SparklingandBroken Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Where to begin. My birthday is Sunday, and we have plans to go out to dinner with my family to celebrate. I feel like my BF hardly does anything with me because he's always going out or going to the blues game, or doing something with his family..I know my family notices this. He is a big Blues fan and has season tickets so our whole life revolves around if there is a game or not. Even if it's not a home game, we have to be somewhere he can watch it. I am not a sports fan so I don't get that AT ALL. I don't typically care, I'm used to telling everyone "oh, there's a game." But I told him my birthday was really important to me and he said he would sell his tickets if they were playing that day. Well, they are. So he said "I'll sell my tickets as long as we can go somewhere to watch it." Maybe I shouldn't have let that bother me but I replied "I'm not going to sit in a sports bar just so you can watch tv." In reality, I would have made it an early dinner so that he could be home to watch it. But something about that ultimatum stung, like a hockey game is more important than me. He is now throwing a fit and texting me hateful **** from the other room. He has been drinking all evening so I'm not responding. We had just been arguing over the weekend for some other really immature BS and I am just over it. I know this is important to him, but what does that say about me? 1
Popsicle Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I think you're in the right and he is being unreasonable. Maybe you'll have to remind him that he isn't actually a player on the team. lol 1
Author SparklingandBroken Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) I think you're in the right and he is being unreasonable. Maybe you'll have to remind him that he isn't actually a player on the team. lol Thanks. He made me think I'm being unreasonable. Like sorry I was born on such an inconvenient day. The stuff he is texting me is downright insane and we were fighting this past weekend because I discovered he snorted adderall....because the game was at noon and it was going to be a long day. That is not normal, I don't care what anyone says. Edited May 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language~T 1
Popsicle Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 And by the way, I don't even know who the "Blue's" are. I'm guessing that's a baseball team? If so, I don't even know which city, but yeah, there's a whole world out there!
Poutrew Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Look at him. I mean really look at him. Drunk texting you spiteful stuff from the other room, sulking and stewing in his own juices. Is this where you really want to be? Do you really think it is going to change? Tomorrow after his drunk is over, he'll be all apologetic, but now you know who he really is - and the priority you have in his life, which is below his sports addiction. I would advise you to leave him, otherwise you'll be singing the Blues for the rest of your life. 5
Popsicle Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 we were fighting this past weekend because I discovered he snorted adderall.... How old is he?
Author SparklingandBroken Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 And by the way, I don't even know who the "Blue's" are. I'm guessing that's a baseball team? If so, I don't even know which city, but yeah, there's a whole world out there! It's a hockey team...apparently this is as far as they have gotten in 15 years. Ok, well I didn't think I'd make it to this birthday when I was battling cancer, so. 1
Author SparklingandBroken Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 How old is he? He will be 31! I should have left then. I found the dollar rolled up and called him immediately. Ridiculous.
Author SparklingandBroken Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 Look at him. I mean really look at him. Drunk texting you spiteful stuff from the other room, sulking and stewing in his own juices. Is this where you really want to be? Do you really think it is going to change? Tomorrow after his drunk is over, he'll be all apologetic, but now you know who he really is - and the priority you have in his life, which is below his sports addiction. I would advise you to leave him, otherwise you'll be singing the Blues for the rest of your life. Very true. Thank you for your insight. He stormed in to tell me every guy in STL would agree with him, and then slammed the door.
Versacehottie Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Very true. Thank you for your insight. He stormed in to tell me every guy in STL would agree with him, and then slammed the door. That is hilarious (not to you, I imagine!). He's having a tantrum. Stay firm. And stand your ground. Don't negotiate with him. It's comical really. And at some point you need to consider what you want your future to be. I get it bc it's the playoffs. but he's backed out of a very important commitment with you. He didn't even offer up solutions that were compromises so essentially that tells me he always gets his way. He's acting like a baby. The comment above only confirms it. And the texting nasty things is not cool at all. He is not acting like someone who either thinks you will walk away when he does stuff like this or doesn't care if you do. I know it's not easy when a guy shuts down or pulls back, but guys (or girls) that lash out like this it's a bit toxic.
Dis Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Hun, one thing I've learned from dating is....people dont change. He is not going to wake up one morning and magickly morph into the bf you want him to be. ***What you see now...is what you get It all depends on how much respect you have for yourself.... Do you deserve to be with someone that values sports more than his relationship with you??? Do you deserve to be emotionally abused over text message??? Do you deserve to be with a guy that gives you an ultimatum on your birthday??? Or do you deserve better??? I would leave and leave quickly. Dont settle. End point....you deserve better 1
Author SparklingandBroken Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 That is hilarious (not to you, I imagine!). He's having a tantrum. Stay firm. And stand your ground. Don't negotiate with him. It's comical really. And at some point you need to consider what you want your future to be. I get it bc it's the playoffs. but he's backed out of a very important commitment with you. He didn't even offer up solutions that were compromises so essentially that tells me he always gets his way. He's acting like a baby. The comment above only confirms it. And the texting nasty things is not cool at all. He is not acting like someone who either thinks you will walk away when he does stuff like this or doesn't care if you do. I know it's not easy when a guy shuts down or pulls back, but guys (or girls) that lash out like this it's a bit toxic. Yeah, it's pathetic. And he's doing it because he truly believes he's right. He came in and said "oh you're still here? That's unfortunate." I am so tempted to get a hotel room but I don't know what to do with my dogs. I don't want to go to my parents because I don't want them in my business unless I am 100% done. It's after 11pm here. Maybe drop my dogs off at my parents tomorrow and then get a hotel (and pack my valuables) before he gets home? I don't know what to do.
