mortensorchid Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Someone told me recently that they admire something about me, that I never give up no matter what happens. Well, I've had a million and one stabs in the back, be it professional or personal, and I'm still here. Consider the alternative : I would be dead otherwise. And all I can say is that I'm tired. I'm tired of all the nonsense, I'm tired of being disappointed left, right and sideways, I'm tired of nothing but dead ends, I'm tired of the abuses, the sadness, and whatever else. And I am giving up. I don't want to be part of the world anymore, in that I don't want to be out looking for happiness or trying to work towards any kind of goals because they do not exist anymore. I missed the boat a while back, I have to accept that. I'm too old and cranky and set in my ways, I may still look young and cute but I get thrown over for trashy girls who are subpar who take advantage of those around them. People say never give up, it can and will happen to you. I no longer believe this. I think people just say that because they give you a little pat on the head with a "there there". And some are the ones who ask why I don't have a bf, I say it's because they don't want me. They would rather have trash instead. It's like the perpetual guy on this forum who posts about how women go for bad boys rather than nice guys, the same applies to women. I just feel like the only woman who has this problem. Needed to rant. I've given up.
katiegrl Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) I hear ya girlfriend! I haven't been dating much, if at all, after break up last year, except for one short relationship, but I am sick of all the BS too. Just reading about it depresses me! Ironically though, once you walk away from it and resign yourself to being alone for awhile, and feel good and happy about that,THAT is probably when you will meet the right person! That's what I have been told anyway. When we try too hard to obtain something desired, it often has the opposite effect, pushing people away. They can sense the desperation or something.... I am taking a long break too. Have ZERO desire to date or be in a relationship. 100% sincere about that. Again, ironically, I get approached more and asked out more often. I always thought that one should be friendly and open to advances ... and more opportunities will follow. Now I act completely aloof! A "leave me alone" attitude! And am getting approached and asked out more! One man last week nearly begged me to *give him a chance*. Apparently men seem quite intrigued with my aloofness ... and my wanting to be left alone. Go figure..... Good luck whatever you decide! Edited May 12, 2016 by katiegrl 1
dichotomy Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I hear ya on the "trashy girl/bad boy" issues at dating. Plenty of stories here on L.S. about this - even from the married folks and cheating with those types. How old are you ? Are you tired and giving up on relationships for now? Or is it a larger issue of life, goals, activities, career, etc?
ashteller Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) Don't know if you saw my thread but yeah sometimes that is the way it is. Love is complicated and no template exists. I am sorry you have given up, just don't give in to blocking out love where it may find you. I have had experiences where I noticed the best relationships came to me, when I seek it out it goes bad, like right now. But I don't give up and that might be an issue cause I don't know when to let something go that I want or desire. I am 25 and my mother passed away 2 years ago. It broke me, utterly destroyed me. I eventually lost a great job working for a town job with a pension. I than had to let the love of my life go because I could not be there for her emotionally and mentally. She gave and was there for me, but I could not give back. Not that I did not want to I just couldn't. I loved my mother so much and it was my first death in my family and one I witnessed the passing of. My girlfriend at that time wanted to be there for me and was I just wasn't and couldn't be there for her because I was messed up emotionally and mentally at that time. I have been single for awhile now. I don't believe in one night stands, am learning patience slowly with my current situation. Problem is I am an extreme extrovert and love communicating and always feel the need to explain since people interpret things differently and miscommunication is prevalent and people put first impressions in stone when people are constantly changing the mold. If you continue to keep giving up, just be patient and with time I know the love of your life will rock your world. Edited May 12, 2016 by ashteller 1
Poutrew Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Mortensorchid, if I were sitting on a park bench under a nice shade tree I'd invite you to sit next to me and to just listen to the sound of the leaves rustling in the breeze. It's amazing how listening to the sounds of nature, like leaves rustling, or rain falling on a roof, can center you. To me it's like listening to the voice of God. If you told me your problem while sitting on that bench, after a while I'd tell you that I'm not surprised you are feeling this way. It sounds like you are under the false belief that someone else can make you happy, that they have the ability to give you something that will make you happy, when they themselves are also unhappy people - why would they give you something when they needed it themselves? Only you can make you happy. You need to find something, do something, that can make you fulfilled. If you do enough of it, you will eventually attract people to yourself, and you and they will form a positive feedback loop, and you will find fulfillment. It'll just happen. If you ask me how I could know this stuff, I'd say that the rustling leaves told me, and I'd only be half joking. Sometimes, if you listen hard enough, you really can hear the voice of God in the sounds of nature - no, not the actual rustle of a leaf, but in between the sound of one leaf rustle and the next, or between the pitter and the patter of the rain hitting your roof during a storm. Unlike the way it's depicted in the movies, Gods voice is very quiet and easily missed by those not really listening for it. If you can hear it, you just might find the answer to why you should never give up. 1
Arieswoman Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 MortensOrchid, Tenacity is a wonderful asset to have, however, sometimes it just doesn't work in our favour, and this may not be our fault. The hardest thing I had to learn when I was dating was when to walk away. Like many people, at first I often tried for too long to make unworkable relationships work. I tied myself in knots, lost self-esteem, time and money all in the pursuit of something I thought would make me happy. It didn't work. So I learned to set boundaries and standards, and to give myself permission to walk away from anything that wasn't helping, supporting or empowering me. I learned that I needed to look inside myself and not to others for validation. If we look to others for ego boost/validation then we give them power over us. As someone who has been where you are, (and yes, I was also "stabbed in the back" both socially and professionally) I would say don't give up. Keep your standards high and be emotionally self-sufficient, and you'll attract the "right" sort of guys. Good luck x
Gloria25 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 mortensorchid, I feel ya, I really do. Actually, today I was having a "purgatory" moment (again) - where I'm sitting here in this horrible job, neighborhood, relationship situation and asking myself when is it all gonna end? When am I gonna move past this? I just can recommend praying to God and taking it one day at a time. That's all I do. I get up and do my best for the day. Hang in there. Despite how down I get, there are some good days - even though I have no idea what the future holds. Oh gosh, datingwise, I really feel ya. I've posted over and over how neighbor chucked me for Petunia and yes, on top of neighbor drama, it's been hard for me to find a decent guy. Although I'm happy for kicking it off with my current guy (wish I did sooner, I mean I'm so into dude cuz he just has so many qualities about him in a man I'd date) - at the same time it's so painful to know that one day he'll be leaving me So, the joy I get with being with him is followed by pain right afterwords. So, hope you don't feel alone here. Know that others - like me - are battling the war out there and just doing what we can...one day at a time. But you know what? A few times this week I ran across some people with disabilities and I thought to myself 'I may be going through some stuff, but geesh, some people don't even have the opportunities that I have had to experience in this life, even if my experiences were followed by pain and/or were short lived'...so remember, count your blessings cuz every day you wake up, while there are and will be people doing better than you, there's people going through worst than you and for that we must count our blessings. **hugs**
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