rape is an act of penile/vaginal intercourse accomplished by a person, not the spouse, and WITHOUT the consent of the person. Yes what he did was rape. "The girl" gave consent, which was not rape at the time. As soon as the girl said "NO" and the guy continued, then it is rape. Even after the fact when consent was given. There have been trial cases where people get convicted of rape because they changed their mind during intercourse. Now my question is...what does this girl want? Was she only curious to see if it was rape or not. Or was she planning to get the local authorities involved? The police will take a report, but it's up to the D.A. to see if there is a case. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 by a person, not the spouse It can be the spouse as well. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 My ex raped me all the damn time, and he will freely admit to that! Of course, after a few moments you end up being okay with it so.....is that rape? lol. I personally don't see how someone could press charges on a loved one (their spouse or boyfriend). If I was to have done this, my ex would be in prison right now! Dammit why didn't I press charges on his rapist ass Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 see, that is what I was having probs with.... "Of course, after a few moments you end up being okay with it so.....is that rape? lol." I WAS okay with it after a few minutes but only b/c I knew that I wasnt going to get anywhere when I told him to stop and I was serious and was pushing him away.... He didnt hurt me, and I ended up going along with it in the end, he didnt threaten me, and I wasnt severly emotionally harmed. The whole respect thing was my big issue. I had a taste of what things will be like with him for the next 15 years if I stayed. Lack of respect, lack of boundries..... I am 24 and he is 27. No, I am not going to go to the authorities, it is a dead issue now. I wanted to have some things clarified and I guess it was the whole respect factor which falls right in line with how he is with everything in my life....his lack of respect for me just pushed over to the bedroom as well, so it was just one more thing to tell myself as I walked out the door. Thank you everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX My ex raped me all the damn time, and he will freely admit to that! Mine too. It got to the point where I slept on the couch most of the time because I got sick of him touching me when I didn't want him to. Didn't occur to me that it was rape until we were talking about it after we broke up and he said that he was sorry he raped me. Of course, he can't seem to understand why I don't want to be with him. Well over a year later, he still calls to whine and moan and holds onto the fact that maybe I'll change my mind. What with that, his bipolar schizophrenia, and felony drug charge, how could I not? Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 It is not uncommon for a woman to be aroused and even orgasm during rape. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 This is what men fear the most.... Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX My ex raped me all the damn time, and he will freely admit to that! Of course, after a few moments you end up being okay with it so.....is that rape? lol. I personally don't see how someone could press charges on a loved one (their spouse or boyfriend). If I was to have done this, my ex would be in prison right now! Dammit why didn't I press charges on his rapist ass Why on earth did you stay with someone who you allege repeatedly raped you? that makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 by a person, not the spouse It can be the spouse as well. That's a different crime: spousal rape. They are along the same lines. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl Why on earth did you stay with someone who you allege repeatedly raped you? that makes no sense. Love makes you do crazy, stupid things.... Link to post Share on other sites
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