Popsicle Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Very true. Thank you for your insight. He stormed in to tell me every guy in STL would agree with him, and then slammed the door. He's a sore loser. I can just see it now: you get fed up and break up with him, then he puts up a dating profile that says "Must be a Blues fan". 1
Popsicle Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Yeah, it's pathetic. And he's doing it because he truly believes he's right. . No, he knows he's wrong. He just thinks he can abuse you into changing your position. Tell him to stop being mean to you.
Versacehottie Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Yeah, it's pathetic. And he's doing it because he truly believes he's right. He came in and said "oh you're still here? That's unfortunate." I am so tempted to get a hotel room but I don't know what to do with my dogs. I don't want to go to my parents because I don't want them in my business unless I am 100% done. It's after 11pm here. Maybe drop my dogs off at my parents tomorrow and then get a hotel (and pack my valuables) before he gets home? I don't know what to do. Oh I'm so sorry. Ok realize you are getting dragged into the emotional part too. I totally hear you about not wanting to involve your parents until you are sure. That's a good idea. How long have you been together? and is this truly the final straw for you? You sound pretty set in that you do have a bit of plan. If you are sure, then I think your plan is a good one. But realize if your parents know things are to this level of where you would leave, they might not be accepting of him anymore if you change your mind. I think if you are angry, it's better to avoid him for tonight. Can you sleep in a separate room? And then sort out your thought in the am when you are more calm yourself. I will add, if he has a drinking problem, yes I think you should leave him. good luck xo
truth_seeker Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Tell him he can go enjoy his STL Blues all by himself... and when he gets Blue Balls you won't be around to help him out.
Popsicle Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Also, don't leave to go to your parents unless you are done FOR GOOD with him. If you're not done with him forever, then stay and stand your ground. He wants you to leave now so that he can make up with you after the game. 1
Author SparklingandBroken Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 Also, don't leave to go to your parents unless you are done FOR GOOD with him. If you're not done with him forever, then stay and stand your ground. He wants you to leave now so that he can make up with you after the game. Exactly. I am divorced so I know not to tell my parents ANYTHING until I'm done done. I almost want to leave just to prove a point "be careful what you wish for" but is that childish? What he IS doing is making the fight explosive enough so that he can go to the game anyhow and THEN make it up to me. We have been together over a year.
Popsicle Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 What he IS doing is making the fight explosive enough so that he can go to the game anyhow and THEN make it up to me. Wouldn't that be convenient for him? You have a lot to think about. 1
Author SparklingandBroken Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 Wouldn't that be convenient for him? You have a lot to think about. I sure do.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 This hockey game-birthday issue is the manifestation of much more serious problems in your relationship. Adderall? Verbal abuse? Tantrums? OP - can I ask why you're bothering to hang on? He's a tool.
tayriley Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 But something about that ultimatum stung, like a hockey game is more important than me. He is now throwing a fit and texting me hateful **** from the other room. He has been drinking all evening so I'm not responding. We had just been arguing over the weekend for some other really immature BS and I am just over it. I know this is important to him, but what does that say about me? you are right to think he is immature, because he is ABSOLUTELY immature!!! what kind of grown man TEXTS hateful comments to his girlfriend in the next room??? what kind of BS passive-aggressive behavior is that?? and on top of it, he's a DRUNK?? you have to follow your instincts on this. this is not how a real man acts. i'm a huge sports fan myself, but for something as important as a loved ones' birthday, of course i'd tear myself away from the television!!! it's about being a grown up and understanding what is important in life. sports games are great, but at the end of the day, it is just entertainment- like a movie or a tv show- it is not YOUR LIFE- he clearly does not get that. if you were my friend, i'd tell you to leave him. yesterday.
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 A man who is addicted to a sport and who makes you low priority and who abuses you when he doesn't get his own way is NOT the man you should be with. Hobbies and sports are important but they are not more importation than real life and the people close to us. He has very clearly shown you that he doesn't actually give a damn about you or your feelings. His way of life is incompatible with your way of life, simple as. Time to leave.
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Hun, one thing I've learned from dating is....people don't change. He is not going to wake up one morning and magicly morph into the bf you want him to be. ***What you see now...is what you get ^^^ this^^^
Lois_Griffin Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 So you're basically stuck with an emotionally and socially stunted little tool bag whose too ignorant to realize hockey really just means nothing outside his pitifully narrow little world view. Add to that he has the maturity of a 16 year old boy, he's verbally and emotionally abusive, he's a selfish assclown who thinks his pitiful interest in some boring sport trumps everyone else's needs, he snorts medication like some maladjusted low class junkie, and he has the emotional maturity of a disordered teenager. Good lord I couldn't imagine wasting another minute with this loser. Yup, I'd be bringing my dogs to my parent's house and shopping for a new home. Hey, this lame 'relationship' you've endured with this nitwit was only a year long or so, it's not like you're leaving a long-term 10 year relationship or something. Put it in perspective and get the hell out. 1
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